Abridged Story of Evil

This is not an actual story, the beginning is a lie. Then it becomes... Derp.

Honestly, I think I was high when saying this out loud to Chase. 8D

Warnings: Contains lots of incest and sexual implications, slight violence, a lot of repeated yelling, and a lot of annoyance. Yep yep, I was bored.

Disclaimers: Story of Evil series belongs to Akuno-P/mothy. Rui belongs to Rui, Matei belongs to Matei, Mari belongs to Chase, Mike belongs to Mike, and Mana belongs to Mana. :D

0o0o0o0o0

"YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE STORY OF EVIL?

WELL, THIS IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED!"

"GOD DANGIT RUI STOP YELLING, WE'RE RIGHT NEXT TO YOU," Mari yelled at her.

"THAT'S NOT HOW YOU TALK TO MY SIS," Matei slapped the back of her head.

"WHY I OUGHTA-"

"Alright, chillens, let's just get along and hear the story."

Once upon a time in the country of blue, the king and queen were blessed with not only one, but two heirs, a girl and a boy, named Rui and Matei.

They grew up as a happy family, until they were just mere toddlers. Their mother, the queen, was found having an affair with a nobleman of another country. The parents split apart, each taking a child with them. Their mother took Matei, and their father kept Rui, tearing them apart.

At the age of 14, their mother died, and upon hearing that the king of the blue country has died, Matei returned back to the castle, to which all of servants there started FREAKING OUT that the older brother has returned.

Princess Rui, the new ruler of the kingdom, on the other hand, just stared at her 'reflection.'

"... Who the crap are you and why are you like... A guy version of me?"

"... Jesus Christ, I'm your twin brother! How can you forget about me? Jeez!"

"OH, I REMEMBER NOW!" her expression changed to an OMJ.

"Jeez, your such a derp... Butyourchestsizemakesupforit," he said super fast as he stared down at her dress, the neckline cut short, so his attention was towards the locket hanging around her neck... And more.

"Youdon'tlooksobadyourself..." she eyed him. "Wannamakeout."

"HECK YEAH."

They banged that night. And what a wonderful reunion that was.

The next morning, Matei told Rui that he wouldn't take the throne from her and become prince, so he decided to be her servant, to serve her every need. And I mean every need.

Doodeedoo, stuff happened. Yes it did.

A few months later, the princess called her servant into the room.

"Yes, milady?"

"I want Pepsi."

"I... I'm afraid we don't have any left..."

"WELL GET ME SOME MOAR, GOD DANGIT. I WON'T LET YOU INTO MY BATH UNTIL YOU GET ME SOME. GOD."

And so, the hard fact that the blue country banned Pepsi due to their father, and Rui was too lazy to make a law to overrule it ("Too much paperwork!"), they traveled to the Country of Yellow to get the Princess' favorite fizzy drink.

Matei looked out the carriage window.

His attention went to a girl wearing all yellow. "Hey, she's pretty sexy."

Rui placed her hand on her twin brother. "But she's two sizes smaller than me. Tsk tsk..."

"Whatever."

And so they got the Pepsi.

Later that night, Rui called Matei back into her room.

"Okay, you better not have drank all the Pepsi, milady."

"Nah, I just want you to kill that chick wearing the yellow we saw earlier."

"... Why...?"

"Because you called her sexy," she said as she frowned. "Now, go."

Matei slowly walked out the room, only to stop before closing the door.

"... Do I get to touch your boobs later."

"FFFFFT. OF COURSE. JEEZ, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK, I'D LET YOU EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T ASK."

And with that, Matei skipped out the room singing "ALWAYSSS I WANNA BEEE WITH YOUUU, AND MAKE BELIEVEEE WITH YOU, AND LIVE IN HARMONY, HARMONY, OH LOOOVVVEEEEE!"

Yes he did. And what a fun night it was for them. Yes, they banged again. Indeed.

Mike was about to visit his lover, which was ironically the girl in yellow, Mana. To see the yellow country ruined, he fell to his knees.

"-"

...

"-"

...

"!"

Silence.

Mike stormed into the red mercenary house, and to Mari's room.

"I can't believe this!" he yelled.

"Who are you."

"They killed my lover!"

"What."

"They killed my lover!"

"What."

"THEY KILLED MY LOVE-"

"OKAY, OKAY, I GET IT! I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!"

"THEY KILLED MY LOVERRRRR!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT, JEEZ!"

"Kill the Princess of Blue!"

"But I'm pretty sure her servant was the one who killed YOUR LOVERRRRR."

"KILL ONE OF THEM, THEY LOOK THE SAME, ANYWAY... MY LOVERRRRR!"

"JESUS CHRIST. SHUT UP! I'LL DO IT RIGHT TOMORROW MORNING."

"OKAY."

"THERE WILL BE SOMETHING FOR ME, RIGHT?"

"... I'LL MARRY YOU."

"YOU'LL WHAT?"

"I'LL MARRY YOU. I'M THE PRINCE FROM THE PURPLE COUNTRY. SO YOU GET MONEY. AND I WON'T GET BROKE."

"... DEAL."

"SWEET."

The next morning, during a make-out session, Rui being pressed up against the window, Matei looked out, and saw an angry mob coming.

"Oh shi-" he cursed as he let go of the kiss.

"What is it, Matei?"

"Mob heading this way."

"I think they found out about our incestuous relationship... THIS ISN'T NORWAY, GOD DANGIT."

"They have pitchforks, flames, swords... Shoot, and a guillotine."

"Bro... What's going to happen?"

"Someone's gonna die."

"... Bro... Bro!"

"COME ON, ONE LAST ROUND OF SEX BEFORE I DIE."

And so they proceeded to have another round of sex in this story.

"..." Mariana waited outside the castle, as well as the rest of the crowd. "What's taking them so long."

Sorry about that, I meant 3 more rounds. Frigging rabbits.

Finally, after that last round was over, Matei got up from the bed and proceeded to put on his sister's dress.

"I'll die for you, milady," he said with a straight face, in all seriousness.

"S-servant!" she cried in his arms.

"And plus I like this dress. A little drafty, but now you can never see my bone-" and then a cold hand hit the side of his face lightly.

Rui put on the tux.

"Make sure you don't fall..." he said as he kissed her forehead.

She nodded, and started running to the door. Then she fell, faceplanting into the ground. The older brother face-palmed, and then went out the front to the crowd as his sister escaped in the back.

"... You're not the princess."

"Uhhh... Yes I am!" Matei said as he raised his tone a little bit so that he sounded like his sister... Slightly.

"No you aren't."

"Yes, I am."

"Where are your boobs, then."

"... What."

"Your boobs. The Princess of Blue was infamous for having such a huge rack."

"I... I got breast reduction surgery, yes I did."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"Shut up."

"No, you."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"YOUR MOM. HEEHEE."

"THAT'S IT, TO JAIL YOU GO."

"Shoot."

"You're being decapitated at 3."

"Shi-"

"There's children in the crowd."

"... Crap."

And so, at 3 o'clock, Matei was decapitated.

Rui walked along the beach, holding a small glass bottle.

She threw it into the sea, a little note in it.

What did it say?

"Matei. I need you...

... No, seriously. I'm horny right now. I was thinking about you, yeahhhh. :I"

And so Rui's story ends there. RU LI LA, RU LI LA~

Yeah, she dies. Derp.

When Matei woke up... Somehow... He was in a dark room. He couldn't see or hear anything, but he was already deaf, I mean, the princess was blind anyway. Such a lovely family...

WE INTERRUPT THIS STORY FOR THE NARRATOR GOT SHOT SEVERAL TIMES FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THAT LAST PARAGRAPH, AND SO THEY HAD TO HIRE A NEW ONE.

"Hey... Helloooo? Anyone in here? I need my nightlighttt, I don't like the darkkkk... Anyone... Anyone? Nightlighttt..."

I'm sorry, the second narrator died as well, so I'll be taking this job.

"SILENCE!" a voice screamed at Matei as he continued to plead for a nightlight. "You killed me!"

"Or did I."

"You did."

"Do I get a prize? If so, I want a nightlight. Or my sister. Because I'm horny. Either one."

"You'll never escape from here."

"DON'T STOP, BELIEVINGGGGGG!"

"Stop that!"

"I'LL BE FREE! DON'T STOP, BELIEVINGGGGGG."

"RU LI LA, RU LI LA!"

"GOD DANGIT, WHO INTERRUPTED ME."

"Your sister's song."

"Oh. Pfff."

And so for a long time, Matei was trapped in that room. But he wasn't depressed or anything. He was actually quite amused annoying the crap out of Mana.

"MY NIGHTLIGHTTTT."

"GO TO SLEEP!"

And finally, one day, Mana told him that she was thoroughly annoyed, and said that he was going to be set free.

"HOLY CRAP! AWESOME! I GET TO MEET MY SISTER AGAIN!"

"OKAY, OKAY. SHUT UP!"

And he was reborn. Opening his eyes, he saw the other 4 looking at him, and the sun was setting.

"GOD! TOOK YOU FOREVER TO WAKE UP!" Mari yelled.

"It's getting dark soon, we don't have a light..." Mana face-palmed.

As they headed home, Mike leading, Mari holding his arm, Mana following after, and then Rui and Matei at the end.

Matei grabbed on to Rui's hand.

"Does that mean I can touch your boobs later."

"Pfffff."

0o0o0o0o0

Yes, that's how I ended narrating it to my sis. Looool.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THE EVILS SERIES. ;u;

My sis asked how it would be like if it was our OCs, and this came out of my mouth. Innuendo.

I DID THIS ALL IMPROV. LOOOL.

Also, the "GOD DANGIT, THIS ISN'T NORWAY." joke was based on the fact that in the olden days, people in Norway were killed because of incest. Derpy dee.

Yes, this is what I do on late Friday nights.

Lol innuendo.

HELLO. I originally posted this on deviantART, but one of my dear friends persuaded me to post these here... so... review, flame, favorite, follow~ Anything you want. xDDDD