Author's Notes:
Well, I've thrown in all three original pimps (GCBL by Bodacious E, BD by Flagg, and LDK by me), and introduced my replacement pawn after Flagg murdered mine like a jerk. -.- Oh, and I stole all of Exotos' hoes (from A Pimp's Greatest Mistake)... and killed some, oops. Sorry, man~ ;)
I've thrown in a fun fact (in-story) about My Only Sunshine; one of the few things I felt was too vague and not explained well enough.
Finally, seriously, this is just for gags. I don't endorse rape, drug use, pimping, sexual violence, murder, etc. And if you want to give a serious review on one of my stories, then please head on over to A Woman After My Own Heart, or even Flagg's Reeling in the Years. If you guys don't know yet, I've been adding loudcest/non-loudcest/horror stories to a community called "The Lewd House." Check any of those out and review them. I know those authors would love to hear your genuine thoughts rather than waste them on this crack piece of garbage writing. :D
Disclaimer: Bitch, plz, ain't no one got time fo' dat shiz!
KIM JONG DONG
Big Daddy had just finished vaporizing Limp Dong Kong into a smokin' pile of meth. He stole all LDK's bitches and strapped his ass-man "Pea-cock Lynn" to the grill of his inter-dimensional low rider pimp machine, the letters on his platinum plates in golden print: PIMP YO HOS.
With Lynn "Ballsucker" sucking on his big ass muthafuckin' pimpin' sack, he flipped on the radio and KC and the Sunshine Band screamed out of the silver-plated subwoofers in the back.
"That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it!"
He slicked back his feather with his Pimp Hand, pumped his rigid pimp meat into Lynn-bitch's face pussy, and slammed his foot down on the pedal, grinning as his low rider spun donuts on the very fabric of reality, mixing up whole universes like a blender. Turning the wheel sharply, the tires spun out ruby flames as he ramped across one universe (some stupid alternate reality where pimp ass, bitch slappin' Lincoln Loud is locked outside for being bad luck)… yeah, fuck that shit. He burnt up that shithole fo' bein' lame ass dick suckin' fuckers.
What kind of sick parents lock their son outside for the whole night and force him to wear some stuffy lame fuck squirrel suit?
Big Daddy took a piss on the universe, setting it ablaze with Hellfire.
"That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it!"
"Fuck, yeah, ima wack ass muthafuckin' pimp god!"
With a loud pop his inter-dimensional rift closed, and all was still and lonely in the world of Limp Dong Kong. His pile of schlong-ash meth shit was still smokin' from the nuclear-powered bitch slap that literally tore the soul straight out of his seven foot kong dong schlong.
His flagpole cock was speared into the ground like a tombstone.
His punk bitch ass never stood a chance.
He never had the Pimp Hand.
Then, all of a sudden there was another inter-dimensional rift and out stepped a Linka Loud, her face set angrily with a stiff upper lip.
She had rounded cheeks, a pudgy body, and was wearing the clothing of Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un.
Linka "Kim Jong Dong" Loud walked over and spat on the burnt ashes of her alternate pimp ass self. "Bum wimp ass nigga ho got wha' he's deserves."
Her eyes grew wide and sparkly as she pulled out the Pimp Cock from the ground like it was the sword in the stone, and she promptly tore down her black Korean baby ass pants and shoved that muthafucka as far up her pussy as it could go.
She fell to her knees and began screaming in agony as her body glowed brighter than a thousand suns as nuclear explosions erupted around her, tearing apart all of North America, and vaporizing the dicks of every male in the dimension in a crushing wave of respect and understanding.
When she stood up her face was grinning so evilly the sun exploded into a billion tears.
She would be the only wielder of a Pimp Cock in the whole multiverse. She'd be the only fucka that ever fucked to fuck a bitch ass ho for fuckin'.
Her pants were unzipped and her Korean pimp wang was erect and standing straight up in the air, a red flag tied to the tip with gold lettering, "Ima pimp yo commie hoes!" It was the size of an aircraft carrier, pushing aside skyscrapers as she pissed into the air and tore a hole through reality.
In that dimension she saw some lame ass fuck getting pounded by ten sexy women… one was a baby.
God, there was something seriously messed up in the world. Fuckin' parents don't even teach their goddamn children morals anymore. It was disgusting.
Kim Jong Dong took a piss on that universe, her smile wide and froglike as the younger sisters melted down into dick goop.
A wave of respect and understanding flooded out from the impact of her piss like tsunami waves crashing against cities, and the remaining bitches fell down on their faces and kissed the dirt and cum in front of Kim Jong Dong's portal.
"Yo ma bitch ass fuckin' hoes, ya dig?"
Her stiff upper lip was going so strong, Trump's mouth cried in pure shame and respect, forcing him to face-plant so hard he fell into a Chinese torture chamber and the guards promptly put him in a cock ring and nipple clamps.
She pissed again and found a dimension where Rita-bitch had a sledgehammer halfway through Lucy's stomach, and she tilted her head.
"Yo wack ass as ma cat on mary jane."
"He's my Lincoln!" Rita Loud turned toward her and raised the sledgehammer high up into the air.
Kim Jong Dong reached her aircraft carrier schlong through the portal and smacked some respect and understanding into her wack ass brain.
Rita fell to her knees and worshiped her new pimp goddess.
Then, KJD pissed again and saw some crazy bitch Luan dumping a tablespoon of rat poison into a baby bottle before mixing it up with a spoon.
KJD grinned. "Just the ho I need to put some respect and understanding into all those lame fuck pimps in the multiverse!"
Just before Lynn could attack Luan and save Lily from dying a slow, painful, agonizing death, Kim Jong Dong slammed her schlong into her so hard she was instantly transported into Hell with a red Korean commie pin permanently stitched into her forehead, "Ima commie ho bitch now fo' real."
Satan shook his head.
He was getting' real tired of these lame ass pimps and their shit.
Once Kim Jong Dong was done pillaging the fanfiction characters of Flagg1991 and AberrantScript, she turned her eyes on a final portal… where she saw two bitchin' pimps facing off. One with a feather in a hat and something like, what, zebra print jacket and wack pants? Lame. The other wore some orange cheetah print something or whatever. Bitch, plz.
Kim Jong Dong, in her fine ass commie dick-tator uniform, pants unzipped and dong-flag hoisted twenty stories into the sky, stepped through the portal with her hoes all dressed in skimpy hentai lingerie.
"Yo bitches!"
Gold Cock Binkie Lincy and Big Daddy turned to look at her in confusion.
"Who the hell is that wack bitch?"
"Ima pimp you out ho!"
She took her aircraft carrier-sized schlong and started heating it up with the power of a billion suns, until it was glowing like melted gold with the power of the Pimp Cock.
She was gonna slam this muthafuckin' cock down so hard they'd cum nonstop for all eternity and then some…
Your turn, bitches~
Fun Fact:
(INTENSE spoiler alert for My Only Sunshine)
In the story, Lynn believes that Leni has poisoned cookies given to Lola and Lana. At the time the only enemy of Lynn's was Leni... but when she hears how friendly the devil-sister is with Luan, and sees Luan trying to give a powdery-looking milk to their baby sister, Lily, she flips out and attacks Luan... This was an extremely crucial turning point for the story that Flagg helped me so much on I nearly cried in gushing waves of appreciation. Because Lynn "defended" Lily, her whole family eventually isolated her and she attempted suicide three times (succeeding on the lucky "third" charm). This scene is also incredibly ironic for two reasons. 1), Lynn was right, but no one would believe her (not even Leni's archnemesis, Luna)... 2), moments after Leni murders Lily, she brings a knife and gives it to Lynn so she can kill herself, which Lynn willingly uses because by that point she'd given up all hope and the love of her life was dead.
That story was one of my greatest literary achievements and I honestly couldn't resist talking about it at length once again~