You're the one

Chapter 1: Psychosomatic

Rachel didn't understand why – after all that had happened - but Adam was standing in front of her trailer trying to persuade her that she meant something to him. A thing she wasn't going to buy. Not again. Fool me twice and all that.

'You're different,' he offered. Seriously? That was weak.

'Because women don't usually talk to you like that,' Rachel rattled off, unimpressed. Adam shook his head.

'Well, no. That was a line,' he admitted. 'Of course women have talked to me that way before. I can behave like a right cock and not everyone's susceptible to my charm.'

'That was a line? I don't get it. What's it supposed to accomplish?' she inquired, curious.

'It's a variation of 'you're not like other women.' It is designed to make someone feel special.'

'Does that ever work?'

'Depressingly often. But that is not… We've gotten side tracked.'

'Oh, you don't want to discuss the mechanics of being a jerk?' Rachel snapped. Adam gave her a sharp look as if to say that she was out of line and Rachel mentally cursed herself. Indifferent was the attitude she was going for. Not scorned. Scorned implied that she cared.

'What I'm trying to say is that you are different because I look at you differently,' Adam explained. He seemed to think he'd said something profound. Rachel raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms.

'So what you're essentially saying is that I'm not actually different, except when viewed through the lens of you? You do realise that is really just a slightly less dickish way of saying that the only reason I'm special is because of you?' she pointed out. Adam shook his head.

'I think we got off to a wrong start here,' he protested.

'I don't think we have. What about 'What if I can't have what I truly want?' Did you mean that? Or was that also a line?'

'Surprisingly, not a line,' Adam replied.

'Uh huh,' she scoffed. He took a step towards her. Rachel reacted; not by retreating, but by remaining exactly where she was, daring him to touch her. Reading her mood correctly, Adam slowly withdrew until they were back where they began. He sighed.

'I want you, Rachel. Trust me, I want you more than I want anything else. Sometimes I think that you're the only thing I want,' he said. He had this wonderful talent to make a lie sound like the truth, but she was not falling for it. Not this time. Never again.

'Oh, really? Why'd you break your promise then, huh?' she demanded.

'I realised that it wasn't about me getting what I want. I put your needs before mine,' Adam responded. All lies. She didn't believe a word of it.

'You don't have to pretend,' she said coolly. 'I don't mind that I'm not at the top of your list. Seriously, Adam. That's fine. You're not at the top of mine either,' Rachel claimed.

'You do come first,' he insisted. Rachel chuckled and studied him for a moment. He seemed so sincere. He should have been an actor. He actually looked like he had himself convinced.

'Look at you,' she marvelled. 'Are you starting to buy into your own lies?'

'I put you first! That's why I turned you down. I genuinely believed that I did what was best for you,' Adam stated, agitated. For the first time, Rachel hesitated. Could it be that he was being honest? She put a hand against the side of the trailer to steady herself.

'Then why does it feel like I'm dying?' she muttered.

'What?' Adam breathed, taken aback.

'Okay, you're right. That was super dramatic,' Rachel agreed, smiling. The smile required a superhuman effort and she was tired. So tired. Adam didn't return the smile.

'Is that really how you feel?' he asked, softly.

'No, of course not. You wasted my time. That's all. I don't need your love,' she answered. But boy do I want it, Rachel thought. It was an intense, desperate longing that – despite her words to the contrary - felt dangerously close to a need. And the fact that he'd held it out to her only to cruelly snatch it away when she reached for it hurt in places she hadn't even known could hurt.

'You don't need my love?' Adam repeated. He sounded upset.

'I wouldn't know what to do with it anyway,' she joked. Again Adam didn't smile.

'Are you serious?'

'I am… tired,' Rachel confessed. 'Tired of playing this game with you and getting nowhere. Tired of our feelings causing nothing but harm. Tired of loving you. Yes, I am in love with you. You know how I know? Because you're the one I want to hurt.'