Summary: Eighty things that will infuriate Zim, Dib and even Jhonen Vasquez, who I will admit to help scare shitless.

Disclaimer: Yea, I'm Jhonen the V, and instead of working on getting the Question Sleep Mugs produced, I'm here, posting something that scares me on this website.

Warnings: May upset all Dibbeh fans. Meh included.

FunFact: IT'S NOT A MOOSE!

Zim

1. Tell him that the Dib-Stink has found a way to hack into his main frame, and is currently down-loading VortianxIrken pornography.

2. Force him into a chair and make G.I.R. feed him waffles and soap until he explodes.

3. Call him tall.

4. Then ask him why he thinks he's the next Tallest?

5. Make hints to him about stealing his pak.

6. Ask him why the MegaDoomer cloaked the robot, but not him?

7. Wear an Aluminium Foil saucer on you head whenever you see him.

8. Tell him Dib is in a permanent ward at the Crazy House for Boys

9. Then poke him in the eye and run away laughing.

10. Go to his house in the middle of the night with a loud boom box and play Spice Girls 'Stop Right Now'

11. When he asks why you did it, tell him you know about his next evil plan.

12. Tell him Dib is having sex with his sister.

13. Then continue to tell him he fantasies about him during such escapades.

14. After that, show him pictures.

15. Repeatedly ask him what happened to Spork and Myuki

16. The next time someone says the colour Red or Purple, look disappointed and say "What a revolting colour combination."

17. Buy him a green purse made from "Alien Skin"

18. When he says 'No', tell him that they are all the rage on Vort.

19. When he still refuses to wear it, tell him it's made from genuine Irken Skin.

20. Tell him Gossip Girl is currently looking for someone to play Chuck Bass' white monkey.

21. When he asks what you're talking about, say it's code for Dibs plot to expose him to the world.

22. Ask if you can borrow G.I.R. to make food for skool.

23. Then produce two large buckets of peanuts and soap.

24. Present him with a book entitled "Humanoids! How To Successfully Fail Taking Over The Earth"

25. Make sure it has a list of every fault that ZIM has ever had.

Dib

1. Tell him ZIM has successfully taken over Earth while he was asleep.

2. When he asks about it, blink a few times as if he was crazy.

3. Then, in a calm voice, say "I never said anything about that..."

4. When he tries to correct you, continue to disagree with him until he does ACTUALLY go crazy.

5. Tell him roughly four times a day that "Jessica told Sara to tell Keef to tell Dirge to tell The Letter M to tell Brian to tell Zita to tell Meef that Aaron knows that Big Moose Kid said that Aki said…

6. …To tell Alex to tell Billy to tell Torque to let Biscuity Goodness know to inform Carl to pass on the message to Chunk so he could alert Flan to confirm what Gretchen said to Licka who told Old Kid to tell Gaz to tell me to tell you that…erm…I can't really remember…but I think it was something like…um…er…well The Professor was killed...or something...Maybe chilled, or billed?. I'm not sure. I'll get back to you on that one, ok?"

7. Tell him that Mr. Dwicky is back from flying through the stars. Which would be pretty STOOPID, man, but yea, he flew around 'em.

8. Then say that he accidentally taped over the evidence with ZIM.

9. Ask him if he's in the HPFC.

10. When he asks what the HPFC is, tell him it's the Harry Potter Fan Club.

11. Start calling him Agent MothBall

12. When he points this out, tell him you though it was his Swollen Eyeball codename.

13. Ask him to ALWAYS get crazy on the last day of the month, that way they don't waste any Crazy Cards.

14. If he asks why, say that he did it on Hallowe'en, and since it was the last day of the month, they didn't really waste one, seeing as they get three each month.

15. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and write "Crazeh!" all over his face with magenta and lime green ink, with little ZIM faces everywhere.

16. Ask him if he plays Blues Clues with Bigfoot and his baby.

17. Tell him that Membrane is having kinky sex with Mr. Elliot.

18. On his bed.

19. Pretend you can do magic...Pretend you are trying to hide it.

20. When he asks what are you doing, throw your hands in the air and scream "DON'T BURN ME WITCH HUNTER!"

21. If he says he isn't a witch hunter, but a Paranormal Investigator, look at him and ask what the difference is.

22. Insult him by calling him a Hufflepuff.

23. If he asks what this, look closely at his lightning shaped crease in his forehead and say "YOU'RE NOT POTTER!"

24. Try to feed him baby food. When he asks why, tell him you thought he was disabled.

25. When he explains he is not disabled physically, but mentally, jump up and scream "I KNEW IT PORK-COW" and point in his face.

Jhonen Vasquez! Cheers

1. Find his myspace and constantly request to become friends with him.

2. Once he agrees, leave an abundance of comments, hinting about how you know where he lives.

3. If you live in Canada, send him really weird candy. Like candy-coated butterflies and Maple-Candied Geese.(2005 Canadian National Expo, he was upset he couldn't get any weird candies)

4. Write crude fan fiction involving him and his creations.

5. Send it to him via Puralator.

6. Also include a free shopped picture of him and Roman Dirge making out.

7. Sign it Invader Billy, and include your return address.

8. Make Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears references.

9. Ask him why ZIM doesn't have a love interest.

10. Also ask him why Dib looks so much like Harry Potter.

11. Petition that the insane song from Bestest Friend become the International Anthem.

12. When it does, create a law that says it must be played over speakers through out all cities every hour, on the hour.

13. Remix it with Fergalicious.

14. Ask him to sing the Doom Song in an elevator.

15. Also ask him why he hasn't finished the next series of JtHM that e promised us in '97.

16. When he says he's not doing it anymore, angrily press the emergency stop button in the elevator and rip the phone cord out.

17. Hot wire you iPod to the elevators speakers and play "Elevator Music."

18. Make him dance.

19. Then say that you 'need a smoke.'

20. Question him about why it shows that ZIM lives somewhere in Quebec, yet there is a President.

21. Ask him what the two months of darkness in Canada should be called.

22. If he says the Cana-Dark, give him a hard high-five.

23. Also tell him that we have finally legalised Insulin and Staplers.

24. Ask him if being short is a Mexican thing. Even if you are shorter.

25. Then ask him if he's read any ZaDR, RaPR, MaER, ect.

26. Ask him if he's seen any SqueexNny fan art.

27. Print out Blood and Brains.

28. Force him to read it in the Elevator. Especially chapter three.

29. Ask him if it is based on a true story.

30. Ask him if he wants it to be.

Authors Notsies: Okay, so Jhonen got five more...Bah. And for the record, I have actually done most of the last thirty myself. Some of them are relating to Rick Mercers special edition show called "Talking To Americans" Who, even the professors at Yale and Harvard, think that we hunt seals in Saskatchewan...And that we have no sea water for a navy, so we ave to borrow yours. surpasses a giggle