Death Wish
Hello again my dear fanfic family. Here I bring you another one-shot. You didn't expect me to do another one so soon you say? Well let me tell you, one of my favorite places to be is in bed, sleeping. Sometimes random thoughts cross my mind while I fall asleep. This time I had this random thought, that you see before you. I just had to put it on paper…errm I mean…screen, yes that's it, I had to put it on screen. Oh, one more thing, this story has references from my previous story AWKWARD MOMENTS, please read that one first so you don't get confused. I personally like my stories to have chronological order, I don't know why but whatever. But enough chatter. Now I present to you...*drumroll*…Death Wish. ENJOY!
Po was in the kitchen, his favorite place to be, enjoying a well deserved snack after a long day of training.
"Damn these things are good." He said while munching a dumpling. Suddenly Monkey came running in with Mantis on his shoulder.
" .Po. I got it. I got it." Monkey said while jumping up and down.
"Calm down man." Po tried to calm him down. He knew Monkey only goes bezerk like this for two reasons...almond cookies or... pranks. And last time he checked he still had a large amount of cookies left, that could only mean one thing...
"I got the perfect prank!" Monkey yelled. 'Yep. I was right' Po thought.
"Alright lets see what you got." Po waited calmly... not really, since he was a prankster himself, he was also exited.
"Ok," Monkey started. "There's this substance that we found that was coming out of this pit when we were in the forest."
"What was it?" Po asked, intrigued. Monkey just shrugged an 'I don't know' shrug. "What was it like?" Po interrogated.
"All I know was that it's black and it's like a liquid of some sort." Monkey replied.
"And it's super slippery." Mantis added, speaking for the first time since they entered. Po nodded then put a thinking face on.
"Ok two questions, so how are we going to play this?" Po asked with a ear to ear grin. At this Monkey puffed his chest out confidently, since he considered himself a master prankster.
"Since it's supper slippery, we can place it on the floor or under someone's shoes." Monkey replied, already picturing the scene in his head.
"That brings me to my second question. Who are we playing this prank on?" Po asked with a bigger grin, if that is even possible. Monkey and Mantis looked at each other then at Po, then they both spoke at the same time...
"Tigress"
Po thought he heard wrong. "Sorry can you repeat that again, cause I thought I heard you say Tigress."
"We did. We're playing the prank on Tigress." Monkey stated mater of factly.
"WHAT?" Po yelled. "ARE YOU FRICKIN' CRAZY? Mantis and Monkey looked at him surprised.
"Why?" Mantis asked. Po face-palmed and took a deep breath before continuing.
"Do you have a death wish? She's the last person you should try to do a prank on." Po said trying to make a point. Much to his disappointment, Monkey nor Mantis got the point. "Look.. " Po said seriously. "...if you want to die, that's your problem, count me out." He said, while finishing his snack.
"Come on Po-" Monkey started but was interrupted.
"Hell No. I got TWO big reasons why. One. She will hate me, and I don't want that. Two. If she hates me then she'll want to kill me, and I don't know about you guys but I want to live fifty more years." Po said with determination.
"Come on Po she won't hate you." Mantis said with a more or less pleading tone.
"Look. If you want me to help you, then you have to choose another target." Po said strictly.
"Fine." They said giving in. They started brainstorming as to who they were going to prank. They couldn't do it to Viper, no, there was no way a snake could slip and fall if it was already on the ground. Crane was too vigilant to let something like that happen to him. Don't even think of getting master Shifu involved. He'll put you to walk up and down the mountain a hundred times, at least, while carrying weights, and that's if your lucky.
Then it dawned on them. "How about the guys that were supposed to come tomorrow to fix the hole in the wall of the training hall that you made when you and Tigress were sparring last month." Monkey said after a few minutes of thinking. "Yeah before you started smooching with Tigress." Mantis added snickering, Monkey had to cover his mouth to stifle a laugh. Po just glared and narrowed his eyes.
"I don't know, what if afterwards they won't want to fix the wall." Po said unsure. Mantis then had an idea to get Po to agree. He whispered in Monkey's ear his idea, Monkey nodded.
"Hey Monkey, wasn't that guy, what's his name... Xinyi, coming tomorrow with the rest to fix the wall?" Mantis said. "You mean the one that was checking Tigress out?" Monkey replied, getting the attention of Po.
"Wait wait wait. Pause the tape, rewind and slowly repeat what you just said." Po requested. "What? That he was checking her out?" Monkey repeated. Po discreetly gritted his teeth, not aware of Mantis's idea.
"It's on." He said through gritted teeth. "Let's do it." He said facing the primate and insect. Both of them returning a satisfied grin. They got the material and placed it on the training hall floor in the night, letting it settle for in the morning. Po slipped a few times in the process.
"Damn, this really is slippery." Po said while trying to get back up. "Argh" he grunted as he fell again. Monkey was enjoying this already. "Monkey since this was your idea, give me your tail and pull me away from GROUND ZERO." Monkey did it. It was the least he could do. He dragged him all the way to the shower so he could clean off the substance. Then they went to their rooms to rest until tomorrow.
The next day came. Everyone woke up and went to breakfast. Tigress gave Po a good morning hug and kiss and he gladly returned it. He was happy to know that she wouldn't be involved in what was going to happen today.
After everyone ate they went to train. Tigress at the Swinging Clubs, Viper and Crane were sparring and Mantis, Monkey and Po were doing their thing waiting for the workers. When they arrived the three would go in their hiding spot to laugh and enjoy the moment.
Time passed and the workers arrived. The trio went to their hiding spot. Shifu brought them in the training hall and pointed them towards somewhere that Po couldn't see. Little did they know that Shifu was telling Tigress to lead them to the hole in the wall.
She leaded them to the hole. When they started nearing GROUND ZERO (the slippery area) a guy asked...
"How did that happen?"
"We were training and-" she never finished because she walked on the nearly invisible layer of...whatever that is.
"Ahh." She yelped and fell, a few buckets falling and making a ruckus.
Po, Mantis and Monkey burst out laughing believing that only the workers fell in the trap. They started coming out of their hiding spot still laughing.
Tigress heard the laughing while on the floor still dazed, she looked up to see who dared to laugh at her. Non of the workers were laughing cause they were in the same predicament. She saw Crane and Viper coming to help, but not laughing. 'Wait, where's Po, Mantis and Monkey?' She though to herself while trying to get up but failing. Then her keen hearing picked up something. "Awesomest prank ever!" She recognized that voice...Po.
"Awesome" Po said while looking at Monkey. Then Po looked up and froze like a deer in headlights, seeing not only the workers down but also Tigress. "Oh Shit." He said with wide eyes.
"Hey Po what's up?" Monkey asked then saw what he saw, feeling his heart coming out his body. "We are so massively Fuc-" he didn't finish, seeing that Tigress was glaring at him made him swallow hard. "Oh mama." Was all Mantis could say.
"YOU GUYS ARE SO DEAD!" Tigress growled, trying to get them but falling down constantly because of the slippery substance.
"Whew, at least she'll have a hard time getting us." Mantis remarked with a snicker. At hearing that Tigress got an idea and unsheathed her claws making a 'tak' noise against the floor and gaining a firm grip, she then had and evil smirk on her face. The boys' eyes widened. "Goddamit Mantis. Why do you always open your big mouth?" Monkey scolded. Po was still frozen from fear. When they saw Tigress take a firm step forward they lost any and all control.
"Time to go." Po was the first to dash in the opposite direction. "Right behind you." Monkey said dashing after the panda with Mantis on his head. Tigress then got on all fours and ran after them. The rest that recovered thanks to Crane and Viper's help only looked on in confusion. They heard shouts from outside. "Does this happen often?" A worker asked?
"Eh, You get used to it after a while." Viper replied.
Meanwhile...
"RUUUNNNN. RUN FOR OUR FRICKIN LIFE." Mantis yelled to Monkey.
"SHUT UP... OR I'LL MAKE YOU... RUN YOURSELF" Monkey replied panting. Po had a small lead but was in front despite his size. Then they heard a loud growl behind them. They took a quick glance behind and saw Tigress furiously gaining on them. Po sped up his pace like no one ever saw. "I TOLD YOU YOUR PRANKS WOULD LEAD YOU TO YOUR DOOM SOMEDAY. NEWSFLASH, TODAY IS THAT DAY." Po told Monkey. Monkey was looking for a way to loose the feline. And Mantis was having a heart attack right then and there.
"I FRICKIN'.., KNEW... I SHOULDN'T HAVE... FOLLOWED YOU GUYS. I BET XINYI...IS LAUGHING...HIS ASS OFF...RIGHT NOW! Po called back to Monkey.
"Dude, we made that up to get you to join us." Mantis confessed. Not needing to scream since they caught up with Po.
"WHAT?" Po asked, shocked. "If we make it out of this, I'll kill you myself. If Tigress kills us, I'll meet you in the spirit world and kill you there and send you to the sub-spirit world...if that even exists!" Po angrily threatened.
Po suddenly saw Monkey and Mantis disappear from next to him. He looked back while still running and saw them getting impaled by Tigress. 'I guess I won't have to kill him myself.' He thought, then he realized something… He was next. "Oh god. I got to find a place to hide." Po said. Feeling like this was his last day on earth.
He thought he could hide in the Hall of Heroes. Big Mistake. Tigress burst through the doors and started looking for Po. "I know your in here panda." She eerily said. Po was clinging onto the top part of a pillar a few meters from the ground. Tigress walked around for a few minutes searching for the panda. "I guess he's not here" she said to no one in particular then walked out.
Po then tried to come down slowly but lost his grip and fell flat on his back. "Ow." He whimpered. His vision was blurry for a while. He saw a blur stand over him. "Am I dead?" he asked?
"No…not yet." He heard the person respond. When his vision cleared he saw it was none other than Tigress.
"Ahhhh" he let out a girlish scream and bolted towards the door. Tigress snickered glad that the chase resumed. Po tried thinking were he should go to avoid certain death. "Wait, Shifu should be able to stop this." He told himself. So he made his way towards the training hall. He looked back to see if she was behind him, and sure enough he saw her turn a corner with the help of her claws that dug inches into the ground. Seeing that made him run that much faster.
He finally reached the training hall in which master Shifu was in. He opened the doors with his right arm and shoulder to save enough momentum to begin the mad dash down the home stretch towards Shifu, who was at the other end of the hall talking to the workers, apologizing. "Master Shifu! Help." He was headed toward him at lightning speed and whizzed by Crane and Viper who were trying to warn him of the slippery part he was headed towards, but he didn't hear loud enough. He ran, not remembering that a few feet in front of him was GROUND ZERO.
Tigress came in about the time Po passed Crane and Viper. She also saw him heading towards the slippery floor and tried to warn him but it was too late, he place his right foot down and lifted his left, that's when he slipped backwards hitting the back of his head against the floor…again.
Po lay there motionless feeling the pain course throughout his head and back. His vision started to go dark, then he only heard muffled shouts. "PO!" Then he lost consciousness.
Tigress and the others went to see if he was alright. He was not moving but he still had a pulse. "He probably hit his head really hard and blacked out. Carry him to his room and set a herb mix on his head so it doesn't inflate. Then leave him to rest." Shifu said. The others did just so.
After setting the herb mix on his head they wrapped his head with bandages. Crane and Viper started to leave, Tigress stayed to look after him.
Po was slowly seeping back into consciousness. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to adjust them to the light, he managed to point out certain objects while others where a little fuzzy.
"Good afternoon. Sleepy head." He turned his head to the right to see where the voice came from, only too fast. He felt a pop in his neck and then sighed after the tension was released. Tigress only looked on.
"Ugh, where am I?" Po asked.
"Your room." She stated as if it the most obvious thing in the world.
"What happened?" he asked. Honestly not remembering.
"Let me sum it up. You pranked us. I chased you and Monkey and Mantis. I beat up Monkey and Mantis. I found you lying flat on your back in the hall of Heroes. You ran towards the training hall, you entered and you slipped and hit your head. You blacked out for a day and here we are now."
"Thanks. Wait. What happened to the Dynamic Duo?" Po asked referring to Mantis and Monkey.
"In the medical room." She said as if it was no big deal.
"And I'm here. Hehe. There's karma for you, I slip and fall on my own trap." Po concluded. "Technically it was Monkey's idea. I just followed him."
"Why? You had a death wish?" Tigress asked.
" Hehe. That's what I asked monkey. It went like this, Monkey said some guy that works with the ones that were to fix the wall was checking you out, and I believed him. So I decided to help them pull the prank ONLY on the workers. I had no intention of pranking you, that was their idea and I went against it. But we had no idea that you would fall in it too." Po recited. "I'm sorry."
"Well I forgive you…but… you have to clean the whole training hall and fix the hole in the wall, compliments of Master Shifu." Tigress said while giving him a hug.
"What? Can't he take a hint? I've been through a lot yesterday. What about the other two?" Po whined like a little child would when you discipline them.
"Mantis and Monkey are to help you also. Sorry Po, actions have consequences, 'karma' remember?" She said while walking out.
"Yeah well, karma is a bitch." Po muttered under his breath.
There you go. A nice little mood lifter here. I still can't believe I all of a sudden got the idea when falling asleep. I think I even dreamed a part of it too. 0_0
I guess the new orthopedic bed I got works for something. XD. Anyway. The black slippery substance was oil. I did not mention it by its name because in their time they did not discover it yet, other oils like vegetable oil or whale oil were probably discovered already but not black oil, so they didn't know what it was or how to call it. They would probably see it bubbling up in some places, but for all they knew it was bad for the crops. Sorry for that I just like having my stories realistic… sometimes. LoL. Hope you enjoyed it! Take care, and I will see ya later. Review?
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Th3Ph4nt0miz3r
III