A Thoroughly Unwelcome Proposal
A post HBP twisted version of the 'WIKTT Marriage Law Challenge' fics: Snape gets caught by the Ministry's new law when a Weasley does a very, very bad thing.
Disclaimer: all characters, settings, etc. are taken from the JK Rowling's Harry Potter novels and belong to her. I am not getting paid for any of this,and am writing purely for the fun of it.
(Yes, this is Post HPB: it's influenced by, but obviously not true to, the Marriage Law Challenge.)
Canon to Book Six, *AU to Book Seven
*most events in Book Seven will work with this story, if you squint a little, don't read the epilogue, and imagine a slightly lower death count
Chapter One
Hogwarts Staff Meeting, Thursday Sept 3, 1998
"In conclusion, I will repeat my plea to treat the returning students with compassion and restraint. Many of them were affected by the final battle last year, and may still have difficulties dealing with those events," Headmistress McGonagall said, staring straight over her glasses at Professor Snape. Every member of the staff swivelled in their seats to look at the dark-haired man, who appeared to be trying his best to disappear into the wall he was leaning against.
Snape scowled, causing more than one prying eye to flinch and look away. "I won't coddle the brats, Minerva."
"I fought with the Hogwarts board to allow me to re-instate you as DADA professor," McGonagall said sternly. "Don't let that be a mistake on my part. Behave yourself, Severus."
"Don't I always?" he answered with a sneer. "If there is no more official staff business, I will be only too glad to take my leave."
"One moment, Professor," McGonagall said. "We should discuss the 'Muggle-born Marriage Law' the Ministry seems poised to pass."
"Whatever for?" Snape growled. "We're a school; Education is our concern, not matrimony. Besides, fighting the law would give your beloved Gryffindor Heroes something to do."
"Anything that affects our students is our business," McGonagall answered. "Even if it wasn't; the very idea of forcing Muggle-born witches to wed pure-blood suitors is abhorrent. There must be a better way to stop the inbreeding of the pure-bloods that threatens the wizarding world."
"Well, what can we do about it?" Pomfrey, Hogwarts medical witch, asked.
"I thought we could start with a public statement to the Ministry by the staff of Hogwarts, about how absurd, and just wrong, this law would be," McGonagall said. "We were all involved in Voldemort's defeat, and our names will lend a great weight to the opponents of this law."
Most of the staff were nodding in agreement, but Snape was trying to edge towards the door. "Where are you going, Severus?" McGonagall said when she spotted him.
"You don't want my name on the petition," he snarled. "Half the wizarding world still thinks I was a loyal Death Eater, who turned tail at the last moment, and the other half just wants to pretend I don't exist."
"He's right," Rolanda Hooch, flying instructor, said as she winked at the DADA teacher. "It would probably be better if Severus threw his support behind the proposed law."
"There'd be a mad scramble by all his past students to denounce the law," Sinistra chortled.
Snape gave the assembly a look of utter disgust, before stalking out of the room, black robes swishing behind him.
"Seriously," Hooch said. "I wouldn't worry about it, Headmistress. The law is so blatantly sexist that no woman on the council will vote for it."
"No married man, either," Slughorn, the blissfully single Potions master, added. "Their wives would kill them."
The Gryffindor Heroes, Saturday Oct 24
Ron Weasley, Auror in training (courtesy of a Ministerial Decree that granted a passing grade in their N.E.W.T.S to all Hogwarts students who fought in The Battle of Hogwarts), was lounging in his armchair, intently reading, when he heard a noise from the fireplace. He looked up to see his fiancee, Hermione Granger, come in through the Floo Network. His face turned as red as his hair when he quickly dropped the Quidditch magazine in his hands, and reached for a textbook. Ron could not stop Hermione from using the Floo Network, but secretly wished his flatmates, Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Finally-Killed-You-Know-Who, and Neville Longbottom, The-Boy-Who-Was-There-When-It-Counted, would have the nerve to restrict Hermione's Floo privileges.
Hermione flicked an amused glance at the upside-down book in Ron's hands, and then strode towards him with a look of fury in her eyes. "I can't believe the Ministry is actually going through with that inane 'Marriage Law'," she exclaimed.
Ron breathed an audible sigh of relief that Hermione was not going to start lecturing him about his study habits. "Oy! Harry, get in here, mate. 'Mione's found another cause to champion," he yelled, and then stood up, brushed some crumbs off the chair, and gallantly waved to Hermione to take a seat.
"If everyone's decent; I'm coming through," Ginny called from the fireplace, where her head was floating, eyes firmly shut. She still had nightmares from accidentally appearing in the middle of the 'clothes optional' party the boys had thrown when they first rented the place.
"Just get in here, Ginny," Hermione said.
"Hi, Ron," his sister said brightly. "Sorry I didn't warn you, but Hermione just couldn't wait to come over. I don't see why she's so upset, this whole thing could wind up being a lot of fun."
"I'm up for some fun," Harry said, stumbling into the living room, vainly trying to get his hair to lie flat, and straightening his rumpled clothes.
"Harry!" Hermione scolded. "If you didn't stay up all night, you wouldn't have to sleep in the middle of the day."
"Yes, Mother," Harry said as he slumped into a chair. "Why are you girls here?"
"They passed that abominable 'Marriage Law'," Hermione exclaimed as she dropped a copy of the new law onto Harry's lap.
"Really? Mum was quite certain the women would never let it pass the vote," Ron said.
"They made some changes," Ginny said, grinning as she pointed out some red-circled paragraphs on the parchment Harry was reading. "See? Any pure-blood male or female can petition to marry a Muggle-born or half-blood. The petitioned person can't refuse to marry the pure-blood."
"That means you, Harry," Hermione said, stating the obvious.
"Bloody bollocks," Harry responded, suddenly wide awake as he stood up and grabbed the paper out of Ron's hands. "I can't get married yet, especially since it says there's a cursed fidelity charm involved. I'll never have fun again."
"Oh relax," Ginny said. "See this section here? As long as the petitioned witch, or wizard, is still in school or an apprentice program they don't have to get married."
"So, I'm safe as long as I'm in Auror training," Harry said, beginning to relax.
"Just think, Harry," Ron said dreamily. "Dozens, no hundreds, of gorgeous women all wanting to marry the saviour of the wizarding world. And you get to choose which petitioner you marry so they'll all be anxious to show you what they have to offer, if you catch my meaning."
"Ron!" Hermione scolded. "Don't worry, Harry, we'll have this law repealed long before you finish training."
"And if not," Ron said, smirking in Hermione's direction. "You can always switch careers, Healer training or something, and extend the good times."
"Like I said," Ginny remarked. "This could be fun."
Hogwarts Great Hall, Breakfast Monday Oct 26
The room was filled with excited voices, all discussing the new Marriage Law. The general air was one of disbelief, and some dismay from the older students, especially the ones who had no plans to apprentice after leaving Hogwarts.
"I do feel sorry for the poor dears," Pomfrey said. "What a terrible time to be a Muggle-born or half-blood."
"It's not a good time to be a pure-blood, either," Slughorn sighed. "Poor Miss Lorne and Mr. Dune are devastated."
"Why?" Pomfrey asked.
"I think they're daft, but they had planned to get married right after they graduate," Slughorn explained. "This new law aims to force pure-bloods to enter into mixed marriages and absolutely forbids marriage between two pure-bloods."
"Oh dear, I hadn't noticed that part," she declared. "It practically guarantees even the most traditional pure-bloods will consider petitioning, if it's the only way to get a legal heir."
"I know," McGonagall said. "Rest assured, all the resources of Hogwarts will go towards repealing this awful law."
Snape snorted at this statement. "Not that again, Minerva. How many times do I have to say this is not a Hogwarts concern?"
"Have you no compassion?" Pomfrey said.
"For who?" Snape said, raising an eyebrow. "If you consider this rationally, it may actually be beneficial to the mixed bloods."
"Nonsense, my boy," Slughorn sputtered. "In what possible way could they benefit from forced marriage?"
"Not the matrimonial aspects," Snape explained. "The part about after school apprenticeships delaying the marriages. I do believe the next generation of dolts will be forced to learn something useful, whether they will or no."
"Yes, I daresay no young student will leave Hogwarts before their seventh year," McGonagall said, smirking when Snape frowned at the realization that even the worst students would stay to plague him in his sixth and seventh year classes.
Further discussion was curtailed by the arrival of an owl that flew over to Snape. He scowled as he took a distinctively sealed envelope from the bird, and shooed it away.
"Severus!" Hooch said, leaning forwards to look at the letter her colleague had received. "That's an official Ministry envelope."
"Oh Merlin," the Muggle Studies teacher murmured. "That's why Snape's not worried about the new law. The lecherous man's gone and put in a petition for some poor Muggle-born already."
"Don't be foolish," McGonagall said, fury in her voice. "Professor Snape would never do anything like that, even if he was a pure-blood."
"Snape, er, Professor Snape is not a pure-blood?" Hooch asked with evident surprise.
Snape, who had been oblivious to the conversation around him, finished reading his letter. His pale face turned red, and he stood up with such a look of ferocity that several of the students nearly fainted when they saw him. "How dare they do this to me! I ... I have an Order of Merlin!"
"Second class," Hooch murmured, not quite loud enough for Snape to hear her.
"I won't stand for this!" Snape said. "The nerve of that ... that little chit."
"Severus, what's wrong?" McGonagall said, standing up and moving towards Snape.
"None of your business, Minerva," he answered. "Think, Severus, think. Arthur Weasley, he works for the Ministry. I'll make him put a stop to this travesty. Or else."
"Severus! You have classes!" McGonagall yelled, with scant dignity, as Snape turned and fairly ran out of the Hall.
"Cancel them!" he bellowed back. "I have a date with a Weasley."
"My goodness," Pomfrey said, her eyes wide. "It seems impossible, but I think some witch has petitioned to marry Severus!"
"But why would anyone want to marry that horrid man?" the Muggle Studies teacher asked.
"Oh, I don't know," Hooch said thoughtfully. "He's not the handsomest of men, but he's got a lovely arse."
"Madam Hooch, that's an inexcusably disrespectful thing to say," McGonagall said, sitting down with a look that bordered between mirth and horror on her face.
"It's true, though," Hooch cackled. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed, Minerva."
"I most certainly have not," McGonagall said, and pushed her glasses primly up her nose, but she was unable to hide the slight blush that crept over her cheeks.