Not sure where this is going. Kind of needing to write this in order to get over last Sunday which has hit me much harder than I had thought it would. Sorry if its rubbish but I kind of needed to do it. Have got a bit more if anyone wants.
He could hear the noise of the helicopter in the distance. Nearer and nearer it sounded as if mocking him. Ruth's lifeless body was tucked up close as his body still shook with the uncontrollable sobs that emanated from his body. Only ten minutes ago he had realised that he had finally won over Ruth's sweet heart. As she had lain dying in his arms she had confirmed that living with him was what she had wanted. Oh how could all this joy be torn from him so soon? And now the helicopter would take her body too. He clasped her tighter to him, trying to savour the memory of the way her body fitted against his. But she is dead he kept saying to himself. This isn't the real Ruth anymore. If he thought he had been angry about life's unfairness in the past, then this was nothing to be compared with. And to continue the unfairness, the helicopter was soon to be landing to take the last remnants of his dreams away. He began to think over the logistics of the funeral. Dear, precious Ruth. Her colleagues on the Grid were all she had. There was no next of kin to be contacted. He had never wanted this for her and in his own inadequate way he had attempted to give her a life filled with love and security. If only he had asked her to marry him at a better time she might have said yes and felt braver in allowing herself to be loved. Poor Ruth. She had never felt worthy of love, of all the precious things he had wanted to give her. And even in her last tragic moments when she had finally found the courage to tell him she wanted a future with him, she had still felt that none of those things were deserved by her.
'It was all deserved by you my darling' he whispered as he pressed his cheek to hers. 'You are loved so much by me Ruth. You were the only one in the world for me. From the moment I set eyes on you I felt my life was somehow complete. You were this beautiful ray of loveliness walking into a world you were too good and sweet to be a part of. I should never have kept you in the post. I should have seen that you deserved so much better and insisted that you take a job elsewhere and in my selfishness I kept you close. I am so so sorry darling'
The helicopter was now landing. If he had more strength he felt he might have gone over and attacked them for being too late to save his girl. But that's not what Ruth would have wanted, he told himself and anyhow he was far too weak with grief to move. He wanted to hold her till she grew cold. With any luck he hoped he might die there too. How could he possibly continue with life? The effort it would take seemed insurmountable.
'Excuse me sir' came one of the medics from the helicopter, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder. 'You need to let her go now'. Harry was cross. Why should he be rushed by the helicopter just because her murder was alive and in need of hospital attention.
He knelt up and looked down at Ruth's pale face. He could see the angry puncture mark from their vain attempts at reviving her. He wished now that they hadn't even tried as she would go to her grave with even more scars.
'Farwell sweetheart' he whispered and kissed her one last time. Those lips were so precious to him. He had longed to be the one who got the kiss them every day. To have permission to kiss them every day. Just minutes ago she had hinted that he had that permission and now all he was left with were her lifeless lips that were unable to respond to all his love.
He moved reluctantly away and let the medics do what they had to do. One carried a body bag with them and Harry realised that he couldn't bear to watch anymore. He turned to face the estuary and tried to begin to feel close to her soul as this was all he was going to be left with for the rest of his life.