I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood or the Sarah-Jane Adventures.
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The Doctor banged futilely upon the TARDIS door. "Open up!" he screamed. "You can't do this!"
When the TARDIS only began to dematerialise, he stepped back and did the only thing he could. He held up his sonic screwdriver and fused the coordinates.
Distraught, the Doctor turned around, to see Jack, Ianto, and the 'dead man', Owen, all staring at the blue box as it took half their team away to an unknown place – certainly NOT Cardiff, 2008, at any rate.
"What did you do?" Ianto asked, curiously.
"You fused the coordinates again, didn't you?" Jack guessed. The Doctor nodded numbly. His TARDIS had been stolen – again. "They can only travel between here and now and wherever – whenever – the Doctor went last."
"And that would be…?" Owen prompted.
"Actually, it's anywhere within a radius – I'm not sure how big – and within eighteen months of our last landing."
"So. . . who stole it, anyway?" Ianto mused, voicing the thoughts of the others. "No Master, no other Time Lords, so who's stolen it?"
A second later the Doctor's mobile – which had once been Martha's – rang.
.
Maria heard a strange whooshing sound, almost mechanical in nature, and ran out the door, with a hurried, "I'm going to see Sarah Jane!" to her Dad. When she got across the road, she stopped in shock. A blue, old-fashioned police box was appearing out of nowhere in the middle of Sarah Jane's front lawn, and it seemed to be whatever was making that awful noise.
Half a second after Maria took this in, Sarah Jane herself came flying out of her house, and ran to the box, pulling out a slightly glowing key (which she wore on a necklace, strangely enough). "Doctor!" Sarah Jane yelled as she attempted to fit her key in the lock. "Doctor! It's so good to see you!"
She opened the door, and Maria couldn't believe her eyes when a young blonde woman walked out, and was then followed by a redhead, a Japanese woman, a black woman AND a woman with a Welsh accent. She knew this fact because the last woman was speaking into a mobile phone, saying, "Ha! Martha broke the fusing! Shouldn't have taught her that trick, Doc!"
A moment later, in which her correspondent was obviously talking, she continued, "no way in hell am I going to tell you where we went! Besides, it's just a stop along the way! We're going to have the time of our lives, Doctor, and guess what? We ended up right where we planned, because you weren't driving!" She closed the flip phone and went to greet Sarah Jane, like the other women were doing.
The blonde seemed to know Sarah Jane, because they were chatting the most. Eventually, the redhead took charge.
"Alright, this is how it is: we stole the TARDIS and we're going on holiday. No idea how long for, but with a time machine we can arrive back in Cardiff ten seconds after we left. Oh, and we've sworn the TARDIS to secrecy, she's going to tell the Doctor that she just took us to a beach in Australia."
The black woman asked the breaking question. "Wanna come?
"Can I bring Maria and Luke? She's the girl who lives across the road – but she's only fourteen. Luke's my adoptive son. Are you planning to go clubbing?"
"I'm taking that as a yes," the redhead decided.
The Japanese woman answered Sarah Jane's questions. "Yes, and no, and no – girls only, sorry."
"Luke! Luke! I'm going out! Don't know how long! If I'm not back by dark call Clyde or Maria's Dad!"
"Can't I come with you? I like fighting aliens too!" a young teenaged boy's voice called from inside the house.
"Sorry, not aliens, I'm just going out with some old friends!"
"Ok, bye Mum!"
Sarah Jane started off towards Maria's house, but she had no time to get home, so she decided to make herself known. "I'm already here. I heard that awful noise and thought you were in trouble again."
This was obviously the wrong thing to say, seeing as Sarah Jane, the redhead, the blonde and the black woman all started vehemently protesting her use of the words 'awful noise'.
"… um… oops?" Maria offered.
"I think introductions are in order for some of us," the woman who'd been on her phone announced to the group at large. I'm Gwen Cooper, and I work at Torchwood 3 under Jack's supervision."
Gwen nodded to the Japanese woman, who introduced herself as Toshiko Sato, tech genius at Torchwood 3.
The redhead was rather interesting. "I'm Donna Noble, most of you already know that, and I am most certainly not married to the Doctor. Stupid aliens always get it wrong!" She muttered the last part to the blonde, next to her, who nodded in agreement.
Blondie turned out to be "Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth, alien expert at alternate Torchwood 1."
The black woman was Martha Jones, a doctor of medicine.
"So it's Gwen, Toshiko"—
"Tosh."
"Oh, Gwen, Tosh, Rose, Donna and Martha. I'm Maria Jackson."
"Well, seeing as some of you don't know me, I'm Sarah Jane Smith, I travelled with the Doctor thirty years ago." She heaved an annoyed sigh. "He then left me in bloody Aberdeen! I didn't run into him again until that incident at the school with Rose."
"Excellent! Now that we've met, let's party!" Donna exclaimed.
"Alternate Torchwood 1?" Maria asked Rose curiously.
"I was stuck in a parallel Earth for a few years, where Torchwood one survived the battle with the Daleks and Cybermen and Torchwood 3 in Cardiff had no Captain Jack – I never existed in that universe to make him immortal, or indeed to introduce him to the Doctor in the first place." Maria was wowed. "Oh, and Sarah? You know how the Doctor always aid that he only chose the best?"
"Yes?"
"Guess who my team at Torchwood was?"
"Umm, Mickey?"
"He was in my Dad's team, with Jake, alternate Owen and some others I didn't know here. No, my team was all girls, we were like ambassadors for Earth, the people in charge of alien relations, and it consisted of our police liason, Gwen Williams" --
"So I married Rhys there too?" Gwen asked Rose, who nodded.
"And there was our technical genius – each team had one, I warred with Dad for six months over having Mickey for ours, but he said it was a bad image to have the tech genius of the famous girl team a male, and I found someone possibly even better than Mickey – Toshiko Sato."
"No way."
"Yes way, Tosh. You were part of my team. Except that you didn't stay a Sato for long – a couple of years ago your alternate became a Smith."
Tosh raised an eyebrow, not knowing any Smiths in this world that she would ever even go out with.
"Mickey Smith and Toshiko Smith. An interesting match that no-one ever suspected. Oh, and then there's our front lines. We had a few girls who were supposed to represent the females of the world – it's amazing how many alien species consider politics with males to be insulting – and so we needed at least a few different backgrounds among our number. We had a Japanese tech genius, a dark haired liason with the police (Alternate Gwen came on half our missions, by the way,) a blonde leader – yes, me – so they wanted other cultures represented. Meet Martha Milligan"--
"I married Tom?"
"Your alternate did. And then we had Donna Noble"--
"I'm even single in other realities," Donna remarked mock sadly, causing everyone to laugh.
"And then I decided that I wanted to find anyone I could who knew the Doctor in this reality. I came across a journalist,"
"Me, I assume?"
"Yep, Sarah-Jane Smith, the journalist who informed the world of our current dealings and standings with alien races. I couldn't find anyone else, but there was this little over-excited work experience girl interest in aliens called Maria Jackson."
"No way! You met me in your other world?"
Not only did I meet you, I employed you the moment you left high school. I must admit, alternate Maria was about five or six years older than you are."
"Wow. The Doctor would definitely approve of your team, Rose."
"Thanks, Martha. I thought so too, but now I have proof."
Silence reigned for a moment, until Sarah-Jane asked something that had been bugging her since she noticed the Doctor was not there. "How do you plan to drive the TARDIS? I mean, isn't the Doctor the only one who can?"
Rose, Martha, Donna, Tosh and Gwen all smirked, rather sinisterly. "Leave that to the professionals. We have a Torchwood tech genius, a Torchwood alien expert, a woman stubborn as hell and one of us has a telepathic connection to the TARDIS. We can drive this thing way better than the Doctor ever could – we got here on the first try!" Martha informed the new members of the group.
"I can't believe that you actually stole the TARDIS," Sarah Jane informed them.
"Where to?"
Gwen's question had the women debating and arguing for at least ten minutes, until Maria yelled, in the most immature voice she could muster, "I WANT LOLLIES!"
Amazingly, it worked. Two minutes later the women were arguing over which lolly shops had the biggest range, before eventually settling on some shop on Raxicoricofallipatorius of all places.
Back in the TARDIS, with what must have been twenty kilos of sugar between them, they were fantasising on what they would love to do. "Can we go shopping?"
"Shopping?" A number of faces lit up at the prospect.
"Let's go to the biggest shopping centre in the universe!" Rose joked.
"Ooh, the Doctor told me about that one – it's like thirty stories tall, and a square kilometre on each floor!" Martha exclaimed excitedly.
"Where? Where? Where?" Donna jumped up and down like a ten year old.
"But we'll need money…" Maria pointed out, not knowing about the ability to trick ATMs into handing over cash.
With a flourish, Sarah Jane pulled out her sonic lipstick, saying, "Never fear! The Sonic Lipstick is here!"
"Grand Shopping Spree, here we come! Tosh yelled excitedly.
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"Pull that lever!"
"I can't reach it! Martha! Help!"
"A bit busy!"
"Maria! No climbing on the consol! You might hit a wrong button!"
"But someone needs to hold that lever down, I'm the only one who can reach it!"
"What's the Time Rotor doing?"
"Moving too fast, that's what!"
"So how do we fix that?"
"No idea! Sarah! Big, red, shiny button! Press it!"
"But that's the self-destruct!"
"It has a self-destruct?"
"I think so!"
"No! The bike pump! Don't go near that lever, Donna!"
"But isn't that how we get out of the vortex?"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm speeding up! Let's rip through that vortex!"
"Rose! No! the Doctor told me that he crashed last time he tried that!"
"I know! I was in it!"
"So why are you doing it, you crazy lady?"
"Because at least I know I'll land in the right century!"
"BIG, RED BUTTON!! NOW!!"
Beep.
Silence.
"Doctor? Please tell me that's not a self-destruct?"
"Be glad I managed to hook up some audio, at least we know that they've not been kidnapped. I can't believe they stole my TARDIS!!"
Seconds later, the TARDS materialised in front of the men, and a young girl walked out – no older than fourteen, fifteen at the most.
"Hi!" she said brightly. "They decided to go clubbing so they had to drop me off first. I'm Maria, are you the Doctor?"
Problem was, she was addressing Owen.
"Yep, Dr. Owen Harper. Did you say they're going clubbing without me?"
"Who's they?" the actual Doctor asked Maria.
"Oh, Donna, Rose, Martha, Gwen, Tosh and Sarah Jane."
The Doctor looked affronted. "She'll travel time and space with a bunch of loonies who think they can drive my TARDIS, but she won't come travel with me again?"
"It's your driving," Maria said seriously, having figured out which the Doctor actually was.
Before anyone could get into the TARDIS, they heard a shouted, "Look after my girl! I expect to find her in the same condition I left her in!" before the TARDIS dematerialised. Again.
"Sometimes I hate my companions. It's worse when they meet each other. Why did I ever introduce Donna and Martha? It started it all, I swear!"