A/N: I wish I owned Degrassi. And I wished I owned this song. It's by My Chemical Romance.
The boy sat in his car drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and looking thoughtful. Nervously, he glanced at the back seat. As much as he wanted to say that there was nothing back there, he knew that was a lie. And he knew that she would know that it was a lie as soon as she got in the car. He shook his head sadly and then smiled slightly. He was a good liar, but he knew that she could see right through his lies. It happened every time he lied to her. You would think that he would have learned from past mistakes, but of course, he didn't. He laughed slightly, thinking of the last time she had caught him in a lie, and then started the car.
"Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets"
What am I doing? He thought to himself as he slowly backed out of the driveway to his house and started going down that all too familiar road. He knew that once he reached his destination, it was going to be the end. There wasn't going to be a second chance. There definitely wasn't any going back. He knew that he probably shouldn't do what he was about to do, and he knew that he could stop himself, but he wasn't going to. He had given himself to job to do... He had made her a promise, actually, and he had no intent on breaking it no matter what the consequences may be.
"I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the things we put each other through and"
---"Just promise me," she had said. "Promise me that you'll never hurt me. Promise me that nothing bad will ever happen to me-- to us..."
He looked down at her sadly and kissed her. "I promise you." he whispered. "I promise you that I'll never hurt you and that I'll never let anyone else hurt you."---
The memory appeared to him clear as ever. He shook his head to quickly get rid of it and focused his attention on the road ahead of him. It's not like he really needed to concentrate on the road though, he had been there so many times that he could drive there blindfolded. The houses started going past him in a blur as he got closer to her house. As he turned on to Maple, her street, he started to slow down the car. She was going to be waiting outside for him. At least, that what the plan was supposed to be.
She was going to be waiting outside and then he would go in and try to fix things. Again, he glanced at the back seat and hoped that things wouldn't get that bad. He knew though that no matter how hard he tried to keep things easy, it was going to get hard. Someone had hurt her and he hadn't been there to do anything about it. He knew that nothing would've happened had he been there like he was supposed to have been.
"I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running"
---He picked up the phone and dialed her number. "Hey," he said as soon as she answered it.
"Hey you, I can't wait to see you in a few hours." She said happily.
Her happy tone made him uncomfortable. He was already starting to feel guilty. "Yeah, about that..."
"Oh no," she cut him off. "What lie do you have for me now?"
"I'm not gonna lie to you. Something just came up, that's all."
"Something came up? Something more important than your girlfriend?"
He fidgeted in his seat on the couch and contemplated telling her the truth. "I... I got a job to do." He said finally. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't really the truth either.
"Yeah, whatever," She said in a tired tone. "Call me tomorrow when you're done with your little job, all right?"
"Yeah, fine... Come on, I love you, you have to believe me."
The was a silence on the end for a minute before she finally answered him. "I believe you. I don't know why, but I do."---
As he slowed to a stop in front of her house, he noticed that she wasn't waiting outside like she said she would. He saw that the door was ajar and he suddenly feared for the worst. He turned around in his seat and gazed down at the back seat. His mind was already beginning to race. Should he go in or should he give her five more minutes. Would five minutes be too long? Could something happen just that fast? Suddenly, he threw open the car door and jumped out. He yanked open the back door to his car and carefully slid the package into his pocket. He stood up and adjusted his coat when someone suddenly called out his name. She was standing on the doorstep waving at him. He grinned broadly and felt relieved-- for the moment anyway.
"But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold"
She ran over to him and threw her arms around him. He continued grinning down at her for a moment before he realized that he still had a plan to stick to. He opened his mouth to say something about the plan, but the words never came out since she had shoved him up against the car door and was kissing his neck fervently. She stopped kissing him and looked up into his eyes.
"You don't have to do this... We don't have to do this. We can leave now and never look back, just like you said." She said, a hopeful tone in her voice.
"No," he said firmly. "Look at you, look at those bruises and those scars. He seriously fucked you up and I'm not about to let that sick bastard get away with it."
"Please, it's not worth the trouble."
"Yes it is! I made you a promise, damnit! I promised you that I would never let anything like this happen to you!" He shouted.
"Calm down, please." She said soothingly. She held his hands firmly in her own and looked up at him pleadingly. "Don't do this to yourself."
"I have to... I can't live with myself knowing that I didn't keep my promise."
"Your promise is already broken!" she screamed. "It's been broken since he first hit me and killing him won't make things better because it won't change anything. It's not going to heal my wounds, it's not going to do anything."
He stared down at her and thought about what she had just said. She was right, and he knew it. His promise had been broken ever since that night. Actually, his promise had been broken even before he had made it. Her father was abusive, and he knew that letting him live would just result in more trouble. He loved her, and he knew that she knew that. So why won't she let me do this? He wondered. Why won't she realize that I'm doing this because I love her? And that I want her to be safe? Even if we leave and go to Wasaga... Or even if we go the states, he'll find her. I just know he will.
"Until the end, until this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of..."
"Hey!" She exclaimed, waving her hand in front of his face.
He looked at her and then roughly shoved her to the side. "You're not going to stop me, not this time. I'm doing you a favor."
She looked at him with big eyes, surprised that he, who had made such a big deal about never hurting her, had actually shoved her aside. She leaned against the car watching him storm up to her house feeling a mix of emotions. One part of her hated him. She couldn't believe that he was being so selfish as to kill off her own father just to make himself feel better. Yet at the same time, part of her was amazed that he really would kill someone and risk his life for her.
Why is he doing this? She thought, sinking down against the side of the car. He knows that I would love him regardless of what he would do. Why is he doing this? I don't want him to. As much as I hate my father, I can't stand it knowing that I had him killed. I need to stop him from doing this. My father is the only family that I have left now...
She jumped up and started running up the sidewalk to her front door. "Hey!" She exclaimed, flinging open the front door. "Don't do this, please don't do this!"
The unwelcome sound of a gunshot was the only sound to answer her cries. She stood in the middle of the hallway, suddenly feeling numb. She managed to move forward a few feet to the living room. As she looked into the room, she suddenly felt sick. There was blood staining the carpet, but she just wasn't sure who's blood it was. Before she could utter another word, everything went black for her and her body hit the floor.
"I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold"
When she finally came to, she heard a familiar voice calling her name. She continued to lay there with her eyes closed for a minute, trying to remember everything. Now she remembered everything. Her father was dead. At least, she was pretty sure he was dead. She couldn't think anymore, it was hurting her. She opened her eyes and let out an ear-piercing scream at seeing her boyfriend's mangled face smiling down at her.
Her boyfriend was alive, all right, but he might not have been well. She stared at his face in horror. He was smiling down at her, but it was obvious that he had taken a few good punches to the jaw since his teeth were red from the blood. There was also a lot of dried blood on his upper lip which she could only assume meant that his nose might be broken.
"You're bleeding..." She said simply.
He shrugged. "Yeah, whatever, you all right?"
"My dad, is he... you know?"
"I'm really sorry." He said.
"How could you?" She said angrily. "He was the only person left in my life and you took him away from me so you could feel better about yourself."
"That's not how it is, and you know it. And how can you say that he was the only person in your life? Who the hell am I?"
She looked up at him and held back her tears. Who was he? She honestly didn't know anymore. He was the guy who killed for her. The guy who loved her. But he was also the guy who killed the only family that she had left. She stared at him and just shook her head.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered. "I just... I don't know who you are anymore."
She gave him a last sad look and quickly hurried out of the living room. She stumbled up the stairs, still feeling a little numb, and collapsed against the wall on the landing. She started sobbing and she didn't really care if he left her or not.
"But this time, we'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of every..."
---"About that night when you had that um.. job..." She began nervously.
"Yeah," he looked at her confused. "What about it?"
"Well... Listen, promise me you won't get mad?"
"What happened?" He said, looking nervous.
"It was just my dad... It's nothing, forget a mentioned it."
"Bull," he frowned. "Just tell me what happened."
She shook her head and he looked at her. After a few silent minutes, he reached out his hand to her and slowly lifted up her shirt. She looked at him and attempted to pull her shirt back down. He sighed and looked down at her stomach where there was a nice sized black and blue mark. He then looked back up at her and stroked her hair with his free hand.
"So he hit you? And you're saying that it's just nothing?"
"I'm sorry I mentioned it. This is all my fault anyway."
"No, it's not your fault. It's not your fault at all. I'm gonna kill him for what he did." He said in an angry tone.
"What?" She looked up at him, feeling panicked. "No, you wouldn't do that!"
"I would kill for you, you know that. And... that promise I made you? I would never let anyone hurt you."
"It's not your fault! It's not like this hasn't happened before!" She shouted, not realizing what she was saying.
He stared at her, shocked. "What, he's done this before? Why the hell didn't you say anything?"
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I really am."
"Don't be sorry." He whispered to her. He pulled her closer to him and held her. "Never be sorry, everything will be all right."---
"All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this"
He stood in the living room staring down at the now empty couch. He couldn't believe it. After everything he had done for her and she claimed that she didn't know who he was? A sudden anger came over him and he stormed out of the living room and he headed towards the stairs. He called out her name as he started going up the stairs. On the landing, she continued to sit there, hoping that he wouldn't see her even though it was obvious that she was there.
---"So, just what are we gonna do? Come on, you can't just come over, shoot my dad, and then we walk out like nothing happened."
He smiled slightly. "Sure I can. Hey, just joking!" He said, seeing the look she gave him. "Though I could go on, shoot the guy, and come back out to you."
"What?" She looked at him confused.
"Tell you what, next week, when I come to your house, wait outside for me. You can just get in the car and we'll leave. We'll never have to go back, I promise. We can go down to Wasaga, or even the states."
She gave him a doubtful look. "Only if you won't shoot him."
"Fine," he agreed. "I won't shoot him unless he does something else to you. You can just get in the car, and we'll leave this life behind."
"I would like that." She said finally. "I would love that." ---
"As lead rains, pass on through our phantoms"
He got to the landing and looked at her. "Come on, let's get out of here."
She looked up at him and shook her head no. He walked over to her and held out his hand.
"Come on, you don't want to be here. You know one of your neighbors probably called the police by now."
"I can't believe you." She said standing off to her room.
She returned quickly with a duffel bag full of her possessions which included a picture of her family in happier times. She looked at him without saying a word and descended the stairs. He followed behind her until they got to the car. He looked back at the house one last time before he got into the car. He started it up and began what would end up being a long and silent drive.
"Forever, forever
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame on burning
Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun"
When they reached the first sign on the road that said Wasaga Beach was coming up in another three miles, she finally decided to talk to him.
"I don't know," she started, "if I can ever forgive you again."
"Yeah yeah, I understand that." He said sadly. "But just think, there's no way he can ever hurt you again."
"But you hurt me, don't you get that? You hurt me by taking away my only family. He was my father no matter what he did to me!"
"I... You have me now."
"Yeah, great, I have a killer." She rolled her eyes.
"You weren't exactly against it, you know. I told you I would kill him if he laid a hand on you again."
"Yeah but... I never thought that... I just didn't expect it."
He looked at her and said nothing. He quickly turned his attention back to the road and turned on to the exit for Wasaga Beach. She glanced over at him but quickly looked away. She stared out the window as they passed buildings. They continued speeding past buildings until he started slowing down near some more familiar houses. For the first time since they had gotten to Wasaga, they both looked at each other. He gave her a small hopeful smile, which she returned. He stopped the car in front of one house and looked over at her again. She stared past him, out of the window, and then looked at him.
"So," he said. "You ready to go see Sean and Ellie again?"
She nodded. "Yeah, of course I am. It's been so long."
He got out of the car and stood on the sidewalk, waiting for her. She walked over to him and linked her arm in his. The smiled at each other and started up the path to the small house Sean and Ellie shared. He rang the doorbell and then looked down at her.
"Hey, Alex?"
"Yes?"
"I love you, I really do. And I'm sorry that you're upset about your father, but I'm not sorry for what I did."
Alex looked at him and sighed. "It's fine..."
He gave her a doubtful look but didn't say anything else.
"And hey Jay?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. It doesn't matter what you did, I just need you to know that I love you."
Jay grinned at her and kissed her. "So, here's to our new life?"
She nodded in agreement. "Yeah, here's to our new life!"
The door swung open and they were greeted by Sean and Ellie, both of whom seemed happy to see their old friends. It really had been awhile since they had all been together. And now it was the start of a new life... For all of them.
"And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever"