This story is based off of the Song Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore by Bon Jovi. I do not own the song or the Avengers.
Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore
It's been a month since Loki's invasion of New York. Everyone has moved into Stark Tower, affectionately dubbed as Avengers Tower. Even Clint and I have our own floors in the tower. Most of the time we stay on the Helicarrier in case we receive missions.
This weekend, however, Stark has requested that everyone stay at the tower for team bonding. Although, I am certain he is just lonely. Pepper has been away on busy since last week and won't be back until next week.
Later, we will all be watching movies until our eyes bleed, or so Tony claims. For right now though, I plan on training. I've already done my running and worked on my acrobatics so now I am just beating up a punching bag.
I feel his eyes before I see him or even hear him. I can always tell when he is nearby, watching. He is the same way about me. We are an extension of each other on and off missions. We are nearly always together. Since Loki's attack, we've grown even closer.
I continue my workout with a pause. He knows I know he is there. The entire time I can feel his eyes burning into me.
"See something you like Barton?" I call out.
He stays silent and I wonder if he will answer at all, when suddenly I can feel him barely two feet behind me. I turn and aim a blow to his head. He blocks and we are swept away in a flurry of hits and kicks and blocks. Moving all about the gym, use the other equipment to my advantage, knowing it is useless to Clint. He redirects our fight onto the mats where I will not have obstacles to use.
It takes nearly an hour of evenly matched sparring before I get my legs around his neck and pull him to the ground. I straddle his chest, pinning his arms with my knees. I pull one of my knives and hold it lightly to his throat. He taps the mat twice, signaling defeat. I sheath my weapon but make no move to get up. I do release his arms. He grabs my waist and flips me onto the mat beneath him.
We stare at each other for several long moments. Everything in the background drops away. He is all I see and feel and need, and it's dangerous. It's dangerous because in his eyes I can see he feels the same way. He leans his forehead against my and continues staring into my eyes, silently asking me.
"We can't," I whisper.
His eyes close in pain and anger.
"Damn it, Natasha," he growls. Shit. He only uses my full name when he is seriously pissed off. "I'm tired of this. Of you running away from your feelings. Of not being able to kiss you and hold you and love you. Because damn it, I love you! I want you and I want you to want me too!" He stands and turns his back on me.
I sit up, but look down at my feet.
"We can't," I whisper. I hate to hurt him, but it's the only way to keep him safe.
"Fine," he spits out in anger and walks out of the training room.
It's the last time I see him before he leaves on a mission. A mission he requested so he could get away. A mission that he wanted to go on alone, solo, without me. It would be his first mission without me since Loki's attack.
"Damn it!" I yelled. I hated myself for hurting him, but I couldn't let my feelings get in the way. In our line of work, emotions get you into trouble, they get you killed. If we were involved we would be too worried about each other to focus on any of our missions. We would be compromising ourselves.
So even though I hated myself, I broke his heart in the hopes I could keep him safe.
Later that night as the remaining Avengers, Tony, Bruce, Steve and myself, gathered for movie night, everyone asked where Clint was.
"Where's Barton?" Steve asked.
"Yeah! Legolas was supposed to choose the movie tonight!" Tony whined.
"He left on a mission this afternoon. He should be back in a few days." I replied without emotion.
"Seriously? Doesn't Fury understand what team bonding means? The key word being team!" Tony complained.
"Obviously it was important if Director Fury needed Agent Barton right away." Steve reasoned. I didn't add that Clint had requested this mission to get away from me.
The guys ended up choosing The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Halfway through The fellowship of the Ring, Bruce escaped to the lab to do research on one of his projects. By the end of the Two Towers, Tony was passed out drunk and Steve was so into the story I doubt he would noticed if someone blew up to tower.
I quietly made my way up to the roof. The only person would who think to go up there was Clint and since he was away, I knew I wouldn't run into anyone. I needed him, but he was avoiding me. So this was the next best thing. I stayed up on the roof for a few hours watching the city below. When I started getting dizzy from the height, I laid back and looked up at the stars.
Eventually I went downstairs to my room and tried, but failed, to fall asleep. Knowing Clint was mad at me was harder than knowing he loved me. I just hoped he didn't hate me for what I said.
The next morning I got called in for a mission in Bulgaria. Seduce the bad guy, steal his secrets, take him out, then disappear. I tailed the guy for three days, made my move on the fourth day and was back on the Helicarrier by the sixth.
As I rode on the jet back the HQ, I hoped Clint was back and we could talk. Maybe he wouldn't be angry anymore. Unfortunately he had been sent on another mission while I was gone. I didn't know if he planned it or it just happened that way. Either way, he wasn't here and I couldn't talk to him.
His mission was supposed to be at least a month long, probably two months. So I took a few missions to keep myself busy.
Four months after his mission ends, and I haven't seen Clint since our fight. Maybe he moved on. Maybe he didn't want to be partners anymore. I could deal with that, but he should at least tell me to my face. Instead of running off on missions and avoiding every chance at being near me, he should just tell me he hates me and get it over with. He hasn't and I am pissed at him for it. He a is fucking coward if he can't tell me to my face!
When my next mission is over, I take the weekend off and head to Avenger's Tower. I drop my duffel bag and backpack in my room. I drop down gracelessly onto my bed. I am so angry and upset with Clint. I don't know how to handle these things. I don't understand these emotions enough to deal with them.
I feel them swelling in my chest. I feel tears burn at the back of my eyes. But no, the Black Widow doesn't cry. I don't cry, not since I was a child, before the Red Room.
There's a quiet knock at the door. As if someone wants to see me but isn't sure if they are welcome. I ignore the knock.
My door quietly opens and whoever it is steps inside, closing it behind them. They just stand there and don't say a word.
"Hey," he whispers, and I stop breathing. Six months and he is here and we are about to talk.
I sit up, still facing away from him, not trusting my eyes. He is an expert at reading them. Or he used to be, when we were partners. I don't say anything, I just sit there.
"Nat, I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come," I hear him pull open the door.
"Don't you dare walk away from me," I whisper the threat. I whipped my head around and glared at him. Now my tears were threatening to spill over.
His eye widened when he saw me, saw my reaction.
"Nat I-"
"No. You don't get to call me Nat. Only Clint, my Clint, can call me Nat. The man in front of me isn't him. The man in front of me is a stranger! He left me! He ran away on a mission and hasn't stopped running for six fucking months!" I screamed. I felt the first tear fall down my cheek but now I didn't care.
I stood up and pushed my way past him. I walked down the hallway to the training room Stark installed on my floor. I didn't make it ten steps before Clint caught up with me.
"I'm not the one who ripped out my best friend's heart. Refusing to love you!" he grabbed my arm. I whipped around and slapped him.
"How can even think that I don't love you?" I whispered.
I ran back to my room. Hot, angry tears running down my face. I slammed the door shut and collapsed on my bed. There was silence for a long time. I thought maybe he left and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I was relieved and angry and upset. I wished the last six months never happened. The we could go back to being Clint and Nat: best friends and partners. But wishing didn't help. It happened and now I may have lost the only friend I really ever had.
Slowly, my door opened again. This time neither of us said a word. Clint came over to the bed.
"Please talk to me," he whispered.
"I don't even know what to say anymore," I sighed in defeat.
"Do you even want to be my partner anymore?" he asked.
"What?" I blanched. "Of course I want to be your partner. Why on Earth would you think I wouldn't?"
"I just- I thought-" he stopped. I sat up and looked at him.
"What? You thought that when I said we couldn't I meant we couldn't be partners? God no, Clint," I stood up and cupped his face in my hands. "I need you as my partner. You are the only person I trust with my life. The only one I want to trust my life with." I backed away from him. "When I said we couldn't, I meant be together. I can't love you. I can't compromise us like that. It's what will get us killed."
I wrapped my arms around myself protectively. Not wanting to break down again. My tears had slowed and I didn't want more.
"Natasha, don't you get it? I'm already compromised, whether you love me back or not. I love you and I can't change that! Why do you think I left? I was mad, yes, but I wanted to give you space, and I wanted to give myself space. I thought that maybe with distance and time, I could forget about the feeling I have for you. I couldn't Nat, I couldn't forget you. I love you too much."
He came up behind me, placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. I was looking down so he tilted my chin up.
"I don't want to make you love me, but I need you to know that I love you. I want to be with you forever. It might be hard to be in a relationship but it will be harder trying to just be partners, just be friends. I don't think I can do it."
I looked down again, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. My voice cracked when I looked up and said, "I love you too."
He kissed me. A fiery, passionate kiss, full of desire and longing and fear and love absolute love. When we pulled back for a breath, I whispered, "Make love with me until we aren't strangers anymore."
He wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me. Gentler this time, but not without the love and passion. He slowly lowered me onto the bed and proved how much he loved me.
In the morning, when we would get up, Tony would make a smart-ass comment and Steve would look embarrassed, but for right now, I was content. I would fall asleep safely wrapped in the arms of the man I love.