Nitori closed his eyes and released a shuddering breath as Rin thrust into him. Thrust after thrust into him, it hurt more to realize that no matter what Nitori did, he would never be good enough for him. His breath caught in his throat. Rin would never want him the way he wanted Haru. He didn't love him, he simply used him. Nitori was used to it, to the way he looked past him.
Somehow Nitori felt happy that Rin would think of him in some fashion. That he would even want to try this thing they were doing. This arrangement that Rin had suggested one night. Sometimes he even forgot that Rin didn't care for him. Then every time that Rin released inside of him and muttered that name. He remembered that it was all a ruse. Rin thought he didn't notice. He thought Nitori didn't notice that he moaned Haru's name.
Nitori felt no pain anymore. Just a dull ache in his heart as the tears rolled down his cheeks onto the pillow below him. Rin didn't see him and Nitori was hopelessly and whole heartedly in love with him. It hurt but not touching him would be worse. So he dealt with it, he dealt with the numb heartache that never ceased.
Rin pulled out and laid down on the bed beside him. Tugging him into a cold embrace that had no feeling of love behind it. It was a selfish thing for him to do, but Nitori never stopped him. Rin placed a kiss on his collarbone and a choked sob escaped Nitori's mouth.
The red head looked up at him in confusion, "Nitori?"
Nitori didn't respond, he simply returned to his own bed and let the sobs shake his body until sleep found him. He didn't even care if Rin knew anymore. A small part of him wanted Rin to find out how he felt. Maybe then the ache would cease and he could feel again.