A Road To Nowhere
"That was tiring. I can't wait to get home and rest." Ren stretched his arms out above his head and stretched his neck to both sides.
"You should be used to this by now." Tokiya threw his arms into his black suit jacket. The both of them had finished a photo-shoot for STARISH's new song "Maji Love Revolutions." STARISH was split into their respective duos and trio based on the song. Today, it was Ren and Tokiya's turn.
"Not everyone has done this before, Icchi." The ginger took a strand of blue hair between his index finger and thumb and twirled it. Tokiya tilted his head away from him, making him release the strand he held captive. "So stiff. I could always help you with that." Ren sent a flirty wink Tokiya's direction.
"Don't touch me." Tokiya went ahead of Ren towards the back exit of the studio. The other saxophonist sped up to him and matched his pace, much to the other's dismay.
"Want me to give you a ride back to the dorms?"
"No, thank you. I'm going to take a taxi."
"It would be easier for you to come with me." Ren leaned towards him trying to keep up with his increasing pace.
"I said no thank you. I don't want to ride in an ostentatious car. I would prefer a less-noticeable taxi."
Ren grabbed the blunette's left wrist and pulled him in the direction of his car. "I insist that you drive with me."
Tokiya stumbled before catching himself. "I don't see why it matters, but fine. Now, let go of me. I can walk by myself."
The ginger smirked and let go. "I was just making sure." He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car. He owned a red convertible with the roof already pulled back. Ren led Tokiya to the passenger side and opened the door for him, bowing and gesturing for him to sit down. The vocalist in turn rolled his eyes and sat down in the seat.
"I could've opened it myself."
"I was only being polite." Ren grinned and hopped over his car door into the driver's seat before starting the vehicle up.
Tokiya clicked his seat belt into place and leaned against the car door on his right. "I only ask that you put your seat belt on, and don't drive carelessly."
"Relax, will you? I'm a great driver."
"Yes, that's exactly what Hijirikawa told me about your driving."
"I sense sarcasm."
"You should because there was."
Ren turned around in his seat and backed out of his reserved spot in the lot. "Just trust me." He turned back around and drove on to the main street. "See? I'm doing great."
"So far."
"Want to go somewhere to eat? By now, everyone would've already eaten at the dorms. Leftovers aren't exactly my favorite."
As if on cue, the blunette's stomach grumbled at the thought of food. Ren looked over at him surprised and laughed as he turned his head in embarrassment.
"I guess that's a yes."
Tokiya mumbled in agreement, which gained him another chuckle from the saxophonist.,
"That face of yours is adorable when you're embarrassed."
"Shut up."
Ren smiled and reached over with one hand to brush a stray navy lock away. Tokiya turned quickly towards him with wide eyes before turning back, more embarrassed than he was before. The blunette whipped his head back, eyes open in fright and face paler than usual, and reached for the steering wheel.
"Ren!" The ginger's smirk faded as he heard Tokiya's terrified yelling and spotted the car coming at them, finally registering what his actions were for.
It was too late.
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...
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Ren groggily opened his eyes, fighting against the bright lights that threatened him to close them again.
"He's gained consciousness!"
His head throbbed from the noise that surrounded him. Painfully, he tried to lift a hand to his head, only for someone to hold it down.
"Try not to move, sir." The voice sounded alarmed, urgent, and unrecognizable to him. He turned his head slightly to the right to find a nurse flitting around himself.
Ren groaned before blinking back the haziness. "What happened?" The ginger came to realize he was lying down in a hospital bed.
The nurses tending ti him gave him a pained look before a small brunette nurse spoke up. "You were in a pretty bad car accident."
That's when it occurred to the saxophonist what happened.
"Tokiya!" Ren sat up fast, sending his head reeling. He leaned a hand back against the bed he was on while his other reached for his head. The nurse, whose name tag read Hasegawa, tried to push him back down.
"Please try to relax! You have a slight concussion. Too much movement will only hurt you."
Ren pushed against her hands. "Where is he?" The nurse looked at him in confusion. He noticed the look and sighed in frustration. "What happened to the other person who was in the car with me?" He spoke with impatience and panic.
The nurse's eyes lit up in recognition. "He's in the I.C.U currently."
"The I.C.U...? How is he? I need to go see him."
"Jinguji, listen to Nurse Hasegawa. You need to calm down."
Ren looked away from the nurse and in the direction of the voice to find it belonging to his childhood friend.
Masato was sitting in a chair against the back wall facing the other, arms crossed. Ren cringed at the obvious disappointment from the other.
"Can we talk in private for a moment?"
The nurse nodded at the pianist before leaving the room. Masato stood up and took a seat next to Ren's bed.
"You're not exactly the first person I wanted to see, but I didn't get to choose it seems."
"They aren't sure when he'll wake up. His injuries lie mostly on the right side. He came out of surgery an hour ago."
Ren's eyes widened at the news. "He's going to be okay, right?"
Masato sighed deeply. "If by okay, you mean barely hanging on, then yes. He's under a lot of medication at the moment to help with all the pain, so when he does wake up, it won't be so intense."
"Damn it!" The ginger hung his head. "Where is everyone else?"
"Aijima is in Agnapolis visiting, so he won't be able to come back. He sends his regards and hopes you and Ichinose get better very soon. Ittoki, Shinomiya, and Kurusu are in Ichinose's room. Nanami is currently stuck in a meeting." The blunette leaned forward in his seat. "We're grateful you're okay. They were all in here for a bit while you were unconscious. No one wanted to see the state Ichinose is in quite yet. Don't beat yourself up over this. It was an accident."
Ren said nothing as he replayed the moments leading up to the crash. Tokiya screaming his name as the car came speeding down the street perpendicular to their's played over and over again.
"-guji... Jinguji! Ren!"
"I want to see him." Ren refused to look up.
Masato gazed at the other as if he grew another head.
"You do realize you are hospitalized as well, right? You have a minor concussion, three of your ribs are fractured, right ankle is broken, and your left wrist is sprained. I strongly recommend you stay here and rest."
"I said I want to see him!" Ren clenched the sheets on his bed with his fists.
The blunette only sighed and stood up. He took the crutches leaning against the wall next to Ren's hospital bed in one arm and held a hand out to his rival.
"Get up."
The ginger picked his head up to see Masato holding his hand out as well as the crutches and sporting a soft yet pain-filled smile.
"The nurses won't be yelling at me for this." The pianist carefully helped the other off the bed and onto the crutches.
"I'll show you where his room is."
Ren nodded and carefully stood up on the crutches slowly. While wheeling Ren's IV next to him, Masato led him to where the injured vocalist was.
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...
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Otoya was sitting next to Tokiya in a metal chair he pulled over from against the wall, Tokiya's left hand between both of his. His eyes puffy from crying. Syo and Natsuki were just as devastated about the incident. Syo was standing by Otoya, and Natsuki was standing at the foot of the bed. Faint beeping from the machines around him could be heard.
Masato quietly opened the door, motioning for Ren to silently follow. The pianist spoke in a low voice. "He's in here." He then stepped in, holding the door for the other.
Syo and Natsuki turned towards the two entering. The shorter blond immediately looked away, not seeing Ren right away. As he thought for a moment, he whipped his head back around.
"Ren?! What are you doing here?!"
"Syo-chan, you're too loud!"
"The same reason you're here, Ochibi-chan." Syo glared at Ren and Natsuki walked over to the shorter one, trying to calm him down.
Although sort of blocked by a certain redhead, Ren could still see how broken his fellow band-mate looked. He looked completely washed out, skin a lot paler than usual. The bags under his eyes were a dark purple. Bandages of different sizes covered his chin and left cheek. Medical tape surrounded his head, neck, and right arm. The idol's right leg was suspended midair in a cast. The closer Ren got, the worse it all looked.
Otoya turned to see Ren taking in all of Tokiya's injuries and Masato observing Ren's reaction instead of Syo.
"Ikki, you look like you could use a good rest." Ren averted his gaze to Otoya.
The redhead's gaze flicked downwards. "It's hard to knowing what's going on."
Ren leaned on his right crutch more and removed his left hand that was wrapped in a brace to rest it on the guitarist's shoulder. Otoya gazed up at him, tears threatening to spill over.
"He's a fighter. He'll be fine." The ginger smiled at the redhead, who smiled back in the tiniest.
"You're right." He stood up and helped Ren sit down in his place.
"I know he'll be fine. You wouldn't disappoint me, would you, Icchi?" He smiled sadly at his almost lifeless band-mate and close friend.
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...
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A doctor walked into the waiting room, clipboard in hand. "STARISH, you can visit him now."
It had been a long two months since the accident occurred. Ren was discharged from the hospital a few weeks after being submitted. Tokiya, on the other hand, was still in the hospital. He only started talking again a few weeks ago. The only way to get out of his bed was if a few nurses came and helped him.
Like always, Ren was the first one to enter the room, while the rest filed in behind him.
A nurse was helping him take a sip from a glass of water when they entered. She set the glass down on the bedside table and excused herself from the room. Slowly, Tokiya turned his head towards his friends. Although small, a smile formed on his lips at the company.
"Morning, Icchi." Per routine, Ren took the nurse's seat. Everyone including Nanami stood around his bed.
Tokiya's voice was still a bit low and raspy due to not using it for an extended period of time.
"Good morning, everyone." He coughed after he spoke.
"How are you, Ichinose?"
Tired, ocean blue eyes met the worried yellow orbs that belonged to STARISH's composer.
"I would like to leave. Unfortunately, I can't."
"I hate to sat this, but I agree with the doctors, Icchi. You need to stay." The blunette groaned at the saxophonist's remark.
"I know. I know."
"Don't worry, Tokiya! You'll be out soon enough!" Otoya leaned closer, bright red eyes alit with confidence.
"I'll bake you a cake when you get to leave!" Syo's face turned green as Natsuki began to daydream about the dessert.
"NO! We want him out of the hospital, not back in it!"
Tokiya sighed in contentment at the normalcy his friends brought with them.
"Thank you, everyone." The rest of STARISH stopped chatting and peered at him.
"May I ask for what?" Along with Masato, the rest seemed perplexed as well.
"For taking time out of your busy schedules to visit me."
Everyone looked at him more confused than they already were.
"What? Did I say something wrong?"
"Hell yeah you did! You talk like you didn't expect us to visit at all!"
"I'm sorry I didn't-"
"Ichinose, you're a very dear friend to us. There is no doubt that we would visit." Nanami cut his apology off with her kind words.
"The lady is right, Icchi. There's no need to thank us. Besides, it's my fault you're in this position." Just as the words left Ren's lips, the mood in the room turned depressing.
Tokiya slowly turned to Ren, whose eyes, although looked to be smiling, were filled with guilt and regret.
"Can I have a moment alone?"
"Of course, Ichinose." Masato nodded, and everyone left the room. Ren sighed and got up from his seat.
"Ren, you stay." Said male sat back down, awaiting the scolding and anger from the blunette. Since Tokiya woke up, no one brought up the accident or that day. The two singers never spoke about it, just the injuries that occurred from it.
After a few moments of silence, Ren went to speak. "Icchi, I-"
"Don't you even dare to apologize. I don't want to hear it."
Ren gazed into cold blue eyes, the guilt more evident on his face.
"But it was-"
"I said don't. It was not your fault. Whether or not we stopped, with the way the other person was driving, someone was bound to get hit. Better it be me in the hospital than someone else, who probably can't afford it."
"Don't say that! If I had been paying attention to the red light and stopped, you wouldn't be like this! If anything, I wish I got most of the injuries, while you get to walk around!"
"Ren, look at me." The ginger hadn't realized he had even looked away.
Very carefully, Tokiya placed his left palm on the other's right cheek. The blunette flinched from the pain the reach brought him. Ren panicked a little and almost stood up to help him, but Tokiya shook his head.
"I'm alive, aren't I?"
"You almost weren't-"
"Yet here I am."
Ren nodded.
"Weren't you the one who said that you knew I would be fine?"
Arctic blue eyes widened. "You could hear... us...?"
"Subconsciously and not everything. I could only make out bits and parts."
Ren caught him by surprise by taking the other's hand in his.
"Thank you."
"Ren, why are you thanking me?" He was baffled by the ginger's actions and words.
"Isn't it obvious? For living."
Tokiya rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the heat he felt on his face.
"I'm not alive just for you."
The ginger smirked. "I know." He then pulled the vocalist's arm down, bringing the blunette closer to himself.
"Ren, careful." Tokiya flinched again before situating himself into a better position. His face was still inches away from the saxophonist's.
"I wish you were, though." Tokiya gazed into his playful eyes. He shut his own eyes and sat up straight in his bed. His cheeks turning a darker shade of red. His heart monitor sped up in the slightest, unknown to the other.
"Don't be ridiculous."
Ren let go of Tokiya's hand and gently pushed him down onto his hospital bed. He then leaned over him, his right knee next to the blunette's left leg on the bed.
"Is this any better?" Both of his hands were on either side of Tokiya's head.
"There is an emergency button right behind me on this wall. Don't make me press it."
Ren leaned in, so his lips were right next to Tokiya's ear. "You really do need my help. You're still so stiff."
"If half my body wasn't broken, you would be on the floor right now."
"What would you do to me if I was on the floor~"
The vocalist was bright red now. Before he could say anything, one of his nurses walked in.
"Mr. Ichinose, I have your-" The tray that had his lunch on it fell to the ground with a clatter. The food ended up everywhere in the doorway.
"I-I'm sorry!" Her face turned just as red as her patient's upon discovering the position they were in. She immediately bent down to pick up the mess she created.
Tokiya looked utterly horrified, and Ren tried to hold in a chuckle. He then casually got off the bed as if nothing was wrong to help the nurse.
After cleaning the remains of the food with his help, Ren helped her stand up and winked. "This is a secret between us, alright?"
The nurse furiously nodded her head before bowing. "I'm so sorry! I'll bring you more food in a moment! I won't tell anyone! I swear it on my life!"
"Wait! It's not like-!" Tokiya started coughing and the nurse hurried out, shutting the door behind herself.
"-that. Thanks, Ren." As the blunette finally stopped coughing, he finished his sentence. He then brought his left hand to his forehead. "Now she's going to have some strange illusion in her head about us."
"It doesn't have to be an illusion." Half-joking, half-serious, Ren made his way back over to his bedside.
The heart monitor Tokiya was attached to started beeping faster, and he started to panic that Ren would actually hear it this time.
"With that on, you won't even have to talk. I can get all my answers from that." the ginger pointed to the monitor.
"Shut up." He inwardly cursed at the doctor who attached him to the machine. "Don't you remember Shining's rule? Love isn't allowed. I also do not want you of all people messing with me."
"Who said I was messing with you?'
Tokiya was about to reply, when a faint knock at the door could be heard.
"Come in." He was grateful for the distraction.
Ren glared at the door, furious with whoever was interrupting their conversation.
Masato opened the door to find a thankful Tokiya and a frustrated Ren sitting next to his bed still.
"I just wanted to let you know that visiting hours with be over shortly. We're going to leave soon. Jinguji, are you coming?"
Ren flicked his wrist as if to say no. "I'm staying for the night."
Tokiya looked over at Ren in surprise. "You're what?"
The saxophonist winked at Tokiya, who in turned gazed at Masato pleadingly. He was desperate to find a way to avoid the conversation with Ren.
Masato seemed to get the message and nodded slightly to the other blunette. "Would it be alright if I stayed as well?"
Tokiya spoke up without hesitation. "Yes." He cleared his voice as he realized how fast he spoke. "It would help provide a distraction from all the check-ups and doctors constantly visiting my room."
Ren glared at the pianist. "You would create a bigger burden on the nurses. Wouldn't that be rude?" He smugly grinned at his roommate and rival, believing he had won.
"I'm sure it'll be alright. They are always eager to see someone in here with me. Hijirikawa, you are welcome to join us."
Masato bowed his head. "Thank you very much. Let me tell the other's of our change of plans. I also have to get a few things from the dorms. Would you like anything from your own room, Ichinose?"
"Hmm... would you be able grab my lyric notebook? A change of clothes would be nice as well. Ah, Otoya will know where the notebook is."
"That shouldn't be a problem at all. I will return shortly." He bowed his head again quickly before exiting the room, leaving Ren and Tokiya alone.
"I can help you change~"
"No. A doctor, who can assist me if I get light-headed, sick, or fall, will be helping me change."
"You never answered me." Ren's gaze turned from joking to serious.
"There wasn't a question to answer."
Ren frowned before speaking again. "At least tell me why you said yes to him." A scowl replaced the frown.
"If you have a problem with him staying as well, then feel free to leave. He at least asked for my permission to stay."
"I thought that's where our conversation was leading to." The ginger shrugged.
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...
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An hour later, Masato and Ren had settled in on cots brought to them, and Tokiya ate dinner with the help of a few of his nurses. By now, Ren had long since fallen asleep on his cot, and Masato sat next to Tokiya, his lyric book open in front of him.
"How often do you write?" The pianist gazed wide-eyed at the almost-full notebook out in front of him. He flipped through a few more pages before handing the other blunette back the book.
"Well, I haven't been able to write anything in it for the past few months, but usually everyday I'll jot down a few lines that come to me. Either that or I'll continue working off of other lyrics." Tokiya took the notebook and attempted to read what was previously written. Ocean blue eyes shut in frustration, and the notebook was thrown to the other side of his bed.
"Try not to strain your eyes. You'll only give yourself a migraine because of your concussion."
"I know." That had become a mantra for him, since he said it in reply to every warning every doctor and nurse gave him. Tokiya waved the comment away with the flick of his wrist. "For once, it hurts to think of music." A sigh passed his lips.
Masato laid a gentle hand on his close friend's shoulder. "All in due time, Ichinose. Patience is a virtue."
The dejected idol leaned back into the pillows on his bed. "I wish I could be done with all this. I need to get out so the plans for the tour may proceed. I shouldn't be here inconveniencing everyone any longer."
"You aren't inconveniencing us. It's nice for a change to have a clear schedule. I think we all needed it, especially you. So please take your time to heal. Don't push yourself." A soft smile graced his thin lips.
Ren noisily turned to his other side in his cot against the far left wall.
"Thank you, Hijirikawa. It's pretty late. We should get some rest." He looked over at the digital clock on his bedside table that read 12:47 am.
"We should. You could use all the sleep you can get. Goodnight, Ichinose."
"Goodnight, Hijirikawa." The corners of Tokiya's lips turned upwards as he sank into his sheets and closed his eyes.
Masato stood up and leaned forward, planting a chaste kiss on the other's forehead. Tokiya opened his eyes to see the pianist already in his cot for the night. Although hidden by the dark room, he gently touched where he was kissed with his fingertips, his cheeks dusted pink. Unsure of what to make of it, he let sleep take over his clouded mind.
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...
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Tokiya squinted at the light that threatened to wake him up. A familiar voice whistled next to him.
"Never thought you could sleep this late."
"Jinguji, leave him alone. Rest helps heal the mind-"
"-and the body. I got it."
Slowly, Tokiya opened his eyes to see Ren leaning both elbows on his bed, while Masato had his arms crossed as he sat in one of the many metal chairs lining the wall. Groggily, he opened his eyes more, blinking back sleepiness. As the vocalist stretched his arms out, a shock of pain ran through his chest. Tokiya reached for his side, the pain evident on his face as he lurched forward. Ren reached over to help him lean back. Masato stood up fast from the chair and ran to his side. As Ren removed Tokiya's death grip on his side, the saxophonist could see his hand covered in red.
"Hijirikawa, stay with him!" Ren ran out of the room to find the nearest doctor.
Masato held onto Tokiya's side tightly, earning himself a moan of pain from the blunette.
"Keep your eyes open, Ichinose! Don't you dare close them!" The pianist grit his teeth as the other fought to keep his eyes open. Tokiya's hands were fumbling to find Masato's, so he could relieve himself of the searing pain.
Ren ran back into the room, a doctor trailing not too far behind.
"Here he is."
The doctor rushed past the ginger to get to the vocalist.
"Tell me exactly what happened." The doctor had Masato remove his hands to see the wounds for himself.
"He woke up and suddenly looked as though he was in a lot of pain."
The doctor nodded as he peeled Tokiya's shirt off the wound. He then reached for the emergency button above his head, pressing it before tending back to his patient.
"Could you please wait in the waiting room? We'll update you on the situation as soon as we know anything." He then turned to Masato. "Get a nurse to help you wash your hands."
Both nodded and made their way out as three doctors rushed in.
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...
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Six teens sat impatiently in the waiting room. The sound of feet tapping and constant shifting were the only sounds to be heard. It had been two hours since the doctors rushed into his room, and they still hadn't been updated on his condition. Every time a nurse or doctor passed by, all heads lifted in anticipation only to be let down. Finally a doctor walked into the room, and all five members of STARISH as well as Nanami stood up anxiously.
"STARISH, correct?"
All heads nodded.
"The gash Mr. Ichinose had on his side reopened. He was brought in for emergency surgery an hour and a half ago. He flatlined twice during the procedure, but as of now, he is resting due to heavy medication. He should wake up within the next few hours. Unfortunately, we won't allow guests into his room quite yet, so for now, please wait patiently at home. He's in the best care at the moment, and five doctors are on standby if anything should occur. We will contact you immediately when you are able to visit." With that said, the doctor bowed his head and left.
"He expects us to just wait?!" Syo angrily started pacing around the small room. If it weren't for the doctors setting up their own private waiting room, the blond would've been told to calm down.
"There is nothing more we can do, except lend our support to him." Masato tried to keep a calm mind, even though the heaviness of the situation threatened otherwise.
"I can't believe this is happening! Poor Tokiya!" Tears were already springing free from Otoya's eyes.
Nanami stood in utter shock, hand over mouth and tears flowing as well. "Ichinose..." Natsuki walked over and hugged her, miserable himself.
"Icchi..." Ren couldn't believe the news they got either.
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...
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It had been three days since his surgery, and the doctors were now letting people into his room. As the usual six walked in, their faces contorted with grief.
Tokiya was on life support. According to the doctors, he had lost a significant amount of blood, which had made him weaker than he already was. On top of the life support, he also had to permanently have a doctor in the room in case something happened.
"Ichinose..." Masato was the first to walk over to the vocalist's bed. "How long will he be like this?" The blunette turned to face the doctor sitting in the corner of the room.
The doctor sighed. "We're unsure. If we can't take him off of life support in two weeks, there may not be anything more we can do. I'm very sorry."
The pianist nodded and turned to Tokiya, gripping his hand tightly. "You can and will get past this, Ichinose."
Everyone else surrounded their fellow band member and friend's bed, an atmosphere of grief enveloping everyone in the room.
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...
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"Ichinose Tokiya fought until his very last breath. I am proud to stay I was there every step of his journey. The career he left behind will forever remind us that even though he is gone in person, he will live on through the powerful music he created both with us and on his own. Thank you."
Solemn clapping followed Masato's words as he bowed and stepped over to his friends' sides. It was a small gathering, since they agreed as a whole that Tokiya wouldn't have wanted anything big or fancy. The people that stood in front of the stone with his name etched on it included the rest of STARISH, Nanami, Quartet Night, Hyuga, Ringo, and of course Shining Saotome. As their seniors and instructors pat them on the back and gave them words of encouragement, STARISH tried their best to smile and thank them for coming.
STARISH began to make their way back to the limo they arrived in. First Otoya and Nanami left, since they weren't able to stand in front of their longtime friend's grave, taking a purple flower each from atop his casket. Syo and Natsuki soon followed, taking flowers as well. Ren stood alongside Masato in front of the grave covered in purple and white ribbons and roses.
"We should get going as well."
Masato nodded and walked up to where Tokiya's head would be in the casket. He leaned forward and quickly kissed the smooth black surface, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm glad you're no longer in pain, Tokiya." He smiled miserably and leaned his forehead on the surface. After a moment later, he picked his head up and took a purple tinted rose, putting it the breast pocket of his suit jacket. Together, he and Ren walked back to the limo. Before officially saying goodbye, Ren turned back to the site where he laid and sighed. He then stepped down into the limo, watching as they drove away.