Hajime had a routine for his orange juice by now, Get up, Take a shit and smell the feces, Walk out the door with pants on head, Then pass by Chiaki, go to the teruteru store and watch komaeda clean up as a maid. Last but not least he'd get orange juice.
Today something was wrong though, Hajime's day was already very unlucky as he accidently shat in his pet, Gundham's shit.
Then he tripped over his pet, Gundham's leash.
Worst of all on the way to the restaurant he slipped over the blood of his enemies. Atleast he had fun as he decided to slide down it and onto the shit that was the teruteru's big white van.
But, The thing that drove Hajime insane was that there was no Orange Juice anywhere in it's original vending machine or any of the other ones.
Hajime was getting very concerned now, He ran to the closest person to him, Great Gozu. "Oh great god of everything, Where are all the orange juices!?" Hajime panicked more and more.
"Child, They are all gone." Hajime took a few good moments to contemplate what was just said. Gozu said it so it had to be true in the end but…
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I NEED SOME CYANIDE RIGHT NOW." Hajime ran around the whole entire fucking world 16 times for each death he saw.
As he ran more and more he ran straight into Akane's chest. Which somehow got to the size of Quad Z's and there were 20 more boobs than usual.
Next to her was both Poobis and Pebis. The two creatures were more questionable than not, The last time they were seen they were both actually inside of a wall, and were thought to be having sex but it turned out they were just doing the new hit thing called "walling." It was to put yourself inside a wall. Kazuichi made it and felt really proud but once Gundham reposted it people actually cared.
"Oh hi Hajime how's it going?" Akane hopped up on his back and started humping him, The boobs on her chest started bouncing to a beat, creating a chorus and making a song that Hajime recognized all too well.
"Never gonna give you up." Pebis sung
"Never gonna let you down…" Peebus joined
"Never going to stop killing children~" Pebis rehearsed.
"Never gonna stop traveling through space time."
When they stop singing, which lasted 19419 days, Hajime decided to ask the question he was waiting for, "Akane where the fuck is Komaeda tell me or i swear ill eat you."
"Did someone say eat." Twogami popped up from the nearest trash can.
"Hey is a scumbag here?" Hiyoko popped up to the one right next to it with a tomato in her hair.
"DAMMIT HIYOKO FUCK OFF OK." Hajime yelled. He gave 0% of a shit.
"Wow fuck you too." Hiyoko then continued to throw a bus, the solar system, porn and the amount of komaeda memes there were on the internet.
Somehow, Hajime was able to dodge all 101157195957914815719579150 attacks that were thrown at him and began taling to peebis, "Peebis, oh lord fatass-"
"ITS PEBIS YOU PLEB JFC GO KYS." With a shot of anger, Pebis and Poobis walked off, well more levitated off, Ok so they exploded and dissapeared.
Hajime sighed, "Akane do you know where mop head is?"
"Oh yeah pretty sure he is on top of Mount Dewnaka and Friends."
"Kthxfuckubai"
Hajime then turned into a rocketship and began flying straight into the volcano that was Mount Dewnaka and Friends.
"Gundham where the hell is mophead." Hajime began
"The sinner? Yes, He is dangling above the flameeeeees" Gundham pointed to the lava and the people hanging above it
There was a calm down ibuki, a shitposter ibuki, teruteru, Dankanronpa sin, mikan and all the normal people you'd see on top of a volcano. But now there was Komaeda.
"Hinata-kun help my hairy boobs I am dying. Seriously all my pennis have been dripping out of this anus and they are trying to use me to make more pennis."
Hajime turned around to look at Gundham
"What the fuck broooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
"Dunno lmao but his pennies give me SOOO MUCH POOOOOOOOOWER!" Gundham looked straight at the sun. "FUCK THAT HURTS."
While gundham was dying, Hajime watched and a red headed girl came up the long ride of the rocks to get to the top
"Gundham I have you mail. It's from sonia saying the children are on fire and she wants to know how cheap it is to get out of jail."
"Hold on mahiru im dying."
Mahiru turned her head up to look at the hanging people.
"HOLY SHIT IS THAT A GIRL HANGING THERE OVER LAVA. TRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGERED."
"Ma'am can you calm do-" Calm Down Ibuki began to say but was quickly stopped by the shushing of sin, "You aren't in this story you dumbassed loli zebra trump manwomen."
"Alright u know what fuck all of you." Gundham used black magic and hung up Hajime and Mahiru because he felt like it and he's a sexy ass bitch.
Now since everyone was hung over fucking lava they were sad because they were going to die so they were sad.
Luckily in the corner of his eye, hajime spotted a shining light.
"Oh god is that Komaeda's big flying safety penis?"
"No not this time. I think it's porn" Komaeda reassured
Mahiru added, "Is it a fridge?"
Then Gundham spoke, "NOOOO I'M A DISNEY VILLIAN I CAN'T BE DEFEATED BY CHILDREN AND 2 FUCKING STUFFED ANIMALS AND A DOG." Gundham began whining
"This is bullshit im out of here." Gundham jumped into the lava to khs.
"No! It is I! Pebis!" Da-duh here he fucking was, in all his glory.
"YAY PEBIS." everyone shouted.
Pebis continued to let everyone off the NOOSE. GET IT, NOOSE INSTEAD OF LOOSE.
"Alright now remember children to never go inside some person's white van." Pebis began to explain.
Everyone nodded like children. Like Gozu, If Pebis said it you had to listen.
"Hey!" Pebis began, "I also found Hiyoko here writing hate comments to Great Gozy's ifunny page."
"U wot!" Hajime yelled louder than he should of.
"Yeah so wut u fukin reterd lololololololololo fite me 1v1 se-AHHH" Hajime grabbed the whole girl and threw her off the cliff and into the lava below.
"Guess you could say...She'll be going to hell amirite." Komaeda said.
"Holy shit what did you just say. TRIGGER WARNING. I NEED TO WRITE 16 BLOG POSTS NOW."
Eventually everyone went off on their own jolly ways but Komaeda and Hajime stayed by the fucking lava.
"Komaeda I just don't know. What will I do without orange juice?" Hajime began weeping.
"Wait...I think I have some."
Hajime perked up, "Holy shit where?" Hajime began jumping up and down like an excited little girl.
"GOD TELL ME, IM HARD RN." Hajime continued, now that he noticed his ahogay getting hard.
"Its up my anus...one sec.." Komaeda took a second to reach up his ass, He put his arm in so far that it went to his shoulder until he pulled out a huge ass fucking orange that was bigger than Komaeda's entire body.
Hajime did nothing but eat it and eat it, "You know I could live with this!"
"Actually that's a bomb." Komaeda said.
"WHAT."
Then Hajime exploded into all the random hajime porn you find on the internet.
"And that my child is how porn was made."