Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Earth Girls are Easy.

Earth Girls are 2 Easy

By

Runt Thunderbelch

"Goddammit, what's wrong with me?"

Candy glared in the full-length mirror and continued her rant, "There were three cute aliens on that space ship. Valerie ran off with one of them. That would leave," she did the math on her fingers, "two for me. So why am I here alone?"

Candy was the last hair stylist at the Curl Up & Dye that evening, and so she was walking around, turning off the lights as she got ready to lock up. She looked in the mirror again and sang:

Three cute guys

Came out of the skies.

We did a makeover.

They did a takeover.

Gods, not clods,

With screamin' hot bods,

They were our lover boys,

We were their willing toys.

Saturday night will never be the same.

Outer space love drives a girl insane.

So happy I was, so happy they came.

Sunday morning, I did the Walk of Shame.

Now, I bet they don't remember my name.

How many times am I playing that game?

Lord, help me; don't know what is worse,

Being alone, or, around the universe,

Word is spreading, and it's oh so sleazy,

Now aliens all think that Earth girls are easy.

The lights were all off now. A dark, empty hair salon had to be the saddest sight ever. Candy stepped outside and locked the door. She looked up to the stars.

Stars were up there somewhere, she knew. But the glare of the trillions of lights in the San Fernando Valley washed the sky out into a bland, grayish glow. The never-ending traffic of Ventura Boulevard growled ceaselessly by.

A horn honked. "Candy!"

She turned. "Wiploc?" The really cute blond alien boy with the foot-long tongue was sitting in a convertible by the curb. She hurried over. "Since when do you own a car?"

"Since someone left the keys to this one in the ignition. Get in."

She giggled and got in, hiking up her skirt as she did so. "When did you get back?"

He started the engine and pulled out into traffic causing a cacophony of tire screeching, horn blaring and shouts of outrage. "Just long enough to get a car and some money."

"You have money?"

He showed her a pocketful of cash.

"Do I want to know how you got it?"

Wiploc laughed. "Of course not."

"Cool. Where are we going?"

"To that club you took me to. We'll dance and get drunk. I can flirt with other girls, and you can pick a fight with one of the bouncers."

"Okay that's a good basic plan, but we'll need to make a few adjustments." She undid her top couple of buttons to let the wind blow down her blouse.

Wiploc suddenly cursed in alien, slammed on the brakes, and rear ended the SUV in front of them. Steam shrieked out of their busted radiator. Wiploc grumbled, "I thought traffic was supposed to move forward."

Candy put her hand on his forearm. "Okay, here's what's going to happen. The police will come. They will ask to see your car registration, proof of insurance and driver's license."

He looked at her as if she were the one speaking alien.

"In that case," she said, "run!"

They leapt from the car and ran.