A/N Hi Guys and Gals i know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, but my story's have undergone a major re vamp especially this story =) thanks to my wonderful Beta DodgerHolden who is amazing and gets where this crazy train is going... i think LOL =)

as usual I own nothing all the rights to these amazing characters go to Charline Harris i just get to play with them =(

Any Input or criticism is welcome please read and enjoy =)

ERICS POV:

Eric,

Please believe me when I say that I don't want to leave, but it was the only choice I had left.

I don't expect you to understand, at all, especially seeing as I have left you with no answers as to exactly why I'm leaving, but you must know deep down that I wouldn't do it without a very good reason and a lot of thinking through.

I wish I could tell you everything , but sadly I cannot. One day I hope to be able to, but sadly today is not that day.

Please do not try and contact me. I have changed my email, phone number, and my Facebook account has been deactivated. I have gotten new ones that no one, including you, or any of my family or friends would guess.

Also, please do not try and find me as I do not wish to be found. If and when things are better, and I can explain everything, I will find you and I promise to explain everything.

This goodbye is the hardest, as I am not only cutting you out of my life, but everyone I have ever known, so please don't feel like it was just you and please don't hate me for doing this. I already hate myself enough for the two of us... maybe even more.

The reason I am leaving this letter is that I know if I tried to say goodbye to you in person that you would make me tell you why and make me stay and I cannot have that. I need to leave, no matter how hard it is for all involved.

Please say goodbye to Pam for me. You are the only person I have given any form of a goodbye to as I cannot bear to do it for anyone else, this one was hard enough. Plus you and her are my best friends and I couldn't bear to leave without at least saying goodbye to you in some form or another, even though my reasons are far from clear.

I wish I could explain it all to you, but I know that the fallout from doing so would be much worse, and at this point in time I am greedy enough not to want that particular outcome.

I wish you every success in your life and hope that only good things will come to you. I also hope that our paths will cross again in life.

Please stay safe

All my love

Sookie

That was the last time I ever heard from my best friend, who also happened to be the girl who I was in love with, though she didn't know this as I had hidden it from her, which with hindsight being 20/20 I knew now that was a mistake.

Against her wishes I did try to find her, but she was right, she had disappeared into thin air because she didn't want to be found by any us. Though I still do talk to her Gran, who she keeps in contact with, so I know that she is safe and sound in whatever part of the world she's in.

All I know is that everything in my world was fine before this letter turned my whole world on its head five years ago. I was moving up in the world with my chosen profession. At the time I was just a lackey bartender, but I'd recently been promoted to a bar manager (duty manager). I was sharing a house with my best friend, Sookie. I could, and did have, any girl I wanted. What? I'm a guy with needs, and by the time I realized what I felt for her it was too late, she'd left

Today was the five year anniversary of her running away. I only ever let myself think of her and be sad on this particular day, if I could help it... Sometimes I couldn't. I reminisced about the many memories I had of her, mostly a few that were just simply her. She was simply amazing and there was never a dull moment when she was around. It was a tragic turn of events, but it opened up my eyes. I could finally see the real her and I loved it. I just hated that I never had a chance to tell her my feelings.

It was early one morning that I got a call that shocked the hell out of me and set all this shit into motion. As I said hindsight is such a wonderful thing that I clearly don't possess. I was informed that my mom had died of a heart attack.

After I got my wits about me and literally picked myself up off the kitchen floor from the shock, I had a choice. I could either go back to my bed and be so unlike my normal player self in front of this girl I bought back, which she may take it as a sign that I actually cared about her, which I didn't, well not in that way. Or I could go and snuggle with my best friend who I could totally be myself with, oh and I'd have to wake Pam, my younger sister, to tell her the bad news. I went into the living room knowing that Pam needed to know sooner rather than later. I woke her up and explained to her what had happened. She was devastated, of course, and we both knew that we needed comfort first and foremost. I walked into Sookie's room with Pam trailing behind me. I eyed Sookie and she was sprawled across her bed, her long blonde hair a wild mess, it was kinda cute. She looked like she had drowned in a double bed as she's only a tiny thing of 5'8" and the bed was massive... Okay, so maybe I was over exaggerating, but who cares, she still looked unbelievably cute.

She was half asleep when Pam and I gently woke her up and she readily agreed for us to sleep with her for comfort. She hugged us both to her tightly and began shedding her own tears. Pam and I had already shed our tears so we just wrapped our arms tightly around Sookie and let her have her moment. Mom and Sookie got on like a house on fire. Mom kept on asking me when I was going to wake up and realize that I didn't need to work my way through those horrible women because I had already found my match, well I realized it too damn late. Mom also referred to Sookie as the daughter God should have given her. We all loved my mother so it was a huge loss.

I half woke up later in the morning to Sookie nestled into my side, her head on my shoulder, it kind of freaks me out as to how many kinds of right this feels. Though it's not like Sookie and I have never shared a bed or snuggled before, so maybe it's due to the fact that I'm feeling upset and slightly alone that this is all feeling oh so right? I didn't know, I'd have to think about this later once that awful screeching sound had stopped. Before I can react to anything Sookie gets up and puts on a short dressing gown. I sort of roll over and notice that Pam is gone, either to work, though I highly doubt that, or home.

Sookie opened the door slightly and I could now hear the screeching voice clearly, it was the girl I had abandoned from last night. I didn't feel bad about that and I smiled when I heard that Sookie was hissing at her.

"What the hell do you want? Do you even realize what the time is?" Yes, Sookie was not happy with the interruption at all.

"Where is Eric? And yes I do realize what the time is. Is he in your room you man stealing bitch?" Her shrill voice was hurting my ears, why did I bring her home again?

"Ha! Takes one to know one," Sookie shot back. "I think you and me need to have a chat over some coffee out in the kitchen as only part of your assessment is correct, he is in here, yes, and he is trying to sleep," Sookie deadpans.

Now I'm curious to know what Sookie has to say to this girl, so I get up and quietly open her door so that I can hear them better, a useful trick I picked up when this was my room before I kindly gave it to Sookie when she moved in.

"So man stealer, what lie do you have to tell me?" The bitch as I had now dubbed her in my mind spoke. I was never going to see her again if I could help it.

"Oh, only that you've got your thoughts and priorities wrong, and I'm here to set you straight," Sookie told her in such a sweet fake voice.

"Ok bitch, if you think I got everything wrong then please care to share," The B simpers at Sookie

"Sure, let's start with how you have your priorities and thoughts all wrong shall we? Well, hmm, let's see, you have them wrong because, well let's face it shall we, you don't mean that much to him as you'd like to believe. You've been here, what? Three times? The first time, let me guess, you were at a club, you met, had a few drinks, flirted, he dismissed other girls right in front of you, made you feel special? Then you end up back here, you have a nice nighttime romp, pass out from exhaustion and alcohol, wake up the next day and he politely gets you to leave, but also gets your number, you don't hear from him."

"Second time, fairly similar to the first, but he's not there when you wake up just a nice note saying that he had to leave early and won't be back till late, so it's best if you leave not long after getting up. And sadly, the third time was meant to go much like the previous one, but instead you woke up to no frilly, yet vague note. You found him passed out in his best friends room, who just happens to be a female which makes you slightly jealous as she has a closer connection to the guy you think you are sorta dating or that you are hoping to. Even though you have heard of his reputation as a man whore, you think you can change him. You think he is different with you, that you are better than any of the other girls you've seen or heard about him being with" Sookie calmly tells B.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS YOU BITCH?" B blows up in her face and I cannot help but think it's a damn good question that I'd seriously like to know the answer to as well. I hope she tells.

Sookie let out a sigh before speaking.

"Please refrain from using fowl language in this house, I don't appreciate being abused in my own home thank you very much." If there was one thing I loved about Sookie it was her good manners. "I know this because of a few things. You seem to roughly know the layout of the house, which suggests that you have been here before. You are wearing one of Eric's shirts which means that you have slept with him more than once and that you feel comfortable enough to wear his clothes, it also shows that you want to have more with him, more intimacy."

"But honey, can I be serious for a second? I've known Eric for four years and I quickly learnt that he is an A grade commitment phobe. He has never had a girlfriend, he does however have a rota of girls that he finds interesting and are a good lay, but if they become attached, like you are starting to, he will flick you to the curb quicker than you can say, what the hell happened? So I'm sorry to say that will be the closest that you will come to being his girlfriend. Don't even think about trying to be his friend as you have two slept together, and in his words, not my own, I don't shit where I eat."

"Now, I'm guessing your next question is how do you know this? Well, you see I work mostly night shift so I have odd hours, meaning that I usually end up walking in here as people are getting ready to leave or as they're coming in. Plus Eric and I have lived together for a long time, I'm his best friend, I know his patterns, his trends. I know him better than he knows himself half the time. You are nothing to me, all of Eric's girls hate me, they think I'm a threat because I live with Eric and because we're really close. They hate me because they know that if it came down to a choice between me and them, well I'd win. Eric always chooses me, always. So this is how I see it, you can stick around and stay on his rota, whilst keeping a look out for your Prince Charming, because honey, Eric ain't it, or you can forget all about him and never look back. I know which one I'd choose." Sookie told B calmly.

"I have to… urm go," I heard B sniff, was she crying? "Th-thanks for the advice," B stuttered.

Whilst B was leaving I discreetly shut Sookie's door and got back into her bed. I made it look as though I was asleep the whole time, but truthfully I was anything but asleep. My mind was going a million miles an hour. I feel bad that my best friend knows all my 'habits' and such. Even though I do from time to time get lust filled feelings towards her, but come on, who wouldn't? She's 5'8", long blond hair, clear blue eyes, a well endowed chest and a petite hour glass figure -that would make most men want to worship god just to get a chance to be with her, but alas she has never really dated as such. When I ask her about it she keeps saying, I'm waiting for my Prince Charming to come get me, why should I stoop for anything less?

Just as I walk out of the kitchen with my morning coffee and head into the lounge room another memory of Sookie pulls me under.

Sookie and I had been living together for about six months. We were both home on that particular night, which was quite rare as we both worked nights and slept during the day, or in my case also worked during the day, as bartending didn't generate that much income. Sure I could just ask my parents for money but I was determined to make my own way in life and so was Pam. Pam was actually even more determined than me. She changed her last name from Northman to our mom's maiden name of Ravenscroft. Dad wasn't particularly happy when it happened, but once she explained it to him he was supportive of her. I doubt, however, that he'd ever let his only son do that, so I never did.

That night was like any other night. We cooked dinner together, watched a movie, and I discovered that Sookie was extremely ticklish. So whilst we were having a tickle fight her phone starts ringing, we ignore it. It starts ringing again, and again. Then finally the house phone and her phone start ringing off the hook, so she answers her phone.

"Hey Ames, why are you calling me?" There was a pause as Amelia, a girl Sookie worked with at the hospital, who I've met a few times, replied on the other end. "Urm, I don't know, gimme a sec" Sookie responded before turning her attention to me. "Hey Eric, random question, but it's really important. What's Pam's surname? Is it the same as yours?" She asked me nervously.

"Urm, no, it's not the same as mine, it's Ravenscroft, why?" I responded, trying not to fear the worst.

"Hear that Ames?" She talked to Amelia ignoring my question. "Yes. Okay. I'll see you later."

"Eric you and I have to go for a drive, you're driving, I'm navigating, please don't ask any questions," she turns to me.

I was immediately about to protest, I wanted to know what the hell was going on, but I could tell by the look in Sookie's eyes that she was serious, so I kept my mouth shut. We got in the car and I was still confused as hell. It didn't help that Sookie looked upset and distressed, which was far from how she usually was. We drove for a short time before pulling up to our destination, the hospital, I just knew this was bad news.

"Sookie? Why are we here? Are you ok? Why were you asking about Pam's last name earlier?" I demanded her as the questions just spilled out of my mouth.

"I cannot tell you, you have to see, come on," Is all she can manage to say. Yes, this was going to be bad.

We walked into the hospital and thankfully, because Sookie's a nurse, we got straight in without having to answer any questions as to why we were there after visiting hours. I aimlessly followed Sookie, having no idea where we were heading. We finally stopped and I looked up. The ICU, this definitely wasn't good. Sookie grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the room on our left and positioned me in front of the window. I stared at my shoes. I didn't want to look up. I finally took a deep breath, I had to do this. I looked up slowly and I could have sworn that my eyes were playing tricks on me as there was no way that my baby sister was lying in that hospital bed all bloody and bruised, hooked up to what seemed like a million machines all beeping and whirring, but it was her. This was definitely bad, as bad as it could get. This was not a good sign at all.

"What happened to her? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" It comes out slightly hostile. Why hadn't Sookie told me before I had to see it with my own eyes? Why didn't she prepare me for this? I was beginning to feel numb, I could not lose my sister.

"She was involved in a bad car accident, she's actually very lucky to be alive," a new voice cuts in, it was Amelia.

"As to why I didn't tell you," Sookie spoke carefully, "Well I know you enough to know that you wouldn't be able to function at all until you saw her and we didn't really have time for you to have a meltdown at home. Plus my car is at the mechanics getting a service and I know how you don't like anyone else driving your baby."

Her reasons were sound, thought one of her explanations has me worried.

"What do you mean 'we didn't have time for you to have a meltdown at home'?" I demanded. "What are you not telling me?" She didn't respond. "Sook," I softened my voice, "Please tell me what you meant?" This was something I didn't need to speculate about, I just needed to know the facts.

"Look, don't stress. Pam's going to be fine, it has nothing to do with her, just call your parents and I'll explain everything okay," her response put me at ease slightly.

I walk away slightly and quickly called my parents. I fill them in on what had happened to Pam and of course they decided that it was for the best that they come down as soon as possible. Just as I get back I see that they are getting ready to take Pam away, the sight immediately has me worried again.

"Don't worry they are just prepping her for surgery, she will be okay," Sookie said reassuringly whilst holding onto my hand, I gripped hers back tightly.

"So back to the whole previous conversation," I state, really wanting to know the answer.

"Mr. and Mrs. Northman, it's lovely to see you again, though I wish it was under better circumstances" Sookie said, clearly avoiding my statement.

Which seems to be the tone of the night. She will speak to me, but avoid that whole particular topic of conversation. Finally at long last we see the doctor come out of the theater, Sookie had moved us from the ICU to the waiting room not long after Pam went in.

Sookie all but bolts over to the doctor and is talking to him. It seems to start out nice but then becomes wild as she starts exclaiming with her hands, before it appears to be in an all out heated discussion, a discussion which I believed Sookie won in the end.

My parents jump up to their feet and come over to Sookie when she gets within speaking distance and they start questioning her in rapid fire.

"How is she? Was the operation a success? Does the doctor think we should move her to a private hospital? When did the doctor say we can see her? Will there be any lasting problems from the accident or surgery? How did you and Eric know so quickly? How do you know the doctor? Sookie dear?"

Those were only a few of the questions that I remembered and the answers went something like this. "She's fine. Yes the operation was a success. I don't think he would agree to move her. He suggested that tomorrow would be a better time for you to see her, as she might be conscious then. I don't know if there will be any lasting effects. My friend Amelia contacted us. And finally, he's my boss."

The last comment from Sookie was greeted with complete silence. It's not like my parents thought she did nothing with herself and only collected government benefits, they just thought she worked with me.

My dad was the quickest to recover from the shock of finding out what Sookie really does. "I always knew you were too smart to be working with Eric. So you're a Doctor? Do you specialize?" he asked curiously and I happen to notice a sparkle or mirth behind his eyes, knowing my dad I'll hear about what he's thinking as soon as we are alone.

"No sir, I'm a Nurse, that doctor you saw coming out of the theater was the head of nursing, he was in there to assist with the operation." She politely responded.

"So is there anything you can tell us about our Pammy?" My mom meekly asked.

"Why yes, there are a few things I can tell you. She is going to be fine and she's no longer in ICU, she's in a regular ward. She's actually in the area that my friend Amelia is currently looking after so you won't have to worry about visiting times, which means that you can come and go as you please, but please keep this on the down low and don't take advantage of it too often" she replied to my mom.

"That's great about Pammy being out of the ICU, but what do you mean we can come and go as we please?" My mom asked and I have a slightly bad feeling in my stomach about this answer.

"Because it's going to be Amelia or myself looking after Pam," she responded. My parents were so relieved that someone they knew would be looking after their Pammy that they didn't pick up on the slightly sad look Sookie was wearing.

I went up to her and gave her a hug in thanks and took her away from my family because I really needed to know some things and stat.

"Hey, are you ok?" I asked her before continuing. "So not that I'm not thankful for what you are doing, but I do know that some things don't come without a price, and I saw the confrontation between you and your boss, so what did you have to give up to help us? And why are you helping us, not that we aren't thankful and in your debt for this, because we are, but why?" I said wanting to make me and my family's position clear to her that we don't undervalue generosity and help when it is handed out/when it's given.

"Yeah I'm okay, I'm just a little tired like the rest of you guys. I had no idea you saw that, but what I have to give up is fairly minor and irrelevant, seeing as I know that you, and especially Pam, prefer to live a private life and any staff member here, even with the non disclosure agreement we signed, would sell Pam out in a heartbeat. Especially seeing as the photos of Pam like she is at the moment would be enough to live off, but really your family should be thanking Amelia instead of me, because if she didn't slightly recognize her when she came in that's what would be happening, it would be a circus of paparazzi's here right now, and that's probably how you would have found out about all this if someone else had of recognized her. Eric, I'm helping you and your family because it's the right thing to do and also because that's what friends and roommates do. Now seeing as I know you well enough to know that you're not going to back down until you know what I had to give up… Well, what I have to give up is my free time. I'm doing triple shifts for the next month, and any spare time I have, well I have to volunteer, but it's not like I wasn't helping out in the children's ward already."

She acts like the whole thing was no big deal, which to me it was. She was basically going to have to live at the hospital for the next month. What kind of a boss would drain their employees like that?

"Okay, so let me get this straight, for helping us you basically have to live at the hospital for the next month?" I responded. I did not like this idea at all.

"Yeah," She answered slightly blushing, obviously embarrassed for whatever reason.

"What did you say to him to make him do that to you Sookie?" I asked, wanting to know if there was some way we could get her out of it, because it was grossly unfair.

"Well, firstly I told him that I wanted her, as you know, specifically in mine and Amelia's section of the ward because she was a good friend of mine and I would like to be able to aid her in her recovery, and that it might be better for her recovery if she had a familiar face looking after her. He agreed to a point, but said no to her being in my ward, he was going to put her in Dawn's ward. Now Dawn would sell pictures of Pam quicker than you could say, what? I obviously got pissed off with him and threatened to go on leave for as long as Pam was here and become her personal career, however we are already heavily under staffed as it is so he conceded, but with those stipulations that I said before."

Holy shit, we owe Sookie big time for this, so I do the only thing I can think to do and that is to hug her and profusely thank her. Thought I doubt that I'd ever be able to thank her enough.

"Oh Eric, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell your parents this as I don't want them feeling uncomfortable about all of this," she told me after I let her go from the hug.

"I think I can agree to that Sook, as I think my parents have enough on their plate all ready," I responded.

Throughout the time Pam is in hospital, Sookie and Amelia help her recover quickly and help her once she's home, until she is one hundred per cent again. Sookie survived that month of all but living at the hospital and it wasn't easy on her, but I tried my best to help her out when I could, and I hope I did help in some capacity. Also, after getting hundred per cent better, Amelia and my sister started dating and they are still together to this day. They actually got married last year, in amongst the sand dunes, on a secluded beach in Hawaii. I could have swore that I saw Sookie standing there, in the distance, but I doubt I'll ever find out if it was really her.