Chapter 1
Counseling night was always the most tiresome night of the week. Arthur could have chosen not to take part – he wasn't one of the appointed counselors anymore, but he always found that it was important for him to show his people that he wasn't above any ordinary duty. Also, he loved when someone he had counseled before came by just to talk about how much better they were doing. He had always thought that counseling was one of the most important parts of the work done by the Rainbow Table Society, a part where they could actually make a difference.
As the president of the group, it was now his duty to work on the important political agendas and serve as a liaison between the group and the other University Societies, the University Board and the outside world. It was important work, that could change the big things, but to Arthur, none of that seemed to matter nearly as much as the small changes that turned people from unhappy and unsure into self-confident people that could accept who they were. There was no point in having more progressive politics if the people that should benefit weren't able to enjoy them for having problems with their own sexual identity or among their friends and family.
Arthur was adamant that he would come around every counseling night and never made appointments during those occasions. He also asked the same of those all responsible for administrative duties within the Rainbow Table – and most of the team were happy to show up. During previous administrations, the Counseling Night had been solely for those within the Rainbow Table or people with problems regarding their sexual orientations, but Arthur had changed that. He would accept anyone in need of conversation, and would nurse broken hearts as keenly as they'd tackle problems with homophobic faculty members.
Those were the nights when he would go straight to Merlin after leaving the Rainbow Table, in desperate need of his arms around him. Some nights he would come happily talking about the achievements they'd had, on others, he was desperate, wondering if the world could ever become a place where people like them were truly accepted.
Of course, Merlin wasn't exactly the best person he could voice his doubts to, but he was everything Arthur wanted at the end of such days. Even when Merlin couldn't say anything to help, his very presence was a reason for Arthur to keep trying and never give up – and maybe, maybe one day, no one would need to go through what they needed to go through.
Ever since he first became a counselor in the society, back in his first year at Albion University, he had kept a score of the worst counseling nights ever, but none had been quite as awful as this one.
First he had to talk to a postgraduate student – whose name might be Cedric or Sigan, depending on the occasion – he had multiple personality disorder. While Sigan was the campest of gays, Cedric was deeply homophobic. It pained Arthur every time he came around, because it was clear to him that the only way he had been able to deal with his desires was by creating a whole other personality. Arthur never managed to get much of the story, but it was clear that Cedric had gone through a lot when he was growing up. The psychology department at the university has talked to Arthur about this case, and while they were in favour of a harder approach to deal with his problem, Cedric's tutor was deeply against any kind of major treatment before he finished his PhD. Professor Marshall was deeply suspicious of the psychiatric treatments, and Cedric was a star student of mathematics. He was also a handful of work for both the Round Rainbow and the psychiatrists' office.
After two fighting girls, a new boy that had been bullied through High School and a homophobe that had waited around for his office to be empty just to offer Arthur a piece of his mind on his "filthy practices" – and had been escorted outside by campus security, Arthur came back to his office to find Owain waiting for him. It was nearly the end of the night, and he looked nervous.
"Bad day?"
Owain shrugged. Nothing ever bothered him much, and this was one of the reasons he had won the Masters Rep post by the vast majority of the votes six months earlier. Arthur had known Owain well even before that, and had voted for him, although he didn't share his views on the matter with anyone. As the president of the society, his opinion would influence too many people, and he didn't want that. Some presidents had hated the fact that the people responsible for specific dealings with the undergraduates, Masters and PhD's representatives were elected separated from the main president, but Arthur found it wonderful, and a great opportunity to meet new people, even if it meant that he had to deal with Morgause often as she was the PhD's rep.
"I've had worse," he said, lightly. "You?"
Arthur made a large movement showing the state of his office after the confrontation with the crazy homophobe guy. His papers were all over the floor, the chair was turned upside down, and there was a new crack in his desk. Owain just chuckled.
"At least it wasn't on you, mate," he said, gesturing towards the damaged desk.
"Oh, he tried," said Arthur, laughing. "Probably expected me to cry or flinch."
"He didn't expect you to be a killing machine," teased Owain, and Arthur punched him lightly.
The other man smiled for a moment, before getting serious again.
"I have to talk to you," he said, and he looked a bit embarrassed about it. Arthur smiled in a comforting way, before getting the chair back up and gesturing for Owain to sit – before moving to his own chair. Owain didn't sit, but he put his hands on his pockets, and Arthur knew enough about psychology to know that this was a sign of bad news.
"What is up?" asked Arthur, concerned.
Owain took a deep breath before answering.
"My dad found out about the Rainbow Table."
"Yes?" asked Arthur, tentatively. Owain had come out to his father years ago, when he was still an undergrad. Arthur had been there for him the whole process, and while the man had been bitter about it, his reaction was far better than other cases they had dealt with.
"And he said that if I want to dabble with rainbow politics – as he calls it – I don't need a degree. He told me that if I didn't leave the office, he would stop paying. That I should choose between my degree and my position here."
Owain looked crestfallen at Arthur, and while it wasn't exactly the end of the world, it was a hard choice. Owain kept on moving now, shifting his weight between his feet.
"I could apply for a scholarship, and I'd easily get one, but now…" Owain shrugged. "I'll have to step back or I'll miss the year." Arthur begun to speak, but was silenced with his hand. "I won't take this lightly, I won't pretend for him, and I'll find a way to pay my own education for next year, and come back to the team, but…" his voice dropped, and then he added softly. "He's still my father."
Arthur nodded at that. He had always hoped that Owain would be the next general president of the Rainbow Table after Arthur graduated, but it wouldn't happen if Owain needed to work his ass off to pay for Albion's fees and fight his own battles with his father. Still, he understood all too well that sometimes you needed to take a step back in order to get what you wanted – Owain loved his father deeply, and wouldn't give up on the old man.
"I'm sorry," added Owain, and Arthur stood up, coming closer and patting him on the shoulder.
"Don't be. It's not your fault."
"I should have known…" he said, and then shook his head. "Ewan will work in my stead until the Election Day. It's all settled, he's preparing the first notifications of the new election as we speak."
It hurt Arthur that other people had learned about it before he had, and at the same time, he was proud that Owain had kept his head on his shoulders and prepared for a swift change. It was one of his many qualities. They exchanged a few more words before Owain left.
As his ex-Masters rep of graduation left, Morgause leaned on his door. She gave him a look that probably should show pity, but since it was Morgause, it looked more like a mix of annoyance and toothache. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to say what she wanted, and her voice was lower than usual when she finally spoke.
"There's one more here for you."
It was late, and generally they'd be finishing by this hour, but after all the mess of the night, and the worries about Owain, on what other kind of crazy schemes he'd need to get to Merlin's house unnoticed that night, the need to deal with campus security in the morning and file a complaint about the incident, he was happy to deal with someone else's problems for now.
As Morgause spoke, his last visitor came to the door, and Arthur felt the concern rising inside him again. He had thought it would have been a new kid, or someone he barely knew, but it was Elena – who had been quite active in the Rainbow Table since her first day. Her face was all puffed from crying, her chocolate brown eyes shot and red. Even though she had cropped her hair short, it still looked like a mess, and not one artistically done, but from having been messed up with too often by her hands scrubbing through it in distress.
Arthur stood up gesturing her inside, and was walking towards the not-so-pretty-but-utterly-comfortable sofa when Elena held him close, clumsily grabbing him about the waist. Morgause smiled at them and closed the door, leaving them alone. Elena was still attached to him and he was patting her head in lack of a better thing to do, until he cleared his throat.
"Come here" he said, and Elena let go of him. They sat in the sofa, facing each other. "What is going on?"
This turned out to be a bad question, Elena started crying again, sobbing in a completely undignified manner that was very characteristic of her. Thinking about the earlier events, he looked at her clothes, and although her trainers seemed to have been attacked by mud, the rest of her seemed fine – as fine as Elena's clothes ever got, at least, with old baggy pants and oversized shirts that often had holes in them.
"It's ok, it's ok" said Arthur, giving her a wad of tissues that she used promptly. "Whatever it is, Elena, it will be ok."
She managed to calm down enough for him to decide it was time to try again.
"Tell me what happened." His voice was soft and caring.
"I went to this new thing the Engineering students are forming…" Arthur clenched his fists. The engineering students weren't known for being the most accepting lot. They had never bothered Elena about it – she was, after all, a girl – but he'd had his fair share of problems with the boys that studied there. "To help new students in need of tutoring, not only in engineering, but also from other schools…"
He nodded, and she took a deep breath before going on.
"It was organized by this guy. I had never seen him before…"
"Was he mean?" asked Arthur, prompting.
"He was a gentleman," said Elena, with a stifled laugh. "An absolute gentleman. He was adorable with everyone, and kept talking to me. And I- I…" she looked like a lost puppy, and looked down before finishing the sentence. "I loved it."
Arthur said nothing, just waited to hear more.
"He seemed interested in me, and said I'd be a great teacher. He's studying environmental engineering, and is that 'I'll-save-the-world' kind of guy?"
"I'm an 'I'll-save-the-world' kind of guy!" said Arthur, pretending to be offended, and Elena chuckled.
"Shut up" she ordered, shaking her head. "He talked for ages about how he envisioned it to be… And he's so handsome!" Elena looked back to him, probably expecting him to be judgmental, but Arthur merely listened. "He's also the head of the Environmental Protection Society…" she added, and Arthur did react then.
"I know the guy… DeLago, right?" he said, remembering the incredible handsome bloke that had been present at the beginning of term reunion with the Albion Staff.
"His name is Lance" she said, then, softly. "I kind of liked him… in a non-platonic and certainly sexual way."
That surprised Arthur a bit – Elena had always been all about girls, and never showed the slightest interest in boys before, but Lance did have something about him that made everyone feel comfortable and accepted, the kind of man that could possibly wake dormant feelings.
"Is that the problem?" he asked, softly. "Elena, surely you know that…"
"He has a girlfriend," she said shaking her head. "She's beautiful, Arthur, really beautiful."
"Please do not share your kinky thoughts," said Arthur, shielding himself with his hands.
It was meant as a joke, and he had known Elena for ages, but it caused her to start sobbing again, desperate, and Arthur wanted to punch himself in the head.
"I think I'm starting to like boys," she said finally, still crying.
Arthur put his hand on her shoulder, pressing it firmly.
"Sometimes it takes a while for us to find out, but bisexuality is a sexual orientation the same as any other…"
"No!" she said firmly, pulling herself away from him. "No, Arthur, don't."
Arthur took a deep breath – he hadn't expected her to make such a statement. There were many people, even in the Rainbow Table, that despised bisexuals, but Elena had never came across that way.
"I didn't… I didn't think anything" she went on. "She's beautiful, her smile is adorable, and I thought nothing. I felt nothing" she looked lost for a moment, before adding. "Just a bit of envy and heartbreak" she said, with a sad smile.
"Not every girl…." He began, but she gestured for him to be silent.
"Boys never noticed me – except to tell me what a dyke I was. And girls… Well, some did. Everyone always assumed I was a lesbian because…" she gestured to herself, and then, her voice broke. "What if I also just assumed it? What if I never was…? What if… I don't know, Arthur. I never felt the way I did when he touched my hand with a girl. Any girl – but I'd be grateful if you didn't mention that bit to Morgana or Morgause."
He smiled at her, and patted her hand.
"God, no. I never mention sex in front of Morgana or Morgause if I can help it."
Elena chuckled, and then got sad again.
"I think you may have fallen a little bit in love with DeLago, but that's alright… I felt a little bit in love with him myself when he spoke in the societies meeting" said Arthur, trying to ease the tension. "It means nothing. It doesn't mean you are straight, or bisexual, or a lesbian, or anything…"
"That's not everything," she confessed, before continuing. "He introduced me to my first student… And it all happened again" she looked away. "I couldn't stop wondering things and… He was really nice, you know? Tall, muscled, and yet the most sweet and caring boy I've ever met – and I'm counting Lance in this. And when he mentioned he's single, I swear, I couldn't stop wondering…"
She sniffled, clearly looking like she would have cried, but the tears seemed to have ended, for now, and he pulled her to lie against his shoulder.
"You know that I think?" said Arthur, holding her. "That we use these… categories because we need them, for now… But, honestly, we just like people. There are people we feel attracted to, but not in a sexual way, there are people that we think we'd never go for, until they start speaking and the whole world changes, there are people that always go after the same things, and there are people that don't." He could hear her breath calming down as he spoke, and he caressed her hair as well. "And I think you are a wonderful girl that is feeling very confused because you feel the need to sort yourself into a category, and there's no need for that. It changes nothing, really. It doesn't make your life a lie – and certainly it doesn't invalidate your participation here, if that's one of the things bothering you. I mean… You still believe in our work, don't you?"
She nodded, and he smiled, even though she couldn't see it.
"There you go. You see? It makes no difference, Elena, and it's nobody's business but your own. I think that if you feel so much about this guy, you should try and see how it goes" she raised her head and looked at him, shocked. "Not DeLago, the other one." he clarified, smiling, "Unless you are looking for a new kind of threesome."
She punched him on the arm for this and he laughed.
"Are you serious?" she asked, then, her face a bit more hopeful.
"I am positive," he said "And if someone else has a problem with you experimenting, I'll deal with them for you."
Elena smiled at him, and held him in one of her awkward embraces.
"Thank you" she said, and he could hear the gratefulness in her voice. "Anytime" he said, and smiled at her as she stood up. "I mean it. Anytime."
And as she waved him goodbye with a hopeful smile, Arthur knew that all the troubles the Rainbow Table made him go through were worth it.
The worse part of being president of the university's LGBT society was that Arthur easily became a target for crazy maniacs such as the Edwin bloke that had shown up earlier. And while he had handled it well, it didn't mean that Edwin was acting alone – bullies rarely ever were – and Arthur had no choice but to accept that the Campus security would escort him to his car. They could only protect him inside the campus premises, and as Arthur's apartment was outside, in the city, it wasn't much help. It would have been silly of them to try anything so soon, but as he drove towards the road, he noticed that there was a car following him.
It wasn't his first experience with such behaviour and it wouldn't be his last, he was certain. As long as he was an important and active voice for the gay rights, there would be people targeting him. He kept cool, tracing his route in his head, how he'd shake them off. It didn't matter if they knew where he lived or not – just last year a couple boys had been arrested when trying to vandalise the building because of his father's tight security measures to protect his life.
He drove past his street, turning left on the third street after it. The other car was a bit behind, and he accelerated to try and turn again before they reached the street. As he was turning again, he saw the car entering the street with his lights off. If Arthur hadn't been sure that he was being followed before, he knew for certain now.
He tried to reach home as fast as he could, but still he turned on the street before his and got into a tiny little street – almost an alley – that left him on the right side of the building. He thanked his father in his thoughts for all his precautions, and drove inside the garage underneath the building. The street was silent from what he could tell, but as he walked toward the elevator, he heard the doorman chuckled.
"Good night, hem? A bit of chasing going around."
"I didn't do anything," said Arthur, trying to defend himself.
"You like cock, that's enough for some people" said the doorman, nonchalantly, "One day it won't be" said Arthur, firmly, and he heard the doorman chuckle again as he walked into the lift.
It was going to be one of those nights. He texted Merlin as soon as he got to his floor.
Late night. On my way.
He walked inside the dark apartment and didn't even bother turning the lights on, going straight for the fire escape. He climbed the steps easily, going for the roof. It was an easy jump to the next building's roof, one he was used to taking a few times a week. He landed lightly, walked across to the other fire stairs and climbed the five floors before jumping inside the corner building's premises. Merlin's flat was in an old building and didn't have cameras or doormen working. He walked until he found the right ladder and climbed up to Merlin's apartment. The window was already open.
"Are you insane, Merlin? Anyone could come in through here. I could have been a thief!" he called into the empty apartment.
"Don't be a prat," said a voice in the next room. "You said you were arriving, I opened the window. No need to make a big deal out of it."
He walked into the living room to find Merlin in the middle of over complicated schematics that he couldn't begin to understand even if he tried. Merlin gave a big smile as he saw him, his eyes turned into slits and his cheekbones becoming even more prominent. As Arthur walked to him, Merlin stood up and welcomed him into his arms, in a tight embrace and a light peck on his mouth.
"God, you're stinking," said his boyfriend, charming as usual. "Straight to the bathroom!"
He loved when Merlin became bossy, and gave him one of his most charming grins before speaking.
"If I'm that bad, I'll need help in order to get clean," said Arthur, pulling Merlin through his shirt. "I couldn't possibly do it by myself."
Merlin gave a tiny laugh before kissing him again.
"Eager, are we?" said the man, pushing him to the bathroom. "I'll help."
He pulled Arthur's clothes off as they walked in the bathroom, which promptly caused his body to react happily to the touches. Merlin grinned at that and turned the shower on, the water freezing in the beginning of January.
"Merlin!" he screamed, and his boyfriend laughed happily.
"It was too good to miss it," he said, turning the heating on. "Don't worry, I'll make it up to you."
And as watched Merlin undress with the promise of rewards later, he knew that he was a lucky, lucky man.
As soon as they were out of the shower, Merlin pushed Arthur into the bed, laying with his belly down and crawled upon his back.
"You are incredibly tense," he complained, using his long fingers to ease a particularly swollen spot. "You have not being doing the breathing and easing exercises I told you to."
Arthur grumped against the pillow while Merlin stood up again.
"This is no use," he said, reaching for the oil. "This will help a bit with the pain, but you have to learn how to not let it affect you so badly!"
"I was chased again," was Arthur's only answer, and Merlin sneered. "And a guy named Edwin came around to pick up a fight with me – a literal fist fight."
"Edwin?" asked Merlin, alarmed.
"I think that's his name, yeah. Do you know him?"
Merlin kept on massaging the spots with all his efficiency for a while, before answering.
"He's a med student," he said, after some time, "nasty piece of work."
"I noticed that" Arthur answered, annoyed. "It became quite clear."
"He never struck me as the physical combat kind of guy," added Merlin, still moving his fingers. "He's more of the 'I'll make so many awful comments you wish you never been born' kind of bully."
"So you know him personally?" asked Arthur, turning to look at his boyfriend.
"Keep still" complained Merlin, forcing him back to his previous position. "And, yes, he used to be an anatomy tutor, Gwen had a few sessions with him in her first year, and Will hates his guts – he treated her like crap and said that it was a shame that the med school had become so desperate as to accept black people and girls at that into their course."
"Lovely bloke, really" said Arthur, with a snort.
"He also said that he thinks the only good reason to choose physiotherapy is not being smart enough to be a real doctor and that I should be ashamed if even Gwen had managed that. I didn't care much, but you know what Will's like, he became incensed."
"Don't tell me – he's also loaded."
Merlin gave a stifled laugh at that.
"Not at all – he's an orphan and grew up in care; he got into Albion with a scholarship."
Arthur snorted at that, disbelieving.
"So he's some sort of Voldemort."
"Let's hope that he doesn't develop magical powers as well," agreed Merlin. "It's bad enough as it is – and while Gwen is really smart, I wouldn't want her to be the next Hermione Granger."
Merlin kept on moving his hands around Arthur's back, easing every tense spot he could find. The smell of the oil filled the room, and nothing could feel more like home than this.
"Speaking of Gwen" said Arthur, changing the subject. "Her boyfriend's name came around in the counseling today."
"Really? Some other boy heartbroken over Lance's heterosexuality?"
"Actually, it was Elena" explained Arthur, allowing Merlin to turn him around. "She kind of fell for him a bit and freaked out thinking she had never been a lesbian and that her whole life was a lie – especially since she thought Gwen was lovely but didn't feel attracted to her."
Merlin snorted.
"You guys are a mess," he said. "Why can't she just be bisexual?"
"It's complicated," said the blond man, pulling Merlin closer – his body was more than relaxed now, except for the bits that wished his boyfriend to be more inclined to other types of action. "Not everyone can deal with it – and it came as a bit of a shock to her. Also, it wasn't only Lance, she got her sights into another engineering bloke, one she's supposed to tutor."
"And the plot thickens" teased Merlin.
"It's not the only thing thickening," answered Arthur, suggestively.
Merlin laughed, touching him mischievously.
"God, you're insatiable after a counseling night" he tried to complain, but soon enough he was all over Arthur, giving him hot wet kisses that could only lead to steamy sex – and a perfect ending to an evening that had started out badly.