Oh, how we wish we owned this…but we don't. And we'd like to thank our friends Monae and Katherine for helping us come up with these ideas…we hope we make you laugh just a little…
-Dawn and Jamie
Severus Snape sat alone in his office, grading papers. It was the end of another worthless day. Like everyday, he stood trying to teach Potions to witches and wizards who he knew would never brew another elixir in their lives.
"Fail…fail…fail…" he mumbled as the stack of finished papers grew.
A loud spurt of laughter erupted from upstairs, triggering his migraine. Oh, how he hated children. Especially that, ugh, Harry Potter. How could such a disgusting creature come from the womb of someone like Lily Evans?
"Oh, Lily, I miss you so much," Snape whispered, staring at a shrine dedicated to Lily he built in his first year of teaching. "If only you could've seen how brilliant and talented I am, then you might've not ended up with James Potter."
Snape sighed. "I have skills James Potter could only dream of." He racked his brain, trying to come up with a skill that he was that Potter didn't.
"Aha!" Snape exclaimed, finally having found one. He slowly balanced his wand on his nose.
"Oh, yes," Snape said. "I have Severus skill."
He felt proud of himself, having such an awesome talent. "I bet James Potter couldn't do this, now, could he, Lily?"
Snape laughed. "And guess what? I'M NOT DEAD!"
He slowly stood up, the wand still on his nose. "Who's cool now? Don't you want me, baby?" He sang in monotone.
Snape began dancing next to his shrine of Lily. Suddenly there was a loud thump from upstairs and a voice yelling "PEEVES!"
Snape jumped, the wand falling from his nose and hitting the ground. It emitted several sparks, some ending up on the shrine. The shrine caught on fire, and Snape screamed.
"Lily! I have failed you!" Snape took the end of his robe and beat the fire, but it didn't work. The end of Snape's robes caught fire, and he yelled.
Snape yanked off his robe, and stripped down to his boxers. He poured a glass of water on the robes and the shrine, and the flames were extinguished.
There was a girlish scream from the doorway. "Professor Snape?"
Snape turned and saw Draco Malfoy standing, shocked, in the door. "Why are you naked?" Malfoy asked.
Snape looked down, realizing for the first time that he wasalmost naked. All he had on was his boxers, which had red hearts all over them. On the inside of the hearts was black cursive LilyEvans.
"Ummm," Snape mumbled, "I, uh, was…er," He sighed, "Fifty points to Slytherin if you don't mention this to anybody."
Malfoy nodded, still freaked out about seeing his favorite teacher in his underwear. He hurried back to his common room.
Snape sat down, running his finger over the lettering on his boxers. "Oh, Lily…you'll never love me now."
He shook his head and began to cry.