It hasn't been the same around here since Uriel was assassinated. It's more than just one less bed to make, one less meal to prepare, or the absence of expensive robes for me to wash. Though he kept to himself, the temple feels… dead. I miss his company so. He was the father that I never had, and, frankly, my best friend. The man will be missed dearly, and not only by me, but by every single person who resides here.

I didn't just lose the emperor, though. Captain Renault didn't come back, either. My heart is doubly broken, and a million times furious. I am not concerned with why the cultists want the emperor, and I don't care if they think what they are doing is right. They took my friends, and that's all I have. Essentially, they took my soul.

Thankfully, even though the two brothers are dead, there is one final heir, they say. It surprises me that the son of an emperor doesn't know the bloodline, but apparently it's something to do with him being an illegitimate child or something. I never really understood how all of that stuff worked, anyway. My job is to clean the linens, take the money, buy the food, make the food, and tend to the temple. Frankly, I love it. Set for life, I get to spend it in a lovely place with wonderful people.

It's so silent in here right now, which, surprisingly, makes it impossible to focus on my work. My paranoia, the death of me, clutching my little dagger hidden under my dress, I feebly prepared myself for the worst that could possibly happen. The door opened; I braced myself, ducking under the railing slightly. Some familiar faces made their way through the door, so I breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing was safe anymore after the assassination. As the others processed in, I noted one unfamiliar face among them. That couldn't be…

His son. I knew he was unaware of his status but for some reason, I imagined him to have a somehow larger presence. But, the man before me was nothing more than a monk, a holy man, dressed in a dark robe, quiet and unassuming. Curiosity got the best of me as I walked down the stairs into the small crowd.

I bow, I curtsy, I smile, and in the background I see a well-aware smile. I hoped only I could see it, desperately hoped.

"Your luggage, sire?" I couldn't seem to get my eyes to meet his. Silence. I was met with silence. A small part of me died. I shouldn't have come down. I should have…

"Oh. Pardon. I'm still getting used to this." He handed me a small satchel. I doubted it held more than a few books and other belongings.

"Allow me to show you to your new room," I continued, masking my discomfort well. I knew well that it was going to be difficult to move a strange man into my best friend's room. Dread filled my heart as we approached. I pursed my lips. Silence.

Without looking up, I gestured to the room. I couldn't keep my face down, unfortunately. Placing the satchel on the desk, tears filled my eyes. The moment they did, a sinking feeling became stronger as I learned that the emperor's first impression of me was a weeping wretch. I couldn't, I just couldn't. The moment they started, the tears wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. Before I turned to run to my room in shame, he stopped me.

"That was brave of you, miss. It's obvious that this was my father's room," he noted.

The shameless tears continued; the façade was broken. I was able to keep it below sobbing, but not by as much as I'd hoped. "He was my best friend, and one of the most brilliant people I have ever met. I still can't believe he's dead." I buried my face in my hands. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I hoped that my composure wouldn't slip this much.

"Someday I hope to be half the man he was," he responded, looking down slightly. I didn't know how to respond, so I used the default one.

"Before I go, a drink, Your Highness?" Well, that was vacuous.

"No, but thank you," he said. I left with a bow. He was clearly his father's son, whether he knew it or not.

My duties were done enough that I was able to return to my chambers and be alone for a while. Some quiet time with my books always helped me in the past. I made my way to the little shelf, sorting through many well-worn books, seeing which one I would escape into that night. My fairy tale book involuntarily came into my grasp, and as I opened the cover again, the tears restarted as the message in the front cover came into view-

To little Alice, because every girl needs a book of fairy tales.

It was one of the first things I was given when I was sent here, and it was the thing that let me know that I was safe here. The front cover was worn so badly that the text was hardly discernable. The binding was broken such that the book always opened to my favorite story. When I was little, I'd always dream that knight would come and take me away from my dull life, but I have long realized that I have everything I want here. With a smile, I returned the old book to my shelf and blew out the candle by my bedroll.

Morning came rather quickly, as I hoped. I buttoned my dress, brushed my hair into a bun, and made my way toward the kitchen. I was surprised that no one else was up yet, but it was clear that the recent events have worn everyone weary. As I made it to the kitchen, I was a bit disappointed at how low I let the food supply become. Today was going to be a market day.

Improvising a sort of jam from the last of the peaches, I proceeded to pretend to make "bread." I hadn't any sort of leavening, so this was going to be interesting. I sweetened it and added a bit of clove to mask the staleness of the flour. Alas, flat bread with pretend jam. I hoped nobody noticed. Some apples were still in the back of the pantry, so I chopped them and served them on the side. Close enough.

I set the table with care, a feeble attempt to salvage what "good impression" I might have left. Every plate had the food so carefully arranged, and the chairs flawlessly straightened, and then I, a bit worried about my sub-par performance, rung the bell. The others, many already in their armor, filed their way into the room. I sat down carefully at my usual spot, soon realizing that the Captain would not take my side again. Sitting next to her at breakfast time was almost common procedure, and even after a few days in her absence, I still almost expected her to join me. One by one, the others arrange themselves about the table in their usual fashion, save for the empty seats I tried my best not to see.

The grandmaster came in next, sitting where Uriel sat. This didn't bother me as much, for some reason. Lastly came the heir, who sat down next to me. After a quick prayer, the meal started. Trying the meal myself set myself at ease. The improvised conglomeration of ingredients actually made a decent meal. Not perfect, mind you, but decent enough such that I wasn't an embarrassment. One could barely notice the bitter taste of the stale flour or the dry, flat bread.

The silence upset me. I could hear the tableware striking the plates, which made me draw every bad conclusion that ever came to mind. No matter how much I tried to reassure myself that it was because of the ongoing hostilities, selfishly, I could feel them all judging me. I broke it for my sanity's sake, "It's good to see you again, Grandmaster. It's been a long time."

"I only wish the circumstances were better." Then, it continued.

After a while, the silence was broken by a discussion of the crisis. I didn't pay much attention; I was too busy hurriedly attempting to gather the plates for cleaning before leaving for the market. The talk of a cult conspiring to bring Daedra to Tamriel frightened me. It was only then that I realized how serious the matter was. But, what was I to do? I could not protect a nation with my rusted dagger. With that realization, I obtained the rest of the plates and disappeared out of sight. After they were cleaned, I asked Jena for some money before I left to refresh the food supply. She passed me a small bag of gold with a smile, and with that, I passed through the door and took my short walk to Bruma.

This specific part of my day has always been my favorite. Even when I don't stray from the main road, I absolutely love the view. The northern parts, though called ugly by many, have a special charm that my white-bread hometown Chorrol lacked. Then again, I will always be biased against that place.

The breeze was enchanting, especially since it had just rained. The fear and paranoia that had accumulated earlier was whisked away instantly. I knew deep down that I wanted to escape the tensions in the temple just as much as I wanted to obtain food. Greeting the guards as I passed through the gate, I made my way to the marketplace. After I picked up the usual fruits and a new bag of flour, I got a few more cuts of beef from the butcher. I don't usually go for that, but with how everyone was acting this morning, a bit of extravagance would not be problematic. Perhaps I could protect the nation by proxy, tending to the people who protect the man who tends to the nation.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that I took long enough for Caroline to be guarding the front door. I did spend a bit more than usual, especially since I hadn't visited the marketplace for a long time. Without a word, I handed the empty bag to Caroline in hopes that she wouldn't notice. With that, I brought my basket to the kitchen and stored away the food. Though the walk was enjoyable, I knew well that I was behind on my work, so, for the rest of the day, I did my best to stay focused to get things done. Moist morning linens are fortunate for no one. It took me a moment to realize why a priest's robe was in the pile of linens I was to wash, but, of course, those belonged to the heir. Why was he kept ignorant? These were not robes suited for the son of the emperor. None of this ever made sense…

The sun. Much too low. While some linens were soaking, I rushed back to the kitchen and started a cook fire. Flame-cooked beef and vegetables it was. Flame cooks quick; I need quick. After throwing some herbs onto the mixture (I really should have put those on the meat hours ago) I slammed the pot shut and nervously waited for it to finish, placing the tableware in advance to stave off the unavoidable pacing. At least nobody was sitting and waiting, which almost made me feel a little better. None of them could see me like this, a total mess, unable to proceed into the future just because of an event in the recent past.

As the last plate hit the table, the meat started smelling vaguely done. Thankfully, chopping it into pieces sped the process up considerably… After attempting some sort of beauty with the plating, I rang the bell, quickly exchanging my aprons in the kitchen because the rush caused a bit of carelessness. Sitting down to my meal, I noticed that the others were rather slow to come to the table. I didn't know whether that was good or bad… What I always found interesting is that everyone always sits in the same place, every time, and if someone doesn't, it's this huge upset. As far as I know, the only time the arrangement has changed was with the recent deaths. People are such strange creatures.

I dreaded the silence that plagued me at breakfast. A lot of talking must have happened while I was gone, because there was none to be had. I knew that the minute I spoke up like I did last time, people would suspect how uncomfortable I was. For some reason, the longer the silence drags, the more hesitant people become. Surprisingly, it was the heir who broke it this time.

"This is lovely, thank you," he said, in his usual muted tone. A gentle smile followed.

I could feel my heart sending a pound of blood to my face. There was no way I would deal with this gracefully.

"I'm glad you like it," I responded, attempting a smile in return. This was the first time I actually made eye contact with him. I don't do eye contact. I shouldn't have done eye contact, because I became even more of a nervous wreck than I was to begin with.

The moment I was finished eating, I left rather briskly to deal with the linens (that were certainly going to be damp by morning) and get them hanging to cut my losses. The moment I left with the linens to hang them, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was alone, I was finally alone, away from the gazes that were, frankly, not on me. They are never on me, but I worry anyway.

When I knew I was truly alone, I finally allowed myself my thoughts. Emperors are supposed to be old, with gray hair and heavily wrinkled skin. They're supposed to sound old, act old, and, most importantly, be old. Of course the man sitting next to me was many years to my senior, but not by enough. I couldn't believe my own thoughts; I fancied him, and not in the same manner as the childish crushes that I had developed before. This was different. This was strictly forbidden. Little maids aren't supposed to like big, important men. They're supposed to be chaste and devoted to their duties.

After imagining what his father would think of me, having learned this, I cringed. After realizing that someone of his station could have anyone in the world, I shook my head and continued with my work. I didn't even know his first name! This changed nothing. He looked too much like the knight. Forgive me, Uriel, but I now understand how he could be your illegitimate son. The woman must have been beautiful.

After hanging the linens, I, slightly out of breath, returned to the temple. It had become quiet once again. I knew that I would not be able to sleep anytime soon, so I decided to catch up on the work that I had neglected over the past few days. Broom in hand, I passed the time until everyone returned to their beds, hopelessly dreaming of myself in a long, white, silken gown, veiled, surrounded by flowers and happy people… Alice, you're pathetic. I only thanked the Gods that everyone was sleeping, and that nobody could hear my thoughts.

I made my way through to the upper west wing, a place I had neglected the most for obvious reasons. I lit one of the candles on the wall, realizing that it had become extremely late. It was far too dark to see otherwise. Noticing a bit of dust on the wall sconce, I detached the dust cloth from my apron and cleaned those, too. I knew I was just stalling for insomnia's sake, hoping to wear myself down enough for sleep.

A faint glow came from… not Uriel's… the heir's room. Out of curiosity, I decided it would be most wise to dust the rest of the sconces. I had neglected them, after all. Through the corner of my eye, I noticed that it was far more than just a carelessly lit candle. He was awake, with multiple books open on his desk. I could tell from his expression that neither of us were able to sleep tonight.

Something possessed me to make my way to the door. To this day, I don't know what it was. But, with a façade as pathetic as the one before, I bowed and asked him, vacuously, "It is late, your Highness. May I offer you something to help you sleep?"

He chuckled. I only hoped that he didn't see through me as much as that kind of laugh would indicate. His face became serious shortly after, as he replied, "Your company, if you could spare it." A breath's time passed. "…and maybe a bit of mead."

My eyes widened, my heart stopped and proceeded to collapse. Almost forever passed before I could respond, "Certainly, sire. I will return shortly." I left with a bow.

I kept thinking that, with any moment, I would wake from my slumber, having passed out by the well, shamelessly clutching his robes, having been found by the evening watch. If that were so, I only wished that the dream would last a little while longer. It was a lovely dream.

Passing through my room first, I, once again, changed my apron. I was a mess. Afterward, I made my way to the kitchen to obtain his drink. It was when I attempted to pour it that I realized just how badly my hands were shaking. A few deep breaths calmed me enough to manage the task, as did a laugh at just how foolish I was being. Just in case, I brought a tray to steady it, for my sake more than his. Years would pass before I would be capable of forgiving myself if I would fail (such a simple task).

Hoping I hadn't taken as much of forever as I thought I did, I returned to his chambers, setting the tray on what empty space was left on the desk, almost joyfully sitting on the little chair that had been my own for so many years. The small bit of familiarity was more than enough to bring my nerves down.

"You seem upset," I noted, "I'm guessing this is more than overwhelming for you."

"I thought my parents were farmers, and that I was just a priest. My life had already been worked out in my head. I was going to die peacefully in my own home after years of preaching wisdom to the people of Kvatch. Now, the town is destroyed, the nation is terrified, and I, with no skills or experience, am responsible for everything," he vented. Clearly, nobody had asked.

I would have loved to say that my presence and counsel was because of my selfless desire to provide for the emotional well-being of those are the temple. Even I tried to make myself believe it at the time. I did care, though, I promise, or else I would have left the moment he said he just wanted to talk. There was just this small part of me who craved his attention, even if I were a girl-shaped wall.

He continued to tell me just how intense of the current events have become. It was much more than just the assassination of a leader. The lines between realms have become blurred, he said, with gates opening, bringing vicious monsters to our peaceful towns. Out of nowhere, he was suddenly required to lead the people to safety, lock the doors, and because he could do nothing else, pray. Only the guard, led by a strange man who let him know that he was the heir to the throne, were able to save the remainder of the townspeople. Even the retelling of the events terrified me. I was even more powerless than he was. What saddened me the most was his dampened faith in the Nine, especially after the current events. I had never heard of a holy man's faith falter. They seemed above sorrow, above fear, with such perfect faith that nothing in the world could touch them. Surprisingly to some, I had more respect for him after he admitted his humanity. I had more faith in the nation knowing it would be led by another honest man.

"I only wonder what my real father would think of me. Clearly he knew I existed, but how would he feel, knowing I am the person in his seat? It haunts me."

Insanity possessed me as I leaned closer to him, my eyes meeting his once more. "I know you never knew him, but I did. He would not be disappointed at all. You are exactly what this nation needs, sire, someone who is dedicated, someone who is honest. The other skills will come in time, I assure you."

A wry smile spread across his lips, and with a look much unlike any holy man, he whispered to me, "You're sweet, but you know so little." I felt his hand on my jaw as he pulled me nearer, his lips brushing against my cheek. He had me flawlessly slain. My heart stopped then, erasing every impression I had of him. Exactly who is sitting at my best friend's desk? The shock must have made it to my face, for he withdrew quickly, avoiding eye contact for a while. He apologized barely audibly under his breath. Silence fell. A better woman would have left instantly, telling the grandmaster of the incident. I was no better woman. I wanted in his depraved clutches. I wanted to be forever his.

"What is it that I do not know?" I asked him, tilting my head slightly.

He laughed at me, clearly aware that I wasn't going to run off and tell on him, and responded with a grin, "Well, to start, you don't know my name."

"That is where you're wrong, of course I know your name. You have the same name as your father, it's 'Your Highness.'"

"I doubt you called him that."

"No, I didn't." The blasted tears returned once more. My gaze shot away from his, as if that would somehow hide my shame.

"Then, at least when speaking with me, call me by my name. It's Martin." He placed a cloth into my hand, letting his hands linger just a moment longer afterward. "I am no god, but a sinner in a holy man's robes. Now, I shouldn't keep you any longer than I have already. You'd best get to bed."

The thought broke me slightly. Deep down, even if it would have ruined me the next day, I wanted to speak with him until dawn. Or, even moreso, I would have died to…

"Will you be able to sleep tonight? Do promise you'll try."

"Of course." His warm smile graced me one again as he followed me to the door. I was mildly surprised when he stood. Most Imperial men weren't quite that tall…

He bid me farewell, much to my dismay. As I left for my chambers, I looked back one last time to see him still standing at the door. Out of curiosity, I paused, and glanced back at him. After he knew that he had caught my attention, he winked at me. It was then that I realized that I had become his dirty little secret.