Title: Interception

Author: slashtasticsam

Pairing: Edward/Seth

Rating: PG (13?)

Word Count: ~500

Warnings/Enticements ;D : Silliness.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue. Simple as that.

A/N: For my Laurie. Girl, you rock my world! I know I said I'd write you something hot, but this silliness came out instead. Sorry, I don't think I could ever take Edward seriously enough to put him in a sexual situation. :D

Summary: Edward's calling a foul on the play, Jacob's intercepting, Leah's playing defense, and Seth is tired of sports analogies and has no idea what anyone is talking about.

*~ E/S ~ *

"I can't believe you imprinted on that leech!" Leah muttered angrily (not much of a change to her normal attitude) to her brother Seth.

"Well, it's not like I could help it!" Seth huffed indignantly, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, well thanks to you we're stuck in this foul smelling house, with these foul smelling blood-suckers, who may or may not eat us." Leah hissed under her breath in a failed attempt to keep the vampires in the room from overhearing. The vampires wisely didn't mention her lack of tact.

"Hey, they're not so bad." Jacob piped in while very un-subtly checking out Bella's ass as she helped serve refreshments.

"You're just saying that because now there's no competition for Bella and you can have her all to yourself. Two weeks ago you would have thrown a fit if you were so much as in the same room with that leech!" Jacob turned a deep shade of red and shut his mouth. The vampires wisely didn't say a thing.

"Leah! Stop being so rude!" Seth ordered with a whine. "Edward and his family don't eat people!"

"Yet." Leah muttered darkly under her breathe.

Edward chose this moment to clear his throat.

"Bella has explained to me what imprinting is." He stated importantly. Leah and Jacob rolled their eyes. "I know you can only be what I want you to be, Seth." Seth pinked under his assessing gaze. "After much deliberation, and teenage angst even though I'm over one-hundred years old, I have decided that I will accept your imprint and that you and I will mate."

Bella dropped her serving tray.

"WHAT?" She shrieked causing all the non-humans in the room with sensitive hearing to wince.

"Really?" Seth asked eagerly with stars in his eyes.

"Yes. Bella did you really think I was holding out on you because I'm a hundred year old virgin?" Bella nodded stupidly with her mouth open. "No. It's because you're fugly, and a stuttering bitch, and a creepy stalker. The only reason I haven't broken up with you is because you scare the shit out of me."

Bella's face turned a lovely shade of puce. "B-but- But E-Edward! I lo- lo- lo- lo- love y-you!" The girl cried falling to her knees in over-dramatized agony. "If you l-leave me, I-I'll k-kill m-myself."

"Well, that would certainly take care of that problem." Edward responded haughtily.

Bella wailed and attached herself to Edwards legs with a vice-like grip.

Carlisle gently pried Bella's arms away from Edward and led her kicking and screaming out the door. "Alright Bella, time to go to your new home in the mental ward."

Jacob was devastated. Everyone else was doing a victory dance in the family room.

And Edward and Seth lived Happily Ever After, and with tons of hot sex.

THE END

Please review! Tell me how hilarious/ridiculous/offensive you found this story!