So, more than likely, this is gonna be its own little series within the MTFMTO series. Yes, this is based very strongly on recent events in my own life. While the circumstances may be severely different, I was recently diagnosed as a manic depressive bipolar, and this Dragon will have the same diagnosis. Her reaction is, to be perfectly honest, almost identical to mine, to the point that quite a bit of what she thinks or says is something I myself have actually thought, said, or written in my journal. Because of the nature of it, it's going to be an ongoing series, not simply a one or two off with a set ending, because these sort of struggles don't end once you are discharged from the hospital, contrary to popular belief. The title is based off of the Icon for Hire song, Get Well.

Pairing: Pewds/Cry/CutiePie/OFC (Dragon, as I've already said) AKA PewdieCryMarziOC

Warnings: Femslash, Slash, a four way relationship, etc. Language, sexual references, as per usual. Also, depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts. I suppose this could potentially require a "trigger" warning for some people.

Rating: High T for now, but I may have to up the rating later based on language, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, etc.

GetWell

Things were absolutely perfect. At first. Now, that probably sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship story, which I assure you is the farthest thing from the truth. Felix, Marzia, and Ryan were, and still are, the best things that have ever happened to me. I have no idea where I would be without any one of them. And no matter how some people may have a problem with our unique relationship, whether is be the homosexuality aspect or the fact that it is polyamorous, it is in no way the cause of anything so get that out of your head right now.

So, at first, everything was absolutely perfect. You know how all new relationships are at first, with the initial honeymoon phase where you're newly in love and everything the other person does is absolutely perfect, and they may as well have hung the moon. Our's was exactly like that, except I dare say that our honeymoon phase actually lasted longer than a couple's would have, because we all had two new partners to get to know in a romantic sense, in addition to the one that we were already in the "comfortable-together" phase of love with. I was already ready to commit anything to Ryan that he asked of me, and I was already in love with Marzia. Then, I got to know her in a more romantic sense, and fell even more deeply in love with her, all the while only falling harder for Ryan. At the same time, I finally met Felix as more than just a distant figure and/or the boy who's girlfriend I was in love with, and I fell in love with him. I know that it was a similiar process for each of the others, and with all of us so drunk of love and eachother that we were all over the moon, how could anything ever go wrong?

Yet, as always happens, it eventually did.

It started so slowly that even if I could have stopped it, I barely realised it was happening. I couldn't even tell you when it started. I can tell you the first time I can recall a solid hint of it, but I'm sure it began well before that.

It was a little over a year and a half after Ryan and I had moved to Europe permanently. That morning was not any different than the one before it, and the one after it would, for all intents and purposes, be basically the same. Ryan was napping simply for the hell of it and I had just put the finishing touches on the latest addition to a series, an episode of The Sims simply because why not, and said video was in the slow process of uploading. Not about to disturb Ryan's beauty sleep, I went downstairs to see what Felix and Marzia were up to. As it happened, they were sitting in the living room making a video together for Marzia's channel. It didn't take more than a second to find out that it was one of those "Boyfriend" challenges, specifically it was an "I Do My Boyfriend's Makeup" challenge. It was completely innocent and they were just laughing and having fun as Marzia expertly did Felix's makeup, yet something inside of me latched onto that moment. As I watched them from the doorway for a moment, out of camera view and just barely in their peripheral vision if they cared to notice, I just years prior, watching the inverse. I remembered staring at the screen, watching my best friend's boyfriend put makeup on her and hating him for being able to even be on the same continent as her, let alone be able to call her his girlfriend.

And then, all of a sudden, every little action was suddenly meaningful in the worst way. Every laugh, every joke, every smile that had love underneath it that they exchanged was just another reminder that... They loved eachother first. Yes, all four of us love eachother... but if we had to split up... Felix and Marzia would almost certainly chose eachother over me if given a choice. And why shouldn't they? Yes, they might love me... But to some extent, I would always be secondary to each of them.

So, before they could notice me, or if they already had, then acknowledge me, I turned around and quietly closed the door. Suddenly, I was in the mood for two things only- to be held, and to rest. Fortunately, I could easily accomplish both at once.

Ryan roused slightly from his sleep as I slid onto our large bed. He turned over, eyes half-lidded from sleep and as I slid closer, he threw an arm over me and dragged me into him so that my head was buried into his chest.

"Double naptime?" He mumbled sleepily.

"Double naptime." I confirmed as I relaxed into his warmth.

"Awesome." He replied, pulling me even closer before seeming to fall back into sleep. Finally, the small knot of anxiety that had formed in my throat loosened a little and I smiled as I slowly descended into a nap. Yeah, Felix and Marzia would probably put eachother first if they had to choose... but I had Ryan. And, logically, why would they ever need to chose anyway? That was fine. This was all fine and wonderful and more than enough for me.

I have Ryan.

And that worked. I used those three words the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that as, time after time, I saw things that kept reminding me that Felix and Marzia were together first. But it was okay and it was all going to be okay and I would be fine and realistically nothing would happen, but even if it did, it would be okay, because just like Felix and Marzia, Ryan and I were together first, so it would be okay, right?

Except... a few days later, I wasn't so sure anymore.

End

Well, there's the first chapter. Realistically, I may actually write the entire "series" before I actually have internet to upload any of it, so that could be a thing. Whatever. Really need to work on getting on some sort of steady update schedule or something. We'll see.