Butler for Hire
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own School Rumble OR Azumanga Daioh
Also, a special thanks to Skloodzi for the spin-off idea.
Prologue
This story tells all about the Maidens for Hire, the ever popular robot maids that are built for guaranteed services, including cooking, cleaning, and everything else, including carnal pleasures, called "Pleasure Mode".
The service has been served to over twenty Japanese cities, including Yagami. This is where the story takes place, and this is where we introduced Eri Sawachika, a girl whom recently earned a job from Koyomi Mizuhara, the original creator of the ever-popular maids. She earned the job, following a very heinous maneuver to classmate Kenji Harima, by creating an android of her, with a devious attitude, which created a Maiden for Hire, with a shy disposition, which looked like her (Confusing, huh?). To this day, Eri made it up to him, by leaving her Maiden double, the nice and shy one, to replace her, when she's gone. Her robot double has a love interest with Harima, which causes Eri to worry. But she's over it now.
Today, Eri is currently working in Maidens for Hire in Yagami, as Head Chairman. She has been creating Maidens, one-by-one. However, she grew bored about it.
Which is where our story begins…
At the Maidens for Hire Company's meeting room, Koyomi Mizuhara called a board meeting with her employees.
"Fellow Maiden members," she declared, "As you know, profits for Maidens for Hire is dropping slightly, which is about 500 Yen in the green."
She showed the chart of her sales of Maidens sold monthly. The line remained above in the green, but has dropped in every margin.
"This may be good for business, but unfortunately, we're losing sales," she added, "So, I have proposed that we create a brand new Maiden; one that tends to everyone's needs."
"Miss Mizuhara," a man in a black suit called out.
"Yes, Mister Shinji Takeru," Yomi proclaimed.
"Well, as much as everyone loved the Maidens, whether men or women," Takeru said, "Why not have someone create a simple Maiden, like a girl from France?"
"Naw, too morbid," Takana West proclaimed, "Some of our Maidens were sold to England at about 3,000 Pounds."
"Uh, Mister West," Yomi snuffed, "We're not worldwide… yet."
"My bad," West said.
"Well, there are certain motives we would try… and well, I might not like it, but we could be ready," Yomi stated, "My associate will explain."
She called out a blonde-haired girl in a bluish business suit.
"Miss Sawachika here will explain the newest transaction to Maidens for Hire," Yomi explained.
Eri stepped forward and presented herself to the board of directors.
Eri Sawachika was a girl from Yagami, Japan. She was a member of the Sawachika Trust, which recently funded for the Maidens for Hire Company. Recently, she created a robot double of herself, in hoping to trick Kenji Harima, a classmate of hers, into finding out who he really loved. Sadly, the android created a Maiden for Hire that looked EXACTLY like her. But there was a big difference: the Maiden was shy, but the android was manipulative. As it turns out, the Maiden loved him, but her android double met up with disaster, telling all, and deactivated herself permanently. All this happened, when she became Head Chairman of the Yagami Branch, following Haruki Hanai's Maiden's untimely demise.
"Gentlemen, I think I can help you with this motive of profit," she stated, "I have decided on a newer product to help with our services, guaranteed to make EVERYONE happy."
She then showed a pie chart of how many people, male or female, have used the Maidens.
"As you can see, about 75% of the users are male, while 25% of them are female. What we need to do is use a newer tactic to boost of the women's services."
Takana West raised his hand and asked, "Excuse me, but what would we do to make the female populace happy."
Eri snickered, "Any moron can understand what the opposite of Maidens are."
Ami Tsukami, the Company's engineer, dressed in green with black hair, answered, "I know. The opposite of Maid… is Butler."
"Exactly! So that's why we must create a brand new Maiden for Hire, but as a male person!" Eri cheered.
Yomi had a stern look, "Miss Sawachika, is this some sort of a joke?"
Eri smiled and said, "It's no joke, Miss Mizuhara, this is a new idea I had made recently. And… Nakamura suggested the idea for me. This new Maiden will revolutionize the services to the next level."
"Go on."
"Think about it. Not only you will own a Maid robot, but you will own a Butler robot, as well. It's perfect symmetry."
Yomi then turned to the Board and bellowed, "Fine then. We'll put it in a vote. All those in favor of a male Maiden for Hire, please raise your hand. All opposed, leave your hand down, and if any, please state your reason."
About all of the executives raised their hands, with the exception of Shinji Takeru.
"I oppose the idea, because it sounded ridiculous," he huffed, "Tell me, will the Male Maidens be equipped with Pleasure Mode, as well?"
Eri remarked, "Oh, they'll have ALL of the Maiden for Hire programming, except they will perform the duties of a normal butler."
Takeru then said, "Okay… then I approve of it."
Mister West asked, "A Male Maiden for Hire sounds good, but what we need is a name for the Male Maiden."
"How about "Butler for Hire"?" Terry Stanton, the Company's mechanic, proclaimed, "It is even more suitable than "Male Maiden"."
Ami agreed, "Oh, yes. Definitely much better."
Yomi then smiled and turned to Eri, "Well, I guess it is unanimous. Miss Sawachika, congratulations."
"Thank you, Miss Mizuha-."
"But!" Yomi interrupted, "In order to test them out, we have to have a trial run. If this Butler for Hire does not meet with its own transactions, then we'll have to scrap the idea."
"Miss Mizuhara, I promise you this: once this is over, the Butler for Hire will be a great new addition to the company."
Eri and Yomi shook hands. The Board of Directors and Employees began to applaud.
"Meeting adjourned." Yomi declared.
XXXXX
Later that night, Eri came home and was exhausted. The other Eri, her shy, yet adorable robot double, greeted her.
"Good day to you, Miss Eri," she greeted, "I have been waiting for you to come home."
This is Eri, Model #N1K1M871, a Maiden for Hire, created by Eri's android, who met an untimely end. She was introduced to the world, as Kenji Harima's Maiden for Hire. Her personality is that she's shy, timid, and somewhat perky. But what do you expect from blondes like her?
Anyway, she was used by the Eri android, which was hired to FORCE Harima to admit who he really loved in his life. The Maiden found out that Harima loved Tenma Tsukamoto, Eri's fellow classmate and former co-user of a Maiden. Of course, the Maiden fell in love with him and stayed with him; but when she realized that the android used her and created her for six weeks, her services ended in an illegal way.
After the Eri android shorted out, the Maiden Eri, in order to protect Harima, admitted to the real Eri that he loved her, the REAL Eri. This led to her being reprogrammed by Eri, in order to stay with Harima, and romance ensues again. She currently acts as her replacement, complete with personality and attitude, whenever Sawachika goes to work. She even acts as Harima's girlfriend, now and then, under wraps; and she also tutors Eri, whenever she misses school, for business matters.
"How was work, Miss Eri?" She asked.
"Oh, you know… this and that," she smiled, "Hey, if you have the time, I want your judgment on a newer product I am trying, okay?"
"Really? I'm not a Maiden for Hire anymore, but…" the Ex-Maiden said.
"It's okay," she smiled, "As long as you're okay. So, how was Whiskers?"
The Maiden turned away in embarrassment and said, "I'll never tell…"
Eri scoffed, "Some things never change…"
XXXXX
Two days later, the new Butler for Hire was built in the testing room. Eri and her Maiden double appeared and were introduced by Yomi.
"Good morning, Miss Sawachika. I see you've brought your replacement here." She stated.
The robot Eri bowed and said, "It is an honor to test your new Butler for Hire. To be honest, having Maidens only is such a bore."
"So, will you be okay with this? We'd normally use a crash dummy or an intern to test them," Yomi said in concern.
"Oh, you know me," the robot remarked, "I'm always ready for guaranteed service, especially since Miss Eri made me join in. Besides, it's an honor to meet you, face-to-face, THE creator!"
She made starry eyes at Yomi, who was very stern.
"Oh, just get in the room!" She snapped.
The robot entered the test room, while the real Eri was worried.
"Miss Eri, if I die," she called out, "Tell Harima that I loved him."
Eri then pressed the button to begin. A Butler for Hire appeared, dressed in a black and white tuxedo. He had slick black hair and a curly mustache. He approached the robot Eri and bowed to her.
"Good day to you, madam," he spoke in a very calm voice, "Please take note that this is a demonstration. I am Model #S191C44K1. My name is Nicolas, your Butler for Hire."
The robot bowed and said, "Good day, Nicolas. I am Model #N1K1M871; my name is Eri. I am a former Maiden for Hire, owned by my boyfriend and former user, Kenji Harima."
"Thank you, Eri," he said, "I am here for your guaranteed service. Unlike your Maidens that are used for cooking, cleaning, and anything else, we Butlers tend to your every whim, by serving you."
"Oh? Do you chauffer, as well? Mister Nakamura does well behind the wheel." Eri stated.
"Unfortunately, yes. But we must use proof of permission, before we use automotive transportation." Nicolas remarked.
Yomi and Eri were stunned in disgust. Unfortunately, they didn't hear a word they said.
"Is this going anywhere?" They both said in a disdain manner.
Yomi spoke on the microphone and called out, "Model #S191C44K1, begin procedure! YOU, Model #N1K1M871, prepare yourself!"
Stage one: Serving your user
"All Maidens tend to cook their food," Eri explained, "Afterwards, Butlers for Hire, who act as waiters, tend to serve the dish to their table, without the Maiden serving."
She called to the robot Eri, who was sitting in the table, "Eri, I want you to pick which food you want and Nicolas here will serve it to you."
"Miss Eri," the robot replied, "You know that I cannot eat."
"I KNOW THAT! Just declare what you'd like to eat!" Eri shouted.
"Okay!" She gave a thumbs-up.
She turned to Nicolas and proclaimed, "I would like some meat and potatoes, please."
Nicolas bowed and said, "Right away, madam."
He went over the table, walking very straight, and grabbed a plate of nikujaga. The distance he walked from the dining table to the small table was about five yards. He then walked in a very polite and chivalrous step. The Eri robot was amazed.
"He walks like an angel. A very gallant one, unlike my hot boyfriend," she thought, with a giggle.
"You'll notice that Butlers for Hire walk very valiantly," Eri stated, "Maidens may walk like us, but the butlers, like them, as more regal, in step."
"He's walking very slowly," Terry asked, "Why isn't he fast?"
"Wait for it…" Eri said.
Nicolas returned with the plate of food and presented to the robot. She bowed and said, "Thank you for the food!"
Yomi then said, "Well, at least he made it on time. The clock stated that he made it in 45 seconds, from the dining table and back."
"See? It looked slow, but he's obviously very swift on his feet," Eri exclaimed.
Terry then declared, "Good. Then it is on to part two of the test."
Eri then looked through the glass and saw the robot Eri about to eat the nikujaga. She grabbed the microphone and shouted, "ERI! YOU DUNCE-BOT! DON'T EAT THAT!"
The robot halted and remembered. She turned to the window and giggled, "Sorry… it looked so delicious, I really wish that I could make this delicacy very good."
Eri was stunned. She muttered, "I'm sure you would…"
Stage two: Cleaning
"While Maidens tend to clean at a breakneck speed, we always have someone to double check the cleaning productivity," Eri stated.
Takana West explained, "According to recent tests, latest Maidens for Hire have cleaned up in 100% efficiency. However, it has left 5% more dirt then before."
"So, we shall see if Nicolas will be able to clean up, along with the user," Eri added, "He will be using his feather duster to clean up any particles remaining. My robo-Eri shall demonstrate, since she is a former Maiden."
She turned to the robot Eri, who is dressed in her old uniform, and asked if she's ready. The Maiden saluted and said that she is ready. She began to clean the room in a fast speed. When she finished, she stood in place and bowed. Nicolas comes in and stood by her.
"Okay. Now we'll see what Eri missed, by using Nicolas," Terry said.
Takana remarked, "Let's hope to God this works."
Nicolas began to look around to room, using his sight. His LED eyes began to blink red, yellow, and green.
"Green means that he's far, yellow means that he's closer, and red means that he's found it," Terry explained.
His eyes turned red and found the spot of dirt robot Eri missed: located on the coffee table. He swiftly used his feather duster and got rid of the dirt on the table.
"Good. Room is now 100% clean, Miss Sawachika," Terry remarked.
"Excellent," Eri smiled, "Then it proves that the Butler is worthy of finishing the job for the Maiden, thanks to his Dirt Tracker. This works, if the Maiden finishes cleaning an area in the domain."
The robot Eri made a scowl and grumbled, "Show-off…"
Stage three: Driving
The entire group was outside. The Butler Nicolas was inside a test limousine, holding the steering wheel. The robot Eri, Takana West, and Terry Stanton stepped inside.
Yomi then exclaimed, "So, this test will determine if the Butler for Hire is capable of driving."
"Miss Mizuhara, since there are no users with limos, I figured that if this is successful, the Butler will order a limousine, whenever the user should go out somewhere," Eri replied.
Yomi nodded and said, "Ah, quite right."
The limousine drove off, heading into the test track, which is a normal road track, but with full of turns.
Yomi then stated, "This will determine what the Butler will do, in automotive driving."
The limo drove on the straight track. Yomi gave it a check on the score sheet. The limo went to a short curve. It turned ever flawlessly. Then it went to an S-curve, which easily went through. Then it did a quick U-turn, leaving some of its passengers a little uneasy.
"WHOA! That is one reckless driving," Terry shouted.
Nicolas replied, "This is normal driving, guaranteed for your safety pleasure."
"You call it normal? Now I know why few people hate roller coasters!" the Maiden Eri cried.
The limo returned, unscathed. Eri was smirking in confidence, while Yomi was surprised.
"Well, THAT seems to be very amazing," Yomi said, in nervous-like words.
XXXXX
"So, after full review, I'd say that the Butler for Hire has proven to be an acceptable use for all users, who own, or don't own, a Maiden for Hire," Yomi declared, back in the conference room.
Eri then smiled. She was very happy that her newest model was acceptable. However, the Maiden Eri raised her hand and asked, "Uh, will there be custom models for him, too?"
"Oh, yes, there will be, Eri Model," Yomi decreed.
She then announced the launch of the Butlers for Hire.
"By next month, we will have tested every Butler for Hire to run in guaranteed services. Sadly, the Maiden for Hire will be a thing of the past, but they are still our #1 Maid service item in all Japan!"
The Maiden Eri sighed in relief, despite the fact that she's an Ex-Maiden. Eri then said to her, "Thank you for testing my new project with us, Eri."
"Oh, think nothing of it," the robot smiled, "It beats being with Harima."
She then gasped and turned around. She spoke in a nervous titter, "Uh, just so we're clear, I kind of told Nicolas that I am Harima's girlfriend. I, uh, I didn't mean to say it, since I… ha, ha, ha, ha…"
She turned to Eri and asked, "Will you forgive me for that?"
"It's like I said before, I'm over that," Eri explained, "You can be Harima's girlfriend, but only while I am gone. Besides, you are me, so, don't worry. Whiskers know that it's really you, the robot me, but the others won't."
Then the Maiden giggled and said, "Well, if this Butlers for Hire goes well, perhaps I can be one of its customers."
Takana West then declared, "Sorry, but users must be human. Ever since the android Eri created you, we'd kind of have issues with robot-on-robot service. Also, the charge of each Butler for Hire is around 1,000 Yen for a monthly service; custom models are 2,000 Yen."
"Why so cheap?" Eri barked.
"Duh," he said, "Maidens are more popular than Butlers, and we haven't even begun production!"
Both Eris sighed and said, "So we've heard."
Yomi then approached Eri and shook her hand, "Thank you so much for your help on the Maidens and Butlers for Hire routine."
Eri then said, "The pleasure is all mine. My robot friend here has helped out, as well."
Yomi then said, "Oh, so I've heard. By the way, she's fired."
Robot Eri barked, "But I'm already an Ex-Maiden. I don't even work here anymore."
Yomi giggled, "Sorry. Well, see that you don't."
She turned to Eri and said, "I'm surprised that she is staying with a former user, on account that she was used by a… well… I'd rather not say. Kind of… personal… well, see you soon."
She left, as Eri turned to her double.
"What is she talking about?" The robot asked.
Eri replied, "Dunno."
The robot asked, "By the way, who did you model you prototype after? He looked familiar…"
Eri winked and said nothing. The Maiden Eri was confused.
"Okay… I'm lost…" she muttered.
She then thought, "I wonder if all those Butlers for Hire will end up like our sisters, who were destroyed long ago. Would they end up having flaws in them?"
Of course, she's referring to the older models that went haywire and/or were destroyed (namely the Koyomi, Sakaki, Chiyo, and Miko Models). But even if her knowledge, and hunch, is correct, she is about to find out; for this marks a series of events that the Butlers for Hire have done, since being produced, one month later.
For the Eri robot, she was partially right… which will be explained later.
To be continued…