Who Am I?, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Author's Notes: - Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

I hope this lives up to the last part.

DANIEL

I was definitely injured that I could tell.

I was lying on a hospital bed plugged into all sorts of contraptions. Looking over me was a man who…he looked familiar but I just couldn't place him.

"Colonel?" a woman's voice called.

Colonel?

Am I in the military?

No, that couldn't be right.

Was I in some sort of trouble?

An accident?

"He just woke up," the man was saying to the woman who was quite small with reddish hair and obviously a doctor, "Doc, he didn't know who I was."

"Hey there," she smiled as she looked over me, "How are you feeling?"

"Confused," I told her, "Where am I?"

"In a minute," she said gently, "Can you tell me your name?"

What kind of stupid question was that?

I opened my mouth to say my name but stopped, it wouldn't come. I thought back a few moments, the Colonel had called me something.

What was it?

"Daniel?" I guessed, "That's what he called me."

"Okay," she frowned, "Yes, your name is Daniel. Do you know who we are?"

I chewed my lip and looked around. The man was watching me intently and the woman was writing on a clipboard.

I shook my head sadly; I was frustrated, I didn't know anything and I felt absolutely terrified.

I must have fallen asleep. As I drifted back to consciousness I could hear people talking. Curiosity got the better of me and I pretended to stay asleep.

"So he doesn't know who he or anybody else is?" a man's voice asked, he had a Texan accent.

"No sir," the Doctor told him, "Daniel seems to have almost complete amnesia. He recognises concepts but he doesn't know who he is or who we are. It could be a few hours before his memory returns or it may never return at all."

"Come on Doc," the Colonel's voice was filled with annoyance, "There's got to be some way we can get him back to his normal self?"

"The only way I know of is to surround him with things and people he knows," the Doctor said but sounded unconvinced.

I opened my eyes and saw the three people who had been talking. The doctor looked over and saw I was awake.

"Hey Daniel," she smiled gently at me, "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little," I told her, "My back hurts a bit."

"I'm not surprised. You had a knife stuck in it," she told me as she gently ran her hand over it, "Okay, I'll bring you something for the pain."

"Thank you," I said with relief.

"Daniel, this is General Hammond," she introduced the other man to me, "He's in charge of the base."

"Am I in some sort of trouble?" I asked worriedly.

"No son, you're not," the General said to me, "You're a member of this facility and I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Daniel, I 'm going to go and get some medicine for you," the Doctor told me, "I'm going to leave you with Colonel O'Neill."

She and the General disappeared leaving me with the rather imposing looking Colonel. Was he watching me because I did something?

No, he'd called me buddy.

So we were friends?

"Hey Daniel," he sat down next to me and leaned back in the chair, "You're looking better than you did earlier."

"I suppose so," I said quietly, unsure of what to say, "The General said I work here. What do I do Colonel?"

He gave a small laugh, "You haven't called me that in a long time."

"I haven't?" I was getting really confused, "What do I call you?"

His face softened, "Jack."

"Jack," I repeated slowly as he grinned at me.

"Okay, Doc Fraiser says you'll be up and about in a day or so. So, I'll take you around the base and we'll see if we can jog your memory, okay?"

I nodded before asking what had been bothering me, "Are we friends?"

He started to laugh again at that but his expression was gentle and open, "Yes Daniel. We're friends."

I was allowed out of the infirmary the next day; dressed in the same dull green fatigues most people were wearing. Next to me was the Colonel…Jack. He was leading me around in the hope that I would remember something. It wasn't working so far.

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously as we walked along the corridors.

"To your office," he told me.

"I have an office?" I asked in surprise, "What do I do?"

"Other than drive me nuts?"

I looked at him sharply but saw only his grin.

"Actually you're a pretty smart guy," he told me, "Come on."

The office we entered was a mess. There were books strewn all over the place and strange looking objects.

"This is my office?" I asked looking around at the mess, "What do I do?"

"Well, you translate stuff and look at rocks," he told me as I glanced round the room.

"Artefacts," I said absently.

Jack spun and stared at me, "Daniel, what did you just say?"

"You called them rocks. They're artefacts."

His grin widened as I sat down at the desk. On it was a picture of me on a camel. As I looked down my eyes drifted onto another picture. This one was of a beautiful woman and it made my heart ache.

"Who is this?" I asked as I stared at her fascinated. Something about her was familiar; I could almost smell a faint perfume.

"That is Sha're," he told me but there was a hesitation, "She was your wife."

"Was?"

He looked sadly at the floor; "She died not long ago."

"Oh," sadness filled me but there was something he wasn't telling me.

"Come on," he slapped me on the arm, "There's a few other things you've got to see."

I looked at him confused but I followed him.

As we walked along the corridors I could see people looking at me, they nodded in greeting to us. Jack nodded back but didn't talk to anyone.

We came into a room with a long table and across from me was a window looking down onto one huge room. I walked over and looked through it.

"Oh my God," I whispered in amazement.

There stood the most amazing sight I had ever seen. It was a huge grey ring with a whole load of strange symbols. I jumped as a burst of; I suppose it was water exploded from it.

"That's why you're here," Jack said coming to stand next to me.

"What is it?"
"That's the Stargate," he told me, "It lets us travel to other planets."

I stared at him trying to see if he was winding me up or not but he was completely serious.

"You were the one who figured out how it worked," he told me, "Come on. The Doc wants you back in about five minutes and I'm not facing her wrath."

I laughed as I followed him back to the infirmary.

I was in a museum. I wandered through the exhibits towards where several people were working. They looked like they were building some sort of structure.

"It's swinging," a woman's voice called out.

"It's alright," a man said, "It'll hold."

I watched fascinated as they kept working. They looked so familiar. I knew them I was sure of it.

Suddenly the chain snapped and the whole thing collapsed upon them. They screamed, and then all was quiet.

"Mom, Dad, No," I screamed.

"No," I yelled as I woke up, "No."

"Daniel, it's alright," I heard Jack's voice as I cried out.

I felt myself being pulled into an embrace and was gently rocked as I continued to cry. My parents were dead. They had died in front of me. Pain filled me and I couldn't stop myself crying.

"It's okay, Daniel," Jack whispered to me, "You're okay."

I looked up at him, "My parents," I whispered in absolute horror, "They were crushed to death."

"I know Danny," he said gently, "It was a long time ago."

He sat quietly talking to me as I fell asleep again.

"There's got to be something we can do for him?" Jack was saying, "His memory of his parents death came back last night. Some of the stuff Daniel has gone through this past few years if he remembers it all at once…" he left it hanging, "It was bad enough the first time."

I woke up to see them standing in the corner. Jack was this time joined by the Doctor, another woman and a man who looked, ominous was the only word I could think of. The woman was blonde and had the look of unending curiosity and intelligence in her eyes. The other man however made my blood run cold; he was big with dark skin and the strangest looking symbol in gold on his forehead.

"Daniel," the blonde woman cried in delight when she saw me watching them, "How are you feeling?"

"Em...I'm okay," I said quietly, quite confused. She obviously knew me but I was absolutely baffled.

I looked to Jack for a little help.

"Sorry," he apologised to me; "This is Sam."

"Hi Sam," I said, "I take it I know you."

She gave me a small grin, "Yeah, we're friends. This is Teal'c," she introduced the imposing man to me.

He inclined his head to me; "It is good to see you awake Daniel Jackson."

Daniel Jackson.

That must be my full name then.

Neither Jack nor the doctor had given me it.

"Thank you," I said quietly. Something about him bothered me, a feeling of lingering resentment.

"Okay, everyone we should give Daniel a little space now," Doctor Fraiser said.

She shooed them out of the room before leaving herself. Jack reappeared not long after with some books.

"I thought you'd like something to read," he said dropping them down beside me.

I looked at the titles; they were mostly about Ancient Egypt.

"I read this stuff?"

"Constantly," Jack grinned, "I've got to get to a meeting. I'll be back later."

He disappeared again so I picked up the top book and started to read.

I was trying to finish translating a tablet I had found. She came up behind me and slipped her arm around my shoulder.

"Are you coming home?" she whispered in my ear.

"In a minute," I said as I tried to finish what I was doing.

I concentrated on what I was working on until I felt her lips on my neck.

"Sha're," I laughed wriggling away.

She laughed mischievously and kept kissing my neck. I spun round quickly moving so I pulled her legs away catching her in my arms as she fell and kissed her deeply. We slipped into a cave nearby which no one but we knew of. There we made love and talked and laughed. Our love the only thing we knew.

Sha're stood before me, her hand stretched out. The next thing I knew she was lying across from me with a hole burned in her chest.

"I love you Dan'iel," she whispered before she died.

I looked up and standing above her with the weapon was the one they had called Teal'c.

I awoke with a start and saw him sitting next to my bed.

"You," I spat at him in fury, "Get away from me."

He looked at me in confusion.

"You killed her," I yelled in fury, "You killed her."

"Daniel," the Doctor came up to me, "What's going on?"

"Get him away from me," I yelled, "Stay away from me."

The Doctor shooed him out as I stared after him with hatred burning in my heart. I fell asleep again when she gave me something.

I looked up to see Jack standing watching me.

"I hear you threw a fit at Teal'c last night," he said, "Want to tell me why?"

"You lied to me," I snapped angrily, "You told me he was my friend."

"And he is," Jack replied calmly.

"Then why did he kill my wife?" I snarled, "I remember it clearly."

Jack looked at his feet; "There was more to it than you seem to remember. He did it to save you."

"No," I shook my head; "I don't believe it."

He put a hand on my shoulder, "I promise you Teal'c would never hurt you intentionally. He had to save your life, she was going to kill you."

"Sha're would never have hurt me," I snapped, shrugging his hand away, "I may not remember much about my life, or who I am but I know this."

He stared at me as I glared at him.

"I want out of here," I told him, "I'm not ill anymore so I want out."

"Daniel, Doc Fraiser is not going to go for that."

"I want out," I stressed, "You said I'm not in trouble, I'm not a prisoner therefore I want out of here."

He looked at me before disappearing to talk to the Doctor. Jack reappeared a few minutes later.

"Look, I am stretching my neck out for you," he told me, "Doctor Fraiser has agreed to let you out but, and here's the catch, you have to stay with me until your memory returns fully."

I thought this over, I could stay here and go nuts or I could go with him. He said he was my friend and he hadn't shown anything other than concern for me. I nodded.

I looked around the house. It seemed familiar, very familiar. I felt like I knew this place and oddly it felt comfortable.

"I dumped your stuff in the room you usually use," Jack told me as he reappeared.

"I usually use?" I sunk down onto the couch.

"You stayed here for a while before you got your apartment," he explained as he sat down across from me, "You don't remember?"

I shook my head, "Not really. I know this place but nothing seems to jump out at me."

He shrugged, "Ah well. We'll see what happens."

I looked around and sighed, if only I could remember WHO I was.

I sneezed and coughed.

"Here you go," Jack handed me a box of tissues.

"Thanks," I managed to say before sneezing again, "I feel like crap."

"Tell me about it," he said, "I just got over it remember."

I nodded before coughing again; I fell back against the pillow Jack had stuck under me after I had collapsed on the couch.

"Thanks for letting me stay Jack," I mumbled as I fell asleep.

"No problem Danny," he whispered, "No problem."

We were frantically looking at the bomb. The timer kept ticking. Suddenly I knew what to do. I looked at the bomb, then at Jack who was looking at me then we both looked at where the rings were.

"I've got an idea," we said in unison.

The blast burned into my chest and I dropped to the floor. I pulled the gun round and fired it, my attacker fell down dead.

"Dammit Daniel," Jack dropped down to check on me.

"Go," I told him.

"I am NOT leaving you," he snapped.

"You're only going to blow up with the other ship anyway, go," I stared into his eyes, "Just Go. I'll stay and watch your back."

He placed a hand on my cheek and paused staring at me before he disappeared.

"Jack!!" I called as I woke up.

"I'm right here Daniel," he jumped down beside me, "You're okay."

I stared at him, "I was dying. On a ship. I told you to leave me but I didn't die did I?"

Jack grinned, "You found a way out. You're memory seems to be coming back."

"A little," I agreed, "It's bitty."

I looked around to see I had fallen asleep on the couch, "I remember doing this quite a bit," I said slowly, "I had the flu and you brought me here to recover."

He shrugged, "Janet was overrun and was sick to death of listening to you complain."

"Then we were in some sort of cavern, there was a bomb in front of us," I shook my head trying to pull the memory back, "We sent it through the rings to kill…" I nearly had it I could see Jack watching me as I struggled to remember, "…Ra. We sent it to kill Ra."

He sighed in relief, "What else do you remember?"

I bit my lip, "I was being held round my neck, some guy had a gun to my head. I don't remember much but that I ended up in pain," I frowned, "That seems to happen a lot."

Jack started to laugh, "You have a knack for getting into trouble."

I sat trying to pull more memories back but couldn't.

Jack handed me a cup of coffee and sat across from me, "Feeling better?"

I nodded, "This is so strange. Things almost connect then I lose it. I wish I could remember more."

"Well tomorrow we'll go to your apartment and see if that jogs the old grey matter," Jack's voice sounded tired.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," I suggested.

He shrugged, "Good idea. Night."

I watched as he went upstairs suddenly grateful that he was there.

JACK

This is awful.

But in some ways it was good. Daniel seemed gentler and as unscarred as he had been before Apophis and the Gould screwed his life to hell. Through the whole coma I watched him sleep and now I watched him as he struggled to piece his life together. The biggest problem will be when he remembers what actually happened to Sha're, I want to tell him but Janet warned me off it.

Knowing Teal'c killed her is bad enough but when he remembers about the Gould and the child it's going to be hellish for him. I don't know if he'll be able to handle this. God, I hope he'll be okay.

Carter is coming over tomorrow hopefully she'll be able to jog his memory, we're keeping Teal'c well away from him until he's himself.

Wandering downstairs in the morning I can't stop myself watching him as he sleeps on my couch. The kid that bluffed his way onto my team who started a rebellion against a God, married the woman who he loved more than life and then had his life destroyed by a parasitic bunch of egotistical scum. I feel so responsible for all the crap he's had thrown at him. Because I went back to Abydos he let down the barricade and the Gould came taking Sha're and Skaara. His family, his love, his soul. Then I gave him hope; I promised him we would find her. I made that promise and there was no way I was able to keep it. I watched over the years as hope died in his eyes every time things went wrong.

"Jack?" Daniel looked up at me, "What's wrong?"

I suddenly realised I was standing over him.

"Nothing," I gave him a smile, "You should get some more sleep."

"I've been asleep for three weeks, you'd think I was rested enough," he stared at me, "Why did I leave Abydos?" he asked suddenly, "Why did I leave the one place I know was my home?"

I looked at the ground, "Daniel."

"Why?" he demanded.

I frowned, "I'm not supposed to tell you," I explained, "The Doc says it'll be better if you remember by yourself."

"Sure," he frowned, "I'll go get some more sleep," his voice was sullen and unsure at my refusal to answer his question. He stood up and headed up to the spare room.

"Damn," I muttered.

Well one thing's for sure his stubbornness hasn't gone away. I made myself some food and sat trying to think of ways to bring back his memory. Soon it was time for the daily update.

"Fraiser," the answer came.

"Hey Doc I thought you would want to know how he's doing?"

"Of course," her voice held questions.

"Well he's remembering some stuff while he's sleeping," I told her, "But he's asking about Abydos and why he left. I want to tell him."

"I know you do Colonel," she said, "But it is probably better if he remembers himself."

"How is it better?" I snapped, "How is it better that he remembers what happened to Sha're by himself?"

"Jack," she sighed, "You heard the reasons so please do as I've said. You could permanently damage his recovery by blurting out what happened."

I frowned, "Sure Doc, I'll give you another report tomorrow."

As I hung up I turned to see Daniel standing watching me.

"What happened to Sha're?" he demanded.

"Daniel."

"What happened?"

Thankfully I was saved by the bell.

SAM

Daniel not being able to remember his life is weird. Seeing him so confused at me was quite a shock. I'd heard he didn't remember but actually experiencing it was another thing.

Teal'c is distraught, which I know sounds bizarre but after Daniel yelled at him about killing Sha're he went to hide in his room. I went looking for him as Jack took Daniel out of the base.

"Hello, Major Carter," he greeted me as I walked in.

"Hey Teal'c," I gave him a concerned look, "Are you alright?"

"I am well," he lied.

"Sure you are," I frowned, when did I start channelling Jack?

"What Daniel said hurt, didn't it?" I asked sitting next to him.

"Daniel Jackson has every reason and right to hate me," he said his face set like stone.

This would have fooled anyone else but I knew Teal'c. The very small tightening in his jaw showed me what he was feeling.

"Daniel doesn't hate you," I reminded him placing my hand on his arm, "He just doesn't remember everything. I'm guessing he only remembers part of what happened. Janet said he was yelling that you killed her. It's obvious he hasn't remembered about the Goa'uld so don't beat yourself up over this," I sighed, "This will blow over."

I very gently hugged him something I don't do often and was pleased when he hugged me back.

"I'm going to help show Daniel his apartment," I told him, "You going to be okay?"

Teal'c nodded and gave me one of his rare smiles, "I shall be."

Jack's face was filled with relief as he answered the door to me.

"Sam, good you're here," he grinned at me.

"Sir," I nodded as I came in, "Hi Daniel."

Daniel looked quite annoyed at Jack but gave me a small smile.

"Okay," Jack smacked his hands together, "Let's get out of here. Daniel you should probably get a jacket."

Daniel glared at him before heading upstairs.

"What is going on?" I asked, "You just treated Daniel like a two year old."

Jack frowned, "He overheard me talking to Janet. I was wanting to tell him what happened to Sha're and he now wants to know."

"Jack," I snapped annoyed forgetting all protocol, "How dumb are you?"

"I thought he was still sleeping," he defended himself, "Try and distract him while I make a call."

"Distract?"

"Just don't let him overhear what I'm talking to Janet about and don't let him ask about Abydos."

"How in the hell do I do that?"

He shrugged as Daniel appeared on the stairs.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"Come on," I smiled taking his arm and leading him out to the car.

Daniel's eyes widened slightly as he walked into his apartment.

"Anything look familiar?" I asked.

He shrugged as he started looking around. I watched him wander into his room when my eye caught his journals.

Remembering the small snatch I'd read when we thought he was dead I felt dread run through me. Janet wanted him to remember things by himself not anyone telling him so I grabbed them and threw them into a bag I found before quickly hiding them in a cupboard.

"Do I actually live here?" Daniel asked me, "There seems to be very little things here that's, I don't know, personal."

I gave him a small smile, "Well you spend a lot of time off-world."

"Nothing jumps out," he sighed before dropping onto the couch, "God, this is so frustrating."

I gently squeezed his shoulder, "It'll come back Daniel."

He looked up at me, his blue eyes wide with confusion, "Will it? What if I don't ever remember? What if I spend the rest of my life trying to catch what I lost?"

I looked at my friend and sighed.

"It'll come back," I promised him, "It will."

JACK

I waited a few minutes after Sam and Daniel went up to his apartment before pulling out my phone.

"Fraiser," the answer finally came.

"Doc, can we take him to Abydos?" I asked.

"Colonel?" she asked confused.

"Who else?" I snapped, "Janet, can we take Daniel to Abydos to help him remember?"

I could almost hear her thinking it over.

"Jack, you do realise how bad this will be when Daniel actually remembers what happened to Sha're?" she asked me gently.

"Yeah."

"You are the person Daniel trusts most," Janet told me, "You'll be the one he looks to for help."

"I know that Janet," I said, "I've been there during everything else. I'll be there for this."

"Okay Colonel," Janet sighed, "I'll talk to General Hammond and we'll send Teal'c through to warn Kasuf and Skaara. Jack, after he's finished going through his apartment bring him here."

"We will," I told her.

I found Daniel sitting staring at the wall as I came in. Sam grabbed my arm as I walked by her.

"I hid his journals," she whispered.

I covered my eyes shocked at my own stupidity. I should have thought about them.

"We're taking him to Abydos," I whispered back before heading in properly, "How's it going Daniel?"

"Nothing," he sighed, "Nothing really seems to help."

"Well if we're finished here then let's head back to the base," I told him, "Fraiser wants to give you a check up then I have another idea."

Daniel gave another absent shrug and joined me as we headed back to the car. At least he didn't ask about Sha're again. I knew there was no way I could keep it from him if he asked and gave me that look.

Daniel was pretty quiet throughout the whole journey back to the base, something in itself that's worrying but he also didn't complain once at Janet's examination.

"Colonel," Hammond joined me in the observation room, "How is he?"

I shrugged, great now I'm picking up things from him, "He remembers some things. He keeps asking why he left Abydos and Sha're."

"Is that why you want to take him there?"

"I think Kasuf and Skaara will help jog his memory," I said, "It's the only idea I really have."

"I'm not really sure whether or not it's the best idea," Hammond said, "But I've sent Teal'c as Dr. Fraiser suggested."

"I'll tell him we're going," I said, "Sir, if this doesn't work?"

Hammond looked at me concerned, "We'll find something that does."

Daniel looked up at me as I came over to him. His blue eyes were filled with anxiety and made him look younger than he was.

"Hey," I grinned, "Feel like going on a trip?"

Daniel looked annoyed, "Stop treating me like I'm a kid," he snapped.

"Sorry Daniel," I apologised, "Look, Hammond has agreed for us to go to Abydos."

A light went on in his eyes, "Abydos?"

"Yeah, come on let's get changed," I herded him out of the infirmary.

I watched him, he was really looking forward to going to Abydos and it made me really worried.

Standing next to him in the Gateroom I couldn't help my amusement watching him staring at the blue shimmering puddle in front of him.

"This is incredible," he whispered reaching out to gently touch it.

"Come on," I gave him a push before heading through myself.

Standing in the Abydos Gateroom I was glad to see Kasuf and Skaara head over to us.

"O'Neill," Kasuf took my hand and shook it, "How is he?"

I looked over to where Daniel was studying the DHD and sighed, "He's still pretty confused about everything," I explained to them, "I'm hoping being here will bring back more of his memory."

Kasuf nodded, "How much does he remember about my daughter?"

"Only that he loved her and she's dead," I told him, "And that Teal'c fired the weapon."

"Oh dear," Skaara murmured, "That is bad."

"I'm open to any ideas," I said.

Kasuf looked thoughtful as he looked over at his son-in-law.

"I have an idea that may bring back his time with us."

DANIEL

I looked up from studying the strange device as Jack called my name. He was standing with two people who looked really familiar.

"Yeah?" I asked as I joined the group.

"Daniel I'd like to introduce you to Skaara and Kasuf," he grinned, "You're brother and father-in-law."

I could feel my eyes widen in astonishment. This was my family.

"Hello Dan'iel," Kasuf said taking my hand and shaking it.

"Hi," I smiled feeling warmth fill me.

Skaara smiled at me before hugging me tightly, "It is good to see you Dan'iel."

Kasuf smiled back at me, "Come."

Walking out of the pyramid I felt wonder at the sight but I also felt like it was familiar. I did know it.

I was led towards the city and to a place I recognized. My home.

"Dan'iel," she whispered to me, "Are you regretting your decision?"

I turned from looking at where Jack and the others had just left. Sha're stood next to me looking worried. I smiled at her.

"No, I'm glad I decided to stay," I took her hand and gently kissed it.

Sha're gave me a delighted smile before leading me to my new home.

As I stood looking around it I smiled. By Earth standards it was completely primitive but to me it was the most amazing sight I'd ever seen.

"I am sorry," Sha're whispered ashamed seeing me just standing there, "You are used to better…"

I stopped her with a kiss.

"I've just never had a home before," I told her as I held her tightly, "Now I do."

Sha're lay next to me.

Her brown eyes were filled with laughter as we talked. I reached out to pull her closer.

"I love you," I whispered to her pulling her into a tighter embrace, "I love you."

I woke up looking around wishing she was here. My chest contracted as I felt all the air leave it. I needed to walk; I needed to get out of here for the moment.

"Dan'iel," Kasuf said as he saw me walk out of my home, "Are you alright?"

"Kasuf," I sat next to him, "I need to ask you something. I loved Sha're. I still do but I need to know…"

"My daughter loved you greatly," he reassured me; "I watched you both and I know that the love you hold for her is equal to what she held for you."

I smiled feeling tears come to my eyes.

"Thank you," I whispered as I stood up, "I'm going to look around."

I started to walk not really thinking about where I was going.

The cave was somewhere I was familiar with. I didn't know why I'd ended up here but something drew me towards it. There were remains of fires around it; a bowl that looked like it had held water in it at one time. On one wall I noticed a drawing.

A pyramid with three moons above it, they had been connected. Closing my eyes I saw myself drawing the line.

The symbol for this planet.

Come on, I thought, come on.

Frustrated I collapsed onto the floor annoyed as hell. Why wouldn't it come? What was I so afraid of?

Sha're concentrated on her work as I sat next to her.

"Married?" I asked trying to catch her eye.

"Don't be angry," she whispered fearfully not looking at me, "I didn't tell them."

I frowned completely confused, "Tell them what?"

She glanced at me embarrassed, "That…that you didn't want me."

For the first time in my life I had no words, no way to tell her that I wanted her more than anything.

Then I realised there was one way.

I gently reached out and turned her to face me before I leaned in and kissed her. As we kissed I felt the hole in my soul fill as I let myself fall into her love.

"Dan'iel!!" she screamed in pain.

"Sha're push," I told her.

She lay on the blankets crying out in the pangs of childbirth. Her hands clutched mine as I tried my best to help her.

"No Dan'iel," she cried.

"You have to push."

"But the demon will come back," anguish filled her voice, "I will lose you Dan'iel. Please. Please."

"Listen to me," I cried, "I love you. I will always love you. The Gould will never be able to take that away from us. Never."

"Dan'iel," she cried once more.

"I'm here," I reassured her as she cried out once more, "I'm here and now the baby's here. You HAVE to push."

Breathing as I'd shown her she pushed.

"Forgive me," she whispered.

As I held onto the baby, her baby Sha're's eyes glowed as the Gould woke up.

Horror filled me as I woke up curled in a ball against the wall.

"Oh God," I cried as my tears filled my eyes.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to hit something and I wanted to curl into a small ball.

"Oh Danny," a soft voice whispered from near me, "You remembered."

Looking up I saw Jack standing over me.

"I…" I started unable to speak at all.

He knelt next to me and pulled me into his arms, "Just let it out Daniel."

I started to cry unable to stop rocked by him.

"What they did to her," I cried, "Jack, I let that happen."

"No you didn't Daniel," he told me, "You had no way to stop it."

I pulled away and started to pace around the cavern.

"She had the baby here," I told him, "She begged me to stop it but I couldn't," anger filled me, "He…he raped her. He made her have a child and what did I do to stop it?"

He watched me saying nothing. I wanted to keep yelling but I didn't have anything left.

"Why isn't she still here?" I whispered defeated.

Jack came over and placed his hands on my shoulders, "Listen to me Daniel. There was nothing you could do to stop Apophis. Sha're knew this. Before she died Sha're sent you a message."

"A message?" I asked.

"In it she told you about how special the child was," Jack told me, "She told you to forgive Teal'c because she never blamed him."

The memory came to me, "And we got to say goodbye," I finished quietly.

We sat there in silence for a while. Finally I found my voice again and looked at him confused, "Why did you bother coming?"

"What?"

"You don't really give a damn about me," I reminded him, "So why?"

Jack looked at me horrified, "Why do you think…you remembered what I said before you were injured."

I nodded.

"Daniel, I say a lot of stupid things," he told me, "I didn't mean it."

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

He stared at me, "When did you remember?"

"When I was looking around my apartment."

He looked confused, "So why didn't you…" he trailed off staring at me as I dropped my head.

"You said I don't mean that much to you," I said quietly, "But you mean a lot to me and I needed that."

"Oh Danny," he whispered, "You're my best friend but you know how to push my buttons better than anyone. I was in a bad mood so I snapped at you but I didn't mean it. You mean a lot to me too," he smiled at me before standing up, "Come on, Kasuf's worried about you."

As I let him lead me out of the cave I knew.

I am Dr. Daniel Jackson, I was a husband who loved and was loved. I am a brother, a son, a friend; I have a family.

There's still a lot I don't know about myself but I now no longer fear I'll never find it. Jack promises me I've remembered the worst thing, losing Sha're. The pain is fresh but I can survive.

I remember the good times with her.

Finally I knew who I was but more importantly I know who I am.