I exhale as I sit in my assigned seat; my long hair falls over the table lightly, brushing it ever so slightly. Class starts but I'm not listening, I'm never listening in this classroom; instead I'm doodling love hearts on the back of my folder.
Kimberley Ann Tinsel.
I smile then blush despite myself and wonder what it would really be like to be his bride; to be the one he wanted to marry. Time ticks by and I wonder, where is he? Why isn't he here? Is he okay? Is he sick? Why is he sick? Millions of questions run through my head; I shift in my seat. There's probably nothing to worry about, he's been gone for the last two weeks; he's probably just got the flu or something. Or maybe he's just skipping school.
"Oh, nice for you to join us Mr Tinsel." My head snaps up to the doorway, several gasps and whispers surround my ears; the others are surprised too. He looks….. Hot. Not like his normal hot, a different hotter hot. Muscles that came from nowhere. His chest was all beefy and wide, his hips narrowed; he was even more perfect. Was that even possible? Apparently so.
He had aged, his face was that of a twenty year old; his baby cheeks were gone and his hair cropped short and spiked upwards. I tare my eyes away before somebody notices me dribbling and look down at the table; my hair acting as a curtain, concealing my emotions.
Just because I don't say anything
doesn't mean I don't like you.
I open my mouth and I try and I try,
but no words came out.
Without 40 oz. of social skills,
I'm just an ass in the crack of humanity.
I'm just a huge manatee... a huge manatee.
"Hey." Jared grunts as he takes his seat beside me; his voice has matured and deep. I open my mouth but my breath gets caught in my throat and just like that…. The moment has passed. He turns his attention back to the teacher at the front of the class and I frown. Why am I such a dork? I brush my hair behind my ear before sneaking a peek at the perfect male specimen beside me. How did I get so lucky?... Oh yeah, that's right, I didn't. I'm too busy choking on my own stinking words!
Then I think rationally; why would he want someone like me anyway? He's perfect and I'm just…. Well I'm just Kim. Unpopular. Average in every way. Besides he's probably with some pretty curvy girl who can pull off a short skirt and likes to go to high school parties and shop. Unlike me, I'm quite happy with my couch, laptop and a good Harry Potter fanfiction. I wanna ride my bike with him, stay up late and I dunno, watch some cartoons or something?... Gah! Why am I such a dork?
And besides, you're probably holding hands
with some skinny, pretty girl
that likes to talk about bands,
And all I wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and watch cartoons.
The bell rings and I realise I've spent yet another hour staring at the side of Jared's face. Great, now I'm an uneducated dork. I stand up so fast that I hit my knee on the table. I curse under my breath and my pen rolls off the table and onto the floor in front of me. Jared walks around on his way out and picks it up; my heart flutters.
Duck Tales, shirt tails,
Talespin, Sailor Moon,
GI Joe, Robotech, Ron Jeremy,
Schmoo.
My mouth can't seem to form the word 'thank-you' and yet again I look stupid. He places the blue biro on the desk and looks up at me; I can feel my tanned skinned darkening. Jared's mouth falls open; the look of admiration and love in his eyes makes me want to hide away. It just doesn't add up in my head so I settle for the obvious explanation; he's looking behind me or there's something on my face. Or worse, in my teeth.
I wanna watch cartoons with you
Josie and the Pussycats and Scooby-Doo.
I want you to watch cartoons with me
He-Man, Voltron and Hong Kong Phooey.
I tried to ask you to your face
but no words came out.
I put on my hood and walked away
that doesn't mean I don't like you.
Quickly I gather my belongings and leave the man of my dreams behind me, mouth ajar. The walk to my locker is longer than it needs to be, colder than it should be. It's lunch next so I place all of my books inside and pull out my black hoody… but even when I put it on.
I'm still cold…
What is with that?
A warm finger taps on my back and I spin on my heal so fast that I'm almost dizzy. It's Jared. In front of me… right now. Oh god.
"You forgot your pen." He tells me with a sparkling white smile as he hands me the blue biro; I take it and throw it in the locker without taking my eyes off of the God in front of me. I want to thank him but I can't; instead I just nod my head dumbly. Smile at least! Inner, non-weird Kim shouts at me; my mouth spreads a bit into what I'm sure must look like a devious smirk.
"So…." He starts; he's so cute. Smile! My mouth spreads again this time wider.
"And besides, you're probably holding hands
with some skinny, pretty girl
that likes to talk about bands,
And all I wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and maybe spoon.
"…Are you new here?" He asks me; my heart sinks and water builds behind my eyes. My full bottom lip begins to quiver. Was I that transparent that he hadn't noticed me for the last six years we've gone to school together? Jared looks pained as if he knows he has offended me.
"You're not new are you?... I'm sorry, I just…. Urgh, I'm sorry. Please forgive me?" He pleads as he takes both of my small hands into his large ones; they're so warm. The sparks now forming in my fingers move up through my body and paralyse my vocal chords. He searches my eyes for the answer to his unanswered question; I get frustrated.
Why can't I speak god dammit! He squeezes my hands as if to get me to focus on him… but I already am focused. He has my full attention, he holds my heart in his fingertips but he has no clue. All I am to him right now is a mute losery psychopath.
"Say something…. Please?" He pleads with me, the hallways are clear now. The others, long gone; probably in the cafeteria or courtyard eating with their friends, girlfriends, boyfriends…. Having two way conversations. Unlike me. SAY SOMETHING! ….I can't do it and I'm angry. So very angry at myself.
Just because I don't say anything
doesn't mean I don't like you.
No... I opened my mouth
and I tried and I tried.
And besides, you're probably holding hands
with some skinny, pretty girl
that likes to talk about bands,
And all I wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and watch cartoons.
I rip my hands from Jared's; the look on his face hurts me so much that I want to undo the action but it's too late. The damage is done. I watch as water appears around the rims of his eyes. I step forward with my hand out towards his face and run it softly across his cheek; our skin barely touching but still, it seems to calm us both.
Then my brain catches up with my body and I step back. What am I doing? I turn away and pull my hood over my head before stumbling away from him; every step hurts like hell but I ignore the burning need in my chest and keep on going… despite him calling out 'hey!', besides everything…...
I've waited for this moment for six years and what do I do? Stand there like a dodo then molest his gorgeous face. What is wrong with me?