'Dunno how to love you anymore'

Shizuru and her thoughts of what had happened after their comeback.

Were things that simple or things didn't work out in the end?

ShizNat. Tell me if I should keep it a oneshot or continue it.

Enjoy!

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Shizuru waited for the traffic lights to turn green. She has been walking for hours in the intense heat and she herself was wondering how much she could keep that on. 37 degrees of Celcium can leave you in the middle of the road…Now that she thought about it, she didn't really mind.

If she would be the goddess of weather damn all those people living on Earth…In her world, it's always raining. And when it's not raining there is rarely a rainbow and if not clouds often appear and shade everything below.

In her world, it's always raining. And she sits inside with a cup of tea.

Thinking about each and every person my drink reflects…And when it's still hot its fume shows me shapes and images. Whatever you forgot and passed by. And the heat it radiates soothes my heart.

In the coldness of this world.

Shizuru had come to a realization.

This specific girl with a motor bike, had become more or less her life. I mean I see no other purpose in this life. I just live, breathe, eat, laugh, smile, drink tea, have fun but that girl doesn't get out of my mind!

I would throw even my life for you…All this, I'd blow it all in the air.

I did actually…

The chestnut haired woman then remembered everything. How she helped Natsuki with everything, encouraged her, protected her…died in her arms…

It all started with dying in your arms…

How will you end it?

After their return Shizuru didn't ask for much. She was always acting casual and tried to keep things simple. But that simple seemed not to work out as well.

To be more specific she recalled all those times she caught the other girl literally staring at her and when she returned the gaze, all she got was a slight smile. An awkward slight smile.

Is something wrong Natsuki?

I didn't do anything. I didn't. What's going on with you? Why are running away when nobody chases you?

You need time, air, space or whatever while I do nothing. What do you need it for then?

This constant resentfulness brought up a circle of it. All you can do is wonder, what's wrong?

And then the wrong becomes yourself and you do too have a weight in your heart. Because you can't really understand.

What goes wrong with us?

Why things are always so difficult with you?

In the beginning, as Shizuru remembered it, everything was simple. She loved Natsuki. Loved her enough to kill a bunch of people for her and sacrifice everything. She smiled and got one in return. Sharing things.

What changed after you fired us out?

Did you wipe your love as well?

Or do you constantly regret?

This is a pain pain situation. A situation with only losers instead of winners. Because I feel I'm always loosing something.

What are you taking each time?

With that smile, what do you take? What do you take and it makes me feel more hollow?

'Natsuki would you mind us joining the cooking club? I'd really like you to learn how to cook healthy meals'

'Well…I'll have to pass on that. You know I'm not good at it and it makes me feel uncomfortable among all these people who at least know how to chop a tomato'

And that smile again.

I couldn't help but smile too.

And that's what happens from now on. Everytime I see you I smile, widely.

But for some reason you don't smile anymore…You look…surprised.

Is something wrong?

I start to wonder too. Because it doesn't feel the same. My only memory of you is less. Less, less and even more less. I think I've come to terms with that.

Now I don't really pay attention.

Besides…a whole year has passed already.

So I became wrong too. Everything I do is wrong, everything is wrong.

My hopes wiped out…I don't really think anymore it will have a good ending.

Just because everything is wrong. As with those traffic lights that haven't changed from red. I wonder if they are broken. Or they wouldn't just change.

Oh well…She had patience after all. She smiled at the road and watched the passing cars. Besides, she wasn't in a hurry for anything. She had finished all her affairs from the early morning. She didn't like to leave anything unfinished.

Now the rest of the day is hers.

Out? 'No way I had enough…' Tea? 'Definitely'

Looking at the sky she noticed clouds appearing in the horizon.

Her gaze fell on them longingly and she closed her eyes. Sniffing she could feel the nitter and the smell of water reached her nose.

In my world it's always raining.

And I don't know anymore how to make it stop and it's been a long time since I saw a rainbow.

I don't know…I really don't…

As the lights turned green she passed to the other side of the road and glanced back.

I don't know how to love you anymore…

And I have a bad feeling about this…

Will it end with dying in your arms again?

Shizuru stopped for a second and looked down at the pavement. Small drops fell and darkened the view around her. Dancing drops around her feet. Oops…One fell on her nose now that she turned her gaze upwards to the source. She smiled.

I bet it will be raining then…