Disclaimer

I don't own anything. Once Upon a Time is not owned by me. It is owned by rich, talented people. I'm a nobody. Please don't sue me.

The Best Revenge

Mayor Mills strolled down the street with a smirk on her face. She didn't have anything that she was particularly happy about. Actually, since enacting her curse, she had been more miserable than ever. She had gone from being the hated Evil Queen to the despised evil mayor, and while it helped some that everyone else was finally miserable too, it surprisingly hadn't made her happy.

Still, she was able to get through the day for one reason: Snow White was miserable. She would take her hollow, depressing existence surrounded by miserable people she hated in exchange for that. As long as Snow suffered, she could get through anything.

Her smirk widened when she saw a depressed looking Snow White, now called Mary Margret, sitting on a bench next to Red, now called Ruby. Both looked equally down, and it warmed Regina's heart to see it. She slowed her walk ever so slightly to savor the moment.

"Thanks, Ruby," Mary Margaret said with a sniffle. "I don't know what I'd do without friends to lean on."

"Hey, you aren't the only one," Ruby said. "Misery loves company."

Regina almost tripped and fell, only her well trained grace and a life time of wearing masks kept her from giving away how shaken she felt. The conversation stayed on her mind all day, keeping her from getting any real work done as she turned it over and over in her head. It was in bed that night that she finally realized the truth.

Snow White was surrounded by miserable people. She wasn't stuck on the outside of happiness looking in as Regina had been far too often. There was no true happiness for anyone in all of Storybrooke, so everyone was miserable together. And by being miserable together, they were all much less miserable.

It took an entire night considering the problem, but as an exhausted Regina rose the next day for work she finally had a plan.

Twenty Years Later

"Look, I don't see what you're all so upset about," Regina huffed. "I mean, indoor plumbing alone makes this place more of a blessing than a curse. And that's not even mentioning democracy, or the information age. How many of you would've been able to watch television in your tiny, bathroom-less hovels while you had no choice about who ruled you?"

"You took away our happy endings!" Snow White shouted, glaring hatefully.

Regina scoffed. "What are you talking about? Everyone found their families, and their lovers, and their pets, and whatever else. It took years, but I made sure everyone found their perfect happily ever after."

"I didn't," Snow White said, eyeing the crowd angrily as they all held onto the hands of their loved ones, had their children beside them, and, in Archie's case, had even brought their pet with them.

"Alright, everyone else got their happily ever after," Regina conceded. "Besides, didn't you lecture me once about how it's the job of royalty to suffer so that your people are happy? Well, your suffering let everyone else have their happily ever after. You should be pleased. You're practically a martyr. A still living one, unfortunately, but..."

"Regina, do you have to taunt my m-, um, Mary Margaret like that?" Emma asked, wincing when she almost called Snow White her mother. She didn't know if she could ever get used to that.

Regina sighed. "Fine. Besides, I don't know what she's complaining about. Her and prince idiot 'found each other' the minute we broke the curse, so now even they get their happily ever after. So really, I don't know why we've all gathered here."

"How did the curse break?" Katherine asked.

Regina smiled at her friend. It had taken some work to dissolve her and Charming's marriage while he was in his coma, even with the haze of the curse keeping anyone from really noticing. Their friendship had been secured when Regina then introduced her to her true love, and while it had taken a while to get used to having a real friend, Katherine and the former Evil Queen had become very close over the years.

"As you know, True Love's Kiss will break any curse," Regina said before grabbing Emma's hand. "The Sheriff and I-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence before Snow White wailed. Regina had torn sounds of suffering from her former step daughter on a variety of occasions, but the sheer despair the realization that her daughter was in love with her arch nemesis was particularly special. Regina broke out into broad grin as she pulled Emma in for another kiss, the scream not so coincidentally going higher and higher until only Pongo and Red could hear it.

Regina finished her kiss before savoring the look of horror on Snow's face like a glass of fine wine. "Happily ever after," she said with a beatific smile.

Author's Notes

I haven't posted anything in a while, but I recently started watching this on netflix, and I have to say, Regina is awesome. While thinking about her attempts at vengeance, the sayings 'living well is the best revenge,' and 'misery shared is misery halved' sprang to mind. Basically, Regina decides to make everyone in Storybrooke perfectly happy so that Snow's suffering is particularly acute by its differentiation from everyone else's joy. By the time Emma shows up, Regina's the beloved mayor who seemingly set everyone up with the best things in their lives instead of the bitter and paranoid woman who butted heads with the Savior.

I wrote this as a short humor piece, but if anyone wants to expand the premise I'd love to see something longer along these lines.