Harry Pothead and the Smiffling Moochers
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Hi Guys, like the title. I know you have NO IDEA what it means, and all I know its this is gonna be one crazy story ^_^ So. this is my first.real. attempt at a Harry potter fan fic, and its not even a real attempt. It's a spoof! Well maybe not a spoof, more like what the Harry Potter story would be like if I was in control, which would be very tragic for poor Harry. Just so you know, I .erm.enjoy some characters more than others.so please cheer these poor fellows on! Harry's gonna need all the help he can get, heh heh *plotting* I don't even LIKE fanfiction.net, why am I here??? Please love, not hate the story ^.^*** R & R and umm.I'm new at this..
Make lots of comments, questions and suggestions. I promise I will heed them! I can fix or add something if you like, especially if it makes it funnier. Um one last warning, my grammar and spelling isn't great, so bear with me! Thank you so much if you end up reading past this point, I hope its funny!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his little friends aren't mine or made by my creation.unless I decide to stick someone new in here and there. Anyway, they all belong to the Goddess J.K. Rowling, and her Bible-like books, the Harry Potter series. They're all yours J.K. just keep making those great stories!
WARNING: this beginning of this story is a little weird, but I promise it only gets.better?
R&R!
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Harry Potter (Pothead) and the Smiffling Moochers
Chapter 1: Dudley's Hunger
Harry Potter arose suddenly form a cloudy dream. The hair on the back of his neck was standing on end. He felt that something was watching him.. something.. evil. He flung his hand on the bedside table, feeling around for his glasses. But he didn't move his eyes away from the cracked door.
Slowly, the door creaked open, to revel a huge, tremendously ugly monster. Harry shrieked in terror then pressed his glasses to his face. His heart stopped.
"DUDLEY!" Harry yelled. He tried to hide under the covers to protect himself from the gigantic Elephant boy. "I'M NAKED UNDER HERE YOU MOOCHER!" Right after he said that rather loudly, Harry realized maybe he shouldn't have.
Dudley was Harry's cousin. But the boy was so large, it would have been more than appropriate for him to being a large "Wide Load" sign, to avoid his frequent collisions with others. He took a few thundering steps into Harry's room. A glass vase on a nearby shelf, toppled over. A picture frame cracked. Harry's owl hedwig began to hoot in shrill terror, afraid of being eaten.
"I know." Dudley huffed, gasping to refuel and replenish his air supply.
It took Harry a few seconds to realize what the Whale knew.that he was naked. He gasped for dramatic effect, then grabbed his bed sheets, and leaped out of his bed.
"Dudley." he tried to say cautiously, the same way he would talk to a mental patient.
Dudley slowly started stomping his way toward Harry. "I've been watching you," he explained, "all.morning." He stopped, paused, and to Harry's horror, let out an insane grin as he continued. "You roll around a lot when you sleep, y'know."
Harry gasped at his cousin in horror. All summer Harry had caught the Mammoth sneaking long looks at him. But Dudley didn't seem very scared of Harry anymore, like he used to be. Now he just seemed.interested. Harry watched in horror, as Dudley began to lick his lips.
"Du-Dudley," Harry whispered uncertainty, "are you hungry?" Harry hoped to sway Dudley's mind to his former obsession.food.
"Yes!" Huffed Dudley again. He nodded, which made his whole wiggled and jiggle in response.
Harry sighed in relief. So he had been wrong. All his cousin wanted to do was EAT him, that's not quite as bad.
"FOR YOU!" Dudley shouted spontaneously, and started waddling towards Harry at an alarming slow speed. Dudley's eyes were as big as saucers, and his fingers as big as think juicy bratwursts, and they were outstretched towards Harry.
Harry began to panic. He was up against a wall. He could either try to take on Dudley or dart around the room until he wore out Dudley.
Dudley made a grab for Harry. "Choice number three!" Thought Harry.
Dashing over to his trunk, Harry rummaged through it for a ridiculously long time. I mean, how much shit does he got in there? Anyway, he finally found what he needed. His firebolt! (Nunn nun na na nunnunun na nananananaaaaaaa!)
Harry hurried over to the window of his room. Only there was another problem, his bed sheet toga wasn't staying on to well. Dudley was slowly approaching like a rabid drooling fat tortoise.
"Well I've got nothing to lose. but my virginity!" proclaimed Harry as he bean the beat out the screen of the window.
Felling the screen give way, Harry jumped on the broom. Forgetting his toga, Harry bashed his body against the screen, and shoot out the window.
Unfortunately, at that same moment Dudley reached the window. With uncanny accuracy Dudley got a hold of Harry's ankle. Then came a very rude pull, giving Harry got a nasty lurch. With a blast of force Harry wrestled himself from the bed sheet and Dudley's grasp. Spinning out of control, Harry hit his VERY naked body against the hard wooden broomstick rather aggressively
(TEE HEE, take that Harry ^^)
"SHIIIIIT!" Harry hollered out in pain. Harry grabbed his.erm.this story's only rated R right? Ok, you're gonna have to use your imagination here I'm afraid.he grabbed a certain part of his body, and started reciting every cruse word he knew.
Dudley gasped gleefully, for Harry was putting on quite a show. Then it only took 12 feet of air to return the very naked and very in-pain Harry to the ground. His firebolt hovered for a moment wondering what to do. It decided it would be best to bail out, and it landed with a loud "thud" on Harry's.. head.
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So what do you think? You probably think I'm a loony, right? I've already finished chapter 2, but I'll get it typed tomorrow. So tell me what you think ^.^
##################
Hi Guys, like the title. I know you have NO IDEA what it means, and all I know its this is gonna be one crazy story ^_^ So. this is my first.real. attempt at a Harry potter fan fic, and its not even a real attempt. It's a spoof! Well maybe not a spoof, more like what the Harry Potter story would be like if I was in control, which would be very tragic for poor Harry. Just so you know, I .erm.enjoy some characters more than others.so please cheer these poor fellows on! Harry's gonna need all the help he can get, heh heh *plotting* I don't even LIKE fanfiction.net, why am I here??? Please love, not hate the story ^.^*** R & R and umm.I'm new at this..
Make lots of comments, questions and suggestions. I promise I will heed them! I can fix or add something if you like, especially if it makes it funnier. Um one last warning, my grammar and spelling isn't great, so bear with me! Thank you so much if you end up reading past this point, I hope its funny!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his little friends aren't mine or made by my creation.unless I decide to stick someone new in here and there. Anyway, they all belong to the Goddess J.K. Rowling, and her Bible-like books, the Harry Potter series. They're all yours J.K. just keep making those great stories!
WARNING: this beginning of this story is a little weird, but I promise it only gets.better?
R&R!
#############
Harry Potter (Pothead) and the Smiffling Moochers
Chapter 1: Dudley's Hunger
Harry Potter arose suddenly form a cloudy dream. The hair on the back of his neck was standing on end. He felt that something was watching him.. something.. evil. He flung his hand on the bedside table, feeling around for his glasses. But he didn't move his eyes away from the cracked door.
Slowly, the door creaked open, to revel a huge, tremendously ugly monster. Harry shrieked in terror then pressed his glasses to his face. His heart stopped.
"DUDLEY!" Harry yelled. He tried to hide under the covers to protect himself from the gigantic Elephant boy. "I'M NAKED UNDER HERE YOU MOOCHER!" Right after he said that rather loudly, Harry realized maybe he shouldn't have.
Dudley was Harry's cousin. But the boy was so large, it would have been more than appropriate for him to being a large "Wide Load" sign, to avoid his frequent collisions with others. He took a few thundering steps into Harry's room. A glass vase on a nearby shelf, toppled over. A picture frame cracked. Harry's owl hedwig began to hoot in shrill terror, afraid of being eaten.
"I know." Dudley huffed, gasping to refuel and replenish his air supply.
It took Harry a few seconds to realize what the Whale knew.that he was naked. He gasped for dramatic effect, then grabbed his bed sheets, and leaped out of his bed.
"Dudley." he tried to say cautiously, the same way he would talk to a mental patient.
Dudley slowly started stomping his way toward Harry. "I've been watching you," he explained, "all.morning." He stopped, paused, and to Harry's horror, let out an insane grin as he continued. "You roll around a lot when you sleep, y'know."
Harry gasped at his cousin in horror. All summer Harry had caught the Mammoth sneaking long looks at him. But Dudley didn't seem very scared of Harry anymore, like he used to be. Now he just seemed.interested. Harry watched in horror, as Dudley began to lick his lips.
"Du-Dudley," Harry whispered uncertainty, "are you hungry?" Harry hoped to sway Dudley's mind to his former obsession.food.
"Yes!" Huffed Dudley again. He nodded, which made his whole wiggled and jiggle in response.
Harry sighed in relief. So he had been wrong. All his cousin wanted to do was EAT him, that's not quite as bad.
"FOR YOU!" Dudley shouted spontaneously, and started waddling towards Harry at an alarming slow speed. Dudley's eyes were as big as saucers, and his fingers as big as think juicy bratwursts, and they were outstretched towards Harry.
Harry began to panic. He was up against a wall. He could either try to take on Dudley or dart around the room until he wore out Dudley.
Dudley made a grab for Harry. "Choice number three!" Thought Harry.
Dashing over to his trunk, Harry rummaged through it for a ridiculously long time. I mean, how much shit does he got in there? Anyway, he finally found what he needed. His firebolt! (Nunn nun na na nunnunun na nananananaaaaaaa!)
Harry hurried over to the window of his room. Only there was another problem, his bed sheet toga wasn't staying on to well. Dudley was slowly approaching like a rabid drooling fat tortoise.
"Well I've got nothing to lose. but my virginity!" proclaimed Harry as he bean the beat out the screen of the window.
Felling the screen give way, Harry jumped on the broom. Forgetting his toga, Harry bashed his body against the screen, and shoot out the window.
Unfortunately, at that same moment Dudley reached the window. With uncanny accuracy Dudley got a hold of Harry's ankle. Then came a very rude pull, giving Harry got a nasty lurch. With a blast of force Harry wrestled himself from the bed sheet and Dudley's grasp. Spinning out of control, Harry hit his VERY naked body against the hard wooden broomstick rather aggressively
(TEE HEE, take that Harry ^^)
"SHIIIIIT!" Harry hollered out in pain. Harry grabbed his.erm.this story's only rated R right? Ok, you're gonna have to use your imagination here I'm afraid.he grabbed a certain part of his body, and started reciting every cruse word he knew.
Dudley gasped gleefully, for Harry was putting on quite a show. Then it only took 12 feet of air to return the very naked and very in-pain Harry to the ground. His firebolt hovered for a moment wondering what to do. It decided it would be best to bail out, and it landed with a loud "thud" on Harry's.. head.
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So what do you think? You probably think I'm a loony, right? I've already finished chapter 2, but I'll get it typed tomorrow. So tell me what you think ^.^