Its quite ironic really, the one person I told my biggest fear to, my fear of pain, was the one person who weaved her way in. The one person who's making me feel so much pain right now, and if only she was here to blame it on, because I'm a bitch and we all know I would. She could handle me though, like no-one else could. She was Emily Fitch. My first love, my only love.
We had our up's and down's like everyone did, but my love did not falter, and I'm sure nor did hers. I wish, more than anything that I could change that day, that maybe if I made her stay in bed with me all day she wouldn't have went to work, but she always went to work. She loved it, not sure why, who would love spending 5 days a week in a shitty college like Roundview? I know I used to hate it, the only bit I liked about it was the fact I could see her 5 days a week. And then I could see her 7 days a week, and I loved it, I really fucking loved it. I know we didn't get off to the best of starts, or those few months I really fucked up, but if I could change it I would, just because I wasted so much time not being with her. Now I hate it, because I don't get to see her once, after being with her for 8 years, the best 8 years of my life, I'll never get to see her again. But, I need to see her, it's only been 3 days and I miss her. The worst 3 fucking days of my life.
Really, did that bastard not think when he drove straight into her car? Who he was fucking killing? Who he was making her leave behind? How fucking selfish.
Today's the funeral, and I know I have to attend, not to say goodbye, no, I'll never say goodbye. To say I'll see you soon baby. But I am writing this before it, because I know I won't be able to afterwards. There's only one thing I plan on doing afterwards.
And that's why I wrote this, to say goodbye to everyone. Emily never got the chance, and I know she would have loved to. I guess I should say goodbye on behalf of her too, I'll let her know that everyone misses her. That's why I'm doing this really, because I miss her. I can't be without her, it's bloody impossible.
Mum, I know I don't say it often, or at all really. But I love you, I really do. Look after my baby sister for me. If anyone ever hurts her, don't worry I'll haunt them down. I'll miss you.
Cook, Effy, and the rest of the gang. I love you guys, never forget it Ok? We were the bunch of little fuck-ups that fucked up together.
Katie, Katie fucking Fitch, I know I'll never live this down, luckily I won't be living long after I write this. (Sorry, too early for jokes?) I love you, in some weird fucked up way. You're missing your better half, and she, still, will never really leave you, I'm sure she's watching you, you know? I'll look after her, don't worry.
I'm being brave, Emily Fitch, because I do want you back.
So....... -akward silence-