Disclaimer, I own nothing.

I wonder

By

Zombie4play

"We have to keep movin' ya'll." Coach explained as he looked over the map.

The atmosphere was thick in the small safe house living room. The air wasn't plentiful and everyone had to force themselves to breath in the mucky stale air that lingered like death around them.

The group sat on crates they had dragged from the barricaded safe house door. They all sat in a semi circle, their posture slouched and their bodies broken. Their bodies to bruised up for them to be anywhere near perfect health.

Their faces portrayed looks of defeat, of pain and sheer hopelessness. Their one chance of freedom, their one chance of life, their one chance of hope was gone.

They had failed.

They were too late.

The chopper had left.

Without them.

They were alone, again.

Nick and Ellis held on tight to each other as Ellis slowly cried into the older man's shoulder. Nick whispered reassuring words to his boyfriend and basically lied his ass off telling his poor southerner that everything was going to be alright, even though he knew better. The conman brought his hand up to stroke the other male's hair without any interference, the cap being lost long ago.

Rochelle was to the right of them, and she too, was crying. How could she not be? All she wanted was to go home. Go home and wake up to-

To what? She had nothing left for her at home. No job, no friends... No family. Nothing.

No one reassured her that everything was going to be ok. No one held her when she cried. She looked over at the couple and she found that she was envious of them. How she wished that she was wanted, oh how she wished that someone would miss her is she just vanished. But then again, everyone wished they were wanted. By someone. At some point.

"I know we failed to catch this helicopter team but I think there is an evacuation city in Tennessee-"

"Tennessee? Coach, we can't make it to Tennessee, it's too far and too long of a journey." Nick spoke up not out of sarcastic disagreement but of a tired acknowledgment. He was so god awful tired, his will to be himself, a sarcastic pessimistic dick head was gone, even broken. His limbs hurt, his bones ached and he was hunger. They all were. Nick knew that they all couldn't make a two state trek to Tennessee just on some assumption they had. Even if it was true, and they knew it for a fact they still couldn't make it. They just had too many injuries, too many broken bones, bruises, and sprains but not enough water, food, ammo, strength and what Nick feared the most, the will to move on, the will to keep going.

Nick may be a gambling man, and he may have played on some pretty dim odds before, but he knew that if they played the hand that Coach had dealt then they would all die, no questions asked.

It was just too ludicrous to him.

Just to stupid.

"If we go the way you suggest then we will all die and you know it." His voice was one of desperate pleading and not of knowing. "I don't want to see Ellis die Coach. I don't. I've worked too hard to see to his safety just to see him die here. I need him to be safe Coach. I need to get him to a safe place and Tennessee is just too far..." He trailed off. He seemed rather delirious, as though he wasn't all there, but he held Ellis even tighter as the young man's sobs grew even louder.

"It's ok El, I'm here. I will protect you."

Coach looked at his broken team and for once in his seemingly long leadership did it finally hit him that they may not make it out of here alive. This realization stung deep. Coach solemnly looked down at his now seemingly worthless map. What could they do? How could they survive? Could they even do that right?

"C-Coach?"

Coach looked up to meet brown eyes full of tears. "Yes baby girl?"

Rochelle, whipping the tears from her eyes and pointed at another red circle on the distant map. "What is that?"

"It is another evac, but as far as I can tell, It has been overrun-"

"But it's closer to us than going almost two states over." The all seemed stunned. That meek little voice came from the young mechanic himself. "We stand a better chance at not dying if we check it ou-"

"No son," Coach began to object. "You see, it's over run-"

"How do you figure?" Rochelle needed to know. She didn't just want to give up hope and die. But going all the way to Tennessee was almost out of the question. Almost.

"All of the cities around it are infected. So if they are infected and overrun then..." They all got it, even if he didn't finish his sentence. The former football player cleared his throat before he dared to continue. He was treading in dangerous waters and he knew it.

"Coach, I have to agree with Ellis on this one. If it is closer than we really should check it out." Ellis looked into his lover's eyes and blinked back the tears that threatened to once again fall.

Nick smiled at him with an honest smile that promised deceitful hope. "It's going to be ok El. I just know it is." Nick Closed his eyes tight and hugged the mechanic like it was the last time they would ever hold each other again. And who knew? Maybe that were true.

"What about you baby girl?"

Rochelle, who sat quietly, drowning in her own thoughts finally looked at Coach and slowly nodded her head.

"Coach, where ever you go, I go." She needed someone familiar to be with her right now. She needed Coach. He had always acted like she was a daughter to him. An she thought of him as a father. She needed that connection. She missed home so much. But then again, what home?

"So...then...it's settled..."

No one answered.

No one needed to.

It was decided. Tomorrow, the group would go their separate ways. Tomorrow, their makeshift family would be torn apart, forever.

"I don't want to lose this..." Rochelle broke down into tears as she wept for what she knew she could never again have.

The former football player dragged his crate closer to his makeshift daughter's. The sound of the crate dragging was the loudest sound in the room. Wood screeching against concrete that covered up most of the sobs from the two weaker members of this family. He pulled her into a tight embrace and that act alone seemed to stifle her sobs.

"I know baby girl...I know." He started to pat her head with his hand but she pulled away suddenly and stared at him.

"No. You DON'T know...none of you know..." She hugged herself quietly and continued to cry, refusing to look at the others. How could any of them know? How could they?

"Hey ya'll?" His voice was weak but still audible through his scratchy throat. "I read once on a safe room wall that old Cali. Is still standin'. The virus hasn't reached there. It said that it was contained and eliminated out west. People are free. The message said that the weather their is sunny as far as the eye can see." His voice seemed hopeful until Rochelle had to bring him down.

"Yeah Ellis? Well that's just GREAT! Maybe those people could come help us out. OH wait. I forgot. People in Good Old California don't give a FUCK if we live or die or WORSE!" Rochelle was standing up by now staring daggers into the poor southerner who in turn buried himself further into the conman. "THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEM GOD DAMN SELVES!" And with her little outburst she ran into the nearest room.

It just happened to be the bathroom.

So slamming the door she locked it and took to leaning against it. Breathing hard she whipped the tears away began to hold herself again. Across from her was the sink as well as the sink's cabinet mirror. She looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't see her torn cloths or the dark bags under her eyes. She didn't see the scars that peppered her face or the dirt and blood that caked her face with the look of death. No, all she saw where those brown eyes. Those brown eyes that stared back at her.

They reminded her of her mother.

Of what she never had.

Rochelle walked slowly to the mirror of the bloodied up bathroom. She finally stopped at the sink and looked at her eyes once more.

Oh mommy why?

She didn't know what happened next, all that she knew was that she was on the floor being held by an unlikely source, Nick.

His arm draped across her shoulder pulling her into the crock of his neck. He sat propped up against the wall. One leg propped up to allow his unused arm to lay lazily lay on top of it and thee other lay underneath the other leg.

"Talk." His voice, she could tell, wanted to be dark and forceful but came out as weak and calm.

Rochelle didn't mind the touch but she felt uncomfortable being under his arm rather than Ellis. None the less she leaned against him more and began to talk.

"My mother lives in California." She explained. "That's why I got upset with Ellis. It wasn't him it was just-"

"I know." Nick, who seemed more intrigued by the tile floor before, now looked at Rochelle with eyes of understanding. "And more importantly, Ellis knows." He smiled. "And don't worry, he's not mad."

Those words reassured the reporter immensely. She was so worried that the young mechanic was sad and crying because of her and it put her at ease to know that he was ok.

"That's good..." She said as she smiled up at him.

"Yes. Now, spill. What is bothering you. And don't tell me it's the whole situation we're in because you have been acting like this from day one. You put on a great façade, but I can see through any con."

"I-it's my mother."

No answer came from the northerner, he just sat there gazing at the floor as he listened contently.

"She...she ran out on my father and me when I was only three." Rochelle began to shake and Nick thinking that she was cold, gave her his jacket. Rochelle quietly thanked him as she continued.

"I never heard from her since she moved from Carolina. All I have to remember her by was a picture that was taped onto my own bathroom mirror. But," she swallowed. "But it never even crossed my mind to take it with me when the virus broke out. And now it's lost. For good."

"I'm sorry. I'm guessing you were not fond of your mother."

"Yeah, I wasn't. She left me Nick. How can I not be? Like my father always told me, 'forgiveness is such a simple word. But it is so hard to do, when you've been hurt.'" Rochelle recalled all the times that he had put her to bed and reassured her with that motto of his. She had once found an innocent sense of comfort with those words. She was naive then. But not now. Not anymore.

"Sometimes I guess, I just wonder if she ever thinks of me and if so, does she think fondly of me? Do you know what I mean?" She looked up and the gambler expectantly.

No, I don't.

"Yes, I do."

"Well, I just kinda wonder if she would even recognize the little girl, whom she left, has grown up to be." She paused then pointed at the mirror. "I looked into the mirror..."

Silence. Until she heard the unmistakable question.

"Yeah?"

"I had that picture on my mirror for a reason Nick. To see what she looks like..." She trailed of into a series of sobs as she cried into Nick's shoulder.

"What's wrong Ro? Tell me." Nick didn't know why he was being so oddly out of character but he did know that she needed to get this out or risk another out burst like before. And he didn't want Ellis to be at the end of that brutal assault. Not again.

"She looks nothing like me Nick. All she ever gave me at all were her big brown eyes. And I HATE them. I hate her..."

"It's ok Ro-"

"No...Nick. It's not ok. Everyday I'm forced to continue on out here and 'live to see freedom'. But what is really waiting for me if I DO get into a CEDA camp? I have nothing left. Nothing to return to. No home. No friends...no mom."

"Is she dead?"

"I don't think so-"

"Then why not live to find her?" Nick offered a smirk but it was mostly to himself. He thought he was so smart sometimes.

"Because Nick, when Ellis talks about his mama and how he was so close to her I can't help but feel a sense of lose." She sighed. "I always think about how it isn't fair that my mother wasn't there to braid my hair like regular mothers do. Or how I was always left alone."

"Ro-"

"Or how she wasn't there to cheer me on for ny job interviews or help me dress for my senior high school prom like mothers do. I was alone. I would look at all the other girls growing up and be envious of them. Their mothers were always there when they needed them. And sometime I wonder if she didn't think that I didn't need her there-"

"Wait a minute Ro. I know that you may feel that way but you need to understand that she may have a legitimate excuse for leaving. Did you ever think of that?"

Rochelle looked up to meet his eyes to give her answer. "Well...no."

He smiled down at her. "Then live." She blinked at him. "Live to see her. To get all the answers that you rightfully deserve. You're not a bad person Ro. Your mother would be proud."

She stared at him. Could she really live for that? To live to see a mother that she had never seen before?

"How can I?"

"Just do, it's not hard. I live to see that Ellis makes it to safety. So you can live to see your mother. So please, try." He reached over and grabbed her chin between his thumb and pointer to guide her face to meet his eyes.

"Promise me you'll try."

He always had a charming tongue. "Ok...I'll try."

The gambler smiled as he lifted himself off of the floor. Quickly helping the reporter to her feet he took back his jacket and placed it back on his person.

"Now, let's go to bed. Tomorrow you and Coach have a long journey ahead of you."

"Please come with us Nick. Both you and Ellis."

Nick smiled sadly as they both exited the bathroom.

"I can't Ro. I wish I could, but I know that Ellis can't cross two more states to Tennessee. He may be strong but he is not invincible, contrary to his belief." He sighed and ran his hand through his greased hair. "I love him. I can't see him die."

"I get it Nick. You know, Ellis is really lucky to have you."

He smirked at that. "That's where you couldn't be more wrong Ro."

"Well come on big guy, we both need to get to bed. Tomorrow will be the last of our makeshift family as a whole."

"Well you know what they say, 'Life is full of greetings and partings.'"

She laughed. "Quoting classics Nick?"

"Well...I...ah-"

"Good night Nick." She said cutting him off.

He smiled. "Good night Ro."

The next morning the two groups said their final farewells an were off to start a new journey. Divided and broken.

Rochelle hadn't talked to Ellis after her outburst toward him the previous night but she did hug him and when she finally did speak, she spoke the only words that she knew would make it all up to him.

"Hey Ellis." And when he turned to face her she smiled. "I hear the weather's nice in California."

He had smiled then. And had ran to hug her once more before the couple finally were off, for good.

And as Rochelle looked on at their disappearing figures she smiled.

Yeah Ellis, sunny skies as far as the eye can see.

"Ready to go baby girl?"

Turning to her only teammate left, she smiled.

"Yes, I am."

And as Coach guided her in their new direction she couldn't help but thank Nick for hearing her out and giving her the best advice that she may have ever had. And looking skyward she smiled.

Mama. I will find you so don't come looking. Because I had moved on from Carolina long ago and now, now your little girl is off to Tennessee.

And so alone and divided the two groups walked on with everyone somehow knowing that they will never cross paths again.