For those of us that will want to toss the remote, the phone, the cat, the anything at the TV in a week and a half…I've written this in a whacked attempt to cheer us all up for the occasion. I choose to believe that this, this is the way it should go, not some sure-to-be-depressing ep.
Hooray for TDCSI and my parents. The title and the summary came from TDCSI trying to go to bed, but I wouldn't let her until she helped me. Oh, and she helped me a bit with the story, too. My parents came up with this story idea on the way to my sister's wedding last month when I wouldn't stop complaining about how she was going to make me miss CSI, and how she was going to die for it. My mom said, "You know who should die…" and things went from there with the rest of the trip being spent plotting this out.
Spoilery for 'Goodbye & Good Luck'...in a way.
Sara slammed her locker shut and plopped down on the bench. Kicking the locker, she muttered, "Gotta go see this son of a stupid, ignorant, evil, can't-stand-his-holy-baldness, gosh darn, mother fu-"
"Sara?" Grissom cut her off as he walked in. "Is there a problem?" he laughed.
She huffed, "No."
"Sounds like it."
"Well," she sighed. "There is. I have to go talk to Ecklie. He said it has to do with us."
Curious thoughts forming in his mind, Grissom asked, "Us? As in you and me?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Oh, well, that's not good," he said and sat next to her. "That's not good at all."
"Kinda what I was thinking," she snorted. "Didn't he call you?"
"Yeah, but I ignored it."
"Grissom," she chided.
"What? It's Ecklie!" he defended. "Like he ever has anything useful to say? If I ever need to know where to go to get a great deal on head wax, then I'll talk to the man, Sara. Until then…I'm unreachable."
"So, what? I'm supposed to go do this alone? Face Ecklie about our marriage all by myself?"
He shrugged. "I kinda have a case anyways. That's why I'm here now. Go see what he wants. He probably doesn't even know we're married."
"Well, why else would he want to talk to us?"
He thought about it for a minute and came up with nothing. "You're right, we're probably screwed."
Sara let out a frustrated groan and kicked the locker again. "I'm not going."
"Then he really will think something's up."
"Fine, I'll go!"
--
It took Sara a while to drag herself down the halls to Ecklie's office, but she made it there eventually (eventually meaning nearly the end of shift). When she got there, she had to deal with the new secretary he'd just hired.
"Hi," Sara said. "Ecklie wanted to speak with me."
The older woman stared at her for a while before she picked up the phone and called back to him. She whispered everything, but Sara could still hear. "I don't know…brown…skinny…haughty…that's her then…oh, yes…mmm…I do agree, sir…will do." She hung up the phone and stared at Sara again before saying, "Miss Sidle, Mister Ecklie would like for me to tell you that you are dreadfully late, he doesn't appreciate that type of behavior, do not let it happen again…and that you may go on back now."
"Right. Thank you," she told her and faked a smile. "Try not to get anyone with that pitchfork," she muttered as she walked past her to Ecklie's office.
Sara had tried to come up with how to confess to Ecklie about the marriage. There were a few good ideas that had come to mind, but simple was best. When she'd told him about the Sunday two years ago, it had shocked the hell out of him and the look on his face still had her breaking out in laughter at random times throughout the day, so something along those lines was probably what she was going to end up going with.
She walked up to the door and knocked. He called her in and told her to have a seat.
"Where?" she asked. The chairs in front of his desk were full of files and boxes of more files.
"Oh, sorry. Just…over on the couch, I guess," he said and pointed at it with his pen, never looking up from what he was reading.
'Asshole,' she thought and walked over to it. She set her purse and coat down before sitting herself.
The phone rang while she waited; it was the secretary saying she was going to eat. Ecklie didn't even answer her.
Ecklie took about five minutes before he finally turned his attention from the papers to her. When he did, he wasn't happy. "Look, Sidle, I don't know what your deal is, but I don't like it."
"My deal?" she smirked.
"Yes, your deal. Yours and Gil's, anyway. I call you Sidle and I don't even know if that's your name anymore," he said, leaning back in his chair.
"At the current time…yes, it still is."
"Current time?" he asked.
"Give it a week, Ecklie," she smiled. "There'll be another Grissom running around here, pissing you off."
"So you aren't married? Rumors are wrong?"
"No, they're as true as they can possibly be. The license was messed up. You'd be surprised at how many people will try and spell that man's name with two 'L's," she told him with a grin. "So, technically, I'm still a Sidle that's running around here, pissing you off."
"You can stop with the smart bit, Sidle," he said leaning forward, putting his arms on his desk. "It's getting old around here."
"What can I say, Ecklie?" she shrugged.
"Nothing," he laughed in a slightly evil tone. "I've got you two."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you're done here. You aren't sticking round this lab as a married couple, Sidle…or Grissom. Whatever the hell you are."
Sara shot off the couch. "You are not doing this to us, you shiny son of a bitch!"
At that, Ecklie stood. "You better watch yourself!" he warned, coming around the side of his desk.
She walked up and got in his face. "We both do damn fine on different shifts! Nothing is different, and you know it!"
"Get out of my face," he warned.
"Pull your head out of your ass and see what you're doing to the lab!"
"Get out of my face," he told her again.
When she didn't, he put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a little shove backwards.
Given everything that's happened in her life before right then, the mood at the time, and the fact that he'd just put his hands on her, what Sara did next was simply a reflex that anyone would have had- she pushed him back.
And when she did, he didn't have the grace and balance that she'd had when he'd pushed her.
Ecklie went backwards. Way backwards. He went all the way into his wall of pretentiousness. The one covered in awards that he'd earned by himself, together with others, and ones the lab had earned as a collective group, but he'd had nothing to do with at all, only he'd still hung it in his office, not out in the halls for everyone.
When he hit the wall, one award that was far too heavy for the nail it was hanging on fell off and thumped him right on the head. It fell from his head and down to the floor, shortly followed by Ecklie.
The phone rang, scaring Sara. It was the secretary again. "It's Enid, sir. I'm back," she said and hung up. Thank God she was used to Ecklie not answering.
"Oh…my God," Sara gasped. "No way!"
She ran over and dropped down to him. "Don't be dead. Don't be dead. Don't be dead. Please, just don't be dead," she said worriedly.
Really, no way had she just done what every single person around the lab had dreamed about for…well, years.
Ecklie was dead?
She felt for a pulse and got nothing under her fingertips. Yes, indeed he was.
Ecklie was dead!
Oh, crap.
Hastily running back to the couch, Sara grabbed her phone from her purse and dialed Grissom's number. When he answered, she gave him no time to talk, she just rambled on and on. "…a little push and he went in the wall and the thing, it fell and hit him!" she whispered harshly so the secretary outside wouldn't hear her. "Griss, you gotta get here now! Right now!" She snapped her phone shut and sat down on the couch, wrapping her arms around herself.
Less than five minutes later, a confused and worried Grissom was at the secretary's desk in front of Ecklie's office.
"I'm sorry, sir. He's busy right now," she told him.
"Uh…yeah. Well, he just paged me," Grissom tried.
"Well, he's in a meeting, so I very much doubt that, sir."
Grissom sighed and took his pager out. Flashing it in front of her face too fast for her to read anything at all, he yelled, "See?! Now let me in to see him before I have to listen to his bitching all day long because you made me late!"
A little offended at Grissom's outburst, she considered him for a second before she nodded and let him past.
Grissom nodded his thanks back and walked back to Ecklie's office. He knocked first and that nearly scared the hell out of Sara again.
She hopped off of the couch and ran to the door. Prying it open to where she had to squint to see out of the sliver of a gap she'd made, she asked who it was before she finally realized it was Grissom. "Oh, thank God!" she sighed and jerked the door open. Grabbing a handful of his jacket and dragging him inside, she shut the door as quickly as she could without slamming it.
"Sara, what the hell is going on?" he asked, smoothing out his jacket.
"I didn't mean to do it!" she cried.
"Didn't mean to do what?"
She pointed behind him to Ecklie's body.
Turning around and seeing what she was pointing at, Grissom nearly had a stroke. Really, no way had Sara just done what every single person around the lab, especially him, had dreamed about for…well, years. "Sara!"
"I didn't do it on purpose!" she defended, wiping her tears.
He reached down and felt for a pulse, but Sara told him it was pointless.
"He pushed me," she told him. "And so I pushed him back. I didn't just do it because I don't like him, you know. He said we were going to get fired and then I got in his face and he told me to move and I didn't, so he pushed me and I pushed back and I killed him with the thing!" she said in one breath.
"Then it's a good thing I wasn't in here," he told her. "If I would've seen that, I would have killed him myself, Sara."
Sara groaned, "Oh, I'm going to prison!"
"No, you're not. This…it's fixable," Grissom said as he stood back up. "It is fixable. We'll handle it."
"Fixable?" she asked as she stared at him. "Gil, I killed the biggest jerk either of us knows. Please, do tell me how that's fixable. You want to prop him up in his chair and tape his eyes open? Throw some strings on him and we'll play puppet master with his bald ass?"
"Ew, Sara."
"Well?" she asked, throwing her hands on her hips.
"Quiet down or that old Nazi out front will hear you," he warned.
"Her name's Enid," she informed him.
"How do you know that?"
"I don't know, Grissom. Probably the nametag she's wearing. She said it when she called in here earlier, too."
"Whatever. Maybe this isn't fixable, but…maybe we can just get rid of it."
"It?"
Grissom rolled his eyes, "Him."
"You just gonna wheel him out past the Hitler-ite? Please forgive the pessimistic attitude, but for some odd reason, I just don't see that going over too swimmingly, Griss."
"Yeah," he agreed. Looking around the room, the medium-sized window caught his eye. He snapped his fingers as if he'd just thought of the most brilliant thing ever, "Window!"
Sara looked over at it and scoffed, "Yeah, okay."
"What?"
"I'm supposed to haul Ecklie and myself out that window? You're serious?"
"Well, I know you're sure as hell not expecting me to fit out the window, Sara," Grissom snorted.
She poked him in the stomach. "I told you to stop eating that crap Greg brings in every week, didn't I? Now you can't even fit out a window."
"Always with the weight, Sara!" he huffed. "You know, I probably could lose a few if I didn't have to sneak treats for myself every now and then," he accused.
"And just what does that mean?" she asked, stepping over Ecklie's body to get closer to Grissom, just in case she felt the sudden urge to whack him.
"It means that, maybe if you could cook better…well, maybe that would be nice," he said, not daring to look at her face.
"Oh! Room to talk?!" she scoffed. "The last time you cooked anything edible –ish- I still couldn't eat it," she laughed harshly. "I fed it to Bruno and then cleaned up dog puke for three days straight after that!"
"Well, at least the dog doesn't smell my cooking and run upstairs, whining, to go hide under our bed, Sara!"
She stared at him and Grissom thought she was going to kill him…well, not kill him. She'd already done that once so far today. The woman must have a quota or something, right?
"Griss, I just accidentally killed someone. Can we please stop bickering about the way I cook and please help me figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do about that small detail in my life right now?"
He sighed, "I'm sorry. Really."
"It's fine. Just…please help me continue to plot the cover-up of a murder?" she asked.
"I can't believe this is happening," he said, reaching down to grab hold of Ecklie.
"You can't believe this is happening?! Grissom, I'm the one that killed him!"
"Technically, you didn't kill him." Grissom corrected, "The award that should have been hanging in the hall because the entire lab earned it is what killed him. It's his own fault. Greedy bastard."
She shrugged. "Well, I'm the one that pushed him."
Dragging Ecklie towards the window, Grissom said he was sure the action was warranted somehow. After all, it was Ecklie she'd been dealing with, and it had been her and Grissom's marriage they'd been discussing when his demise came about.
"Wait. Why are we getting set to do this?" Sara asked, a moment of clarity hitting her at last.
"Doing what?"
"Getting ready to cover up a murder, I mean."
Standing up, Grissom let Ecklie go and said, "Um…"
"Exactly," she said. "Why don't we just go tell someone that I did it and that it was a complete accident?"
"Well, I've already moved the body," Grissom scoffed and picked Ecklie back up. "Kinda screws me, dear."
She huffed, "Then put him back."
"Sara, you know it's impossible to pose him correctly. They'll know."
"Oh, come off it," she laughed. "Like anyone will give a damn, Gil."
"Sara, you need to think about this," he told her, dropping Ecklie again and walking over to where she was. "It's you…and it's Conrad."
"So?"
Rolling his eyes, he repeated, "You, Sara. Conrad Ecklie." He made a mixing motion with his hands, "Together in a room, arguing about a possibly career ending move that you made with me, a man he hates, when you already hate each other. And then the man ends up dead?" he scoffed. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist, Sara."
"So?"
"Please tell me you can see just a wee bit of light at the end of the criminalistics tunnel on this, Sara. They're obviously going to think you grabbed that award and beat him over his pretentious head on purpose. You know just as well as I do that this won't go your way, no matter what your record, past, job, friends, or anything says about you."
Sara knew he was most likely right. Pretty much every day she'd see Ecklie around the lab and mutters something under her breath about how she'd love to kill his ass. Of course, everyone else goes right along with her on that, muttering something about how they'd like to as well…but not everyone else had just had a hand in actually killing him.
Sighing, she nodded to him. He gave her a quick kiss of reassurance and went back to Ecklie.
"Lock the door," he told her. "The last thing we need right now is for Satan's Little Helper to come barging in here and see this. She may be ninety, but I bet she's still able to run fast enough to tell anyone and everyone about what we're doing."
Doing as she was told, she then went to the window and opened it. "So…me first, then you drop Ecklie out it?"
"Well, I'd like to think I'd be doing more than just dropping him, but I guess that works, yeah," he said.
"You don't have to finesse anything, Griss, just drop him out," she laughed. "What's he gonna do, write us up?" Looking outside, she was now happy about the crappy view Ecklie was always bitching about having out of his office window. "Um…my car or yours?" she asked, looking out on the parking lot. Good thing they were on the first floor.
"Well…um, which is closer?"
"I think yours might be, actually," she laughed.
"Are you just saying that so you can stuff Ecklie's dead body in my trunk like we joked about that one time, or is it seriously closer, Sara?"
"No, it really is closer."
"Then go get it," he said and grabbed his keys from his pocket. "Who knew we'd ever be thankful for nightshift?" he laughed, looking out into the dark.
"Hey, I actually miss it," she said as she started to make her way out the window and into the bushes below it.
"Be careful," he quietly called out to her.
"Okay," she said back to him and left.
A minute later Sara was back at the window. "Hey…um, Gil? I left your keys in there."
Looking around, he spotted them on Ecklie's desk. Handing them out into the semi-darkness, Sara took them and bounded off for his car again.
Watching Sara be ridiculously covert was nearly too much for Grissom to handle as he stayed behind with Ecklie's body. She was ducking behind bushes and cars. She was avoiding every well-lit spot that she possibly could and every spot that she knew a camera hit on outside. He lost sight of her for a couple of minutes when she went around the corner of the lot, but he wasn't too worried when he heard the sound of his car starting up.
She made it back faster than he figured he would have and parked as close as she could. Getting out of the car, she told Grissom there was a problem.
"What? What kind of problem?"
"Technical," she answered, standing outside the window. "You park, like, right under a camera."
"Figures," he sighed. "I'll, uh…I'll have Archie pull the footage later. I'll just tell him someone messed with my car."
"Personal stuff at the lab?" she laughed. "Will Archie go for that?"
"It's me. He'll do anything I ask him to," Grissom said like she should already know the answer.
"Kinky," she laughed. "When's the wedding, you two?"
"Oh, shut up and help me," he said, hoisting Ecklie's body up to the window.
Sara jumped up and leaned over, grabbing him and tugging as Grissom pushed. They ended up hitting his head a couple of times, tearing his shirt in a couple of places, and did end up actually dropping him out the window, but they got him out, nonetheless.
"Here's his suit jacket," Grissom said, grabbing it off the back of his chair and tossing it out the window. "Throw it in the car and I'll be out in a minute to help you."
"Hurry the hell up!" she said, hiding in the bushes with Ecklie's body.
Grissom slid out of Ecklie's office and right into Enid's line of sight.
"Where are you going?" she asked snootily.
Grissom turned to her, coming up with a lie in the process. "I…I have to use the restroom. I told Conrad that if he didn't want me to go in his office, then he'd better let me leave for a minute or two."
"That's disgusting," she scoffed.
"I know, isn't it?" Grissom smiled and walked away.
As soon as he got outside, he headed for where Sara was. "Sara?" he called out quietly.
"About damn time!" she snapped. "You know how many people walked by here, looking at your car like 'gee, I wonder what kind of crap that psycho is pulling tonight?'"
"Uh, no. Sorry, I don't"
"Five! Five people, Gil," she said in a sotto voice.
"I'm sorry! Enid stopped me," he shrugged.
"Enid, this. Enid, that."
"I think I'm growing on her."
Sara rolled her eyes, "I'm sure. Just help me get him in your trunk so we can take care of this, please! I'm freaking out!"
"Really? Who would've thought?"
Grissom walked over and opened the trunk. He had to move a few things around, but the room was quickly made and he went back over to the bushes.
"Feet or head?" he asked her.
"What?" she asked, not understanding the question.
"You want to get his feet or his head?"
"Oh," she laughed. "Um…his feet, I guess. Upper body would be easier for you to carry," she reasoned.
"True," he said and stuck his arms under Ecklie's.
Sara grabbed Ecklie's feet and they picked him up. Just as they started to move him towards the car, a couple of people cutting across the parking lot walked past Grissom's car, causing them to stop and duck back down.
"They gone?" Sara asked after a couple minutes.
Grissom peeked over some greenery and nodded to her. A few steps backwards and a hefty swing to the side and one dead body was deposited into Grissom's trunk. He shut it and they bolted back into the bushes.
"Okay, I'm going back inside," he said. "I deal with…"
Sara sighed, "Enid."
"Right. I deal with Enid and then go back into the office. I help you back in the window and we wait a couple more minutes, just so it looks like there's something actually going on. After a while, you get your things and we get the hell out of there."
"And eventually Enid goes home and Ecklie just goes missing."
"Exactly," Grissom nodded.
"Beautiful."
"Go put my car back. By the time you get back here to the window, I should be back in the office," he said, giving her a kiss and handing her the keys again.
"Good luck with Nazi Enid," she laughed and got in the car.
--
"I fell in?"
Yet another stern, unbelieving look at yet another horrible excuse for why he'd taken so long in the restroom.
"Look, Enid, I don't know what to tell you, but I need to get back in there," Grissom said.
"Doctor Grissom, if you refuse to take him seriously, then I refuse to take you seriously," she told him.
'Power trip at all, lady?' he thought. "Look, I told him that I had to go to the restroom, but I really had to go help one of my guys out with a very time sensitive case."
Just as he'd hoped, an intrigued look took over her face.
"A bus full of elderly ladies was robbed and several of them were killed. We believe the suspect is going to strike again and I just can't have that happen on my watch, Enid. Not to sweet elderly ladies like that," Grissom said in a voice worthy of an Emmy. "Sometimes, Ecklie finds meetings more important than evidence. I had to lie, Enid, I had to."
"I understand, Doctor Grissom," she nodded and let him head back.
"Nazi," he muttered in passing.
"Excuse me?"
"Yahtzee, Enid. I said Yahtzee," he smiled to her and continued on to Ecklie's office to help his wife.
"Yahtzee? What?" Enid said to herself.
--
As soon as Grissom shut and locked the door behind him, he heard Sara cursing him.
"I'm coming," he laughed. "Just hold on."
"I'm in a frickin' bush that I just hid a body in. So sorry that I'm not comfortable out here," she snapped.
Grissom laughed again as he got to the window and stuck his hands out to her. "Come on, hurry up, Sara."
"I'm trying. I'm not a real professional at this, you know."
There were grunts and thuds and other odd sounds as Grissom helped her in the window, but it wasn't as disastrous as dropping Ecklie out it had been. Pulling her in the last bit, Grissom pulled too hard and he ended up on his back with her lying on top of him.
"Well, well," he said suggestively. "This is nice."
"Griss, I just killed a guy. Pardon me for not being in the mood."
"But we're in Ecklie's office," he pouted. "And we're alone, mind you. What ever happened to that whole 'we ever get the chance, and I'm so doing you on his desk,' thing, Sara?"
"Freak," she laughed. "I'm not having sex with you right now."
"Killjoy," he muttered as she climbed off of him.
"Be quiet and get the little sticks out of my hair, would you?" she asked as she helped him up.
He obliged, pulling a bunch off of her, and then they sat in the office for about ten more minutes, discussing what they were going to do next, so that Enid didn't get too suspicious about anything. It was mainly just going about daily life after they went over Ecklie with a fine-toothed comb and ditched him someplace no one would ever look.
They agreed on what to do, put the office back to the way Sara remembered it, gathered their things, and left. Before shutting the door, Sara said, "Bite me, Ecklie."
Grissom gave her a confused look.
"For good measure," she whispered, pointing down the hall towards Enid. "Like he's still in there, you know."
"Oh. Thought you were insane for a second."
She shrugged like it was completely possible and they walked out, telling Enid goodnight on their way before they headed off to see Archie.
--
Three days passed and Sara and Grissom thought they were in the clear. People were talking about Ecklie, wondering where he was since he hadn't given word in where he'd be going, but no one was talking about anything possibly being wrong.
On the fourth day…Grissom brought bad news home with him.
"They're bringing people in," he said as he walked in the door. "People for an investigation, Sara."
"F-For Ecklie?"
"For Ecklie," he confirmed. "I don't know why we thought they wouldn't, but they are."
"Well…um, well what do I do?"
Sitting on the couch next to her, he said, "It's what do we do, and I haven't got the slightest clue, Sara."
They sat in silence for a while, both trying to think of what to do about the awkward situation they were in.
"I'm going to have to go away," she said after a while.
"What? No. Sara, that's a terrible idea," he scoffed and brushed it off, ready to come up with more plans.
"Gil, I have to go," she tried again. "I made you help me cover up a murder."
"Of a glory-whore jackass," he snorted. "It hardly counts. And you didn't make me do anything, Sara; I would have done it for you anyway."
"Well, are you going to prison for me?"
"Sara-"
"That's what's going to happen," she said as she started to cry. "They like guys like you in prison, Gil."
"Sara, that's gross," he laughed.
She laughed a bit too and said, "I have to go. You know I do."
--
"Did you get one?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said and held up the ticket. "I'm off to-"
"Don't." He held his hand up to stop her. "If I don't know where you're going, then I'm not lying to anyone."
"Right." Sara gave a sad smile and told him she loved him as they called her flight. "That may, or may not, be me."
He nodded. "Well, in case it is, I love you."
"See you around?"
"You bet your sweet ass, Sara," he said right before he kissed her with everything he had.
When he finally let her go to catch the plane that might be hers, he watched her walking away, knowing he'd be joining her soon enough. She'd call him in a couple of days, time enough for him to take care of all of their business in Vegas, and he'd be off to join her, wherever that was.
His thoughts were cut off by her yelling across the airport. "Gil, stop staring at my ass in public!"
He blushed a little and yelled back, "It's yours or Enid's, Sara!"
Yay! Dead Ecklie!
I opted for no dopey, teary-eyed ending because I figure we're going to get enough of that on the show…and even if we don't, I still wanted none of it in my story.
Reviews would make me just the happiest blue spoon imaginable.
thegreatbluespoon