Title: Loss

Author: Kit SummerIsle

Verse: G1, slightly AU-ish

Character(s): Starscream, Ratchet, Prowl, ensemble

Rating: T

Warnings: mentioning of torture, violence, rape (not detailed)

Summary: A late-night call from the Nemesis to the Ark causes Prowl to glitch and turns everything upside down. But what's wrong with Starscream?

Disclaimer: the usual. not owning it, just fooling around with TF

Note: I use joor for a few hours, orn for a few days, groon for a few months and vorn for a few years.

Ark

The beeping was unnaturally loud in the late night silence of the Ark's Command Center. It came from the communications console, rarely used since they lost contact with Cybertron and the humans used a much cruder version of it, separate from Teletraan to contact to their allies. Red Alert twitched nervously in consequence, already thinking of virtually the only one who used it to taunt them with their leader's fate – Megatron. Blaster apparently thought the same as he answered the signal, but the visage that appeared on the screen was not the familiar, sneering, gloating warlord's.

"I want to speak to acting commander Prowl." – Starscream announced coldly. There was something strange on his normally sneering face, something that Blaster couldn't indentify, but what made him feel a deep unease. He was far more sure of himself than lately that was for sure, he thought as he contacted Prowl about the news but still, he had that glint in the red optics that was something else.

"He'll be here in a klik." – he answered to the Decepticon SIC, who nodded silently. It wasn't like Starscream not to use the time and opportunity to snipe or taunt him either, just out of enjoyment and Blaster was getting worried. Prowl arrived soon as he promised and after a glance at the screen he too became even more serious. Blaster knew that the former SIC blamed himself for Optimus Prime's capture, even though everyone else insisted that he couldn't do anything more. He was half deactivated as it were when they discovered him at the site of the ambush and nobody has seen Optimus ever since, not even the risky missions to the Nemesis brig gave any results.

"Starscream. What is it you wish to discuss?" – unfailingly polite, even in the mental state he was lately – that was Prowl.

"I have a… favor to ask." – it was clear that to say that aloud pained the proud Seeker more than any physical injury. – "I wish to bargain the services of Ratchet for a while."

Prowl stared at the screen so motionless that Blaster started to get worried that he glitched again. He hadn't had a glitch since he had to take command, as he couldn't afford to have one. Red Alert behind though was visibly sparking and twitching and Blaster hurriedly contacted to Ratchet to call the medic there – it wouldn't do to have the two highest ranking officer glitch on him at the same time, besides it was about him this time.

"Why? And what exactly do you wish to bargain with?" – Prowl seemed to collect himself after a few, tense kliks.

"For medical services obviously. And I'm willing to give you a cease-fire for it, as long as you wish." – Starscream looked almost… eager to bargain, which was definitely something new.

"Why should we trust you with our CMO's life? You are known to deceive and betray agreements. Besides such an agreement should involve your leader."

"Megatron is dead. I lead the Decepticons now."

The statement caused all four of them – including Ratchet who has just arrived to the command center – to freeze in utter shock. It was such an unbelievable statement, announced in a normal, non-gloating, non-exulting voice that they immediately dismissed it as a bad joke. But Starscream didn't seem to laugh at their incredulous faces. He was waiting for them to react, like it was natural for him to take command. Which, in a way was, if they thought about it, it was just something they never thought would become reality.

"You did… what?"

"I killed Megatron just as I said." – the other side of the visual pickup shifted and Soundwave's unmistakable visage came into focus and his flat drone echoed through the loudspeaker.

"Statement: correct. Lord Megatron: deactivated. Starscream: leader of Decepticons."

The Autobots present heard the announcement in something like a dream. It could still be a ploy, a devious plan but Blaster couldn't even start to imagine why it would be beneficial to them to act like Megatron was dead. Or how they convinced the tyrant to play that part if it was a deception. Or any number of impossible things with this scenario.

"In that case my other question still stands. Why do you need a medic and how can we trust you with his life?" – Prowl looked like he was running scenarios, which made Blaster somewhat calmer – if he had that on his processor he wouldn't glitch. Red Alert furiously nodded behind to his questions, knowing better than to interrupt the conversation, but disagreeing with any arrangement that would let an Autobot be in Decepticon hands on general principles.

"We have no medic any more." – Starscream paused, clearly weighing whether he should tell more and deciding in favor of it – "Since Megatron deactivated Scrapper and the rest of the Constructicons left Earth. As for assurances, I am willing to offer a hostage in exchange while Ratchet stays with us. Provided that he agrees."

"Who?" – Prowl was actually considering the bargain, Blaster saw. Ratchet nodded his assent mutely but referred to the acting commander with the final decision. He wasn't going to volunteer blindly but they all knew that Ratchet took the medical oath seriously. If he could do safely without endangering himself or the Autobots, he would help even a Decepticon.

"Soundwave volunteered for that role." – it was getting queer, how many times the Seeker could surprise them in one short discussion. Soundwave… if he was serious then it must have been something major. Blaster looked over the Seeker's visible upper part carefully. Superficially he looked fine, but the boombox had learned to read the Aerialbots' wings and if the jet's were anything similar, he was in no little distress. Maybe injured in the fight with Megatron? Or his Trine-mates? Both would explain the desperation for a medic's services. Despite of the appearances, the Seeker Trine was very close, closer than most Autobots thought them to be.

"I'm still not sure why we should trust you. You need energon, so why would you offer a cease-fire?"

"We don't have to steal energon from the humans any more." – Starscream seemingly hasn't run out of his little surprise-bombshells and they realized suddenly that the last Decepticon raid was quite a while ago. – "I created a suitable energon converter which covers our needs. And…" – he paused, hesitating like the real surprise was still to come – "I want the cease-fire to discuss terms for a permanent peace treaty."

That finally sent Prowl's logic center glitching. Blaster shut down the connection with a hurried 'we'll come back in a breem' while Ratchet rebooted Prowl. As soon as he was online again, the ex-SIC called Jazz and Ironhide there for a hurried conference. As could have been expected, Ironhide and Red Alert didn't believe the Seeker and advised Prowl to refuse the offer, while Jazz was willing to consider it and after explaining what he saw on the Seeker Blaster too added his support. The possibility of a peace was worth taking a few risks and Starscream did look uncharacteristically sober and honest, even offering Soundwave as hostage. In the end Prowl decided to take the risk.

"Starscream, I am willing to consider what you asked. Nevertheless we want to ask why this sudden change in policy."

"I'm willing to discuss ideology with you all vorn long if that is your wish but the problem that requires a medic's services is kinda urgent. Can we agree in that part first?" – Starscream's pained grimace was one that neither of them missed this time.

"As you wish. I agree that with Soundwave being our guest Ratchet can go over and do whatever he can for you. With some conditions naturally."

"Not for me." – this time he betrayed a little vulnerability that very few saw from the proud Seeker before.

"Whoever needs it then." – Prowl by this time was fairly sure that it must have been one of his wingmates. "How long do you need Ratchet?"

"A few orns probably." – Starscream watched the still suspicious Autobots and sighed inwardly. He didn't want them to tell this prematurely but it seemed that he had to.

"To prove you my honest intentions, when he returns he can take your Prime with him."

"WHAT?" – the yell came from Ironhide who took Optimus's fate the hardest, but they all felt like shouting it with him. After the ambush when he disappeared they sent a number of spies to the Nemesis, but found no sign of the Prime being there and consequently they were forced to conclude that he had been deactivated. The few times when Megatron called them and taunted them with his fate he also alluded him to be dead. Although they kept up the search, the façade of calling Prowl only acting commander, but deep down the officers all felt that it was just a vain hope and not a possibility that he was somehow alive.

"I must demand you to elaborate on this, Starscream." – Prowl was the closest to angry that he ever got, with doorwings flexing up and out, framing his body and his voice was ice-cold.

"Very well. He was captured and Megatron kept him in his quarters. I think you can guess for what." – the distaste was rolling off Starscream in visible waves – "He is the one I need your medic for, because he can't be moved, as I wanted to discuss the peace treaty with him up and taking an active part in it. He is easier to talk to than you with all your prejudices."

"I think we must speak with him first."

"You can't. Right now he is blind, mute, deaf and I don't think he can move any parts at all. As we don't have a medic, I could only ensure that he is not bleeding out."

"Ratchet is going straight away." – Prowl was pale in the faceplates and his voice betrayed the extreme stress he was under. Ratchet silently got out of the command center to collect his tools and parts he might need. – "Can any of us accompany him?"

"Negative. I can ensure a medic's safety on the Nemesis, but not another Autobot's."

"Any visuals then at least?"

"Pit damn you Prowl, do you really want to see your Prime as a mangled pile of defiled parts?!" – Starscream exploded. – I wanted to spare you – and him later – that sight! Can't you believe me for once and act? I gave you all assurances that I could, save serving the Decepticon army on a silver platter!"

Prowl still looked like he was verging on the edge of demanding to know more and sending off Ratchet straight away. In the end, he decided to trust Starscream – a first from him but he too noticed the odd behaviour of the Seeker.

"We will go at once. But I must insist on Ratchet being able to contact us if needed."

"He can do that with no problem. I won't have Soundwave to block his signals anyway."

It was a tense joor while the uninformed and bemused Skyfire carried them to the rendezvous point. Once there they saw the two waiting figures; the blocky, big shape of the stasis locked Soundwave – they couldn't afford him to read their processors while on the Ark - and the nervous, angry but holding it back Skywarp. He didn't talk any at all, just dropped the telepath, grabbed Ratchet's wrist and jumped away. It was the strangest hostage-exchange Blaster ever had the misfortune to observe and from the bemused optics of the others, the same was true for them too. On the way back he realized that none of them spoke a single word since they started out.

Nemesis

Ratchet decided after the second jump that he hated teleporting. It didn't help that he was nervous and apprehensive, and neither did the fact that their nanoklik-long wayward stop was over the ocean and in freefall. The Seeker might have been used to it but he certainly wasn't; but the next jump fortunately prevented him from throwing up in mid-air. Their last stop was in a smelly, barely lit room that he identified as the Nemesis arrival chamber. Apparently Skywarp decided to forego the tower-lift which was the usual way in and out of the sunken spaceship.

The doorway opened and Starscream stood there, silently nodding to the medic and motioning to go with them in the also darkish corridor. The two Seekers protectively moved on to the two sides of him and Ratchet suddenly remembered what the flier said about not being able to guarantee the safety of other Autobots with him. There must be still opposition against his rule, he deduced, those who were either still loyal to Megatron or wanting the leadership for themselves. Both of them were alert and not the kind of self-assured mechs who were firmly entrenched in power. Skywarp was positively jittery on his right, his wings shuddering with every step he took.

The door where they arrived almost shouted that it was Megatron's. Big, strong, stark metal doubly reinforced, decorated only with a huge Decepticon logo. Inside, it was dark with only a single ceiling light trying to fight the blackness and it stank of rotten energon and stale oil. The entry room furniture was overturned and covered in energon splotches, the walls discoloured and burnt with weapons discharge – obvious signs of a struggle, Ratchet thought, possibly the one that put Starscream into power. In the next doorway there were more light coming out in slants from the warped door.

"That way." – Starscream directed him towards the lighter room, presumably a berthroom and Ratchet idly observed that Skywarp was almost flush with the tricoloured Seeker, like an overprotective bodyguard.

It was a berthroom all right, with the huge, Megatron-sized berth by the back wall, somewhat obscured by a desk and a datapad-rack that stood at an angle by the door. The stench of energon was even stronger here and it was mixed with other mech fluids – Ratchet jerked painfully as he identified the transfluid smells among them. The deep, dark, desperate void that started to grow inside him shuddered as he scanned the room for the source of the smells. Starscream stopped at the doorway with talons in tight fists beside him and his vents straining to clear the smell from them. Skywarp hovered by him still, faintly growling from deep in his chest.

Ratchet felt that it was not directed at him and neither towards Optimus – rather towards the dead warlord whose cold, overpowering presence could be felt in every part of the dark chambers. He felt it too as he moved towards the berth, shuddering uncontrollably, both from the charged, heavy atmosphere and the sickening knowledge that his sensors told him about the misshapen lump on the berth. Starscream was right, no other Autobot should see him like this, was his last coherent thought for a while.

Ratchet prided himself for being professional in the face of any injury that this wretched war could throw at them. He has seen torture victims of every kind and condition and thought that he could see nothing worse than those. But Megatron had to be a class of his own in this too. When he reached the berth and fastened his shaking servos on the side of it, Ratchet was not sure, for the first time in his existence that he could fix a mech.

The chains were cut off from him, but the welded bands were still on the limbs, rusted over with energon and fluids. He didn't resemble a mech. A mangled pile of parts, just as Starscream called it. The only sign of life was the weak and flickering sparklight that, to his horror could be seen by naked optic through the torn and mangled chest plates. There was not a single one of the plating that wasn't torn, not a square centimeter of unmarred paint on the armour. Darkened, dying protoform matter oozed various fluids from underneath the torn metal scraps. Joints were bared, their rotors and cogs brutally bent out of shape, out of commission. The limbs resembled nothing more than bare, broken struts with torn wires and frayed cables tangled in. All over, the relays and circuitry sparked or was totally dark, silent, offline.

The head was missing the helm, missing the antennae, the facemask and sporting deep, clawed gouges all over it, especially on the completely destroyed faceplates. The dark optics were not only missing the broken crystals, but their empty holes oozed energon that looked bright tears running down the darkened, burnt metal. Ratchet touched his servo lightly by the gaping mouth, the jaw hinges broken and unable to close up, brushing a silvery stain from it. He didn't know where to start even.

He looked back, towards the Seeker who was still standing in the doorway, an inscrutable look on his ashen faceplates. The question was obvious without saying aloud. 'Why didn't you let him pass away?' Starscream shrugged, and Ratchet for a nanoklik saw his own pain in his garnet optics. There was more to this than simply a power struggle and an ambitious SIC advancing by killing his leader. There was always more to it because Starscream was who he was and Megatron… well, he was an abomination of nature apparently, destroying everything around him. But he had a more important job to do than analyze the Decepticon commander's mental state…

Ratchet locked down on his feelings and emotions, tucking them into the back of his meta, like always when he was in such situations. Usually it was the twins on his med-bay berth for whom he had to do this, not to let love and caring tremble his servos as he fought to save their lives. But this time… this time he needed all shreds of his professionalism to do the work ahead of him. It was no medbay, he had no monitors, no assistant, only the tools he brought with him. It was an insurmountable task. Nevertheless he would do it.

Starscream moved again, he saw from the corner of his optics, still silent, pointing one clawed servo to a dark heap behind the berth. For a klik fear rose in a nauseating wave in Ratchet that it was Megatron, not wanting to be near the tyrant's frame even in deactivated condition, but the shape and the colour was all wrong for him. But the purpose of it was unmistakable. Missing the head, spark-chamber empty and dark, but the size was comparable to the Prime's.

"Who was he?"

"Designation 'Spare Parts'. – it was Skywarp's angrily hissing voice snarling the answer to the question, still hovering protectively behind Starscream, wing flaring in violent hostility towards the subject matter.

All right, Ratchet thought, it was none of his business. Parts would be needed if he was to put Optimus together and maybe he was better off not knowing who 'donated' them. He started hesitantly, for the first few joors only cutting away and removing the incredibly damaged outer armour, disconnecting the still sparking wires and clamping off the necessary energon lines. He didn't dare to think how pitifully little remained when he cleared away the irreparable parts. Sedative or painkiller was totally out of question with his spark as weak as it looked even without a monitor.

He tried not to react when something jerked under its own power under his servo; there was no way of telling Optimus that it was he doing it, he had no working senses and all hardline interface ports were mangled or destroyed, certainly beyond immediate repair. And that was before he considered what condition his mind would be… if he was here for all the last two months since the ambush, then he might have gone mad from pain and sensory deprivation. And where else could he have been… Ratchet worked like an automaton for the rest of the orn, only stopping when his comm blipped at him and Prowl's voice came through.

::Ratchet, please report. Is everything all right with you?::

He gave the agreed code for everything fine and sighed. – ::No, Prowl, nothing is all right really. But Optimus is here, he is alive and I'm working on him… but I dare not even start to describe his condition.::

::That bad?::

::Even more. Starscream was right, he can't be moved, not even to the Nemesis med-bay. I expect another two orns or so before I can consider to move him. He is scrapped, Prowl… I've never in my function saw a mech alive this bad.::

::Megatron did it?:: - Prowl's voice came through even the comm line as murderously angry.

::Yes, I have no doubt. He was chained to his berth in his chambers and tortured continuously. Raped too. All the time.:: - he tried to keep his voice even, not letting the despair and anger that he felt colour it.

::The Cons? Do they leave you alone?::

::Yes, no problem there. The Nemesis is like a morgue, it is so deadly quiet. I got a decapitated mech for spare parts.::

::There must have been heavy infighting for succession.::

::That's what I thought too. Starscream is… strange somehow and Skywarp keeps to him like a bodyguard. But I don't want to pry.::

::No, that might be a bad idea at this point. Just… just bring Optimus back.:: - Prowl cut the line before Ratchet could call his voice emotional.

-o-o-o-

He worked until he was ready to drop in exhaustion and the welder shook in his servo, threatening to cause more harm than repair. He didn't want to leave Optimus here, no matter that he knew nothing of the outside world or the medic at this point, but he didn't dare to recharge in this chamber of horrors either. He wanted to work more but he needed at least a breem of break and refueling if nothing else. He took a step towards the doorway hesitantly and leaned to the desk there, but snatched his servo away as he felt the still sticky stains there. Not here too…?

"No, that's not your Prime's energon there." – it was Thundercracker standing in the door with a strange expression, motioning the medic out into the main room. Without saying more he offered a few cubes of energon which Ratchet thankfully accepted, although he brought his own supply too. Dropping a stimulant capsule into one, he sipped the bright liquid, automatically analyzing it for contaminants. There were none and it didn't taste like the slag that Cons usually condensed from fossil fuels, stolen from human plants.

"It is good." – he noted, desperate to break the heavy silence. Thundercracker was just as out of sorts as Skywarp, maybe even more so. But he answered, even though his voice was like it came from a bottom of a well.

"Star designed us a new converter. It uses the magma from the underwater volcano nearby."

"That's ingenious."

"Star is a scientist – when Megatron let him work he made brilliant things."

"I knew he was a scientist… Skyfire told us a lot about him."

"Skyfire knew him long ago. He is different now."

"I'm sure."

Thundercracker squirmed, his wing alternately perked up and dropped as he looked at Ratchet and then glanced away. To Ratchet it was obvious that he wanted something but didn't dare to speak – not yet. But he was too tired to wait the Seeker out.

"You want something." – he prodded the nervous Seeker verbally.

"Yes. NO! … You came to fix the Prime…" – he looked positively helpless. What was going on here?

"I did. But you have a problem anyway. Will you tell me about it? Even if I can't help you it is good to get it off your shoulders."

"It is… it is Star…"

"I noticed something off with him… what happened? Not an injury, I scanned him."

"It is his spark. We can't fix it…"

"Okay… I see there is a story that you should tell."

"Right… he is… I mean… we are bondmates." – the blue Seeker blurted it out like it was a secret. Come to think about it, Ratchet thought, on the Nemesis it probably had to be one.

"We've been mates for vorns, but we hid it. No mech knew, not even Soundwave. Not until…" – the shuddering ex-vent had Ratchet look up to him apprehensive, dreading what was to come. – "Until Megatron raped Star. We both felt it, but we were sent away on a mission. He had done it a few times before and it was bad enough, but this time… this time he merged sparks too."

Ratchet felt like purging. Forcing a spark-merge on a bonded mech was more painful and humiliating than any other interfacing act that Cybertronians could imagine. It was highly dangerous too, with more than half of the mechs suffering through it deactivating from spark damage within a groon of the act. He couldn't believe that Starscream, after going through that could still be sane and hide his pain enough to behave the way he did with the Decepticons, the Autobots and in general. He knew that the Seeker was strong and survived millenias of Megatron's brutal treatment, but it was still a miracle. But Thundercracker wasn't finished yet.

"That's not all. Star was sparked up then and when Megatron discovered it, he forced Hook to terminate the sparkling. Threatened his gestalt if he didn't do it. At the end he did." – the blue Seeker was almost whispering the last part, no doubt feeling his own share of the pain through the bond. – Could you… could you see his spark before you go back? Star hides it but we feel that he is still in a lot of pain."

"I will." – Ratchet would have done it anyway but it was also common sense to keep the Seekers in power, who could handle the volatile and still dangerous Decepticon army. – "Does he know that you asked…?"

"No. He is too proud to admit it. He tries to hide it from us too."

The medic nodded. It was an all too often heard reaction. Understandable too.

"It is hard at times like this but the two of you should merge with him as often as he is willing. The pre-existing bond helps his spark stabilizing."

"I was sure that it would! But Warp said that we shouldn't ask Star to do it so soon after… that."

"Most rape victims don't want the familiar merge, refuse it even. It is particularly sad because it truly does them good. But even just holding him close would help at first."

Privately Ratchet thought that if Megatron was not in the Pit he was going to whack Primus over his head, should they meet. The slagger definitely managed to frag up the whole of Cybertron, did his slagging best to do the same with Earth and not only tortured and ruined his enemy, Optimus, but even his second. Not to mention countless mechs over the vorns that got into his hands.

"Did he kill Megatron?" – he asked, more to change the subject for both of them than any real curiosity.

"We did together." – came the curt answer. – "Warp was berserk, I'm not much better and Star defended his life at that point. He confronted Megatron over his sparkling and that slagger was going to deactivate him for sure this time. It was messy as you can see." – he indistinctly swept his servo to point around the ruined quarters.

"Yeah, I can see that…" – he felt better after the short break and the stimulant did its work as well. He'd regret it later of course, but right now he only wanted to finish putting Optimus back enough to bring back to the Ark. Nodding to the dejected-looking Seeker he went back to his work. Even if Optimus couldn't sense it in any way, these energon-soaked, wrecked, haunted chambers were not doing him any good. And he could only restore his sensors back in his own med-bay; he had optic lenses but no underlying circuitry that was also melted to slag in his optical sockets. The audials and his vocals he couldn't even think how to restore just yet.

He worked for almost a full orn this time, fuelled by the stimulant and the almost compulsive need to make it right, to make him if not a whole mech yet but at least more than a pile of mangled parts. He was incredibly relieved when he finally found a working shutoff relay for the whole pain-sensor network, shut it down and felt a slight shudder under his servos. It must have been strange to lose even more sensory input but since it was only firing pain signals into his processor with which he could do nothing, Ratchet was sure that he didn't miss them. He had hoped that it gave him a positive signal, that he wasn't going to be tortured any more, that he was not in Megatron's servos any more.

-o-o-o-

Starscream knew that he was hiding in the Command Center, burying himself in work and picking fights still with any mech who so much as looked at him doubtfully. Not that he could hide from Skywarp who was determined to become his shadow lately and stuck to him with a determination that he formerly only employed to his pranks. He was hovering by his shoulder right now too as he bent over a malfunctioning console to fix. With both Soundwave and the Structies gone he was about the only one qualified to fix delicate circuitry. But at least immersing himself into this work saved him from thinking too much about other things.

But in accord with his straying thoughts, his spark twanged painfully in his chamber. He tried to hide it but Skywarp was having none of it; the Seeker knew that his bondmates felt what he felt but he still wanted to spare them the whole of it. Thus his hiding and avoiding the issue of a spark merge. He wanted it, craved it so much that it was painful in itself. He needed their soothing presence, their reassuring love that they could only tell him now, since he didn't let them close. Because he couldn't. Not yet. He hoped that it wasn't not ever, but it was a question for the future. Starscream sighed, put down the spanner and unconsciously lifted a gnarled servo over his cockpit as the inevitable memories came.

Megatron had used his frame before, and wasn't gentle with it either; half the time it was an outright punishment, the other half a sick sort of reward, reminiscing drunkenly the time when the Seeker looked up to him, the fool that he was back then. He grew out of it soon, disabused of his hero-worship by his unfairness, the injustice, the disdain and humiliation that Megatron gave to every mech, but especially to his second whether he deserved it or not. Starscream was then adrift for a while, alone with his growing discontent, with his sobering up of the grand ideas that they set out to attain. With the intelligence that he had he couldn't help but see the ideas became empty balloons, lying speeches and a dark, stark and energon-soaked reality.

He found his Trine again at the last klik, he mused, when he was ready to just give up everything and loose himself in the vastness of space and never look back. Skywarp and Thundercracker had been secretly bondmates for almost as long as they were Decepticons and were none the less warriors for that. He knew of course and even cut off from his Trine as he was, he never gave away their secret to anyone. But when he deactivated a mech, an officer at that for gaining that knowledge and took Megatron's punishment for losing a soldier they realized his hidden commitment and protection.

He was ready to open up finally and they were ready to accept it, accept him in the bond. As Trine they interfaced regularly at first, rarely later as they grew apart, but their reunion enflamed their love and lust towards each other. They had to hide it of course just as much as the two-way bond before and it had its special difficulties; namely Megatron who still expected his SIC to serve him in the berth too if he ordered him to. It was good that he wasn't expected to enjoy it, the tyrant never cared about his fulfillment, only for his own, because since their bonding with TC and Warp, he could barely tolerate the forced interfaces that Megatron put him through. His mates could tolerate it even less, although they tried to hide that reaction as it could have betrayed their secret.

But Megatron noticed it of course and he even considered it a favor and leniency to send his Trine-mates away on missions whenever he was going to order him to his quarters. Or maybe he instinctly felt that one such occasion would push them over the edge where their rage would overcome their loyalty and oath to him? Starscream never knew. But he knew that the last time when he was expected to serve him in the berth Megatron was rougher and even more cruel than ever before. Even with his capacity to withstand pain that would immediately offline other, lesser mechs, he was soon screaming and begging for mercy.

Not that it ever worked, he scowled to himself, the fragger never even wanted to be merciful in his function. Where he got the idea of a spark-merge, Starscream would never know; it was one thing he fortunately never did before. The pain was incredible, so much white-hot agony in his spark that his scream rose in pitch until his vocals fritzed out in static – but he continued to scream inside, feeling the tyrant's dark, foul presence engulfing his life-force. Echoing through their connection came his mates' screams of pain; he couldn't keep up with the block any more and they were fortunate not to crash from the sudden agony that came through to them.

He didn't remember a lot about the next few groons. Hook kept him sedated and separated from his Trine-mates and his memories of that time were hazy at best. He did remember one thing clearly though, an announcement that he was carrying. Ice gripped his spark even in that fuzzy state that he was in, because it could only be Megatron's sparkling. He feared that that the sparkling bond would finally snap his bonds to TC and Warp – he didn't want to lose them. But it didn't end that way.

One orn he was awakened by an irritated Megatron who has torn away the sedative line that was so far connected to his arm and demanded him to be up and ready for his job in a breem. Starscream couldn't even answer him at first, the yearning emptiness was so painful in his spark. By that time no Constructicons were around, the med-bay was empty and bared of its equipments. He thought that it was the bond broken, but when his mates sensed him awake, it erupted with their joy. Then he froze as the tyrant ranted on, totally oblivious of the effect of his words. Starscream was 'rid of' that 'parasite', he said, and able to resume his duties uninterrupted. His words expressed clearly that he knew the sparkling's origin – and didn't care.

He learned in a breem that while he was out of the loop, Megatron acquired the Prime and kept him in his quarters torturing and raping him – not for information, not for anything that would at least give it a reason, only because he wanted it so. But he wasn't at the time that interested in any Autobots, be him the Prime or not. For the next joor he lay sobbing in the arms of his Trine-mates, weeping freely for the sparkling, for the stain that Megatron put on their bond - and then he stood, wiped away the tears and went to do his shift.

After entering the Command Center, he felt a brush against his mind, Soundwave touching him mentally almost as gently as only his wingmates could. He threw a querying glance towards the telepath who answered with a mental sigh and some pictures. His cassettes, as he saw them; sparklings like the one he lost and a deep sadness, understanding and absolution. It was the last straw. Turning on one thruster-heel, he marched towards Megatron's chambers where he was enjoying his chained 'berthmate's pain and demanded entrance. When the enraged warlord opened the door, he didn't wait for the inevitable disciplining but attacked, shrieking all the time, letting his pain-fuelled madness overpower the larger and stronger former gladiator.

He still would have lost if not for his mates. Thundercracker and Skywarp arrived only kliks after he did, alerted by the free-flowing rage that came through to them and wasted no time to get into the fray. It was long and messy but at the end not much remained from Megatron that wasn't torn, mangled or shot. They melted down even those scraps afterwards when they were done sobbing and laughing alternately in relief and pain. Soundwave came over too and his silent nod approved of the result if not the act itself.

They still had to fight with those who aspired to power, but Soundwave's help was invaluable and they had mechs on their side as well. When the worst of the dissenters were deactivated they could discuss what they were planning in the long term and agreed that the continuation of the war was not their best interest. Even if the Autobots were unaware of their weakening, they could gain nothing here on Earth that was worth fighting for. Energon they could make enough for themselves since Starscream designed the converter; it would sustain them even if they returned to Cybertron.

But there was the Prime, that bleeding, tortured mass back in Megatron's berthroom who doggedly held on to life even though he was in a worse condition that Starscream could ever remember himself to be. It was out of question to deliberately deactivate him, no matter how atheists they professed themselves, but he was still the bearer of the Matrix, the artifact that was Primus. Left as he was he would probably slowly deactivate from his injuries – Starscream couldn't even find a way to put some energon in him when he performed whatever first aid he could to the mech – but none of them wished that agony on even an Autobot, not when they were considering a peace with them anyway.

And so it was up to Starscream as the leader of the Decepticons, to call the Ark and bargain a medic's services first and a ceasefire next with the hope of the Prime be able to negotiate soon for a lasting peace. It didn't happen quite that way, but he was satisfied anyway; Prowl agreed pretty quickly once he promised them that Optimus would be returned to them. Maybe they could in time trust each other without hostages ensuring their honesty, he mused, missing Soundwave's help in the running of the army.

He sensed Skywarp behind him again but before he could tell him to back off, because he wasn't that delicate and needed no such protection, he felt the nauseating pull of the teleport. Skywarp deposited him in their quarters, the one where he too moved back after they bonded, relinquishing his prestigious SIC's rooms. It was better to be with them among Skywarp's clutter and TC's collections than alone in those decorated chambers. Thundercracker was there too and his serious face made him pause before he could scold Skywarp for the sudden relocation.

"Star, we must talk." – he said and Starscream sat down heavily on a berth. He knew it was going to come around sooner or later; that was why he hid and buried himself into the necessary work. – "You will destroy yourself if you lock us out still."

"Star, we know how you feel. We understand that the last thing you want now is a spark merge. But even Ratchet said that it is the thing that can heal your spark." – Skywarp was so upset that he was totally serious.

"I do want to merge with you, feel you and love you…" – Starscream whispered and continued with even quieter – "I'm just… "

"…afraid?" – Thundercracker was gentle as he wrapped his arms around his frame, while Skywarp was stroking his wings in soothing, slow circles. He more or less melted into their embrace, it felt so good, so accepted and welcomed.

"ashamed…"

"There is nothing to be ashamed, Star." – TC was stern even as he continued to hug him reassuringly – "you did nothing wrong and what happened, couldn't be helped."

"I put a stain on the bond. I wronged you…"

"NO. It wasn't you. It was Megatron. And if we renew the bond, when you heal, we can forget him forever."

"I want that… but not yet… I can't… too soon…" – but even as he was denying it with his words Starscream burrowed into their embrace and sobbed again, not bothering to wipe the tears as he too hugged them back. Their sparks flared at the closeness, not quite a merge, not possible with all that armor in the way, but still a soothing throb that reverberated through their frames. They slowly sank down to the ground, still holding each other tightly, servos stroking the shushing wings, mumbling sweet nonsense. They fell into light recharge in a warm, snuggling heap, finally shedding all worry about the still tense situation on the Nemesis and the memories tormenting all three of them.

Ark

Ratchet nodded to Starscream, standing in the doorway, flanked by his two trine-mates. He was as ready as he could be without a full med-bay and necessary tools and part. Optimus was stable and albeit still barely more than his protoform, covered only a minimal amount of armour, but at least his struts and vital internals were now repaired, after three straight orns' worth of non-stop work. At least he looked like a mech now, albeit still a heavily damaged one, he thought surly and he was finally able to put him into stasis without fearing that it would endanger his systems.

Starscream seemed resigned now that Skywarp and Thundercracker put an ultimatum at him and he agreed that Ratchet should have a look at his spark. He still looked uncomfortable, almost fearful as his cockpit moved to the side and he parted his chestplates and Ratchet wasn't surprised. He made no move to get closer, until he was ready and waved him over himself. His other servo was holding onto Skywarp's the medic noticed so tightly that it must have put a dent on the purple metal.

Ratchet checked the spark chamber first for signs of flares and was immensely relieved that he found none; it meant that no permanent damage was done yet and with his bondmates close it was unlikely to have a relapse of that magnitude. But the scars on the spark were there, marring the perfection of the ruby red orb of energy. A dark, ominous blotch that looked like a malevolent rust-stain and a small, almost invisible line where the sparkling bond was cut. Ratchet lifted a specialist tool, one that he added to his equipment almost as an afterthought hoping that it wouldn't be needed, but afraid that it might; and warned Starscream.

"It will feel like an electric shock at first. A small one. But it should smooth over both scars somewhat."

Starscream nodded tersely, gripping his mates' servos with both his own now. He jerked as Ratchet activated the tool and ever so cautiously touched it to the spark's surface, but held still afterwards. He didn't see what the others have, that the dark spot on the spark started to loose its colour, its substance and became almost invisible. The other one seemed to change little, but that too was barely visible when the medic finished. He lifted away the tool immediately, knowing that it could cause more harm if applied for too long than the good it worked at first.

The relief on all three of their faceplates was immediate and clearly noticeable, just as the perking wings and the ghosts of the smiles. Ratchet wished he could smile as well – he was happy for them, glad that he could relieve at least a bit of their pain, but he wouldn't be satisfied until Optimus could stand up and speak… Pit damn it, he would already be mighty glad if he was just sitting up and hearing him. But even that could take orns still, he knew, not to mention a full recovery that might be groons or even vorns away, depending on his mental state.

Together they moved Optimus onto a floating platform, covered him with a clean thermal sheet and the procession started to go through the still quiet Nemesis's corridors. It still felt like a haunted place, but by this time Ratchet heard a mech or two moving around somewhere not very far from them. But no mech came across them as they progressed through the ship and into the tower lift. On the landing platform a nervous Skyfire, an impassive Soundwave and an impatient Prowl awaited them. Both Autobots' optics were focused on the covered and still form of Optimus Prime, but after a hard shudder they forced themselves to look at the Decepticons.

"I must thank you, Starscream for being considerate and helpful and returning our leader to us." – Prowl was more or less convinced by this point that the Seeker was, for once totally honest and meant well. He also looked better than the last time they saw him on the screen and he couldn't wait the medic to tell that story. It was sure better than the one he could glean of Optimus's. – "I can assure you that we can sit down to discuss the peace treaty as soon as we can form an outline of it."

"I didn't do it for you." – Starscream stated with a slight grimace. – "But I'm looking forward to parley. This war has gone on long enough and we lost too much already."

"I can agree with that wholesparkedly."

They didn't waste any more time on useless pleasantries, instead filed into the shuttle and went home. There were still things to do, a mech and his mind to heal, policies to change and mechs to re-learn living in peace – but most of the hard road they've already taken and passed the biggest hurdles. With Megatron out of the picture and Starscream miraculously inclined towards peace they actually had a chance to achieve it.

Note: Originally intended as a oneshot, but due to people encouraging me to continue the story, I did so. I'm not sure how long the idea can take me, but I have ideas at least for two more chapters now.