Title: Dear Heart and the Epilogue of a Summer Romance
Summary: Epilogue compliantish oneshot. Does it matter to Harry Potter that Draco Malfoy will be at the platform with his wife and kid? Past Drarry.
Does it matter that he'll be there?
Harry couldn't even think. He mattered so much to him and he looked so beautiful lying in the cheap motel bed. It was... It was fucking overwhelming. So he lay there and he watched as Draco mouthed the words "Dear Heart" in his sleep.
Of course it doesn't. Why would it? Hell, Harry hadn't seen Malfoy in... How long? Who knows really.
It had been so long since he'd seen him. Besides, it was dark and cloudy so it was hard to see and people probably couldn't notice if one indistinguishable bundle of scarves snogged the living daylights out of another one in the middle of Diagon Alley. Hell, they probably wouldn't care. It was a risk but Harry couldn't help himself. Fuck, a week was too long. "Well, hello there Dear Heart. You're seeming a bit desperate today" and Harry couldn't help but laugh because it was Draco and Draco was his.
And besides, the man had never called him by his first name, never. If anything proves it was never anything serious then that was it.
Harry looked at the man smiling naked under the cheap sheets. He knew Draco wasn't happy about the motel beds, but he knew Harry couldn't risk it – Harry was engaged after all – so he put up with it. Harry knew he must be itching from imagined bedbugs but he stayed for him and he was so beautiful... "Hey, Draco," he said, "I have to go." and then he watched Draco's eyes go quiet and his lips whisper the "Bye, Dear Heart," that tickled Harry's ear and his heart.
Hell, even that muggle he'd picked up in London that one time had called him Harry and he'd only been around for a week.
Draco had left him and it hurt so much. The muggle he'd taken home didn't make it any better. Clearly this wasn't just about the sex, because the muggle was brilliant – the kind of experienced that made you thank God. God, Harry was so empty. He couldn't take it anymore. He walked up to the front door of Malfoy manner and knocked. He saw the door open and heard Draco hiss in surprise and anger and felt him turn his head away from Harry's lips but it didn't matter. Harry loved him. He needed him. "Dear Heart. Stop."
So Harry wouldn't care when he saw him.
"Admit it Draco! You don't give a shit! Hell, you can't even say my name!" Harry wiped a stray tear from his cheek hoping Draco wasn't looking. "I don't care? Why won't you tell them about me Potter? I'm sick of sneaking around like this cause of your desperate need for approval! Just man up and tell them already!" Harry resolutely didn't notice the tears streaming down Draco's face and told him he couldn't and Draco gently closed the door in his face again. Harry would try again tomorrow. Thirteenth times the charm. He was Dear Heart, Draco would always open the door for him.
Not even a little bit.
The day that Draco didn't answer the door was the worst day in his life. All there was for him was a note, "I'm tired, Potter. Be my date to the Christmas dinner or don't. It's your choice, but after this I'm raising the wards against you. Having you sneak here in your lunch break is getting old and quite frankly, I can't be with you if you're ashamed of me. If anything changes you know where I am. Thinking of you, my Dear Heart." Harry could see Draco's expensive black shoes pacing backwards and forwards in front of the crack at the bottom of the door for the entire hour Harry was there but, no matter how hard he pounded or pleaded, Draco wouldn't open the door. A tingling zap came from his watch. Lunch break would be over and he had to be back or someone would notice. Draco knew the time too and the feet paused and waited. Harry thought he heard them kick the door as he walked away but he had no time to check. He had to be back. Quickly. Or they'd notice.
Why would he? He had Ginny now and a family.
Draco looked beautiful. He always did. Harry watched him as he danced with Astoria Greengrass as gracefully as he did everything. There was a poke in his side and a smiling Ginny Weasley in his arms, "Look Harry, you got the promotion through your own skill alone. Stop worrying about it. Trust me, if Malfoy should have gotten it instead the git would have had a cry about it already, wouldn't he?" and Ginny laughed her tinkling laugh and Harry thought about how beautiful Draco looked when he laughed and how his smile made Harry feel like a God. "Oh, look Harry! Mistletoe!" and Ginny kissed him in the middle of the dance floor as Harry tried not to cry and tried not to remember the murmur of Dear Heart against his lips.
It wasn't like Draco had ever cared about him anyway.
He walked out on to the ministry balcony. Harry was tired of smiling. Harry didn't want to cry. What he wanted to do was scream and cry and break things, but he couldn't here. Here, he'd have to settle for "just getting some fresh air, dear". He looked out at the sky and bunched his fists in his eyes to keep the tears in. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" and then there was a hand on his shoulder and a whisper in Draco's 'I-think-you-look-amazing" voice, "Calm down Dear Heart, I'm here, it's ok. Shh." and then there was a hug and a good ten minutes of Harry's sobs. A pause of silence and the feeling of Draco's heart beating against his back, "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you Dear Heart."
So, when Harry Potter steps onto platform nine and three quarters with his children and wife and spots Draco with his own family, he isn't at all surprised when all he sees is him.
The cold when Draco stepped away from him was unbearable.
He isn't at all surprised when Draco only gives him a single curt nod.
He couldn't- He didn't- He can't- Harry's eyes turned sharp and Draco just nodded at him.
He isn't at all surprised when the man turns away, breaking their eye contact abruptly.
And then the one person who mattered the most to Harry turned around and walked back inside.
And he definitely isn't surprised when he felt his heart clench and boil and freeze all in one moment, he isn't surprised when old fault lines break open under the stress and he isn't surprised when it explodes and every little part of his body hurts and every breath aches and his eyes are hot and cold and salty and he can't hear or see anything but Draco's turned back and nothing ever will matter so much ever again. He isn't surprised at all this time but that doesn't mean that it isn't killing him.
He can hardly breath. He doesn't know what to do. What- How- He doesn't know what to do!
It's killing him so much and he doesn't know anything but how to die anymore.
It'd kill him to be with Draco, he knew it, but it'd kill him to be without him. Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin help him!
He looks over his shoulder as his daughter and wife smilingly pull him towards home and sees Draco looking at him.
He felt so alone and so broken and then there's Ginny standing next to him saying shit about stars and he doesn't care but she's warm and she smiles and she's easy and right there.
Harry stops and he doesn't even care if Ginny is looking at him like he's a bit mad, he puts his hand over his heart and mouths "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you," and he watches Draco smile and watches Draco's lips shape the words "I know Dear Heart. I know."
Harry ignored Draco as he called out "Dear Heart" in the almost empty foyer as Harry walked away quickly as he could. Ginny shot him one odd look as she walked beside him to the floo pot, and didn't say anything.
Harry doesn't know what's wrong with him, but that night when Ginny tells him he's picking the kids up from now on he doesn't even mind, in fact he rolls over and starts counting the days until Christmas break.
In fact, Ginny never said anything about it ever again.
He wonders briefly if he's mad but he doesn't care. All he cares about is Draco and if seeing him means he'll get his heart broken again, he doesn't mind. In fact, he looks forward too it. Well, he knows he's mad, but he doesn't care. He prays that next time, while his wife is absent, he doesn't do anything stupid. He probably he will. But he prays to Merlin he won't.
All should be well. He just had to really try. That's all. All should be well.
All is well enough. He prays he keeps the strength to leave well enough alone.