The entire school was in an uproar after the dementors ended up on the grounds. That had managed to attack four students, three of which managed to protect themselves and, thankfully, there were fifth years around when the first year student was attacked. Every one was terrified they might be next.
No one was seriously hurt but Beca, and probably the other victims too, hadn't been the same since.
Beca was detached at the best of times but even since the attack she was constantly inside her own head. She was zoning out during meals, she was messing up all of her potions in potions class (which was ridiculous because she was top of the class before the attack) and she hadn't even been to the Quidditch field since, Chloe honestly couldn't blame her, though, the last time she played she was attacked.
Chloe ignored the looks from the younger Slytherins as she took a seat beside Beca. For whatever reason everyone is still made to believe they there is some kind of inherent hatred between the houses, especially Gryffindor and Slytherin, but it becomes apparent within the first few months that that just isn't true. Houses are just about where you sleep, who you are in a classroom with and what team you play for on the Quidditch field, it did not dictate who you were friends with.
Beca startled when Chloe touched her lower back, her head snapping up to probably yell at whoever had touched her by once you registered the red and gold of Chloe's tie and the red hair her eyes immediately softened.
"You ok?" Chloe asked, a concerned frown creasing her brow.
"Yeah,"
Chloe knew better than to believe her, she had been friends with Beca for their entire five years at Hogwarts, the first of which was spent sneaking around because they didn't believe it was acceptable for a Slytherin and a Gryffindor to be friends.
"Becs, you need to talk about it."
"Yeah, so McGonagall keeps telling me. She even sent me to Trelawney." Beca huffed, rolling her eyes. "Now she if fucking crazy."
"Beca,"
"I don't want to talk about it, Chloe." Beca snapped with a forcefulness that Chloe had never heard from her before the attack but now, she was all to familiar with it. "Sorry," She murmured.
"It's ok,"
"No, it's not." Beca sighed, resting head head in her hands and balling her fingers around her hair. "I'm always taking it out on you. I just don't want to talk about it."
"But you need to. You're withdrawing more and more with every passing day." Chloe said quietly, tentatively touching Beca's arm.
Beca started down at Chloe's hand, chewing on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Can we at least go back to the dungeon?"
"How about the tower? Gryffindor are playing today so no one is in the tower."
"Surely, as a Chaser, you should be down at the field, too?" Beca arched her eyebrows at Chloe.
"Warm up doesn't start for another little while."
Beca nodded, leaving her untouched breakfast and following Chloe up to Gryffindor toward. She took a seat on Chloe's bed, gratefully accepting one of the many bottoms of pumpkin juice Chloe had stashed around her room.
Chloe took a seat at the head of the bed beside Beca but she didn't say anything, she knew better than to push her to talk.
"I thought they only showed you your worst memories, took away any happy memories you had but that's not it. They mess you up more than that." Beca murmured, her eyes unfocused as she stared straight ahead, wringing her hands together so tightly that Chloe thought she might actually break her own fingers. "They play on your biggest insecurities, magnify them until you are second guessing everything."
Beca's bottom lip was trembling and her eyes were brimming with tears, all Chloe wanted to do was pull her into a hug and just hold her, to rebuild everything the dementors had broken down but she knew Beca wasn't done so she just tentatively touched Beca's hands.
Beca looked up at her, swallowing thickly and blinking away the tears. "I feel like- I don't know, like there's something missing now. Like they took something from me and I don't know how to find it again."
"It has only been a week, Becs, you will get back to normal again."
"It feels like it is getting worse. I can't focus, my head is all over the place and I'm constantly wondering why anyone who is around me are ever there. Why they are friends with me, I don't offer them anything, you know? I think they are only there because I'm the team seeker, which I'm not even all that good at. I'm falling behind in classes and I'm pushing you away, I don't want to but I can't help it and soon you are going to get fed up of having me burdening you with everything and you're going to start avoiding me just like everyone else is."
"Hey," Chloe whispered, "No way. I'm never going to leave you, and you definitely aren't a burden. No one is avoiding you, I promise, they are trying to talk to you but a lot of the time you just aren't here, you know? You are so far inside your own head you don't even realize we are talking to you. Emily asked you to study with her last night and you just stared right though her."
"I didn't even hear her," Beca frowned.
"And, as for the seeker thing, you know you are the best seeker not only Slytherin but Hogwarts has had in a decade, which kind of sucks because you tend to kick Gryffindors ass when we play you." Chloe chuckled, running her thumb over Beca's knuckles. "I love you, Beca, I am not going to leave you because you are going though a tough time. We will get you through this and we will catch you up in you classes."
"I biggest thing they seemed to play on was my friendship with you. They took me back to our first year and made me think that the reason you wanted to keep our friendship a secret was because you were embarrassed of me rather than the fact our two houses weren't supposed to get along. I don't know how they got through all the things they did before I managed to fight them off, which I still don't know how I managed to pull that off."
"Because you are an amazing witch, Beca." Chloe assured, "And you know that isn't true, right? About me being embarrassed of you."
Beca licked her lips as she looked over at her, pulling her lip in between her teeth and nodded, rather unconvincingly. "Yeah."
"What else did you show you?" Chloe asked carefully.
"My mom dying, they kept playing the crash over and over and every damn time I would get closer and closer to saving her but I could never do it. She was screaming, it wouldn't stop, and I could feel the fire on my face. And then it showed me the first time my dad came at me, the first time he hit me, and I felt so vulnerable." Beca explained, pressing the heel of her hands in to her eyes. "I can't stop hearing that screaming, Chloe. It is constantly ringing in the back of my mind."
Chloe pulled Beca into a hug when she stared shaking, pressing a kiss to the girls hair.
"I feel like I'm being pulled into this void and no matter how hard I fight it is only a matter of time until it gets me."
"I won't let that happen," Chloe whispered against Beca's head, rubbing the girls back as she seemed to melt against Chloe. "I've got you, ok? I promise. We will get you through this."
They sat like that for a little while, Beca curled against Chloe while Chloe alternated between rubbing her back and running her hands through her hair.
"You need to get down to the field," Beca whispered against Chloe's collarbone.
"I'm not leaving until I know you are going to be ok."
"I am," Beca promised, pulling away from Chloe and rubbed at the dark streaks just under her eyes. "I'm actually going to come down and watch, scout out the competition. Right after I make myself look less of a mess, though."
"You always look good." Chloe complimented, kissing Beca's forehead before bouncing off her bed.
Chloe grabbed her broom and Quidditch bag before leading Beca down the stairs and out of the common room, ignoring the disapproving tut from the Fat Lady, apparently she still wasn't over the old Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry, even after almost two decades.
"I love you," Chloe said once they reached the bottom of the stairs.
"I love you," Beca instantly replied, there was a lot of things the dementors had made her unsure of but he love for Chloe wasn't one of them.
Beca headed down to the Dungeon while Chloe headed in the opposite direction, towards the Quidditch field.
"Chloe, I've been looking all over for you." Emily huffed, bouncing up beside Chloe, her black and yellow tie tied loosely around her neck. "Is there any chance you can help me with my herbology, well, everything? You are the only person I know who is actually good at that subject."
"Yeah, sure, Em." Chloe smiled at the bubbly girl. "Where you heading?"
"The field," Emily motioned in the direction of the Quidditch field, eyeing the two Slytherin students as they passed. "How is Beca?"
"Not good," Chloe sighed, fixing her bag onto her shoulder. "It couldn't even begin to imagine what it would feel like to go through that."
"Yeah, no kidding." Emily nodded, "I thought she was done for when I saw her falling."
Chloe thought back to the actual accident. Beca was the third student to be attacked, everything seemed fine, the game was going great, Ravenclaw were up by twenty points but Beca had spotted the snitch and had gone right for it, leading her right into the clouds. Chloe stared at the spot Beca had disappeared into for a good half a minute before there was this bright flash of blue (as soon as Chloe saw the ghost like arctic fox she knew exactly what was happening) and then a few seconds later Beca was falling lifelessly, straight for the ground. Chloe managed to pull herself together in time to cast the Aresto Momentum spell, Beca still hit the ground with a bit of a thud, bruising a few of her ribs and giving her a concussion, but it didn't kill her.
"Thank god you were there, everyone else was to distracted by the dementors to actually do anything." Emily tutted, disappointed in not only the professors but herself for not being able to do something to save her friend (In her defense, though, she hadn't learnt the Aresto Momentum spell yet and Chloe was doing charms a year above what she should be and Emily really wasn't the best at charms). "I feel so bad that there is nothing I can do to help her, she doesn't even seem to be there anymore. She is always so out of it."
"Yeah, I can't say I blame her, though. I've heard what those dementors do to you, Beca told me some things but I think she was sugar coating it a little." Chloe shrugged, a concerned frown appearing on her face. "I'm worried about her, I think she is going to try and do it all on her own and she can't."
"Yeah, everyone is worried about her, the same with those other kids, too." Emily shook her head sympathetically. "That poor first year kid, Amy told me her mom took her out of school, I think she is moving to a school down in England."
"Can we meet down in the library after the game? I need to do a little research on dementors, I can help you with your herbology stuff, too." Chloe offered, turning to Emily once they stopped outside the Gryffindor changing room.
"Yeah, sure." Emily agree. "You know, if she is going to let anyone help it is going to be you."
"Yeah, hopefully."
Emily hummed, giving Chloe a little smile. "Good luck. Kind of, I mean, I still want my house to win."
Chloe laughed, nodding understandingly. "Understandable."
Gryffindor won and Emily was both happy that Chloe had managed to get a win for her team and annoyed that her house had been doing so crap this season.
"Maybe you should join the team," Chloe suggested offhandedly, sitting down at one of the empty tables towards the back of the library.
"Oh, no. No, no." Emily laughed, dropping her books onto the table and sat down. "That sport is dangerous, I don't know how you and Beca do it."
"It is just made out to be dangerous, once you are out there it is a lot easier than you'd think." Chloe pulled out her herbology notes, pointing to the section she had high lighted pink. "These notes are basically everything we've done in class but..."
"Dumbed down?" Emily quipped.
"Simplified," Chloe corrected, giving Emily a pointed look. "The professor over complicates everything, it is no wonder most the class isn't getting it."
"How do you get it?" Emily asked, she realized it was a dumb question almost as soon as she had asked it. This was Chloe Beale, the top student in their year, the girl who was doing work a year above what she should be.
"I spend a lot of time studying," Chloe said with a shrug, standing up and strolling towards the section of the library on dark, magical creatures. "Read through those and if you have any questions just ask."
Chloe searched the bookshelves for the book she was looking for, smiling at Benji when she passed him. Once she found the book she headed back to the table, leafing through it as she walked but she stopped when she heard Emily giggle she was almost certain wasn't caused by her herbology notes.
When Chloe rounded the corner she smiled at the sight of Emily and Benji sitting at the table, the herbology notes completely forgotten in favor of staring over at Benji with a lovestruck look in her eyes while he spoke excitedly about something.
Chloe contemplated leaving them for a little while longer but she knew Emily needed help, they had a test next week and O.W.L.s. soon, and, as sweet and clever as Emily was she had the attention span of an excitable puppy.
"Studying seems to be going well," Chloe commented, taking a seat across from the duo, resting her chin on her hands and smiling over at Benji. "Hi, Benji."
"Chloe," Benji rushed out, looking a lot like a deer caught in headlights as her looked from Chloe to Emily and back again. "Hey."
"We were just-" Emily started but she trailer off when she realized she didn't really have an excuse, glancing at Benji for help.
"Um," Benji hummed, a little intimidated by the expectant, and somewhat parental, look Chloe was giving him. "Plants."
"Plants?" Emily huffed, giving Benji an incredulous look before turning back to Chloe, her bright smile back on her lips. "Plants."
"I should go, well done on winning the game." Benji said to Chloe, his eyes moving from Chloe to Emily. "Are we still on for tonight? To talk about... plants."
Emily sighed at the awkward boy but nodded. "Of course."
"Bye, Benji." Chloe sing-songed, watching Benji as he headed back down the row of books he had just came out of. Chloe was grinning when she looked back at Emily, "So, plants, huh?"
"It's... not what it looks like." Emily said, a little grin playing on her lips as she looked anywhere but Chloe.
"Really?" Chloe asked, the disbelief clear in her voice.
Emily's lips twitched as she fought a grin, her eyes moved back to Chloe. "Fine, it was totally what it looked like. But like you are one to talk."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Chloe frowned, glancing up from the book in her hand to look at Emily.
"Well, Benji and I may be, like, flirting and stuff, but you and Beca have been doing it since third year or something."
"Beca and I aren't- We are just close friends."
Emily snorted, tucking her leg under her body as she went back to looking at Chloe's notes. "Yeah, ok."
"We are, we've been friends since first year."
Emily frowned at that, looking over at Chloe curiously. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Oh, wow. Okay," Emily chuckled, returning her attention to the notes.
Chloe watched her, waiting for her to elaborate but she didn't. "What?"
"Well, I mean, come on, dude." Emily huffed, motioning to Chloe then to the book in her hand. "You guys are like- you are into each other. Everybody knows it."
"Well, everyone is wrong."
"Your patronuses are practically the same, a fox and an Arctic fox?" Emily scoffed. "That isn't just a coincidence."
"By that logic I should be dating like ten other people." Chloe said but what Emily had said had made her think. Not about the almost identical patronus, that didn't mean anything, but everything else, just her entire relationship with Beca. It was different from any other relationship she had ever had, and Beca was definitely different with her compared to how she was around everyone else.
"I'm just saying, Chloe. You look at her differently, and I might be completely misconstruing that, but i don't think so. And I think you know, deep down maybe, that I'm right." Emily shrugged, chewing on her pen as she attempted to concentrate on the notes again.
"I don't know if you are right," Chloe admitted quietly. "And you've been spending way to much time with Beca, calling me dude."
Emily laughed around the pen she was biting on but her eyes didn't leave the page.
They finished studying just in time for dinner, Chloe was confident that if Emily kept studying her notes, and any other notes she makes, she will pass her O.W.L.s. with a decent grade.
"What's Benji's patronus?" Chloe asked curiously.
"A rabbit."
"Huh, a maned wolf and a rabbit," Chloe grinned, bumping Emily's hip with her own as they entered the great hall. "If your theroy is true does that mean you are going to eat him alive?"
Emily rolled her eyes but there was a grin on her face that told Chloe she liked that idea of her and Benji having matching patronuses.
Both girls sat down at the Hufflepuff table (because more people in their friend group were in that house) and Chloe instantly noticed the absence of Beca. "Where's Beca?" She asked, ignoring Emily's little smirk.
"She never showed up," Amy shrugged.
"She took off during the match, too." Stacey explained, only breifly glancing up from her homework to look at Chloe, and Chloe understood, they had O.W.L.s. in four months. "She said something about going to see that cooky chick from divination."
Chloe frowned because, no, after what Beca had said there was no way she would go to Trelawney for help. "I'll be back soon, ok?"
Aubrey looked up with a frown. "Are you running after her?"
"Bree, can you not?" Chloe sighed, looking at Emily and nodding down at her things. "Keep an eye on my stuff?"
"Course,"
Chloe left the great hall, heading in the opposite direct to Trelawney's class, she knew exactly where Beca was and it certainly wasn't there.
She wasn't surprised when she reached the bank of the lake and Beca was sitting on the grass there, her knees pulled up to her chest and her chin on her knees as she just stared in front of her.
Beca didn't show any indication that she noticed Chloe sitting down beside her but she knew Beca would know it was her. No one else knew that Beca liked to come here.
"I'm scared on the dark now," Beca commented with a pathetic little laugh. "The fucking dark. I live in a goddam dungeon."
Chloe turned to look at Beca, the full moon making it more apparent how sunken Beca's eyes were and just how pale she was now. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week, and Chloe was inclined to believe that that might be true.
"I had a panic attack when the game started, that was the first time I had been near the field since and it really threw me." Beca mumbled, tilting her head to look at Chloe, giving her a little smile and gently batting her leg. "I heard you done good, though, way to go." The smile was off her face before she had even finished that sentence, and Chloe appreciate the sentiment, but she didn't need Beca to be supportive of her right now, she needed Beca to let Chloe support her. "I've never had a panic attack before. I felt like something was pushing down against my chest and I couldn't get a proper breath in, and then my heart was beating really quick and I had this pulsing in my head."
Chloe slid her hand across Beca's lower back, shuffling closer until she was pressed right up against Beca's side, allowing Beca's head to fall against her shoulder.
"I feel like I'm treading water and the only thing that's keeping me from sinking is you." Beca admitted quietly and, for the first time, Chloe noticed the actual emotion behind the words. It had always been there, whenever Beca said something like that to her, but she was only just now noticing it.
"The panic attacks are normal, and so is everything you are feeling right now. The emptiness, being distant, the memories, the nightmares that I know you're having. It all normal and you will be yourself again, it just takes a little while."
"How do you know?"
"Because I can tell how tired you are, Beca."
"No, not the nightmares. How do you know I will be myself again?"
"Oh, I done some research when I was helping Emily study."
Chloe could feel Beca grin against her shoulder, turning her face so her was pressing her mouth against Chloe's shoulder. "Of course you did."
"I wanted to see if there was something I could do to fix it." Chloe shrugged, shaking her head when Beca peered up at her. "There wasn't, this is something you have to work thought." She said, rolling her lip thoughtfully between her teeth for a moment before saying. "I can't fix it but I'm gonna be here to help you through it."
Beca is staring at her and, sure, her eyes are still sunken and her skin is still pale but there's that spark in her eyes that hadn't been there since the attack seven days ago and she had that soft little smile that she only ever used with Chloe (and now, thanks to Emily, Chloe was over analysing it).
"You know what's strange? My feels towards everyone have changed, I don't feel that friendship that I did before the attack, I don't have that pull anymore, I feel like whatever metaphorical ties I had were in that part of my soul that they sucked out. But nothing changed with you." Beca admitted, though it killed her a little to say it out loud because they were all trying so hard to help her and she just didn't feel anything. "My feels are still the same towards you and I don't know what to think of that."
"Maybe it's because we are closer than you are with everyone else." Chloe suggested and Beca merely hummed, making it plenty clear to Chloe that that wasn't what she was thinking. "What do you think?
"I think I'm too fucked up to have this conversation right now." Beca whispered, looking up at Chloe with a pleading look, like she was begging Chloe to both understand what she meant and understand why she couldn't talk about it right now and she did.
Chloe nodded, "Ok, then we will have this conversation when you feel up to it." She said, planting a kiss to Beca's temple.
She didn't know just how long it would take for them to have the conversation, but that wasn't what she cared about right now, what she cared about what getting her Beca back. The Beca who was excited about going on the Quidditch field and would fiercely protect Emily whenever anyone even looked at her the wrong way. The Beca what easily sailed through potions class and would bitch at Aubrey. The Beca that smiles and laughed and made snide comments at people across the table. The Beca that had been her best friend since that day she had protected Chloe on the train.
She would get that Beca back, it was just going to take time.