Title: Ignore the Innuendo
Word Count: 5045
Pairing: KakaSaku, slight SasuNaru
Warning: Canon-verse, spoilers if you don't know who Team Hebi is.
Notes: Written for chocolatelimes as requested via narutoflashfic
Summary: Naruto should have listened to Ino when she said that getting Sakura drunk was A Very Bad Idea. Now he has to deal with the consequences.
Sakura sat in a bar, a bar, she snorted and glared at her drink, wondering if she should thank Naruto or punch him for dragging her here She looked to the stool next to her that currently housed one part of their extended six man team. Naruto leaned over to whisper in someone's ear and Sakura raised an eyebrow at her companion's antics. She was slightly surprised that Naruto was indeed as popular as he appeared to be. Unsurprisingly, she thought bitterly to herself, she was the only one with relationship problems. And by relationship she meant lack there of and by problems she meant that her main love interest had run off to an evil kinda-genius when he was thirteen and had left her on a BENCH to freeze to death. No, Sakura wasn't sore over it at all.
Speaking of said love interest, he wasn't there yet. She glared at the door in disdain, wanting little more than to storm out and find his traitorous ass and drag it back to her waiting team AGAIN. But he was Uchiha Fucking Sasuke, of course he wouldn't show up for a mere teammate's birthday party. Even if this one was the most important one and she was sure that Naruto had followed through with his promise of making sure that Sasuke knew that (You should have seen it Sakura-chan. That girl was furious that I ripped the date in his pants--she said that she'd sewed those glasses into his waist-band herself-- I know, I know, and no it wasn't just an excuse but it was fucking awesome.) her twenty-first birthday meant a lot to her.
She laughed humorlessly, staring down into the brown liquid that filled the cup in front of her. Of course if it had been Naruto's birthday he'd have been within a ten mile radius of them. At least. And she thought that she had already shown him, those seven times that she'd knocked him out and thrown him over her shoulder to spend some quality time with his team, that she was no longer infatuated with him.
Sakura snorted. Of course Team 7 had always been the fucked up team. What with the Kyuubi container and the Last Uchiha as well as the famous Sharingan Kakashi and here she was, little old normal girl. Poor, poor normal girl. The glass threatened to break under her tightened grip and she reminded herself that she was not normal and really shouldn't be getting angry. She broke things when she was angry. Like that one time when she had caught Naruto's perverted teacher peeking at her while she was in the baths. Tsunade-shishou refused to heal him as well so finally Shizune took pity on him, a good two weeks after she had placed him in that hospital bed.
She smirked at the memory and downed the glass of whatever Naruto had ordered for her (really Sakura-chan, this stuff is great, barely any alcohol at all). Of course Naruto had completely forgotten that he had an inhuman alcohol tolerance thanks to the quite inhuman beast inhabiting various parts of his body. So, while the drink did next to nothing to him, it had enough alcohol in it to get a horse drunk. And, you know, her daddy never did get her that pony that he promised her on her fifth birthday. It was going to be pink with green eyes, just like her.
She frowned, she'd have to have A Talk with him when she got back home. Or not. Right, he was on that mission to-to, Glass Country, ha-ha, you needed ass to get glass, hee, oh, oh! It was Grass, Grass Country. Sakura giggled.
Naruto looked over at her worriedly and then hoped that he was hearing things. She giggled again and turned to him. Nope, not hearing things. Shit. Kakashi-sensei was going to kill him.
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Alright, Naruto thought, shooting an apologetic look at his sensei as he pulled his teammate's arm over his shoulder to steady her, maybe I should have listened to Ino when she said that getting Sakura drunk was A Very Bad Idea.
Sakura wobbled on her feet, tripping over the leg of the table and ending up spread over Naruto, her face buried in the junction between his neck and shoulder. She giggled. And licked him. Naruto went stiff and turned very interesting shades of red as he gently removed her face from his body. "Sa-sakura-chan, you're drunk."
She looked at him questioningly, like she didn't really comprehend. He sighed and held up a bottle then tapped it once because it looked like her attention was straying... to... Kakashi's, oh ew. Naruto promptly blocked that thought from his mind and promised himself that he would never ever think of it again. Naruto took a deep breath, steadying his friend, and said in a slow, steady, voice, "Sakura. You drank too much. Your head is going to explode. Fix yourself." Because, he figured, medic-nins should be able to do that. Right?
Sakura giggled again and her eyes strayed down Kakashi's body until they reached his... lower regions. Naruto snapped his gaze up as soon as he realized what she was looking at and scratched his cheek nervously, looking slightly horrified. She was only drunk, he looked hopefully at Kakashi, right? Right?
Kakashi didn't seem to notice him, a bit too intent on checking out his only female student. Naruto blanched and prayed to every god that he knew of and then some that Sasuke suddenly decided to come back. If not to stay then at least to attack him so he had a good excuse to get away from the student-teacher pair who looked like they wanted nothing more than to jump each other, witnesses be damned. He slowly inched away, keeping his arm on Sakura's waist but putting as much space in between them as possible. Kakashi followed his every move and he was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to protect her. Not that he could do much, after all, the man was his sensei for a reason.
Naruto took another step back and promptly tripped over someone's leg, he looked up and saw Kotesu looking innocently the other way. He glowered and removed Sakura from his waist and--- she really shouldn't know how to do that. He looked at his sensei again, desperate, and saw that this time he had stopped devouring Sakura with his eyes. Kakashi nodded and held his hand out to take Naruto's kinda-but-not-really burden from him.
Naruto breathed a sigh of relief when the bar's attention returned to itself and attempted to stop blushing. He'd only wanted her to get her mind off that stupid Sasuke-bastard. And it worked, he thought to himself as he watched Sakura rub against their sensei, perhaps a little too well. Kakashi scowled behind his mask and crossed his arms as well as he could -what with Sakura hanging off of one and all, glaring at his Most Annoying Student.
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Kakashi closed the door behind them and held out a hand for her coat. Sakura looked at him in confusion for a moment, forgetting that she had worn a light sweater due to the cooler weather that had yet to break, before sliding her sweater off and handing it to him. She looked around, remembering how both Naruto and Kakashi had gotten new apartments years ago. The two refused to speak of the why but Sakura had a sneaking suspicion that it had a lot to do with Tsunade-shishou finding out that, not only had Kakashi engaged in life-endangering training, but Naruto had agreed (and participated) wholeheartedly.
Kakashi watched her silently and told himself: You must Not sleep with your student. Which then placed the image of him having a threesome with the boys in his head. Kakashi paled and tried to think about boobs and Ichi Ichi Paradise which inevitably led to him thinking about Sakura who was studying his apartment innocently. And who he could not sleep with. Kakashi decided that he needed a stiff drink. Sakura bent over to pull out his magazine collection. Yes, a stiff drink. Or five.
Sakura sighed, bored out of her mind and a bit tired of staring at Kakashi's ceiling. You'd think that since he brought her to his place he could, you know, do something. Regardless of what that something was. But nooo, he was over there doing something, she really couldn't tell what, with a glass and--- hey, did Kakashi's ass always look that enticing? (a part of her was rightfully horrified but she quickly squashed that part and labeled it as unimportant) She smirked, one rather reminiscent to Sasuke's, and stood silently. Hey, being a ninja helped for some things outside the job! She ambled over to her teacher and leaned against him, making sure to sigh at just the right spot and press her breasts against him with just the right amount of pressure before saying, "Kakashi-senseeeeiii, I'm booored."
Kakashi didn't acknowledge her, despite the fact that she was practically glued to his back (though he was well aware and simply trying very, very hard to ignore the innuendo). Sakura let him go after it became obvious that he wasn't going to react. She bit her lip; wanting little more than to get a rise out of him. She watched as he stood up and walked over to the wrap-around island that connected the kitchen and the living room. He grabbed a glass and a smaller bottle than he had been using earlier and moved back over to lean against the wall, refilled glass in hand.
Sakura reached out and grabbed the glass, annoyed that he was ignoring her and threw it back, dismissing Kakashi's alarmed "wait a second!" and promptly choked. The alcohol burning it's way down her throat in the worst possible way. She coughed, doubling over with her hands placed in front of her mouth. Kakashi looked rather worried and moved to pat her back only for her to glare at his attempts. "Wh-what the hell is that stuff?" Kakashi looked at her sympathetically before answering in his best what-the-hell-you-complete-idiot voice. "Cognac is meant to be sipped, not chugged." Sakura frowned at him in anger and turned away, swaying slightly as she went. She collapsed on the couch and played with the frays of his blanket, draped on the back of the sofa and rather colorful for what Sakura thought of him.
Kakashi eyed his student who was sitting on his couch, drunk out of her mind, and looking like she belonged. He bit his tongue and turned away, thinking of the most painful ways that he could use to kill Naruto. And Sasuke, for good measure. They had a habit of avenging each other, better to take them both out at once. Though Naruto's clones would be bothersome. He could get around them, though. His planning came to an abrupt halt as Sakura's breath fanned across his neck, her hands sliding tantalizingly slow over his body until dipping dangerously close to his groin. "Kakashi," she all but moaned, leaning into him fully. Kakashi threw back the shot of scotch and gave in, taking her hand and leading her to his bedroom.
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Sakura groaned, placing a hand on her forehead that was screaming in pain and agony and bright!bright!bright! Which was strange as she had darker blinds in her house, thanks to Ino's constant peeking attempts with her previous boyfriends. Well, that and that both Sai and Naruto were prone to peeping, Sai for research (and the irony didn't escape anyone) and Naruto because he was Naruto and still had a crush on her. Kind of. Like the one she had on him. Great, she thought, now I'm rambling. Well, Sakura mused, at least she didn't wake up in some stranger's house; though it was a bit strange that Kakashi-sensei let her sleep...in...his...ohshit. Sakura wished that the sheets hadn't shifted, then she would have remained blissfully unaware (for another five minutes) of her current lack of clothing. And, she guessed, his as well. She was not, not, not, not lifting up the blankets to see whether her teacher was wearing his birthday suit or not.
Sakura hoped that he was drunk too otherwise, well, that'd be even more disturbing than waking up with him in the first place. Her brain was having a bit of trouble grasping the fact that, yes, you slept with him, and yesyesyes, he's your teacher. Sakura wondered if knocking him over the head a few times would give him just enough brain damage to forget whatever happened last night (as she had a sneaking suspicion that he was quite a bit more sober than herself and probably enjoyed it way too much). She lifted the covers gently, hoping that he would remain asleep so that they didn't have to do that whole confrontation thing. She wasn't very good at standing up to --or accusing--- her superiors; it just wasn't in her nature. Which, when she thought about it, was rather problematic either way. Okay, she told herself as she moved slowly out of the bed, just a litt--- Sakura had to bite back a scream as a hand closed over her wrist and pulled her back.
When he woke up she was going to kill him. Though, a part of her insisted that he was quite awake and simply faking his deep slumber. For some reason, she didn't think this part was medical.
He pulled her closer until her back was flush with his chest and wrapped an arm around her waist, dipping dangerously close to her groin. She stiffened and calmly moved his arm farther up. His fingers moved across her skin until he touched a breast and then set a hand over it lightly. Sakura frowned and moved it down, over her stomach. His arm moved up again and she huffed, grabbing his wrist and dragging it down to her stomach, entwining their fingers so that maybe she could get some sleep without being molested. With an exasperated sigh, she gave in and leaned back against him, soaking in his warmth. She'd forgotten, it had been so long since her last boyfriend, how good it felt to wake up with someone. Granted, he wasn't actually awake (visibly) but the point still remained. Later she would tell herself that she did it because she wasn't all the way awake yet (though it was a lie and she really hated lying to herself).
Kakashi groaned low in his throat and rolled them over, kissing her. Later, she would tell herself this, too: she didn't fight back because she was surprised. Which was a complete lie but no one else had to know that.
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"Ah," Sakura said, obviously still trying to process what had happened, "so that's what you look like under your mask." This wasn't supposed to happen. Twice. Once was bad enough, twice was ridiculous and probably illegal and morally wrong and Naruto was probably going to skin their sensei alive and never let her out of her room again. Which, at the moment, didn't sound all that bad. She would be only too happy to get all that sleep. And Ino, what would Ino do if, though it was more like when, she found out? Sakura groaned and threw her arm over her eyes, moving away from Kakashi. And she was sober, with a hangover the size of Manhattan, but sober. She had no excuses. Oh! Except for a temporary lapse in judgement, yes, she supposed that that could work. Now to convince her teacher.
"Yes," Kakashi agreed, his brain running on an endless loop of does not compute, "this is what I look like." And this was very, very bad, he thought. Once could have been excused as a temporary lapse in judgement (which had been his plan) however, twice couldn't be explained away so easily. Unless he acted like Sakura was, hungover and, you know, that just might work. Except, he didn't really want to lie it away, after all it was a long time coming and he enjoyed it too much to just let it go.
He took a deep breath and turned to his bed partner. "Sakura," he began.
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Naruto frowned as he walked out of Sakura's apartment complex. She hadn't answered and, when he went to check inside to see if maybe she'd been asleep, he discovered that she hadn't been home at all since he dragged her out the night before to the bar. He knew that she wouldn't be at Ino's, she was on a mission with Shikamaru, Chouji, and Sai. He snickered at that, knowing that Sai was irritating the other team as only Sai knew how. Shikamaru had long since figured out what Sai had actually meant when he had called Ino beautiful, Ino, however, had not. Despite Shikamaru telling her such but everyone knew that Ino never listened to her teammate unless it was on a mission, in which case she was all ears. Shikamaru was a tactical genius after all.
"Kakashi-sensei," he yelled at his teacher's apartment door, as though that would make the man answer faster, "have you seen Sakura-chan. You'd better not have let any one molest her on the way home!" Naruto thought about that a moment, thought about the looks his sensei had given his best friend, thought about that time they had captured Sasuke, and then retracted his words. "Nevermind, you wouldn't let anyone else molest her."
Inside the apartment Kakashi cringed, mentally tallying how many neighbors were home and whether or not they were the type to spread rumors. Probably. Crap. That meant he'd have to go by and talk to (and by talk to, he meant threaten) them. He glanced over to find Sakura gaping at him, open mouthed, with wide eyes. He mourned the loss of his youngest student, envisioning a death with lots of pain and quite a bit of pleasure on his part.
Naruto stared at the door. The door remained motionless. Naruto frowned, deciding that it was hot and he didn't really want to wait and wasn't Kakashi the one that always barged into their houses anyway? Well, time to return the favor at last. Or, he would have had the door not been unlocked which was a stroke of genius on Kakashi's part.
Naruto opened the door and poked his head in, hoping that Kakashi was standing in the room, just to annoy him. Even after all this time he still wasn't comfortable in other people's houses, especially when he hadn't been invited. After he decided that no, Kakashi wasn't making this easy (and wasn't that so like him, asshole), he walked into his sensei's apartment. Now that he thought about it, it had been a few months since he'd been here. They didn't really need to go to each other's houses when there were bars and Sakura's place.
Now that he thought about it, it was strange how Sakura's place had been dubbed 'The Hangout' by the Konoha Twelve. And it'd be thirteen if he could ever convince the bastard to come back. Who, he realized, they (as in team seven, he'd seen the older man a couple of weeks ago on a simple mission) hadn't seen lately. He'd have to speak to People in order to remedy that. And Sakura because Sakura seemed to get a sadistic enjoyment from dragging her ex-crush home. Tied and feathered and whatever else she felt like doing to him that time (and Naruto was only too happy to oblige, they had to get in their teamwork somehow, after all).
Naruto sighed and moved through the house, checking rooms as he went. And the cupboard, just in case Kakashi forgot to stock up on food because he did that sometimes and it was Naruto's turn to go grocery shopping for him. (unbeknownst to Naruto, this would be the exact reason that Kakashi went grocery shopping in the first place, he'd figured out what they were doing and Naruto was still learning that a few things weren't healthy. Besides, when Sakura came she at least stayed for tea.)
Naruto frowned, realizing that no one was there, or at least no one was coming out to greet him. Well, then he'd just have to go wake the lazy ass up. And so, Naruto, with all the subtly that he possessed, decided that since the person he was looking for wasn't anywhere else in the house, he must be in the bedroom, and then he proceeded to say such out loud. As if he knew that he had an audience (he didn't but it certainly didn't help the situation).
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Being ninja meant that they were supposed to know who was where and when they were there. well, except for the whole lack of being able to feel chakra part which made it a bit more difficult. This meant that both Sakura and Kakashi were aware of him the moment that Naruto stepped foot inside the apartment (and really, when he was standing outside the door too, Naruto wasn't exactly a quite person, after all). Sakura wished, not for the first time, that Naruto didn't have quite as good of a nose as he did. Maybe she could have escaped then and left Kakashi to deal with his enraged student (for he would be, if Sakura wasn't there and Kakashi wasn't able to tell him where she was.) Sakura thought, for an instant, of the scenario that would play out if she went back home and told him that she had been out when he had checked earlier (and he would have checked, this was Naruto, and his over-possessiveness was second only to Sasuke's).
And then Naruto spoke and it all went to hell because her mind was in hysterics and she wasn't fairing much better.
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Bedroom, her mind told her hysterically, you're in Kakashi-sensei's bedroom. Naked. Ah, she thought, so this is what a mind-out-of-body experience is like. Sakura resisted the urge to giggle and instead stared at the door in the type of petrified horror that chilled your body and your blood until you wondered if it had ever been warm at all.
The door opened, to Sakura, as though in slow motion when in truth it burst forth with all the energy that was Naruto. And Naruto, Sakura thought, had a good ass. She should know, she vaguely remembered grabbing it last night.
Naruto looked around the room, taking in the white curtains blowing gently against the clean windows and light blue walls, his eyes roving over the bookshelves and the cabinet that he knew held wine before glancing at the bed. Naruto did a double take, thinking vaguely, oh, so that's where she was, and gaped.
Naruto stared and made noises in the back of his throat as though he were choking, the blood draining out of his face and his hands making gestures that meant nothing. Finally, he snapped his mouth shut and stuttered out an apology before turning and rushing out the door, he stopped half way out of the apartment and, averting his eyes, came back to close it.
"So," Kakashi said to her after they listened to the front door close with a hastened clink, "I never did get to repay you for last night." Sakura whimpered and pulled the sheet tighter around her chest.
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"You know," Naruto drawled, slow and sure, "they're sleeping together." He made a vague gesture, a raise of the hand and a sweep over his two teammates. Above them, Sasuke stilled. "...what?" Because he had obviously not heard Naruto correctly.
"Sa-sasuke-kun don't believe hi-" Sakura started, looking completely horrified.
"I sa-" Naruto said, "Naruto" Sakura hissed, quiet and deadly, "shut up." Naruto raised his eyebrow as though to say 'why?'. Sakura raised her fist in a threatening manner and gave him a look that clearly said 'if you don't shut up I'm going to make sure that you are never able to screw Sasuke -or anyone else- into the ground. Ever.' Naruto meeped and wisely decided to keep quiet.
"As I was saying," Sakura glared at her blond counterpart, "Kakashi-" Naruto snorted and Sakura turned to him menacingly. "Kakashi-sensei and I are not sleeping together." Sasuke made a vague noise in the back of his throat, caught in between disbelief (this was Sakura) and horror (and their sensei, the man who had taught them everything). He repeated, "what?" and hoped that this was all a dream, a horrible, horrible nightmare.
Naruto made an over exaggerated helpless gesture. "Kakashi" -he dropped the honorific to make it more clear- "and Sakura are having ("Had! And it was once!") sex. And it was not once, Sakura-chan. Five times does not equal once, no matter how you look at it!" Sakura opened her mouth to argue but Naruto cut her off. "And I know that you did not go at it five times in a night. Remember, I WALKED IN ON YOU." He paused before uttering what he deemed (and was) the damning evidence: "TWICE!"
Sasuke slid off of the branch that he had been standing on, his mind temporarily blanking under the shock. "What." Naruto made an annoyed noise and then sighed exasperatedly. "Damn it, Sasuke," he said, "didn't they teach you about sex in Sound?" Sasuke made an unintelligible noise in the back of his throat. "Na-ru-to," Sakura seethed, anger radiating out of her like the Kyuubi surrounded him. Naruto gave a very unmanly squeak and promptly dove behind his ex-teammate.
"Uzumaki Naruto," Sakura bit out, "get your ass over here. Right. Now." She punctuated her last two words with sharp jabs towards the spot of dirt beside her. Naruto sulked out from behind Sasuke, glancing over at their teacher, who had been watching in amusement, as a silent plea for help. Said plea went ignored and he whimpered. "Sakura-ow, ow, ow, ow, would you let go of my ear,-chan, it's not a big deal. Everyone, well maybe not Sas-ow, ow, ow, alright, I get it- anyway, everyone has sex. Just admit it already."
"So," Naruto said, staring at Sasuke, after a lengthy silence (in which Kakashi was amused, Sakura really wanted to hurt something (preferably Naruto) and Sasuke was ignoring reality) "wanna have sex?" Luckily for Sakura the opportunity presented itself far sooner than she'd thought and her hand came crashing down on Naruto's head. "Naruto, you idiot!" Sasuke frowned and glared at his teammate before disappearing in a swirl. Sakura cursed.
Naruto picked himself up and grinned, "Ne Sakura-chan, do ya think he's thinking about it?" Sakura gave a long suffering sigh and asked the gods why before answering "he didn't attack you so I think the chances are pretty good but Naruto, why?" Naruto glanced at her and shrugged before picking up his pack and hers and saying in that overly obnoxious, cheerful, optimistic voice of his "Let's go home!"
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"Kakashi!" Sakura shouted at Kakashi as he was leaving, face bright and eyes determined, her stance screaming defense and offense and he realized that this was going to be one of those important, possibly life changing, talks. He paused in his steps and turned towards her, assuming a nonchalant pose. "I-I," she averted her eyes. "My left breast is a little smaller than my right and-and I don't wake up well and Naruto says I sleep talk but I don't believe him about that." Her gaze met his and she continued, "I can't cook well and I hate cleaning, I can't stand it when you don't shave and I love your satin sheet set but- Kakashi, I- willyoubemyboyfriend?"
Naruto, who had been gaping along with the rest of the ninja who had been lucky (or unlucky in some cases) enough to witness the exchange (or lack there-of, Kakashi wasn't really known for talking), let out a whoop and grinned so wide that he thought his lips would tear. He smiled and quickly bounded over to wrap his arms around his best friend, pulling her to him, and positively thrilled, laughing in happiness, disregarding the fact that his teacher hadn't answered yet.
Sakura stared at Naruto's shirt, thinking idly that she'd offer to sew it for him while the rest of her mind was running around screaming in terror at a) what she'd just done and b) the unanswered question. Buried in Naruto's clothes with his laughter and happiness she heard Kakashi sigh and felt her heart start to break. Funny, she thought, I thought it was instant, I didn't realize it was this slow stab. She bit her lip, attempting to stop the tears before they started. In her heart/chest/body was anger and sadness and hurt, hurt, hurt. She pinched Naruto and, with a yelp, he let her go. Kakashi finally, finally spoke and she snapped her gaze up to his face at his answer. "Ah, I think that sounds fine."
A slow smile spread across her face and she didn't mind the wetness on her cheeks or the salty taste that lingered in her mouth from her tears.
cognac is a type of brandy and it is very strong. Not something you want to drink like you would soda. Unless you're an experienced drinker, otherwise you'll sputter. Good, though, just strong. I AM ALSO NOT CONDONING UNDERAGE OR OTHERWISE DRINKING.
Any comments/crit/corrections are very welcome. Thanks for reading.