And the World Fell Away
He hadn't taken the time to look at her. Really look at her. Well, not since last year. Back when…well you know the rest.
But he was now. He watched her head bob slightly along to the soft Augustana track on the stereo. Watched her curls wave slightly as her emerald green eyes focused on her furiously moving hand as it glided swiftly across the sketchpad. And he had to smile. Because, truth was, she was gorgeous.
"What's that goofy grin for?" she asked with a laugh.
Lucas smiled. "You look nice."
Peyton had to flush a bit. After all, it was the boy she loved saying all of this.
"He's on the door, Peyton! He's on the DAMN door under ME!"
"I don't wanna' steal him!"
"But you like him."
It had been two months. Two months since the break-up. God, he was a mess for awhile. At least until he saw it all in a new light.
Why was he always the one to fight for them? Why was he always the one to blame? The truth is, he was sick of it. Sick of feeling guilty.
"I love you, Brooke. I don't know how else to say it."
"How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back. Ok, why didn't you tell me about the kiss if it didn't mean anything, and why didn't you call me while you were away, and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?
And who had been there for him these past two months? It was Peyton. Somehow, it always led back to Peyton.
"It's always gonna' be there, isn't it? You and me."
This was it. This was the night. She could feel it inside. She had been holding onto it for months. Every time she got close to telling him, something else just pushed it away.
"I'm gonna' tell Lucas how I feel. Tonight."
IIIIIIIIIIIII
It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Nick.
It had been two months. Two months since Lucas.
She didn't need to be told who she missed more.
She couldn't give a reason for why she broke up with him. Nick, that is. She just told everyone that it was for the obvious reasons. He was her teacher after all. But truthfully, when did Brooke Davis ever let trivial things like that get in her way.
No, it was something deeper.
"I love you Lucas. And I probably always will."
She wouldn't let herself think that. That couldn't be the reason. And yet, somehow, even after two weeks of intense mental debate, it all came back to him. Lucas.
She couldn't give a reason for why she broke up with him. Lucas, that is. She just told him, and herself, that it was for the obvious reasons.
"But we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened. But it never seemed like you missed me back. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you."
It wasn't true. She told herself it was, but it was all a lie. Ever word they spoke, every breath they took in their relationship was meaningful. She remembered the nights they would spend tangled in her cool sheets, as he whispered in her ear and stroked her hair as she fell asleep in his arms. The air would be cold, the room would be dark, but she always felt safe, always had a smile, when she was curled up against his warm form.
And it all came back to one person.
"What kiss? Did you kiss her again?"
It wasn't just because of the kiss. She could try to forgive and forget. But it was always there. Brooke grew desperate at the fact that no matter how hard they tried Lucas and Peyton could never sever the bond they had all the way. And Brooke couldn't help but think it was just for her own sake.
So she stepped down.
She was running scared.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
"I love you."
Somehow it all came spilling out, and she immediately regretted the three words.
His head snapped up, electrifying blue eyes searching her own for a conformation.
"What?"
"I'm sorry." She stood up in a hurry. "I should go," she said quickly, grabbing her sketchpad, tears already brimming in her eyes.
"Peyton," his words coming back in a strangled tone.
"God, I'm such an idiot," she said, fumbling with the clasp on her bag as she threw in her textbook. Moving to the door, she tried to get away. Tried to get away from the boy that made her feel so strange. So vulnerable.
"It's always gonna' be there, isn't it? You and me."
They were coming back. The feelings long suppressed. His head began to spin as he watched her scramble to the door, distance between them growing larger and larger.
And then his head stopped spinning. Some un-earthly force propelled him to her and grabbed her arm.
"Peyton."
"Peyton."
Somehow their lips crashed together. And the spinning began again
IIIIIIIIIIIII
She hadn't planned it. She had left for a run, tried to clear her head.
And somehow she ended up there. His room light was on, but the shades were drawn as normal. She could faintly hear Led Zeppelin soak through the walls of the room to the lawn where she stood shivering.
This always happened. Her insecurity reaching new lows every time they were together.
Her head ached when they were together.
Her stomach churned when they were together.
Her vision blurred when they were together.
And yet she still wanted him.
"I was scared of getting my heart broken again. And I was scared of you and the way you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now, after what I did. But I just thought you should know. This is how I spent my summer Luke – wanting you. I was just too afraid to show it."
She still needed him.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
A sweater was thrown off, then a shirt.
That's when the doorbell rang.
He stood up with a sigh, and moved to the door. She watched him disappear into the hallway, and then just laid there in her bra and jeans, staring up at the blue ceiling, which seemed so much brighter now.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
"Remember tonight for it is the beginning of always."
Her speech began before the door was fully open. And the tears were already rolling.
"I don't know why I did it, ok?"
"I don't know why I did it, ok?"
"I blamed you for everything. Everything that went wrong. With Peyton, with us. Everything. I never trusted you, never let you in, then blamed you for not opening up to me. I don't deserve you."
She had never cried this much before. But the tears were silent – she couldn't let stuttering stop her now.
He could only stare at her, frozen. Remembering who was in the next room.
"We always fight. We never get along. You make me feel so nervous, so dizzy, so unsure, so insecure. But dammit, Lucas! No matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving you!"
And that's when she emerged. With her green eyes and blonde hair. Wearing his sweater.
Brooke's stomach clenched up. Peyton was wearing the sweater that Brooke used to curl up in when it got cold at night.
And suddenly Brooke understood.
But something funny happened.
No anger approached.
All she felt was fear.
"Lucas?"
"Lucas?"
He stood, as if frozen in space, eyes moving between the two girls he loved.
"Lucas?" came the blonde's soft whisper.
"Lucas?" came the scratchy voice from the dimpled girl.
And then they were gone. First it was his pretty girl, leaving with an undecipherable expression on her face, stumbling down the steps. And then was goldilocks, rushing out, avoiding his gaze, still wearing his sweater.
"There are times in life where we find ourselves at a crossroads."
It was time. After two years, it was finally time.
He had to choose.
He knew it would happen all along. He knew that no matter which he was with in the past two years, it would always boil down to his decision. But he never knew how simple it would be.
That the answer would be staring him right in the face.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
He caught up to her between Maple and Church. Grabbed her by the shoulder, turned her around, and promptly gave her a soft kiss.
It was short and sweet, and after a few moments he pulled away. Looked her in the eye, and said gently, "I love you."
She smiled, but it was a sad smile. Because there was something behind that I love you. And somehow she knew what was coming next.
"It's her isn't it?" She asked, before he could continue.
This time it was his sad smile. "I love you. But I need her. I can't explain why. I don't even know why. I just do."
The face she put on next was the bravest it had been in years. "Go find her," she said in almost a whisper.
And then he was gone.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
He reached the beach in just minutes – somehow knowing she would be there. The moon cast a soft glow upon the cool sand, as he quickly stumbled across to her.
Even if it hadn't seemed like all along, it was her. Somehow it was her. He needed her. He couldn't explain why.
He found her huddled form about 20 feet from the waters edge, where he could see her shaking from the tears.
This was it.
There she was.
And somehow, despite his clouded brain, he was at her side. Pulling her up and looking her in the eyes.
This was it.
There she was.
"Pretty girl."
Before either knew it, his lips had found hers. And the world fell away.