One Breath at a Time
Starsky paced once more to the window, staring out into the darkness. The lights of the city twinkled, oblivious to the anguish going on inside the waiting room. Startled back to reality by a heavy but gentle touch, he turned to face his captain. Immediately noticing the concern and care in Dobey's eyes, Starsky smiled. "I know, I know. Sit down."
Dobey returned the smile. "Starsky, you're not going to do Hutch any good if you worry yourself to death." Dobey realized it was a long shot, but he really wanted to settle Starsky down. The man had just left the ER himself after having a broken hand casted and cracked ribs wrapped. That bump on the head almost got him admitted, but Starsky's promise to take it easy had earned his release. Dobey seriously doubted the sincerity of that promise.
"Son, please." Dobey gently steered Starsky to a chair.
"Cap..." Starsky began his protest.
Dobey stood his ground. "Look, you need to sit down before you fall down."
"It's been two hours, Cap!" Starsky replied, a little too loudly.
The stern look from his captain effectively stilled him and he surrendered to the waiting chair. It did feel much better to sit. His head was pounding and it was hard to catch a breath. Not to mention, the heavy cast on his arm was already beginning to chafe.
How had this happened? The day had begun like any other day. They hit the streets ready to save the world. Only the world wasn't appreciative. Broadsided by the perp they were helping to run down, that battered hunk of metal Hutch called a car, had crumpled like a coke can. The truck hit them on Starsky's side and shoved them into a light pole. Starsky should have gotten the worst of it, but when the car wrapped around the pole, Hutch was slammed by the door on one side and Starsky on the other, causing internal injuries. Just how bad, Starsky didn't know. Hutch was now in surgery.
"Damn!" Starsky said with a grimace as he sprung to his feet. He couldn't sit still, no matter how good it felt. "How long does it take, Cap? What if it's bad?"
"It's okay, Starsky. Hutch is tough. You know that." Dobey reassured him, trying once more to calm his detective down. "It's been worse, you know."
"I know." Starsky hung his head. "One day, it might be as bad as it can get." Starsky looked up at Dobey, directly into his gentle brown eyes. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Cap." Moisture rimmed his eyes, but he didn't look away. These men had shared tears before.
Blinking back his own tears, Dobey put his large hand softly on Starsky's back. "Starsky, I don't know what to say. Waiting is hard on a man, not knowing what's going on, worried about what might happen. We'll get through this, I promise."
Looking down at his feet, Starsky asked, "How did you live through it, Cap?"
Knowing exactly what Starsky was talking about, Harold Dobey let his mind seek out the repressed memories. Memories that would always be there. Memories of the time his life changed forever. Elmo. His partner, his best friend. They were as close as Starsky and Hutch. Inseperable. Hung on a meat hook and killed by the mob. "Honestly, I don't know. I took it one breath at a time."
"How did you stay on the force?" Starsky asked, his voice trembling.
Thinking before answering, Dobey replied, "I stayed for Elmo. We promised each other not to ever give up."
Starsky looked bewildered. "Give up?"
Dobey nodded. "When we came up, negroes had a hard way to go. Prejudice is an ugly thing, Starsky. Being Jewish, you've dealt with it too."
Starsky silently nodded and waited for Dobey to continue.
"We promised if anything ever happened to one us, we would go as high as we could for as long as we could." Dobey smiled, "You know, I was the first negro Captain in this precinct?"
Starsky grinned, "Yeah, I know."
"I worked my can off, thinking of Elmo every step of the way. That's what he would have wanted." Patting Starsky on his good arm, he added, "It's in our blood. We couldn't stop if we wanted to."
Whether it was the meds or just the conversation, Starsky seemed to be relaxing. He sat down gingerly, trying not to jar his battered body. Looking up at Dobey, who had taken over the pacing duties, Starsky admitted, "I'm not as strong as you are. I don't think I could do it."
Dobey bent down, looking straight into Starsky's eyes. "You don't do anything on your own strength. You'd do it because you love Hutch. He'd do the same."
Realizing the truth in Dobey's statement, Starsky replied, "You're right, Cap. That's what keeps us going every day."
"Mr. Starsky?" a voice interrupted.
Starsky jumped up, then bent over from the pain. "Damn!" he said under his breath. "I've gotta stop doin' that!"
"Hey, take it easy!" the doctor ordered.
"How's Hutch?" Starsky asked, ignoring the man's concern.
"Okay." the doctor said. "Right to business, huh?"
"Yeah." Starsky said sharply.
"Well, barring any complications, Mr. Hutchinson will be just fine." Dr. Harris replied.
"How bad is it?" Dobey asked, beating Starsky to the question.
"Let's start from the top." the doctor replied. "We had to remove his spleen. It seems most of the damage was confined to it. We have the bleeding stopped. He also has a concussion, a bruised lung, and several contusions. Not unlike your injures, Mr. Starsky."
Starsky sat down again, exhaustion washing over him. The adreneline was finally wearing down. "I want to see him."
Smiling, the doctor replied, "One condition."
Starsky's head snapped up. "What's that?"
Knowing he had the man right where he wanted him, the doctor answered, "You have to promise to go home and rest after you have talked to him. You're not in great shape yourself."
Dobey mouthed a silent, "Thank you." to the doctor. Starsky really needed to get off of his feet.
Seeing the protest getting started, "I mean it, Mr. Starsky. Unless I have your word, no visitation."
With a defeated, painful slump of his shoulders, Starsky consented. "Deal. When can I see him?"
The victorious doctor replied, "Just as soon as we get him settled."
Starsky stood and offered his good hand. "Thanks, Doc."
The doctor took the hand and returned the shake. "You keep your end of the bargain and I won't deny access to him." Then added, smiling, "Starting tomorrow."
Starsky nodded.
"Thank you, doctor." Dobey shook his hand. "I'll make sure he sticks to it."
"I'm sure you will." the doctor laughed. "I'll send a nurse for you."
Starsky looked at Dobey, beaming. "He's gonna be okay, Cap!"
"Had a feeling." Dobey smiled. "You two are making me old before my time."
"Sorry, Cap. I feel pretty old myself, right now." Starsky admitted.
In about an hour, as promised, a pretty little nurse came and led them to Hutch's room. Starsky tiptoed into the darkened room. He winced when he saw the large bruise on the side of his partner's face.
Quietly, slowly, walking up to Hutch, Starsky whispered, "This was too close, Blondie."
Taking a deep, painful breath, Starsky's emotions finally defeated his resolve. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and lost the battle with the tears he had tried so valiantly to keep at bay. Yes, he loved Hutch, but he still didn't know if he could continue should something happen to him. Gently grasping the still hand of his partner, Starsky said out loud, "I'll take it one breath at a time."