By the time December had rolled around Merlin was already totally pumped for Christmas. He'd spent all day at work thinking about what he was going to get for people and how he was going to decorate his apartment. His mum and Gaius would be out of town on Christmas Day, so he would be having a belated Christmas this year.
He lived alone, but his neighbor Arthur often came over to mooch home cooked food off of him. Merlin didn't really think Arthur would appreciate the Christmas decorations as much because he had a tendency to be an ungrateful jerk, but Merlin tended to go all out when it came to Christmas and it was worth seeing his reaction.
Thus, when he got home from work at the lab, Merlin set straight to decorating. Merlin worked in a huge chemistry lab where he was given free reign to pretty much work on whatever his interest was in. He honestly loved it and was amazing at his job, unfortunately whenever he told Arthur about work at the lab, the other man accused him of being a liar. Apparently, Merlin was too much of an idiot to have a job doing something so cerebral. It probably didn't help that Merlin liked to call chemistry science magic.
Arthur worked for his father's law firm and was a highly successful public interest lawyer. Merlin found that pretty funny given that Arthur was such a stuck up prat. A stuck up jerk who was looking out for the people, at least he had that going for him.
The two of them had first met when Merlin was moving in six months ago—finally able to afford a nice apartment—and had tripped going down the hall, accidentally flinging a box full of books at the blond man. At the time Merlin had felt absolutely terrible, now he felt like Arthur had probably done something in that day to deserve it. Arthur was not by any means a bad person, he was actually quite charming when he was doing the right thing. He just happened to be a bit of a brat at times—most of the time. Regardless, Merlin had invited him in for dinner as an apology and cooked him something that wasn't terrible, thus sealing his fate of Friday night dinner with his neighbor.
When Merlin got home on Tuesday—which was the first—he immediately dragged out his Christmas decorations and proceeded to spend the next five hours decking out his apartment. By the end it looked pretty damn Christmasy if he did say so himself. His tree, which he'd taken care to assemble given that he was allergic to real pine trees, was shining with golden tinsel, multi-colored lights, an assortment of different candy canes, a million different ornaments, and a star to top it all off. He'd cut out a bunch of snowflakes like a kindergartener and had strung them up from the ceiling. Tinsel was added to the upper edge of the wall. He'd placed about a hundred Father Christmases on every available surface. It was magical, he was living in an elf's dream nest. He eagerly awaited Arthur's reaction.
When Friday evening arrived, Merlin was dressed to impress in his most glorious Christmas jumper. He flung open the door at the first knock. Arthur blinked at him in shock.
"It looks like Christmas threw up all over your apartment," Arthur made a face that was less impressed and more wondering why he'd bothered.
"Or I spent hours making it look amazing, so why don't you look amazed?" Merlin demanded, stepping back to let his neighbor inside.
"We don't really do Christmas in my house," Arthur made a face.
Merlin blinked, "You don't celebrate Christmas? I could have sworn that you mentioned Christmasy stuff at some point."
Arthur shook his head. "We celebrate, sort of. We usually go through the motions, but Christmas Day my half-sister and father end up getting in a screaming match and I half to leave because they're both being so unbearable," he rolled his eyes, "We haven't even gotten together for Christmas for the last two years."
"You have to at least invite your sister over," Merlin objected.
"She's on vacation in Mexico at the moment."
"Over Christmas?"
"She wanted to escape the death grip of the holidays."
"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard!" Merlin wailed, "This year is going to be the best Christmas ever, and it's going to be a proper Christmas too," he swore.
"But–"
"No, shut up. This is happening and there's nothing you can do about it."
Arthur gave another dramatic eye roll, "Fine, whatever, just feed me. I'm starving here. I might not make it to Christmas."
"Alright, alright. Don't be such a baby. Just know that for the next month I am going to forced you to do some terribly Christmasy things and you are going to bloody well enjoy them."
"Hit me with you best shot."
XxxX
It was the twelfth of December and Merlin had decided to drag Arthur out ice skating with his mother.
"Merlin, this is a terrible idea," Arthur complained as he laced up his skates.
"Shut up, I go ice skating with my mum every year and now you're going because you don't know how to have fun." Merlin was already in his skates, looking out for his mother.
"I do know how to have fun, winter is just not my season," Arthur grumbled, "I'm more of a summer guy, that's all."
"Yeah, okay whatever. Just don't be such a bummer around my mum, she's a very nice lady."
"I know, I met here when she was over for your birthday. What kind of monster do you think I am?"
"The kind that can throw a wet blanket on any party."
"Well, it's not her fault that a demon took over her fetus before it was born."
"Are you implying that I am some sort of hell beast."
"I might be."
"Well, sir, you would be correct, so you better do as I say or I'll open the gates of hell and send you down to the bah-humbug sector."
"There are sectors of hell?"
"Of course there are! How else are we supposed to keep track of who did what?"
"Shut up."
"Merlin," came a soft female voice.
Marlin's head snapped up to see his mother with a pair of old skates already in her hands. "You're here!" Merlin stood shakily on his skates and hurriedly hugged his mother before he could fall on his face.
"Careful Merlin!" she laughed, taking his arms and hugging him half to death. "Oh, it's so good to see you!"
"You too. How have you been?"
"Well, it's obviously been a lot less of a mess around the house with you gone, but I miss my little disaster."
"I've missed you too."
"Hello, Arthur," she beamed at the blond, who had finally finished up his skates.
"Hello, Hunith," Arthur smiled.
"And how is your holiday season going?"
Arthur opened his mouth but Merlin interrupted. "He's being a loser about it and that's why I dragged him out here. I'm going to force him to have a happy Christmas if it's the last thing I ever do."
"An admirable plan if I've ever heard one," Hunith smiled, "I wish you the best of luck. Now, let's get skating."
Merlin's skating skills could be classified as okay. He'd done of a lot of ice skating in his day, but he'd never quite been able to totally compensate for his abundant clumsiness. Arthur had only been ice skating a few times in his life and he was annoyingly good at it. Half an hour and he was skating circles around Merlin. He skated backward to talk to Merlin and his mother until Merlin got annoyed with him and chased him around the rink.
"Every year I have at least one fantastic fall," Merlin said menacingly, "I'm defiantly going to try to drag you down with me."
"You'll have to catch me first," Arthur pointed out.
Merlin actually didn't have that fall. At least not until the very last minute. His mother and Arthur were already out of the rink, but Merlin was still crossing the threshold, one foot on the ice one foot off when he slipped. He was falling backward, about to split his head open on the ice when Arthur grabbed him by the front of the jacket and yanked him forward.
They both teetered for a moment, Merlin's face planted into Arthur's jacket, but they did not fall.
Merlin straightened up about to say is thanks when Arthur spoke up. "Good show, but you failed in you mission to take me down. You're fired as an assassin."
Merlin shoved him, "Shut up, I would be an amazing assassin."
"You'd terrible."
They continued to argue even as they went to go get hot chocolate. In the end Merlin thought that it was a pretty successful day.
XxxX
Friday the eighteenth, Merlin had his kitchen all set up for an epic baking marathon as he waited for Arthur to arrive. The Pendragon boy did not bother to knock because he knew that Merlin wouldn't bother to answer knowing it was him. He was not impressed when he saw his friend standing in the kitchen wearing a Christmas themed apron and wielding a fist full of recipes.
"We're making cookies," Merlin announced more loudly than necessary.
"I'm not making cookies."
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not. I'm terrible at cooking, Merlin, I'll burn all your cookies."
"You've never made cookies before, how do you know you're terrible?"
"Because shut up, that's how I know."
"Oh, that's very mature. Now, get over here and help me out."
"No, I'd rather watch Merlin the kitchen chemist work his magic."
"If you don't get over here in two seconds, then I'm going to be forced to start throwing things at you."
"Like what– Agh!" Arthur dodged a spoon as it sailed toward his head. It probably wouldn't have hit, Merlin didn't have a very good arm.
"Come on!" Merlin held up a metal measuring cup menacingly.
Arthur held his hands up in surrender. "Alright, fine. I surrender, but I'm not wearing an apron like a girl."
"Are you calling me a girl?"
"Of course not, Merlin," Arthur said sarcastically. He was awarded with a sharp thwack in the back of the head with a metal teaspoon. "Stop, trying to hit me with things," Arthur shouted, grabbing the teaspoon out of his hands. "Now what the hell are we supposed to do?"
Cooking with Arthur was a very tedious task filled with much argument and threat of violence on both parts.
"You have no idea how badly I want to hold you down and rub this into your hair," Arthur scowled at the finished cookie dough.
"That sounds like some sort of fancy massage. Cookie hair, that's what they'd call it. Keeps your hair strong. Or maybe it'd be a sex thing. I don't know."
Arthur punched him in the arm, "Shut up, you weirdo, I just want to get this over with and I do not want to talk about 'sex things' with you."
"Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?"
"Very."
"Then I think we should talk about it more."
"How about I stuff enough cookie dough in your mouth to make you choke on it."
"How about no. Although, to the right person that could still be considered sexy."
"I'll show you sexy," Arthur grumbled.
"I'm torn between saying yes pleas and god no."
Arthur smeared cookie dough over Merlin's stupid smug face.
"I don't feel very sexy," Merlin complained.
"Shut up and help me scoop these cookies."
The cookies were swiftly scooped out and placed into the oven where they baked as the two friends washed up their dishes. Well, Merlin washed, Arthur half dried and half slacked off. And there may or may not have been a bubble battle with the dish soap that Merlin totally defiantly won, by the way.
"The moment of truth," Merlin said, his cookie had been dipped in milk and was hovering just in front of his mouth. Arthur's cookie was in a similar position in front of his own mouth.
"On three. One, two, three!"
They both took a bite of their cookies with two very different responses. Arthur immediately spit his out while Merlin merely winced and forced himself to swallow. The cookies tasted like salt.
"What the hell did we do wrong!?" Arthur demanded, brandishing the offensive cookie.
"How should I know!?" Merlin shouted back.
"You're the one whose supposed to me a super chemistry genius or something! How did you mess this up?"
"You must have distracted me! It's your fault!"
"What did I distract you with? My devilishly good looks?"
"Oh yeah, that's it. I was so blinded by your stupidly hansom face that I couldn't stop your stupid idiocy from leaking into our cookies."
"I always knew these good looks would get me into trouble someday."
"Oh god, I feel like this is what would happen if we had a baby."
"Hang on, what?!"
"I'm just say, we would be terrible at taking care of a baby. We'd fill it up with like watered down glue instead of milk and then it would taste bad."
"Well, first of all, you don't eat babies, you psychopath. Second, why the hell are you considering what it would be like to have my baby. And third, why would you give a baby glue to drink?"
"I couldn't think of another thick white liquid that you could mistake for milk. And why would you assume I would be the one having your baby?"
"You're the one wearing the apron here."
"Shut up, I am a manly man and I am comfortable enough with my manliness that I can wear an apron and not have a crisis, unlike you."
"I'm just saying that of the two of us, you are the most feminine."
Merlin's eyes narrowed, "I hope there is another universe out there where guys can have babies and you have four of my children and they're all named Merlin Junior."
"No, that would never ever happen!"
"I said it, so now it has to exist."
"That's not how parallel universes work."
"Yes, it is."
"Whatever, you're being too weird for me, I'm leaving."
Merlin grabbed him before he could log anywhere. "Nope, you're going to be here in this apartment until we get through every single Harry Potter movie."
"No! I'm not doing that. I don't even like Harry Potter."
"How can you not like Harry Potter!?"
"I wasn't allowed to watched it as a kid. My dad didn't like magic stuff."
"Oh, you're one of those kids."
"What do you mean, one of 'those' kids."
"The ones with the weird parents. So, then you you haven't actually seen the movies, so you can't talk."
"But–"
"No, shut up. This is happening. We are doing this right now. As my wife in another universe, I command you to stay here and watch these movies with me."
Arthur rubbed a hand over his tired face. "Fine, whatever. I don't have anything to do anyway."
And thus began the most epic Harry Potter marathon of Arthur's young life. Complete with Merlin mouthing along the words because he'd seen the all way too many times and giving his input every now and then. Arthur was forced to stay awake all night because every time he started to drift off, Merlin would pinch him awake again.
Approximately twenty hours later the final credits played of the last movie.
"Nooooo!" Merlin wailed, "The greatest series of all time is over!"
"Shut up. You can always watch it again."
"It's not the same," the chemist moaned, "So, what is the final verdict? How amazing are the Harry Potter movies?"
"They... weren't terrible."
"Hah! They were awesome, admit it!"
"I will admit nothing."
"Confess!" Merlin jabbed him in the side.
"Fine! They were good. God, how many times have you read the books?"
"My mum read all them to my twice and I read them all on my own about three times. Except the fifth one because it's so long and boring."
"You're a manic."
"I'm a potterhead."
"I'm going to shove your head in a pot if you don't shut up and let me sleep."
"That's not even clever, I'm disappointed in you."
"Merlin, I'm tired, shut up."
"Fine. Goodnight, Arthur."
"Night, idiot."
XxxX
It was Christmas Eve and gingerbread houses were under construction
"I'm making a gingerbread wizard tower," Merlin announced as he began forming his tower.
"You can't do that," Arthur protested, "My castle will sue your wizard for endangering my people with your potty mouth wizardry."
"Are you building a lawyer kingdom? Because you can't do that. You're going to want me on your side when other kingdoms learn of what an ungrateful prat you are."
"I'll defend myself with all my knights and soldiers," Arthur rolled his eyes at the notion of needing protection.
"I'll electrocute all of your soldiers out of spite," Merlin shook his head, "You'll regret the day that you crossed me Arthur Pendragon. Mark my words."
"You'll be burned at the stake, you evil witch."
"I'll apperate away."
"I'll make sure that I have anti-magic... things in place."
"Whatever, you have to capture my first and there's no way you could do that."
"I'll make my castle so god damn amazing that you won't be able to resist."
"Fine, the best gingerbread house gets to burn the other at the stake."
With a competition in progress things got way more serious and a few failed attempts at sabotage. They worked outside the rang of vision of each other in order to keep things surprising.
"That's it. Done." Merlin announced, "We'll look at each others on three. One, two, three!" They both spun to look at their masterpieces. Neither were particularly impressive by normal standards, but they did have the same sort of charm that things made by children had.
"Your castle looks like it's falling apart," Merlin observed the sagging walls of the castle.
"The place is old and there are strong winds off the sea!" Arthur snapped.
"Is that the sea?" Merlin gestured to a glob of blue sprinkles and m&m's.
"Yes. What is that?" Arthur pointed to a marshmallow with a watermelon gum ball and a kiss on top. Between the gum ball and the marshmallow there was a portion of fruit rollup that flared out like a cape.
"That's me. My head is a melon because melon sounds like Merlin and the kiss is my wizard hat."
Arthur stared at him blankly.
"What? I made you too." He pointed to another marshmallow with a lemon head as a head. The marshmallow was surrounded by orange frosting that sat atop a bonfire of twizlers. "You were sentenced to death for being such a prat. I'm about to save you though, I'm going to make you my manservant and make you muck out my stables."
"Fine. You win. I'm terrible at gingerbread crafting," Arthur scowled.
"Victory!" Merlin plucked the Arthur marshmallow from the frosting flames and placed him up in the tower along side melon Merlin.
While Merlin celebrated, Arthur snatched the melon head off the candy wizard and stuffed it into his mouth shouting: "Long live the king!"
XxxX
Arthur spent the night and was awoken at five in the morning by an all too chipper Merlin.
"Wake up, Arthur! It's Christmas!"
"It's too early! Let me sleep!"
"No, it is tradition for me to get way too excited over Christmas and wake up everyone in the house."
"Isn't that usually just you?"
"Not when I was little."
"Yeah, we I think you're a big boy now, so–"
"So, I'm going to watch all the Christmas episodes of Doctor Who. You can fall asleep if you want, but that's what I'll be doing."
Arthur did fall back to sleep but he had some very strange dreams about aliens, which he attributed to the stupid tv show being played in the background of his mind. When he woke up for real it was nine-thirty and Merlin had made pancakes.
"Happy Christmas!" Merlin beamed as Arthur stumbled toward the dining table.
"Happy Christmas," Arthur managed, still half asleep.
"This is your Christmas present, by the way."
"Pancakes?"
"No, well, sort of. I mean, having a real Christmas is your present because I'm awful at picking out real presents." He would always get really excited about if before he went shopping and then he would have no clue what to get anybody.
"I got you a present," Arthur said.
"Really?"
"Don't sound so surprised."
"Can't help it, I am surprised."
"Way to make me feel like a terrible friend on Christmas."
"Shut up and bring me my present or I won't feed you."
"Fine." Arthur got up and walked out of the apartment and into his own. He retuned a minute later with a large box of alcohol.
"You want us to have a drunk Christmas?" Merlin raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, I do. This is classy god damn alcohol and we are going to enjoy the hell out of it today." He set the box on the table.
"Okay, here's the deal. We will eat these pancakes, then we will play Super Smash Bros until it is time for me to make waffles, and only then will we get totally trashed because otherwise I will feel like we've wasted our special Christmas just being drunk idiots."
"It's a special Christmas, is it?"
"Shut up, it is!"
"Fine, it's a deal. Give me some of those pancakes." Arthur grabbed a Micky Mouse shaped pancake and shoved it into his mouth.
Later that day, a very drunk Merlin and Arthur were having their own privet jam session, rocking out to terrible music and dancing far too enthusiastically. After putting his heart and soul into Take On Me, Merlin collapsed onto the couch, where Arthur was already seated. Instead of minding his personal space, the chemist draped himself over his friend.
"This is the best Christmas ever," Merlin grinned drunkenly.
"Yeah, it's pretty great," Arthur grinned back.
They both jumped as an alarm started to go off on Merlin's phone. Merlin scrambled to turn it off.
"What was that for?" Arthur asked.
"I," Merlin started confidently, "don't know. Pretty sure it means that we have to kiss now. It's six-o-clock on Christmas after all."
"That's for midnight on New Year's Eve, idiot."
"No, it's a Christmas thing too."
Arthur snorted, "That's not a thing, you're making it up."
"It's not a thing yet," Merlin admitted, "but it will be. Now, get over here. I've made up my mind and I'm too drunk not to follow through with it."
"You can't just–" Arthur was cut off by Merlin's mouth.
After a moment Merlin pulled back. "Yes, I can."
"Welp, there goes our friendship," Arthur sighed.
"Friendship is for losers."
"You're a loser."
"Well, you just kissed a loser, so what does that make you?"
"The victim of a loser attack."
"Well, I've infected you with my poison saliva, so you're already doomed. You might as well kiss me some more."
"What makes you think I want to do that?"
"The fact that you haven't punched me in the throat."
"Fair enough. How should we proceed then."
"We are going to make out for a while and then I'm going to shoot you with my love dart because I have always secretly been a snail."
"Sorry, what?"
"That's how snails have babies. Or at least part of it. Look it up, it's weird. Why is animal sex so weird? Have you ever seen a whale–"
"Yeah, let's not talk about this right now."
"Well, I'm just going to go on talking, until you can find some other way to occupy my mouth, so– hmmmff."
And they spent the rest of the night having happy fun times.
The end.
XxxX
A/N: This is for withinthesingularity on tumblr for the secret Santa exchange. I felt guilty because my art sucked so bad. Anyway, uh yeah.
Chemistry was the closest I could think to magic. I though public interest lawyer was pretty good though.
Yeah, so I decided to write this yesterday and you can probably tell that it was very late while I was writing and I don't knew what happened but I hope you don't hate it :-)
Happy Christmas.