I've been thinking of this one for awhile now. I thought the character of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and this certain "club" would go together hand in hand, seeing as how their dreams are almost intertwined. After all, aren't we all the singing dancing crap of the world?
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: I am Jack's Homicidal Tendencies
"Mmmmm. Cherry Doom." Nny eyed the swirling liquid in the icy cold vat behind the glass. His tiny, claw-like hand grasped a large cup, placed a plastic dome on the lid, and pulled the lever to release the Cherry goodness into said cup. After the frozen cherry liquid reached the top of the dome, he slurped away the overflow and reached for the space where the straws with the spoon shapes at the end of them would normally be found. Johnny became disenheartened however when he found there to be none. He glanced at his filled cup, thinking whether or not to get a regular straw. He shook his head, thinking "This simply wouldn't do."
"Excuse me sir." Nny said, wrapping on the desk in front of the cashier. The cashier was talking on the phone since Johnny had entered the 7-Helleven and had continued to do so throughout Nny's visit. With an irritated look, the cashier glanced up at the questioning homicidal maniac.
"Hold on a second, would you? Somebody wants something." The cashier put his hand to the bottom of the phone, pulled it away from his ear, and once again looked up at Nny. "Yeah?"
"Well you see, I think you're out of your spoon/straws for the icey doom machine and I was wondering if you could get some new ones?"
"Straws are next to the machine." The cashier said, half ignoring Nny, pointing his finger to the icey doom machine. He then got back on the phone. "Anyway, as I was saying, she said to me...."
"Look." Johnny said. "I know there are straws next to the machine. Any idiot can see that. You however, fail to see my problem here."
"....Kaitlin, I'm gonna have to call you back. Some customer is being hysterical or something about fork/straws." The cashier then hung up the phone.
"THEY'RE SPOON/STRAWS! For God's sake YOU WORK HERE! Have the common decency to learn the goods and services you convey." Nny slammed his fist against the top of the desk, getting a crazy look in his eye.
"Whatever. We must be out of the straws you're talking about, otherwise they'd be out there. Get it? Just take a regular straw." The cashier once again pointed to the container of regular straws next to the machine.
"HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING? A REGULAR STRAW WON'T FULFILL MY NEEDS WHEN IT COMES TO CHERRY DOOM! I NEED A SPOON AT THE END TO PUT ME UNDER THE ILLUSION THAT I'M HAVING A DELICIOUS FROZEN TREAT WHEN I'M HALF WAY THROUGH WITH THE DRINK!" Johnny yelled, flailing his arms all around.
"My suggestion is that you check yourself, before you wreck yourself pal." The cashier rolled up his sleeves and placed his fists against the counter like a caveman, pushing his face right in front of Nny's.
"......Fine." Nny smiled and walked away from the cashier. He reached for a regular spoon from the container, placed it into the frozen concoction, walked up to the register and plunked $1.50 on the counter. "Have a nice night."
"Yeah. You too." The cashier said sarcastically, putting the money into the register slots. Nny nodded to him and began to walk toward the door.
"Oh wait. I forgot something." Nny swung around, pulling a large steak knife out of his pocket. He flung it at the startled cashier and before the irritated clerk had time to move out of the way, the knife was lodged in his eye socket. "NOW! LET'S SEE IF I CAN MAKE YOUR INTESTINES INTO BALOON ANIMAL SHAPES!"
5 minutes later.....
"Well, that was entertaining." Nny said, panting and covered in gore. He dropped the large knife and the ballon animal shaped intestines as he walked to the extra absorbant towels. Wiping off the blood and gore off his black shirt and pants, he picked up his Cherry Doom and sucked down the frozen liquid.
"Yo Dante! You gotta see this porno I got. Its the best of both worlds......" The young man said, walking into the blood ridden convenience store to find Nny slurping down his Doom.
"Uhhh. It was like this when I got here?" Johnny said, a half smile on his face. The young man, with the backwards cap, then fainted. Nny shrugged and walked by the downed kid. "Kids today, so sensatized to violence. Could've sworn that television, if not reality itself, had taken care of that already."
"Your preconception of reality doesn't seem to improving with age, Johnny." Nail Bunny said as the bunny's head floated next to Johnny, slurping on his Cherry Doom.
"So I've been told Nail Bunny, so I've been told." Nny walked down the dark street finishing the last of his frozen drink, throwing its cup and the steak knife into a nearby garbage can. "You know what I need Nail Bunny? More release."
"More killing you mean?" The floating head sighed and shook its head in mid-float. "There are more constructive ways of using your time Johnny. Why not take up a painting course?"
"Tried that. Killed the teacher with a painting of a sad clown. I thought it was ironic." Nny laughed to himself.
"All right. How about exercise?"
"Tried that to. Killed three joggers with a hacksaw for not tying their shoes. They could get hurt that way you know."
"Television?"
"Threw it at one of the drones in the basement for not reading Happy Noodle Boy."
"Caligraphy?"
"Stabbed the pen through a postal worker's neck."
"Book Club?"
"Lit the pages of Moby Dick on fire and stuffed them down some guy's throat."
"Well Johnny you seem to be hopelessly lost in the act of homicidal maniacal tendencies." Nail bunny floated next to Johnny's head, slowly circling around him. Nny changed direction and went into a dark alley, thinking it a better shortcut home then his previous route.
"So it would seem." Then, as if right on cue, a man with no shirt, covered in various bruises and bloody scratches bumped into Nny.
"*Cough* *hack* Sorry man, got a little to wrapped up in the fight, you know?" The shirtless man whiped the blood off which was shooting out of his nose.
"Quite all right." Nny said, patting off his shoulders and shirt, calming himself down before he had any familiar urges. "What are you doing?"
"Dude, we're fighting." The shirtless man pointed to the crowd of men in the alley, circled around a pair of two more shirtless men kicking the crap out of each other. Nny looked past the man and was perplexed at what he saw.
"And....you're enjoying this? What is this? Some kind of 'kick the shit out of each other' get together?"
"Well..." The man looked around to make sure that no one in the club could hear him. "The first rule is that we don't talk about it."
"What's the second rule?" Nny asked, scratching his head, still bewildered at the sight of two grown men beating the crap out of one another for the fun of it.
"We don't talk about it." The man replied. Nny heard this and began to laugh up a storm. He laughed so hard and loud in fact, that many of the group chanting for the fight began to stop and look at him. As a few seconds went by, he began to laugh even more insanely, causing even the men in the middle of the fight to stop and give pause.
"HAHAHAaaaaa...I haven't laughed like that in years." Nny wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face from laughter. "Anyway, I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your news letter."
"Look," The shirtless man replied, talking once again after the group of men once again engaged in the fight. "Come to Lou's bar after closing in the basement. You'll find what you're looking for there. Remember, I didn't say nothing."
"Actually that's a double negative. It means that you just said something." The man had already left and so did not hear Nny's correction. "Lou's Bar eh? Could be a fun time after all eh, Nail Bunny."
"Could be." Nail Bunny replied, appearing out of thin air.
A Day later at Lou's Bar......
Johnny entered into the crowded basement of middle aged men with bad haircuts and dirty workshirts on. The air smelled of dried blood, just as Nny's basement did.
"Heh. I like this place already." Nny made his way to the border of the center of the crowd and looked upon the one man standing in the middle. He was a thin yet muscular man with dark spiky hair and a number of bruises and cuts were found all over his body.
"The first rule of Fight Club." The man said taking off a ring on his right hand. "We do not talk about fight club."
"There's that rule again." Nny said to himself, looking at the shirtless man from the night before, giving a thumbs up to him. Nny forced a smile and waved back.
"Next rule, WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!" Nny rolled his eyes thinking that the third rule would follow suit as the second and first. "Next, no shoes, no shirts, no weapons."
"NO WHAT?" Nny yelled out as a number of knives, hacksaws, scythes, blades, and even a flamethrower, fell out of his jacket. All of the men slowly stepped away from Nny in fear of their lives, and paid attention to the man in the center once again.
"My name is Tyler Durden and if this is your first night at Fight Club," Tyler smiled wickedly and looked straight at Nny. "You have to fight first."
"......Groovy."
End Chapter 1
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: I am Jack's Homicidal Tendencies
"Mmmmm. Cherry Doom." Nny eyed the swirling liquid in the icy cold vat behind the glass. His tiny, claw-like hand grasped a large cup, placed a plastic dome on the lid, and pulled the lever to release the Cherry goodness into said cup. After the frozen cherry liquid reached the top of the dome, he slurped away the overflow and reached for the space where the straws with the spoon shapes at the end of them would normally be found. Johnny became disenheartened however when he found there to be none. He glanced at his filled cup, thinking whether or not to get a regular straw. He shook his head, thinking "This simply wouldn't do."
"Excuse me sir." Nny said, wrapping on the desk in front of the cashier. The cashier was talking on the phone since Johnny had entered the 7-Helleven and had continued to do so throughout Nny's visit. With an irritated look, the cashier glanced up at the questioning homicidal maniac.
"Hold on a second, would you? Somebody wants something." The cashier put his hand to the bottom of the phone, pulled it away from his ear, and once again looked up at Nny. "Yeah?"
"Well you see, I think you're out of your spoon/straws for the icey doom machine and I was wondering if you could get some new ones?"
"Straws are next to the machine." The cashier said, half ignoring Nny, pointing his finger to the icey doom machine. He then got back on the phone. "Anyway, as I was saying, she said to me...."
"Look." Johnny said. "I know there are straws next to the machine. Any idiot can see that. You however, fail to see my problem here."
"....Kaitlin, I'm gonna have to call you back. Some customer is being hysterical or something about fork/straws." The cashier then hung up the phone.
"THEY'RE SPOON/STRAWS! For God's sake YOU WORK HERE! Have the common decency to learn the goods and services you convey." Nny slammed his fist against the top of the desk, getting a crazy look in his eye.
"Whatever. We must be out of the straws you're talking about, otherwise they'd be out there. Get it? Just take a regular straw." The cashier once again pointed to the container of regular straws next to the machine.
"HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING? A REGULAR STRAW WON'T FULFILL MY NEEDS WHEN IT COMES TO CHERRY DOOM! I NEED A SPOON AT THE END TO PUT ME UNDER THE ILLUSION THAT I'M HAVING A DELICIOUS FROZEN TREAT WHEN I'M HALF WAY THROUGH WITH THE DRINK!" Johnny yelled, flailing his arms all around.
"My suggestion is that you check yourself, before you wreck yourself pal." The cashier rolled up his sleeves and placed his fists against the counter like a caveman, pushing his face right in front of Nny's.
"......Fine." Nny smiled and walked away from the cashier. He reached for a regular spoon from the container, placed it into the frozen concoction, walked up to the register and plunked $1.50 on the counter. "Have a nice night."
"Yeah. You too." The cashier said sarcastically, putting the money into the register slots. Nny nodded to him and began to walk toward the door.
"Oh wait. I forgot something." Nny swung around, pulling a large steak knife out of his pocket. He flung it at the startled cashier and before the irritated clerk had time to move out of the way, the knife was lodged in his eye socket. "NOW! LET'S SEE IF I CAN MAKE YOUR INTESTINES INTO BALOON ANIMAL SHAPES!"
5 minutes later.....
"Well, that was entertaining." Nny said, panting and covered in gore. He dropped the large knife and the ballon animal shaped intestines as he walked to the extra absorbant towels. Wiping off the blood and gore off his black shirt and pants, he picked up his Cherry Doom and sucked down the frozen liquid.
"Yo Dante! You gotta see this porno I got. Its the best of both worlds......" The young man said, walking into the blood ridden convenience store to find Nny slurping down his Doom.
"Uhhh. It was like this when I got here?" Johnny said, a half smile on his face. The young man, with the backwards cap, then fainted. Nny shrugged and walked by the downed kid. "Kids today, so sensatized to violence. Could've sworn that television, if not reality itself, had taken care of that already."
"Your preconception of reality doesn't seem to improving with age, Johnny." Nail Bunny said as the bunny's head floated next to Johnny, slurping on his Cherry Doom.
"So I've been told Nail Bunny, so I've been told." Nny walked down the dark street finishing the last of his frozen drink, throwing its cup and the steak knife into a nearby garbage can. "You know what I need Nail Bunny? More release."
"More killing you mean?" The floating head sighed and shook its head in mid-float. "There are more constructive ways of using your time Johnny. Why not take up a painting course?"
"Tried that. Killed the teacher with a painting of a sad clown. I thought it was ironic." Nny laughed to himself.
"All right. How about exercise?"
"Tried that to. Killed three joggers with a hacksaw for not tying their shoes. They could get hurt that way you know."
"Television?"
"Threw it at one of the drones in the basement for not reading Happy Noodle Boy."
"Caligraphy?"
"Stabbed the pen through a postal worker's neck."
"Book Club?"
"Lit the pages of Moby Dick on fire and stuffed them down some guy's throat."
"Well Johnny you seem to be hopelessly lost in the act of homicidal maniacal tendencies." Nail bunny floated next to Johnny's head, slowly circling around him. Nny changed direction and went into a dark alley, thinking it a better shortcut home then his previous route.
"So it would seem." Then, as if right on cue, a man with no shirt, covered in various bruises and bloody scratches bumped into Nny.
"*Cough* *hack* Sorry man, got a little to wrapped up in the fight, you know?" The shirtless man whiped the blood off which was shooting out of his nose.
"Quite all right." Nny said, patting off his shoulders and shirt, calming himself down before he had any familiar urges. "What are you doing?"
"Dude, we're fighting." The shirtless man pointed to the crowd of men in the alley, circled around a pair of two more shirtless men kicking the crap out of each other. Nny looked past the man and was perplexed at what he saw.
"And....you're enjoying this? What is this? Some kind of 'kick the shit out of each other' get together?"
"Well..." The man looked around to make sure that no one in the club could hear him. "The first rule is that we don't talk about it."
"What's the second rule?" Nny asked, scratching his head, still bewildered at the sight of two grown men beating the crap out of one another for the fun of it.
"We don't talk about it." The man replied. Nny heard this and began to laugh up a storm. He laughed so hard and loud in fact, that many of the group chanting for the fight began to stop and look at him. As a few seconds went by, he began to laugh even more insanely, causing even the men in the middle of the fight to stop and give pause.
"HAHAHAaaaaa...I haven't laughed like that in years." Nny wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face from laughter. "Anyway, I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your news letter."
"Look," The shirtless man replied, talking once again after the group of men once again engaged in the fight. "Come to Lou's bar after closing in the basement. You'll find what you're looking for there. Remember, I didn't say nothing."
"Actually that's a double negative. It means that you just said something." The man had already left and so did not hear Nny's correction. "Lou's Bar eh? Could be a fun time after all eh, Nail Bunny."
"Could be." Nail Bunny replied, appearing out of thin air.
A Day later at Lou's Bar......
Johnny entered into the crowded basement of middle aged men with bad haircuts and dirty workshirts on. The air smelled of dried blood, just as Nny's basement did.
"Heh. I like this place already." Nny made his way to the border of the center of the crowd and looked upon the one man standing in the middle. He was a thin yet muscular man with dark spiky hair and a number of bruises and cuts were found all over his body.
"The first rule of Fight Club." The man said taking off a ring on his right hand. "We do not talk about fight club."
"There's that rule again." Nny said to himself, looking at the shirtless man from the night before, giving a thumbs up to him. Nny forced a smile and waved back.
"Next rule, WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!" Nny rolled his eyes thinking that the third rule would follow suit as the second and first. "Next, no shoes, no shirts, no weapons."
"NO WHAT?" Nny yelled out as a number of knives, hacksaws, scythes, blades, and even a flamethrower, fell out of his jacket. All of the men slowly stepped away from Nny in fear of their lives, and paid attention to the man in the center once again.
"My name is Tyler Durden and if this is your first night at Fight Club," Tyler smiled wickedly and looked straight at Nny. "You have to fight first."
"......Groovy."
End Chapter 1