A/N: This is a one shot for "The 2 P's Pair and Plot" Challenge by CrAzY flamINGO
This is set in Order of the Phoenix before Harry arrives at Grimmauld Place.
I hope you like :)
Hermione was busying herself in the kitchen, trying not to think too much about last night, about his subtle clues, leading up to that kiss. Just the one kiss had sent her mind reeling, made her feel butterflies. Just one kiss had made her fall in love.
She felt it didn't have the same effect on the one she shared it with though. He backed right up, and left, not saying anything. She turned to put away the dishes she had washed, and saw someone behind her.
It was him. "Oh, hello Sirius." She said rather coldly.
He sighed. "Hermione, don't-" "Don't what Sirius? Don't be angry? Well I am angry! How could you expect me not to be? We kissed Sirius, I'm not devoid of emotions, I thought there was a spark, I felt something, and you just left, not one word!" By this time she was shouting, and quite glad that everyone else had gone out to get some cleaning supplies and food.
She put down the dishes she had been washing and gave him an accusatory look. "Well, what do you have to say Sirius?" He gave a sigh that only someone very experienced in pain and sorrow could give, and she almost let herself feel bad. But she held fast in her anger.
"Hermione, I won't deny feeling something, but," he paused, choosing his words carefully, "I'm just too old for you, what you need is someone younger, full of life, someone with ambition, someone to share your dreams with Hermione, you have so much potential, and mine has run out. And what would your parents say? Hermione, I'm in my thirties."
She could feel her tears coming, "But Sirius, I want you, I don't want anyone else. That kiss yesterday, that was real Sirius. I could help you. We could have dreams of our own, we could make a future, you'll get your ambition back, you're too good of a wizard not too."
He shook his head and smiled sadly, "I just have so much baggage Hermione. I spent all of that time in Azkaban. You can't begin to imagine how that changes a person. Those dementors, they took ever feeling of love I've ever felt away. I'm old Hermione, I'm not whole, and that's not good for you. You don't want someone broken."
She saw his eyes shining with tears that were threatening to fall. She looked at the broken man, "But Sirius, I can help you, you, I'll teach you love, I swear I will, I'll do anything to show you I love you. I could help you let go and move on from that time. We can move past it together, I can help you."
"Hermione, I'm telling you no, we can't. I can't do that to you, I would only drag you down. I may not look old, and I may not even be that old, but I feel old. Old and weary, I could never give you the joy you want. I may seem like the old Sirius that James and Remus once knew, but in truth I'm just a really good actor. It's not that I don't want to. I just can't."
The tears started pouring over her face, and that only increased her pain more. "Even if it took time, I'd wait for you. I could help you feel young, I can help bring back your youth. I can help you let go of the past." She paused, waiting for an answer, he had none.
"Letting go? You think you would be able to do that?" She asked, her eyes pleading with him to say yes.
His first tear fell. "No. Never." The tears came stronger now. "Hermione, I can't get over it. My mind won't allow me. Just feeling this way for you, I can't allow it, it hurts too much Hermione. It reminds me of everyone I've lost, and how I loved them. When we kissed yesterday, after, I sat and cried, because every memory of James and Lily came back, and their death, and I can't leave you open to feeling what I felt. Don't love me, because I don't know how much longer I can be around for."
His whole body shook with sobs now. She knew he wouldn't want her to, but nonetheless she went and brought him to the couch in the den, and held him as his body shook violently. She stroked his hair just like her mother did for her when she was little.
She understood, that their love could never be, she knew that all he said was true, and that made her begin to cry too.
Almost an hour later, their sobs had quieted, and they just sat, in each other's arms, two saddened souls, who both knew that they should move, but neither wanted to. Finally Hermione was the first to move. "Sirius, they're going to be back soon, we've got to get cleaned up, I don't want them suspecting anything's wrong."
He nodded and stood. She stood after him. "I truly am sorry Hermione. I wish I could be everything you need, but I forbid myself from ruining you." She nodded, understanding the longing in his voice. He kissed her on the forehead, and again, she cherished it, not sure how long that simple, chaste kiss lasted. They heard the others come back to the door, and broke apart. Hermione went to put the dishes away, and Sirius went to have a shower and clean his face of the tears.
AN: I actually teared up writing this, so I hope you like this story of forbidden love 3
Please review, all flames will be used to boil water for tea :)