Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:
What's Left of the Flag 1
"It's been three weeks of rough travel. After being attacked by hostile forces we were finally able to pick up supplies at an outpost. We also managed to pick up a virulent strain of Hagenfraust, a virus very similar to Chicken Pox on Earth, or so I've been informed by both the Emergency Medical Hologram and Dr. Kiser. Commander Chakotay, Dr. Kiser and I have somehow managed to avoid becoming infected and it appears the still infected crew members are no longer contagious. I'm not sure what the coming weeks will have in store for us, but some smooth sailing would be appreciated." She picked up her coffee cup and stared into its contents as if she was reading imaginary tea leaves in the dregs left behind before she sat it back on the table in front of the couch in her ready room. "Computer end log."
It had been as many weeks since she and Tegan had started dating and in that time they had only managed to actually date twice; between the captain handling her duties and Tegan tending to hers which kept her busy in the infirmary during her normal duty shifts and in the bio-labs after hours.
Janeway walked up just as Tegan stepped out of sick bay. "You got your walking cast off."
"I did." Tegan glanced down then made a face at her. "No rock climbing for another week though."
"Too bad," Janeway checked the halls for anyone else. "I was planning that for our third date."
"Oh, so we're going on a third date?" She teased.
"Well, I do have to let you kiss me on the cheek."
It was Tegan's turn to check the halls, when she was sure the coast was clear she leaned in and whispered. "I thought I did that last time."
Janeway grinned. "Are you free tonight?"
"Actually I'm not, not for more than a quick bite in the mess hall anyway. Didn't you hear?"
"About?"
She was certain Tom and Harry said they had gotten her approval. "The Nightingale, I'm preforming there tonight."
"The Nightingale? That's the night club Harry and Tom designed?" She had agreed to let them run it every Friday night for four hours under an open door policy for all crew.
"Grand opening tonight at 2000 hours."
"And you're singing?" She gave Tegan her most skeptical look.
"Don't ask me how they roped me into it." It hadn't been too hard for them to twist her arm, they let her name the place after all and she had even been allowed to give input on some of the design elements.
"In that case I'll have to stop in."
Tegan glanced up when she saw a red command uniform enter. She didn't need to look up to know it was Captain Janeway, she could feel her enter a room. She blamed it on her command presence but she had never been quite so acutely aware of anyone who didn't have naquada in their blood stream before. She moved her eyes over to Tom who stepped up on the stage and announced the opening of the new nightclub, which was in her opinion much classier than Sandrine's. There wasn't a pool table; it was an upscale club with a stage perfect for a small orchestra. The tables were covered with white linen table cloths and the waiters all wore Tuxedos. When Tom announced her she stepped out from behind the curtain wearing a green evening gown that flowed behind her in a puddle on the stage. She needed to remember to talk to Tom and Harry about switching up the places if she was going to preform regularly, she didn't want to have to wear an evening gown every time she sang. She would leave that to Seven.
She blushed under the spot light and turned to the holo-pianist and gave a single nod, he immediately started playing. Halfway through the night Janeway tapped her badge and stepped out.
"Was it that bad?" Tegan asked as she stepped out of the holodeck to see Janeway waiting for her.
"No, not at all. I was called to the bridge." She let her eyes rove Tegan's body admiring how the green material flowed over it.
"I assumed that was the case." She gave her and understanding smile. "Nothing too serious I hope?"
She shook her head. "Are you too tired to stop by my quarters for a drink before you head to bed?"
"Not at all, I could use something warm and soothing."
"I know just the thing."
She crossed her quarters and handed the Vulcan spiced tea to Tegan who wrapped her fingers around it and inhaled the aroma and steam deeply before letting out a soft sigh. She sat her coffee mug down and settled on the couch beside her. "You looked and sounded absolutely wonderful this evening, I'm sorry I couldn't stay for the whole thing."
"I understand. You missed Seven though." She wanted to tell her that Seven seemed disappointed she wasn't there, but she didn't feel it was her place and she didn't want to add to her guilt complex. She still didn't completely understand the relationship the two women shared.
"I'll have to stop by astrometrics tomorrow and apologize."
Tegan wondered why it was so important but she didn't want to pry, it was too late and she was too tired to ask those kinds of questions.
Kathryn reached over and touched her knee pulling her from her silent musings. It was no more intimate an act than she had used when talking to B'Elanna except they were in her quarters. Still she felt a slight tensing of muscles and started to move her hand away.
She wasn't used to being touched or intimacy of any kind, which made it both hard to give and receive any. When Kathryn put her hand on her knee she jerked involuntarily. Even as she tried to force her muscles to relax she could feel the weight of the hand lessen. Afraid to loose it's warmth she dropped her own hand on top of Kathryn's but it didn't stop her retreat.
"I'm sorry." She stood up and turned away from Tegan. "I don't think this is going to work."
Tegan sat her untouched tea down. The guilt she had felt coming from Kathryn over missing Seven's performance was nothing compared to the intense waves she could almost sense radiating off her now. She wanted to stand but everything in her head seemed so jumbled and she wasn't sure she would be able to maintain an upright position if she were to find her feet. She licked her lips and tried to swallow the cotton ball that had suddenly developed in the back of her throat. "What do you mean?"
Kathryn turned to her but she didn't look at her. "I can't help but think this isn't right."
She had said she wouldn't be her mistake again and yet there she was. She pushed herself up, her brain telling her to flee as quickly as possible but her heart anchored her in place. Something was wrong. She could feel it in the air around them. It was in the way Kathryn looked at her ear instead of making eye contact. Tegan studied her face for several long minutes before finally speaking. "Us?"
Kathryn nodded.
"We've barely had any time to see if there is an us." Tegan argued willfully. She wasn't going to just give up on them, not this soon. The problem was she didn't know what she was arguing against.
"I'm sorry. I just can't help remembering that night." Kathryn's voice cracked as it rumbled softly over her lips.
Tegan stared at her hard. Mentally she willed her to look at her and not her ear. She stepped forward and Kathryn stepped back. "That night was wonderful."
"I raped you." Her voice was barely a whisper.
"What?" Tegan almost choked on the word. "You did no such thing."
"I might as well have." She didn't hide her self-depreciation.
"Would you look at me?" Tegan pleaded.
Kathryn brought her eyes to meet hers but they quickly slipped to her other ear.
"It's really hard to talk to you when you're looking at my ear." She reached up and cupped Kathryn's cheek pleased that she didn't pull away. She kept her hand there until she finally relented and brought her eyes back to lock with hers. "You didn't do anything I didn't let you do."
"But…" Her rebuttal was drowned out as soft lips smothered hers.
Tegan pulled back and huskily whispered in her ear. "I willingly gave you all of me that night and I look forward to doing it again." Before Kathryn could speak she kissed her again feeling, her guilt slowly melt away. "Stop beating yourself up or you'll ruin what I gave you."
Kathryn nodded a silent promise to let it go.
"I should leave." Tegan kissed her again. This time her lips were feather light. "Dinner tomorrow night?"
"Third date?" Kathryn asked a little breathlessly, she was never going to get to sleep now.
Tegan nodded. "If you'll let me have access to your quarters I'll take care of everything and you can just show up."
"I'll be here at 1900 with bells on." Kathryn smiled.