So sometimes I just think of weird one-liners that don't make much sense. This one amused me and I wanted to figure out how to write it into a situation that did make sense. I think I may fail but we shall see!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but this inane storyline.
Also, I think this is bordering on PWP but seeing as I think I might chicken out halfway through, we'll see where it goes.
Dave Karofsky was all man. And like the manly man that he was, he thought damsels in distress thoroughly gave him the right to display his manliness. Especially when said damsel in distress was his. And not a damsel at all, but his boyfriend, Kurt. Kurt was definitely in distress. Dave was a manly man, he could tell these things. Being drunk didn't make him any less aware of the distress, but more so.
Nodding to himself, having inwardly justified the actions he was about to take, he strolled over to where Kurt Hummel was politely turning down an offer from a man standing way too damn close to him.
Dave bristled, approaching, and shot the man a menacing smile. "Hey, Fancy, this guy bothering you?" The derogatory term from high school had become something of a pet name between them.
"Only a little, Dave. It's fine." Kurt shot him a look that clearly said he could handle it himself, but Dave was a manly man, a very drunk one, and those things combined with the fact that his damsel was in distress made him physically need to assert his manliness to this stranger.
Therefore, Dave ignored him and goaded the man a little more. "I think you were just leaving." He smiled at the man again.
"Oh was I?" Dave really looked at him this time. He was tan and had dark hair, a big guy but Dave was sure he could take him. "I wasn't aware of that." Apparently the guy wasn't as afraid of Dave as he ought to be.
"Sure, let me show you the door." Dave's fist swung back and into the man's face so fast that Kurt's disapproving squeak had only left his lips after the guy hit the floor.
"Dave." He shrieked and gripped Dave's arm before he could hit him again. "You stop this right now. I am so sorry, he gets protective when he's drunk." This last part was said to the bouncer who was called in to break up the not-quite fight. "We're leaving now." Dave grinned, he was pleased with himself. Yeah, he was definitely a manly man. He glanced at Kurt, ready to be rewarded for saving him when Kurt's beet-red face was babbling apologies in shock. Kurt began dragging Dave out the door and sensing that it was, indeed, time to leave, Dave followed him.
"And just what were you thinking, David?" Kurt sounded angry. He only called him David when he was angry. Dave pouted a little, this was definitely not going how it was supposed to. "I mean I know he was being forward but you didn't have to haul off and punch the guy!" Kurt was flailing his free arm now. "Very very bad!" If Dave wasn't so confused at what went wrong he would have thought it was funny that Kurt was talking to him like he talked to their puppy when he chewed up something he wasn't supposed to.
"You were in distress, Kurt, I was helping." Dave insisted. "Manly helper." He mumbled. "Damsels need manly helpers." Kurt stopped walking.
"What?" He looked confused. Dave loved that face. He really wanted to kiss him now. "Dave what are you talking about? I mean you usually get ridiculous when you drink and say weird things but what the fuck are you talking about?"
"It's really hot when you swear." Dave couldn't keep his eyes off Kurt's lips. "Like, really hot." He blinked. "Can I kiss you now, Kurt?"
"Can you- what? No, Dave! I'm mad at you, this is not okay. It's not okay to hit people." Kurt began walking again. They lived in an apartment two blocks from the bar and it was cold out. Kurt wanted to get home right now.
"But he was bad, Kurt. Not me, I'm a manly helper. The good kind. I did good…" Dave insisted, trailing off. He liked walking behind Kurt, like a lot. He licked his lips and lowered his eyes to the ass clad in tight jeans that flexed every time Kurt stomped down the sidewalk. "You're really hot, Kurt. Are you sure I can't kiss you?"
"David!" Kurt squawked.
"What?" Dave whined. Bitchy Kurt turned him on more than he liked to admit.
"You stop that right now! I am mad and you are not helping!" Kurt stomped up the stoop that lead to their apartment building. Dave was slightly baffled, when had they gotten there?
He followed Kurt up the stairs to their apartment and shut the door behind him when Kurt left it wide open after he'd stomped through it. Dave was shrugging out of his jacket when something attacked him. Kurt latched onto his lips and feverishly thrust his tongue into Dave's mouth. Dave moaned happily, all too willing to kiss him back. Their teeth clashed together in a way that was almost painful but made the kiss more intense. Dave moved Kurt forward until he had him pressed up against a wall. The smaller boy lifted himself and hopped so he could wrap his legs around Dave's waist. He fisted Dave's hair and wrapped his arms around his neck. Kurt groaned into the kiss and shifted.
Dave smugly acknowledged that Kurt was definitely not as mad as he'd let on, if the bulge against his stomach was anything to judge by. Kurt broke the kiss and latched onto Dave's ear as Dave bent down to suck on Kurt's neck. Kurt moaned again and released him to shudder in his ear. "Bedroom. Now, Dave."
Dave was happy to comply and placed his arms under Kurt's thighs as the smaller man wrapped around him tighter. The bedroom was close and Dave shut the door when the heard the puppy, finally realizing they'd returned home, come bounding down the hallway with another shoe in his mouth. That could wait until later, much later.
Dave tossed Kurt onto the bed before lowering himself on top of him. Kurt writhed underneath him and made those delicious sounds Dave loved. "Dave, please." Kurt whined.
Dave hummed at the man below him. Pleased to be getting this reaction. He sat up and removed his shirt, tossing it over his shoulder as he started to undo the buttons on Kurt's. Kurt fumbled with the button on Dave's jeans and yanked down the zipper. He pulled his knees up to push the jeans off with his feet, taking Dave's underwear with them. Kurt pushed Dave up so he could get his own pants off while Dave went to the bedside table to get a bottle of lube. He returned in time for Kurt to push his legs out of his jeans and shrug out of his shirt.
Normally, Kurt would seriously pitch a fit that his clothes were in a crumpled pile but right now he didn't give a fuck.
Dave climbed back on top of him and ground down so their erections rubbed together. "Shit," Dave groaned. This was awesome. Every time, it was awesome. He had been so dumb in high school. Gay sex was hot.
"Nnngh," Kurt articulately replied. He grasped Dave's shoulders and wrapped his legs around him again. He needed more, he needed him closer right the fuck now. "More, Dave, please."
Dave grinned into Kurt's neck, where he'd busied himself marking the smaller man. He popped the cap of the bottle in his hand and poured some on his other hand without raising his head. He felt his way down Kurt's body, unwilling to stop his ministrations, which Kurt had no problems with as long as Dave hurried up. Feeling Dave's fingers work their way between his ass cheeks Kurt couldn't help but tense out of anticipation. Dave sucked harder to distract him and dropped the bottle in his free hand, bringing it to stroke Kurt's abandoned cock. He worked his fingers down to Kurt's hole and pressed one against the opening.
Kurt bucked down on it, growing impatient and Dave groaned at the sudden pressure around his finger. He wiggled it around enough to loosen him so he could stick another one in there and Kurt gasped when they both pressed in and scissored back and forth. "Please, Dave, please." Kurt babbled. "Right now, oooh." He whined as Dave pressed a third one in, curling his fingers in search of something. "Ah!" Kurt's gasp told Dave he'd found the right spot and he smirked against Dave's neck.
Dave pulled out his fingers and raised his head enough to lock lips with the man beneath him, silencing the groan that Kurt had let out at the loss.
He took his hand off Kurt's cock and searched around for the bottle again. Finding it, he poured a little on his fingers and coated his dick so that it would be easier on Kurt, who was squirming in need as he tried frantically to find something to grip onto.
Dave pressed into Kurt as a collective moan filled the room. Kurt settled on gripping Dave's shoulders as the man braced himself above Kurt. Dave pulled his face away to look Kurt in the eye. Kurt nodded that he was okay and Dave began to move, thrusting into the heat below him.
"Fuck, Dave." Kurt moaned. "More, please." Dave interrupted his pleas with a kiss and complied, thrusting deeper and angling himself toward the spot he'd hit earlier with his fingers.
He knew he'd found it when Kurt groaned into his mouth and Dave pulled back so he could hear him. "Come on, Kurt." He whispered. "Let go." He ran his hand down Kurt's body so he could grip his now painfully hard cock and jerk him off in time with his thrusts. "Just let go." Dave lowered his face to Kurt's neck and bit down on the mark he'd made earlier, causing Kurt to scream and release onto his stomach.
Dave thrusted a couple more times before he climaxed and emptied himself into Kurt. Spent, he collapsed onto the smaller man and breathed shallowly. Kurt laughed and wove his arms around Dave's neck, holding him there.
After Kurt loosened his grip, Dave rolled out of Kurt and allowed his heart to slow down and his breath to steady. He grinned at the man next to him. "I should make you mad more often." Kurt glared at him a little.
"You're definitely not off the hook yet. You can't hit people, Dave."
"Then don't think of it as hitting. Think of it like…" Dave paused, trying to think of something. "Think of it like a fist-bump. We fist-bumped, but he used his face." Dave grinned, obviously pleased with himself when it made Kurt laugh.
"You're lucky I love you." Kurt turned toward Dave and nuzzled into his neck. He'd deal with the mess later, it was cuddle time now.
Dave smiled smugly. "That's because I'm all man."
Well that was fun. For some reason I really like writing Drunk!Dave. I feel like there's no pressure to make him in character if he's drunk... or something like that.
Almost chickened out on the smut, haha, tell me what you think.
Reviews/Comments/Critiques welcome.
Also, I think Dave would like puppies. Especially this one. I've decided his name is Toby.