Specter LUCKY #7
Because Women TRY; but Men DO
A 'StoryPlay' by Chris 'Shades' Oliveri
Characters:
KANAN JARRUS – The REAL leader of the Ghost Crew – who knew it was possible to be a level-headed hothead? Specter #1 seems to have a 'thing' for the group's pilot, however, and so allows her to take the helm of more than just the SHIP from time to time!
HERA SYNDULLA – The 'De Facto' leader of the Ghost Crew – but she's ONLY Specter number TWO, with pull-able LEKKU...
CHOPPER – they say that the 3rd time's the charm, but with C1-1OP you never know WHAT'S going to happen. Including stranding you on a planet overrun with man (and woman)-eating beasts!
GARAZEB ORELLIOS – an overgrown Sasquatch of a Lazat with the temper to match, who utterly failed his Honor Guard gig back in the day. Hera forgives him for stranding her and as such remains Specter 4.
SABINE WREN – the almost-next-to-last Specter, Number 5, Sabine the Mandolorian is nonetheless vital to the ghost team. She secretly wants to move up in rank – especially past Hera – but who doesn't?
EZRA – The orphan of the group, Specter 6 was the lowest of the Specters – stealing anything and everything he could get his hands on - "But I have the highest Specter NUMBER!" That is, until The Shadesman became LUCKY 7...
SHADES – Christopher Kale, aka The Shadesman. A cyborg and potentially force-sensitive entity with a unique visor affixed to his face. He wished to solidify his place as Specter #7 so he can move up in rank; if only his less-serious side didn't get the best of him...
Shades, Shadesman are © Chris 'Shades' Oliveri - circa 2009, 2012, and 2014. Kanan, Hera, Chopper, Garazeb, Sabine, Ezra, and all other Star Wars references are the © George Lucas / Disney. All rights reserved.
PART I
It was quiet – eerily quiet – in the main holo-room of the Starship Ghost. Hera Syndulla and Kanan Jarrus exchanged nervous glances towards one another – his eyes darted toward the freakin' BANDAGES wrapped around the base of Hera's Lekku. He then looked down to Chopper, Hera's not-so-loyal pet droid – he was dented, dinged and annoyed. Turning to Zeb, Kanan observed that he looked VERY, very sick to his stomach...
Without a doubt, Specter 7 had been at it again, and that's why this meeting was in session today – to do something about the man calling himself 'Shades.'
HERA
There comes a time when enough is enough. I've been keeping a back-trackalog of EVERYTHING this 'Shades' character has been up to – I regret bringing him on as our latest Specter.
EZRA
I dunno, I kinda liked his style. I always called him SPEC-7, because ya know? Glasses = specs? He's also like me, I'll admit – he has about him wiseass-ish-ness... erm, wise-ass-ess-ness... wish-ash-ish-ish...
SABINE
SHUT... UP, Ezra!
KANAN
He could be direct and to the point – but downright BLUNT as well! Like Sabine there, but worse...
ZEB
He almost *poisoned* me! Unacceptable, that one! I would have kicked his ass if I could have...
EZRA
Bet you COULDN'T have... Garazeb...
ZEB
You know what, Ez? You're too much like him! Just watch it, or we'll leave you behind for GOOD...
EZRA
Wait – so that other time when the Inquisitor got me; that was on *purpose*?
ZEB
Sabine wanted to leave you, ya know - she actually VOTED for it!
SABINE
Hey!
HERA
QUIET – ALL OF YOU! Please, we've come here to solve problems, not MAKE them! Now, let's get back to SHADES and how he's been treating EACH of you. Sabine – why don't you get started first?
SABINE
Oh, boy will I ever! When I first saw him, I thought we had stuff in common. I'm a Mando, I wear my bucket a lot – and he has this VISOR around his eyes he wears even MORE. When we take our gear off, it MEANS something – only, Shades' Shades are freakin' glued to his head harder than Vader's mask!
Seven days earlier, the crew of the Ghost had just returned from an intricate sting operation. Sabine, Shades and Hera had worked together to self-destruct an Imperial Star Destroyer from the inside – slip in and out, get the job done, and return to the Ghost in time for brunch. Sabine noted that 'The Shadesman' (as he liked to call himself) was quite the combatant – and his glasses shot LIGHTNING that Kanan thought could very well be the force! But it couldn't be – Shades wasn't using any force-powers otherwise, relying instead on a gun-arm for his left hand when push came to shove.
She was impressed, and the mission was of course a success. But than some down time came...
SHADES
So, Sabine – how's that *jet-pack* of yours faring?
And there is was. A jet-pack is a very VERY big deal for a Mando. And Sabine had not yet come of age for one! Another big deal for a Mando is meeting a zinger with a zinger (because, ya know – an eye for an eye makes NO sense between -masked- marksman).
SABINE
So, Shades – how's your GIRLFRIEND faring?
SHADES
So, Sabine – how's YOUR girlfriend faring?
SABINE
Shades – are you more of a wiseass, smartass or a dumbass?
SHADES
I dunno; Meet *Fulcrum* yet? Naah? Didn't think so...
KANAN
Alright, alright – he'll use ANY opportunity to throw an insult at you. But we insult each OTHER all the time! What's the big deal, anyway?
HERA
Um, excuse me? This is MY meeting, Kanan. Do you SEE what he's done to my Lekku? Do you have ANY IDEA how it feels to have it yanked upon, over and over again?
KANAN
I'm willing to bet it feels like getting hit in the pills, to be honest – plus a migraine. So, yeah, actually...
HERA
You're NOT helping, Kanan! It was traumatizing – and I've been through a lot thanks to the Empire! Let me tell you how he's treated ME, and you'll *get* Shades' mindset...
Two days earlier, Hera was calmly piloting The Ghost through an Asteroid field – as only Hera Syndulla could – until of course ol' Shadesman came along...
SHADES
So, are those thingies hanging from your head – part of your head?
HERA
Oh, those are called Lekku – all Twe'liks- YAAA!
SHADES
Lekku, LEKKU, lekku, LEKKU, -LEKKU-, -LEKKU-!
Yanking on her head-tails over and over again, Shades relished in his chance to be a wiseass towards this self-appointed Captain...
HERA
Stop that! I'm the Captain of this Ship- OUCH! And I'm gonna rip your freakin' *Shades* off, Shades, if you keep it yUUUUU-up!
And so, Hera Syndulla dared to do the undareable – even as Specter #1 I mean TWO. She... PULLED on the glasses of The Shadesman, and the ensuing shock was enough to throw out power to the GHOST for a week!
KANAN
He's just mischievous, kinda like Ezra here. He's not SO bad. I had a one-on-one with him, in fact – wanted to see if he was force-sensitive...
HERA
Hmph. I wonder, Kanan - how did THAT go down...?
The fringe world of Lothal was often a place Kanan found himself to reminisce about all that has transpired so far. How he not only met up with Hera and the crew of the GHOST, but also the more recent events of meeting Ezra, putting up with Zeb, and accepting his place as being Specter #1 but still answering to HERA, somehow, someway.
But now was the time to meditate. Before Kanan stood The Shadesman, in all his cybernetic glory. The grassy fields of Lothal were perfect, far away from the noise of it all yet still close enough to get back to the GHOST in a moment's notice. Kanan could feel Shades looking at him through his visor – even though no eyes were visible – while Kanan glanced back towards Shades. They were about to meet full-force, as per Kanan's training. But wait!
KANAN
So, Shades – you're a conundrum and you know it. I cannot tell if you ARE or ARE NOT force-sensitive. You shoot lightning from your glasses – way too much lightning for an object of that size to output without a power source. But, that's about ALL you do – and I CANNOT read your mind...
SHADES
You can't – can't you? Well why don't you just... TRY?
KANAN
Try? You mean DO, Shades – DO.
SHADES
I said 'try' – nice TRY, Kanan.
KANAN
Do...
SHADES
Try...
KANAN
Do-DO... do... DO...
SHADES
TRY try TRY TRY try TRY...
KANAN
Do DO do DO DO DO DO DO...
SHADES
Heh, heh – I got you to say 'DoDo' because you're full of it!
KANAN
….
ZEB
Kanan, the only mind-trick you're pulling is on yourself. You're patient but not THAT patient. He got Chopper and I real good – and there have been times I wanted to bust that can of a bot myself!
CHOPPER
Wuu-WUU-wu-WUUUU!
HERA
You make Chopper angry, Zeb! But he still agrees with you! Okay, than - let's hear what Shades did to YOU guys...
CHOPPER
WUUU!
… Wu WU wu wuuu wu WUU wuWuWu WUUwu
Wu wu WUWU wu WUWU wuwuwuWuuuuuuu Wuuu WUUUU
WuWU wuwuWUUU wu-
HERA
From ZEB, I meant. ZEB – why don't you tell us what happened...?
CHOPPER
Fzzzzt!
Shades and Chopper crept slowly – deliberately – up to the sleeping Garazeb. Ezra was out and about – as much as a kindred prankster Shades found him to be, this operation would have to be performed alone! And what better way to go it alone than to have the robot of the group top things off?
Taking out a can of Whipped Cream, Shades began to spray its contents unto Zeb's paw. Fast asleep, snoring – perfect! Signaling for Chopper to do his thing, the robot extended a small arm from its head that held a feather. Tickling the Lazat on the nose prompted him to slap his own face – with the Whipped-cream hand!
SPLAT!
ZEB
Oh WHAT THE F- Ezra? … SHADES! CHOPPER!
The two ran away from the enraged Lazat; hitting his head upon the upper bunk bed snapped him out of wanting to chase them, and by now they were out of his room. Impulsively, Zeb licked the cream off his face. It tasted – odd...
SHADES
Enjoying your whipped cream? You'd do better to use it to shave off that beard of yours so you don't look like a freakin' SASQUATCH – because it's SHAVING cream, you fool! (that's what I also call "Pulling a Jurassic Park 'Dennis the Menace'," heh)
CHOPPER
WuWUU wuWU wu wu WU wu WuwuWUUUUUUUU!
SHADES
Wait, Chopper – what's that you're saying? … I could have poisoned Zeb? So now you want ME to 'kick the bucket' instead, do ya?
CHOPPER
Wuu-WUUU-wu-WUUwu-wu!
With that, Shades began to kick Chopper square in the front - over, and over again! For it was CHOPPER that looked like a damned bucket!
SHADES
Next up – the LIGHTNING round...
And out came Zeb, armed with his BO-Rifle in hand! Chopper, Zeb and Shades all stood facing one another now, readying their respective lightning attacks. Chopper's yellow sparks sparked, Zeb's purple electricity fizzed, and Shades' glasses readied his bluish lightning.
TO BE CONTINUED...