Author's Note: This was written
during a very boring PSHE lesson. The teacher didn't even ask us
what we were planning on doing with our lives, though she went around
the rest of the bloody class. Evans (who wrote James' part could
not remember that Colin Creevey was in fact muggleborn, Snape would
not be taking Muggle Studies, and James probably didn't openly
fancy him [although it does explain Snarry- she also says that all
the bullying was just 'the pulling the pigtails thing'])
Somjen
(Who wrote Sirius' part [and is writing this A/N, and writes real
fanfics on another account] is simply brilliant and you should direct
any praise to her.)
This is the product of too much Marauders
fanfic (see BlueBottleButterfly's 'Stalking Lily Evans', and
other people's fics, to understand the references.
All views
stated in this fanfic are ours (especially the fancying of Snape) and
we are proud of them! (Yes, even the Blackcest)
Mssr. Padfoot, you look like you've had a night with Melinda Bulstrode;
Mssr. Prongs, at least I get the ladies
I'd rather go celibate, thanks
You're practically celibate already, mate
Lilyflower was lovely to me today
Ms Evans only has eyes for me- she even suggested getting a hotel room--- (this is some kind of incest)
(And not the good kind, Prongsie)
Yes, and also that hotel room was for us
Yeah, so she obviously doesn't want you
REPRESSION
CELEBACY, come on, I'll get you a nice Ravenclaw girl- she can even wear a green bra, if that's what floats your boat
Hmmm, it might make her jealous
At least she will notice you as a sexual being
Yes. Which Ravenclaw girl?
Evelyn Chang
Oooh, indeed. Have you noticed how fine Severus Snape is looking today?
Tell that to Lils and you'll be well in there
Do you think that would make her jealous?
Any sexual action makes a girl jealous. Merlin, even looking at another person makes a girl jealous.
Snape it is then. He is arrogant, ill and thin- my kind of man!
I'm sooo showing this to Lily
Fine... Do you think I should dress up as Rudolph at Christmas- UCAS points!
I thought you wanted to be an Auror.
I want to be Rudolph... yes!
As do I mate, as do I... Lily looks like the girl from the Exorcist when she's mad.
NO
YES
NO
YES
NO
YES... What, do you think that you're going to grow up and she'll marry you and bear you a son?
Exactly! And we'll have books written about us!
What? About a speccy git and a ginger who had a sprog?
Some people would find him attractive. Especially when he inherits my attractive sweating.
Will I?
YES
So you've given your full permission, when she's of age?
She? Sirius, don't try to bullshit me about your true sexuality. I know about you and that Creevey boy.
What, the milkmaid?
No, MAN. Boy, to be specific.
Muggles think that milk comes from men?
I'm not going into this. I know about you and your milk baths.
YOU ARE THE MILK BATH MAN! I rarely bathe, except washing my hair, to let my natural scent shine through.
Crude oil... Sad face to that.
ME= SEX GOD OF HOGWARTS
YOU= SPECCY, CELEBATE GIT. – HOT
Then why wont Ms Evans go out with you?
She's keeping me keen that is all
I've seen how keen you are
Shh
Shh what? Shh while the Muggle Studies prof. Has private conversations?
Why are we even here? Look at the firsties trying to play Quidditch (netball) amateurs.
Some of us have people interested in other actions involving other balls, mate
You are a sick man Siripoo. And have dogbreath
Overgrown deer don't understand the ways of the Kama Sutra.
You need to stop borrowing that book off your cousin.
She gave me a tutorial the summer before last
If you two weren't so hot, I'd be disgusted
Thanks Prongs
You're welcome
Look at Snivelly's arm!
HOT.
Look at his forearm, you rutting deer.
Oh, didn't your cousin have one?
Yes, Trixie has a forearm. We're focussing on the tattoo- which he has now covered-... at least she was open about hers. Tell Lily!
Why? She might think it's hot like I do!
Do you know what Voldy wants to do? He wants to kill Muggleborns.
No problem for me......... Oh, Lily.
Let's de-mask him now!
Snape? Ok how? He doesn't have a mask on.
Yes... Have you ever read a book?
Only your Kama Sutra copy, that was enlightening.
That it was Prongs. That it was.
I don't know how muggles do without moving pictures.
They have them don't they? Fellytision or something?
Oh yeah, Lily told me about that once.
No she didn't, she caught us looking in her window in the summer hols and told us she's call the please. With my rakish charm, I explained that we were watching the moving pictures, she just happened to be changing in front of them.
Nice one Padsy. She was completely fooled.
But she still jinxed you.
It was worth it.
D'you think her sister liked me? Between her screams?
A muggle? She was kind of highly strung. Long neck though
She went to a fellytone. That's a mating call to them.
Muggle Studies really hasn't helped us.
The only muggles we know are Remmy's grandparents and Lily.
We should stay at Remmy's in the summer or over Christmas. But have the Christmas party at mine.
Your mum is going to make me me gingerbread scones every morning at yours, and she's already asked me for my xmas list.
Well good luck cos they didn't listen to mine last year, I was not amused.
That's because you're a disappointment. I'm the kind of son they wanted.
What? A lanky-haired, foul-smelling git?
MY HAIR IS FULL OF BODY AND MY SMELL IS A KNOWN APHRODISIAC!
Crude oil is not a fucking aphrodisiac. Genius.
TELL THAT TO EVERY GIRL HERE!
THE END