Hello everyone! There are a million things I should be doing right now. Example: studying for EOCTs, finals, or actually updating my other stories. But I decided to try something new. Recently, I've been writing down randoms spurts of my day on notes for iPod. I've been calling it my slow descent into madness because come on, a diary? Oh lord help me. I figured, why not post this as a story of sorts? Of course it will be slightly modified to fit with the Naruto characters but I want people to be able to read something they can relate to ya know? So this will be starring our dear Sakura! I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but I do own the events that happen in this. At least I hope I do... That'd be weird otherwise.

Oct 15, 2012

-In love and fucked-

I can't believe I'm saying this. Sometimes I wonder if there is a single truthful bone in my body. There is no one, save one other, that I trust besides myself to disclose this information.

I even have to write this down because I'm so afraid that I will lose or forget the thought.

It's hard enough keeping track of important things when there's another voice in my head constantly badgering me about what's important and what's not. It is truly difficult to share your mind with a figment of your imagination. Impossible some may say. But that isn't what I am here to talk about. The reason I type this is because no one touches this book except me and if it were to be otherwise, rest assured this 'note', so to speak, would be immedietly disposed of.

Because honestly, how utterly mortifying would it be for one to find some of my most carefully, and not so carefully guarded secrets, all nicely written and easy to read? It would be the end of me I assure you. You say I exaggerate but I don't take critisicm from hypocrites.

That little voice in my head I told you about she agrees with me completely, it would be most inconvenient for someone to stumble upon these undoubtably crazy thoughts. I'm straying off topic again aren't I? Well for tonight the one thing I wish to speak of is this small but apperently gigantic fact.

How could something be small and gigantic at the same time? Well for someone with a lax nature such as myself admitting this would be considered a minor detail. I am a creature of adaptation after all. If I cannot learn to cope with surroundings instantly, how would I survive and keep up the faqade I ocassionally take on? Off topic again, how embarassing. Even alone amongst my thoughts I can't seem to stay focused.

Back to the 'minor' detail. The fact I have put off from mentioning is this: I am still hopelessly head over heels for him, my ex. This wouldn't seem so bad if the thought that he most likely hates me wasn't constantly plauging my mind. How cliché of a senerio right? Well I am just a highschooler, as much as I try to deny it I am still somewhat of a child and therefore entitled to at least one dramatic, cliché event in my life. I don't honestly understand what happened between us. Horrible right? It rather proves his statement of me being the worst girlfriend ever.

I am disappointed to say the relationship lasted only three days and I can't even remember how I messed it up. (Oh if only you could see the sheepish expression I'm sporting right now.) I was probably rude and insensitive and because of my stupidity I lost a woderful friend. I will ocassionaly desperately try to start up a conversation but unsurprisingly, my attempts are futile. I guess the ocassional times I've been over to his house since the break-up have been civil, but predictably unsatisfying. Maybe five words tops were exchanged and my attempts at a conversation were skillfully avoided.

If I didn't know better I would say the sly bastard has experience with this. Oh how I curse the wretched situation I've placed myself in. Since the beginning of middle school I've been subtly, then not-so-subtly much to my eternal embarrassment, following this boy around like a lovesick puppy. I assured my friends that I was over him and wasn't bothered by our break-up in the least but as I have stated before, I am an avid liar.

What I wouldn't give for a glimpse into his mind just to see if he ever got over me. Although, if that is not the case then I guess it would not be wise to pry right?

I so wish for a rewind button. I could go back and fix my stupid mistakes with the knowledge I have but, that isn't how things work in this world is it? Until I can resolve my current predicament, (either by calmly confronting him or losing my senses and just come short of molesting him, one can never be to sure) I will be condemned to sit back and be ignored.

It's honestly not fair, why is it that people seem to become even more inexplicably attractive when you break up with them?

Whatever. Welcome to hell as my therapist.

With love,

~Sakura~

Well? Did you like it? Leave your reviews please. Updates will be pretty frequent because I have a lot of entries already. As for who Sakura's ex is: use your imagination, I don't care.

lol feel free to vent about anything you want in a review or PM, thou shall not be judged.

Review please! Updates happen that way!