Spoilers Post-series (speculative) so spoilers through S6
Author's Notes Written for the livejournal 12daysofclois challenge. Special thanks go out to my helpful and supportive beta readers htbthomas , markclark and babettew54 .
"Vertigo is the conflict between the fear of falling and the desire to fall." – Salman Rushdie
Lois Lane, although not as gifted a researcher as her cousin Chloe, knew the terminal velocity of a free-falling skydiver with a semi-closed parachute was about 120 miles per hour. At the moment, Lois was probably achieving a slightly higher speed than that, given that she had no parachute at all. It was odd. The wind wailing past her jump-suited body as she fell helplessly towards the still-distant earth was the only clue that she was falling. Otherwise, she could have sworn she was perfectly still.
The whole falling to her doom wasn't her fault, mind you. She'd just been on the lead in a story involving drug smugglers running out of a private airport half an hour outside of Metropolis. Lois had done her thing, infiltrating the operation via a sky-diving school that operated on the site. With her hair pulled back in a bouncy ponytail and a ceaseless supply of gum to crack in her jaw, she'd done her best to pose as a clueless thrill seeker. But the cover obviously hadn't been good enough. Eddy, the skydiving instructor, turned out to be knee-deep in the smuggling activities, and he'd caught his erstwhile skydiving student, Lois, snooping in the plane, thousands of feet above the ground and pitched her out as a snitch or a narc.
Hence the whole free-falling without a parachute which sucked because, normally, Lois was pretty good at getting herself out of tough situations. She was damned if she knew how to get herself out of the imminent and messy collision she was destined to have with the cornfields rising up to meet her.
"I am going to haunt you from beyond the grave, Eddy Stephens, you and your skydiving school and drug-smuggling ring," Lois vowed. The wind whipped her words out of her mouth and into the heavens behind her as she flailed her arms and legs outwards in a vain attempt to slow the inevitable. "Oh, crap. Chloe is going to be so mad at me for getting myself killed."
The sound of air moving at unnatural speeds howled deafeningly, despite her helmet's protection. So she felt she had an excuse for not noticing when something approached her, matching speed to her free fall. At least, she didn't notice until a hand came out and tapped her on the bicep.
"What?" Lois tumbled helplessly for a moment before righting herself enough to identify the person who'd joined her in the skies. Of course it would be him. Dammit.
"Need some help?" Superman looked a little buffeted by the turbulence, but she noted with some envy that he managed to always maneuver himself so that the cape flowed perfectly.
"What do you think?" Lois turned her considering eye towards the ground which was appearing in greater detail.
He cocked an eyebrow downward. "Well, that's gotta hurt but I remember what you said."
Lois groaned inwardly at the reminder of her angry accusation a few nights earlier. Can't you let me do anything on my own? I'd like to report on just one story without your interference. Ever since you showed up in Metropolis, it's like I've got a shadow tagging after me and I can't stand it! She recalled the sudden droop of his shoulders as he stood silhouetted against the night skyline and cringed, inwardly at remembering how she'd hurt someone whose only crime was helping her.
"Okay, okay!" Lois huffed. The ground was coming up alarmingly fast, now that she considered matters. "I was wrong. Please, Clark, interfere!"
The words were no sooner out of her mouth than she was cradled in his arms, close to his costumed chest. A sudden sense of movement caused her to gasp as they swooped low along the Kansas countryside before regaining altitude, soaring back towards the city.
"Ohmigosh, that was close," Lois breathed as she ripped the helmet from her head and tucked her face tightly against Clark's throat. She felt, more than heard, the chuckle that trailed away too soon. There it was, that awkward space that had opened up between them ever since she'd learned of his dual identity. Swallowing convulsively, Lois moved to put what little distance she could between herself and her saviour as he rocketed them back towards the city in a blur.
"Not The Planet quite yet," she said. He slowed speed and she lifted her eyes to his. "I need to finish this story."
"It almost got you killed, Lois," he reminded her.
"I know," she said. "But it's my story and, dammit, I need to finish it up. I mean, thank you for rescuing me and all but I'm still a reporter. Perry's not going to keep me on the payroll if I don't hand in copy every now and then. Preferably by myself sometimes."
At Clark's quirked eyebrow, she continued defensively. "And that doesn't mean just writing Superman stories either!" When Lois thought back on all those breathless articles she'd authored, enthusing over Metropolis's protector – now knowing she'd been writing about Clark Kent, of all people ¬– it was enough to make her blood pressure rise. At least that was a better explanation for the blush on her cheeks than embarrassment. Because all the joy that Lois had once felt over these stories that were her own soured on the realization that everything she'd done for The Planet in the past few years had, one way or the other, been courtesy of her very own Smallville.
Well, not this time, even if he had to intervene to save her life one more time. Lois was going to fight for her identity and abilities by breaking this story wide open. "I'm an investigative reporter, a damned good one and you know it! I was on the right track with this story and I'm not going to let them get away scot-free." Lois scowled as she craned her head westward towards the airstrip, attempting to calculate how much time it would take to get out to the remote location from downtown, especially given the fact that her car was parked just outside the hangar.
"If I take you back to the paper, you'll only head right back to that airstrip anyway," Clark said flatly.
Lois nodded and smiled as she saw his sigh and change of direction. She'd won, again. Yet, somehow, the victory wasn't all that sweet. When Clark had started working at The Planet, she'd first seen him more as a nuisance or problem than as a co-worker and colleague. Perry's strange insistence that the two of them be partners had left their personal relationship fraught with a tension that Lois could never quite nail down or entirely dismiss.
Well, if she were honest, which she always was (when it mattered), part of that tension was the attraction she felt but, oh, so not going there! Not while Lois made it a habit to have Sunday dinner with the Kents whenever Martha was home. And sitting at the dinner table with Smallville and company was fun but she wasn't going to mess it up by dating him or something.
Not that late night stakeouts or running down stories in abandoned warehouses or the Metropolis sewer system weren't a great substitute for date night, at least when you were with Clark. Who else would commit to memory the dialogue from all of Lois's favourite action movies so they could recite scripts through long and boring stakeouts? Or fetch great takeout food at obscenely late hours? Or have a seemingly endless supply of comfy shirts she could claim for her own when she stopped by his apartment? Clark was a very special friend, indeed. And for that amount of special, Lois worked hard at ignoring all the other possibilities in their relationship.
But the perspective that came with discovering your partner and longtime friend was actually Superman, the same guy you'd gone gaga over when he first showed up in Metropolis? It soured a lot of good memories and gave Lois a terminal case of embarrassment that caused her to stiffen up every time she saw him in one guise or the other.
As they landed at the airstrip before the smugglers could make their escape, Lois was able to console herself with the knowledge that she'd gotten her story. But, once again, as always, she was sharing the credit with Smallville in one incarnation or another. As Superman stood impassable before the revving airplane seeking to take-off, Lois had to admit she was grateful he was there to help bring the smugglers to justice. And if this had just been one week or one month earlier, before she knew the truth, Lois would have been over the moon at another "Superman exclusive" to top off her investigative reporting. But meeting Clark's eyes (how could she have never made that connection?) in Superman's face only made her stomach jump, her nerves jitter and her resolve to get back to The Planet all the stronger.
She wondered how well Perry would take it when she submitted her resignation along with the story.
"No way in hell, Lane!"
Perry was almost frothing at the mouth, Lois noticed as she stood her ground while the editor raved and raged over the resignation letter he held crumpled in his hand.
"Perry, I've made up my mind. It's time for a change." She crossed her arms and hoped she appeared as cool, calm and professional as she wasn't feeling at the moment.
"No way," Perry repeated as he stalked back and forth across the office. "No way am I losing my two top reporters in one day, Lois!"
"What?" Lois reached a hand out to the filing cabinet to steady herself but the staggered sensation she experienced didn't dissipate. "Clark's leaving?"
"He handed in his resignation not fifteen minutes ago. What's going on with you two, anyway? Have a fight over who's going to make the bed or do the dishes?"
Lois stood, jaw slack while Perry built up steam in his rant, railing away about kids these days and how the hell was he supposed to keep a paper going if he was losing writers left, right and centre. Lois blinked rapidly as she fought to regain her focus. While Perry continued to rail away, she slipped out the office door, picking up the pace as she grabbed her bag from her desk in the bullpen and made the elevator just steps ahead of Perry's outraged demands.
The elevator wafted her down, stopping every few floors to pick up or drop off another staffer. Lois stood at the back and seethed visibly enough that the other passengers gave her a wide berth. Replaying the conversation with Perry got her back up. The nerve of him, treating her professional resignation as if it came out of some domestic spat! And with Clark of all people! They were just partners with everything on the up and up. Perry should know that.
Lois put aside the impulse to ride the elevator back up to the bullpen and have it out with Perry. Right now she was more confused as to why Clark would have resigned. The embarrassment was all on her part, after all. She'd been the one who was clueless in Metropolis, at least until recently. It was to his credit that he hadn't rubbed her nose in it at all, just stood silently while she stormed and raged, only to all-but-disappear after her ultimatum.
They'd had their fallings-out before over differences of opinions about work (Clark was always strong on ethical searches while Lois still preferred to go after a story any way she could). And Smallville certainly knew her well enough to give her some breathing room after one of their run-ins. Usually, given a few days, they'd be back to normal or pretty much. But Lois wasn't so sure about that, this time. Given Clark's submission of his resignation pre-empting her own, she feared for the worst.
There was only one place she was going to get any answers: the Kent farm. Lois tapped her toes impatiently as the elevator slowly descended to the parking level. It was just too bad that it was a weekday without a chance of any Martha Kent's home cooking, she thought as she revved her car up for the long drive back to where everything began. Because fighting with Smallville always made her hungry and she was pretty sure she was fixing for a doozy of a fight.
"I knew I'd find you here," Lois said as she mounted the stairs to Clark's barn loft. Over the years the space hadn't changed much from his high school hangout – a few more odd bits of cast-off furniture and a new coat of paint they'd put up together last summer, bickering all the while as they flicked paint at each other. All the memories, happy and sad, came flooding back as she stood at the top of the stairs in confusion. It was Clark, of course, but it wasn't Clark.
Superman looked back at her over a red-caped shoulder from where Clark habitually stood, looking out at the stars just coming into view in the darkening sky. "Hello, Lois."
She smiled uneasily as she stepped closer, shoving her hands in the pocket of her jacket. "So, ah, I heard you, well, Clark resigned. From The Planet, that is." Lois felt unnerved by the cognitive dissonance of seeing Clark in Superman. It had only been a short while since she'd learned about the whole secret identity thing. And that had left her so angry she hadn't been able to think straight for hours. This was her first extended conversation with the Man of Steel knowing full well that this was also Clark Kent who she'd known since he was in high school, fergawdsake!
She saw his shoulders lift and drop in a heavy sigh as the silence stretched out between them. "Lois, I told you, I am Clark."
"I know," she huffed, "it's just, well. . . ."
"Hard to remember?"
"No! I have a great memory! Well, except for math formulas and phone numbers." Lois shook her head angrily at how this was all coming out, garbled and stupid, forcing herself to take a deep breath and focus. She'd forgotten how hard it was to do that with his eyes upon her -- Superman's or Clark's – either's gaze always rattled her cool, however much she tried to deny it.
As he turned from the window to face her, patently awaiting the point to her story, Lois shook herself and struggled to focus. Award-winning reporter and look at yourself, she thought. About as coherent as a chicken! "It's, well, I submitted my resignation today, too, so I think you should go back and tell Perry you're sorry, you were wrong and you want your job back, Clark."
Lois felt immeasurably better as she turned to trot back down the stairs but before she'd gotten two steps down, there he was, in front of her. "Don't do that," she complained as he blocked her exit.
"You resigned, Lois? Why?" With Clark stolidly blocking her passage, Lois had no choice but to stand and answer his question.
She raised her chin resolutely. "I resigned because it was for the best, Clark." When that answer didn't cause him to move aside, she elaborated. "Because you need to stay in Metropolis and I can get on anywhere in the world, that's why. I'm Lois Lane, after all!"
His chuckle cut through her distress and restraint. Despite her best intentions to remain businesslike as she cut her ties with Metropolis, The Planet and Clark Kent, Lois found herself smiling back at him. "Well, I am," she said.
"I know," Clark answered, "world's greatest reporter, best nose for news, always getting in trouble, Lois Lane."
Lois tossed her hair in satisfaction. "Precisely! That's why I should be the one to leave. Daniels over at the Times is always asking me to jump ship. And maybe I could head off to Europe and take up that offer with the Herald-Tribune. Whereas you, well, you're kinda the ultimate small town boy and Metropolis is as far away from Smallville as you can manage, I'd think."
She chose to overlook the fact that, as Superman, he could go anywhere and do anything because, after all, they were talking about the professional life of Clark Kent, weren't they?
He just shook his head incredulously. "Still the same old Lois. You know, I can work anywhere, go anywhere. Heck, I don't even have to work. Superman can go on saving the world and Clark Kent can just disappear." For all his heroic stature, at this moment, Clark looked somewhat diminished as he stood quietly in the growing dusk.
Lois frowned and turned away from the staircase. "No, Clark!" In the silence of the loft, the reverberations from her vehement exclamation lingered and shrugged a little sheepishly while he stared at her. "You can't disappear! What would I do without you here? I mean what would we do? The Planet?"
No, that wasn't coming out right because Clark was still staring at her as if she had two heads. Lois tried again. "You have to stay, Clark. Your mom would miss you. Perry would miss you. Jimmy would miss you. Chloe would miss you."
As Lois brought up each of those names in a desperate attempt to deflect his attention, Clark stepped towards her with a sudden burst of energy and focus. "Would you miss me, Lois?"
"O-o-of course I would," Lois stammered then shook her head angrily. This wasn't going the way she'd planned. She'd envisioned telling Clark the way things were going to be, because who else laid down the rules better than Lois Lane?, and heading off into the sunset or towards Metropolis to pack up her stuff and hit the road. Instead, she was standing in Clark Kent's barn loft like some witless fool. Some witless fool, indeed, since she'd spent years being fooled by his "simple farm boy" routine.
As she railed away at herself, the not-so-simple farm boy picked up her hand that hung, nerveless at her side. "Who would you miss? Clark or Superman?"
"At this moment," Lois retorted, "neither! You both succeeded at making me feel stupid and I'm not sure I can ever forgive you." She tried to extricate her hand from his grasp but he held on enough that she'd have to start an undignified struggle she'd only lose. Instead she just turned her head to look the other way. And counted to ten or tried. She got to about five or six when she lost track and had to start over because he was rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.
"Stop it, Clark!" Her voice was rough and uneven.
"Stop what, Lois?" His voice was pure innocence.
She stamped her foot in frustration. "Stop standing around in that costume, making me feel even more stupid! I want to talk to Smallville, not Superman."
"They're one and the same, Lois," he reminded her. The overly patient tone of his voice wasn't helping her hang onto her fraying temper.
"I know," she ground out. "Just, well, humour me, okay?"
He lowered his eyes and gazed at her with deep purpose. "As long as you promise not to run off to Star City or London while my back is turned."
Lois huffed. "Like I'd get far. You're Superman! You'd find me anywhere."
His eyes continued to hold hers. "Just so's you know, Lois." Then he seemed to come to a decision, nodding his head and disappearing in a burst of super speed she couldn't follow.
Lois hardly had time to draw a breath before he was back in front of her, dressed in flannel and denim: Clark, at last. The hoped-for ease in her heart rate and breathing didn't come with the change in attire, sad to say, because he still wasn't giving her any room to maneuver or think. Standing right in her personal space, Clark Kent was driving her crazy.
She blinked and strove to focus. Remember, you're doing this for his benefit. With a bright, false smile, she started anew, "So, we're agreed that I'm going to resign from The Planet and you're going to stay."
He smiled brightly back at her and led her over to the couch, helping her to sit down. "No."
Slowly, as if she was talking to a particularly difficult child, Lois tried again. "Look, Smallville, one of us has got to go."
"Why?"
Lois blinked. She was used to having to explain things to Clark but this obtuse response staggered even her. "Because we can't work together anymore."
"I don't think so," Clark answered.
"Well, you must have, because you submitted your resignation," Lois said as she perched uneasily on the edge of the couch, eying her erstwhile partner sitting beside her. Maybe he'd picked up some alien virus or something?
Clark grinned and leaned back, stretching his arms across the back of the couch and taking up far too much space. Lois scooched over a small bit, not wanting to suggest she was intimidated, but she wasn't quite prepared for Smallville to suddenly be all in her face and happy camperish. It was more than a little unnerving.
"Oh, that. That was a mistake," Clark said as he shifted a little bit closer to her, eliminating all the space she'd squeezed out in her last move. "Don't worry. I grabbed my resignation and yours out of Perry's trash can while I was getting changed. He won't be needing those anymore. Not that I think he was going to take them seriously, anyway."
Lois began to wonder if she'd fallen down the rabbit hole. Or maybe that alien virus idea wasn't quite so far-fetched. Because she'd swear that Clark was saying something about making decisions on her behalf which was as sure a sign of the impending apocalypse as if four horsemen had come galloping through the barn right at that moment. Maybe more so.
"Pardon me," Lois asked silkily, "but when did this all become your decision?"
Clark leaned back into the couch comfortably, "Since you said you loved me."
Lois shook her head experimentally. Nope, ears still attached but somehow or other, her hearing was obviously affected because what she'd heard was just plain impossible. "Say what?"
"You love me. Lois Joanne Lane loves--"
"Hey," Lois expostulated, jumping to her feet, "I am tired of being razzed for having been, I admit, a little starry-eyed over Superman way back when. Ha-ha, funny funny, Smallville. You've had your fun with me. No need to keep rubbing my nose in how dumb I was."
Lois strode hastily towards the stairs, impatiently rubbing at the tears that welled up in her eyes when a gentle hand stopped her.
"Lois," Clark said softly, "I'm sorry. I wasn't teasing you, I'm sorry. I'm just happy. And I wasn't talking about Superman. I was talking about me -- Clark!" With his free hand, he touched the waves of hair so close to her cheek she could feel the warmth radiating off of him and melted just that tiny bit before she found the resolve to pull her face away from his touch.
"I never said that." Lois's eyes met Clark's challengingly.
He smiled encouragingly. "You didn't have to, Lois. Your resignation surprised me. I was sure you'd only ever leave The Planet in a body bag. Then I realized when you were telling me why I couldn't disappear, that all the time I'd been thinking you were only interested in me as Superman you weren't. You cared about Clark more when push came to shove."
"I'll push your shove, mister," Lois threatened, feeling her cheeks heat up as Smallville cheerfully dissected her feelings. If she could have any superpower in the world, Lois wished she could just melt into the floor right now. Or maybe turn invisible. Because, oh, this was just so embarrassing!
"Go right ahead, Lois," he offered, presenting a shoulder for her to punch.
She scowled, knowing that he was an invulnerable alien kind of took the fun out of all the mock-hitting she'd enjoyed inflicting on Smallville for lo these many years. "I'll pass, thank you," she said, then jumped as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and spun her up against him.
"Did I ever tell you about the time we kissed?" he asked huskily.
Lois glared at Clark. "You told me you lost your memory!"
He smirked. "I lied!"
Lois's gaze darkened dramatically. "And I thought you never lied."
Clark sighed with theatrical flare. "That's what you wrote about Superman, Lois. I never said it applied to Clark!"
"So this whole lying to me thing, Smallville, it's going to stop here and now," Lois explained, letting her fingers splay out against his shirt.
"Yes ma'am. But are you the least bit curious?" Clark asked.
Lois rolled her eyes. "Of course I'm curious. I'm a reporter. It's my job! Plus, this is my life we're talking about. Are you holding out on some repressed memory of mine?"
"Well, I wasn't actually talking about that kiss," Clark explained as he pulled her more snugly against his lower torso. Lois let her fingers play with the buttons of his shirt as he continued. "Don't you ever remember that time you kissed the Green Arrow?"
Lois startled and would have lost her footing if it weren't for Clark's steady grip. "Green Arrow. You mean the Green Arrow that wasn't Oliver?"
His grin widened impossibly. "Yep."
"That would have been you, I take it," Lois stated flatly.
"Uh-huh," Clark affirmed.
Her mouth quirked. "Prove it."
It was Clark's turn to be startled. "What?"
"Do you need a diagram or something?" Lois taunted. She nestled in a bit closer to him and curved her fingers into the collar of his shirt. "And here I thought you were the one with the good memory."
Lois lost sight of his smile as he leaned in for a kiss that was everything she'd remembered and more. Without conscious thought, her hands lifted to frame his face before tangling into his hair. His hands shoved under the waistband of her jacket and traced the curves at the small of her back.
"Wow," was all Lois managed when she pulled her lips free for one moment. Her eyes searched his intently and she smiled radiantly before pulling his face down to hers for another liplock.
They might have kissed endlessly, Lois thought, if it hadn't been for the strange sound that emanated from between them. Her stomach growled a second time, as if on cue while they both looked down.
"Hungry?" Clark asked. His lips looked dark and swollen from their kisses and Lois wanted nothing more to do than plaster herself against him but the rumbling from her stomach couldn't be ignored.
She sighed and nodded while Clark laced his fingers with hers. "Come on," he urged, leading her towards the steps. "Mom always leaves some food in the freezer for emergencies. And this," he nodded significantly at her torso, "qualifies as one."
"Fuel me up, Scotty," Lois agreed as she pushed ahead of him down the stairs.
"That's 'beam me up, Scotty,'" Clark corrected as they headed out across the farmyard towards the familiar, yellow house.
"Whatever, Smallville," Lois said as she grabbed Clark's hand and swung dizzyingly around him. "What. Ever!"