Amy Farrah-Fowler woke up one Saturday morning and felt a strange sense of anxiety; perhaps it was just an upset stomach. She looked over at her clock and saw that it was 8:55am. She and her boyfriend Sheldon had "Date Night" the previous evening. Sheldon, as always, had announced it was Thai food night, so they had ordered the same thing as they had always done. Quite possibly, this had upset her stomach.
Amy shrugged off the notion that something was off and got ready for the day. She had a lunch date with her bestie, Penny, and plans to go shopping with their friend Bernadette. Bernadette's husband, along with Sheldon and their other two buddies Raj and Leonard were having a Star Trek marathon that day—with director's commentary, of course.
After Amy had thrown on her long plaid skirt, wool sweater, and her Dockers, she headed off to Penny's apartment. Amy got to Penny's floor, but not before being winded by all of the stairs. With all of their friends, minus Penny who worked as a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory, being geniuses, she thought one of them should be able to figure out how to fix the faulty elevator, but alas, no such luck. As she passed Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, she could hear what she thought was either someone being murdered or heavy metal music. Since it seemed to resemble a back-beat of some sort, she decided to diagnose the sound as music, though it was still extremely off-putting. Perplexed but excited for lunch, Amy ignored it and knocked on Penny's door.
"You may come in." Amy heard from the other side of the door. It sounded like Penny but something was different.
As Amy opened the door and stepped inside, she was rendered speechless. The apartment was immaculate! Pristine even! Amy took inventory of the room from right to left. Literally, everything was in order, and the furniture was different too! Gone were the fluffy red couch, bright colored decorations, and the many, many, wine glasses that usually adorned the top of the refrigerator, the counters, and the dirty dishes rack. There was actually no booze in sight. Dark, sharply edged furniture replaced the colorful items. The fact that it was so clean was even more jaw dropping. Penny's apartment usually looked like a cross between having Hurricane Tawanda come through and like someone had searched for gold underneath every piece of clothing, magazine, or dirty dish, upending each item with haphazard recklessness.
Sitting on the rough, black couch was some blonde girl who Amy hardly recognized. Amy's eyes nearly bulged out of her head when she realized who it was.
"Penny?" Amy asked incredulously. She looked her up and down continuously. Penny was dressed in a pantsuit that was both too short on her and rather disheveled. The top didn't quite match the bottom either. What was even more shocking is that Penny didn't have a speck of make up on, her hair was pulled back in a low bun with about half of the hair trying to free itself from the hairband, and she had broad-rimmed, thick, black glasses on that made her nose look like it was playing hide and seek with the rest of her face.
Penny never even looked up. "One moment please, I am finishing an analysis of the refutation on the advancement of radioactive materials in sub-arctic regions of the South," Penny said dryly. "These so-called academics think that radon is the prenominal to the hydrogen cortex. Malarkey." Penny rolled her eyes behind her thick glasses.
Amy was so lost for words that she just stared at her best friend like she was some inhabitant of a lost world of extinct animals. Penny had just rattled off so many technical terms that even Amy, being a neurobiologist, had to stop and define a few for a moment in her head. Penny was usually a multiple-syllables-confuse-me type of girl.
At last, Penny looked up and addressed Amy in a rather annoyed tone. "Dr. Farrah-Fowler, was there something with which I can help you?"
Amy's eyes were dead-set on Penny, looking for some indication of a joke or rouse. "I—ah, no, I only came over so we could go to lunch, Penny," she said meekly. "Are you ready to go?"
"Dr. Farrah-Fowler, you know I prefer to be addressed as Dr. Harding, not the hillbilly-Midwestern first name my god-forsaken parents gave me."
Amy couldn't hide her shock any longer. "Um, doctor?" Amy smirked a little. Despite whatever get-up Penny was wearing and whatever lingo she had learned, Amy had to giggle at this part of the joke, especially since she had never even heard of the last name Harding for Penny. Come to think of it…had she ever heard her last name?
Penny stared blankly back at Amy. "I did not obtain two PHDs for someone to omit the prefix to my title." With that, she stood and went to the kitchen. "Since you are here, though. It is only customary that I offer you a beverage, would you like some herbal tea?"
Now Amy let out a bigger laugh. "Ok, where is Sheldon, now I know what you are doing," Amy chuckled as she scanned the apartment for her boyfriend. Sheldon wasn't big on practical jokes but would sometimes surprise them all with a good "Bazinga" or two.
This time is was Penny's turn to laugh, although it came out more like a cough. "Ha, like that imbecile would be in my apartment."
"Hey now, you be nice to my boyfriend!" replied Amy with a frown. Penny was quite grumpy during what seemed more and more not to be a joke.
"Are you suffering from some sort of lapse in mental capacity?" Penny asked sourly. "Sheldon Cooper and his goonies can take an extended stroll off of a poorly-dimensioned ship adornment."
Amy's eyes narrowed as she folded her arms. "Are you trying to say they can take a long walk off of a short plank?"
Penny nodded.
"His…goonies? Why are you being rude to Leonard? He's your boyfriend!"
Penny spat out the tea in her mouth, some landing on Amy's shoe. "That's it, we need to get you checked out," Penny said. "Why would I ever date someone like Leonard Hofstadter? If I wanted to date someone below my intellect I would choose a professor of the arts, or a geologist, or a neurobiologist—not someone who works at Starbucks and can't get a coffee order right!"
Amy wanted to say something, though she wasn't sure where to start with her questions since she had developed about eighty in the last five minutes, when someone began knocking relentlessly at Penny's door. Penny strolled over and opened it.
The next sight about knocked Amy on her behind. Sheldon Cooper, or what was some distorted version of him, was at the door with what can only be assumed as Leonard, Howard, and Raj. Each were wearing low baggy jeans, Lebron James shoes, and various t-shirts of bands, assumed to be of the heavy metal nature that Amy's ears were assaulted by on her way to Penny's apartment. Leonard had shades on and looked like he thought he was too cool to even utter a hello. Raj's hair was so slicked back he must have emptied an entire product bottle that morning. And on Howard Wolowitz, gone were the turtlenecks and over-sized belt buckles, and replacing them were grungy clothes and a black leather jacket. Adorning his neck were chains that seemed awfully heavy for such a short little man. The three behind Sheldon chatted together seeming to ignore the girls.
"Wha—"Amy stuttered. She focused her attention to her boyfriend. "Sheldon, what are you doing? Why do you look like that?"
Sheldon looked her up and down and gave a snuff. "Nerdy chick, where is the geek that lives here? We need to use her Internet for some sick music we just made and need to upload." He was leaning against the doorframe as if someone was taking modeling poses of him.
From behind Amy, Penny shouted, "The password is 'Sheldon and Leonard are free loaders'—no spaces!"
"How dare you be so rude to your own girlfriend!" Amy shot back, still not able to fully take in the appearance but did find it hard not to be somewhat attracted to this bad-boy version.
The other three boys stopped talking to each other and laughed at that comment. Sheldon looked frazzled and slightly upset.
"What are you on, girl?" Sheldon asked backing away from the door. "I've never seen you before in my life, and ain't nobody upset by that fact." His goonies giggled again.
This was all too much for Amy to take. She looked over at Penny who had gone back to her computer on the couch. Amy looked once more at the guys and slammed the door; she couldn't take one more moment. What had happened? What universe was this that Penny was the smart one and the boys were the cool, albeit, less intelligent variety? It was so overwhelming that Amy had to sit down. She plopped down on the chair next to the couch.
Startled, Penny looked at her. "I didn't realize you were still here, Dr. Farrah-Fowler."
Ignoring the hint coming at her, Amy replied, "Could we just go to lunch and talk some of this stuff out? I am beyond perplexed and may truly be suffering a mental breakdown."
"I knew it. I was right, yes, let's go." Penny shut her computer. "Where would you prefer to go?"
"How about the coffee shop just down from fourth street?"
Penny looked at her with confusion. "You know we can't go there."
"Why?"
"I don't feel like getting bullied by that egotistical, fluff-for-brains woman."
Amy was confused once more, though the feeling was becoming increasingly familiar. "Who?"
Penny grabbed her coat. "Bernadette Wolowitz, obviously. Let's just go to the deli down the road." She headed for the door motioning for Amy to get a move on.
Shaking her head, Amy got up as requested. "Bernadette. A bully? Wait, what?"
As she walked out of the apartment with Amy in tow, Penny turned to lock the door. "Ever since that hairspray Barbie landed that TV deal and got an Emmy nomination, she has been the meanest, snottiest person I've ever met."
Amy was so taken by all of this craziness that she didn't watch where she was going as she approached the stairs. One foot did go in front of the other; however, it went directly in front of the other and Amy tripped. She fell head first down the stairs as Penny watched from above. Amy smacked her head hard on the sidewall of the stairwell and everything went black.
Amy came to and her head ached terribly. With her eyes still shut and the world around her spinning, she yelled out for Penny. "—Dr. Harding?" No answer. "Penny?"
"What on Earth are you doing on the floor, Amy?"
Amy looked up and through squinted eyes she made out a vision of Sheldon, not the strange grungy Sheldon she had just seen, but her gaunt, pale boyfriend was standing before her. And she had, Amy noticed, fallen from her bed, in her own apartment bedroom, and hit her head on her nightstand.
"Oh thank goodness, thank goodness‼ You're here!" Amy yelled as she jumped up and threw her arms around Sheldon. It had all been a dream! Amy was so insanely relieved that she couldn't help but jump up and down a little.
"Of course I'm here. You got sick last night from the Thai food and I had to put you to bed. I came over to check on you right away this morning like I said I would," Sheldon said plainly. "Now it seems like might be sick in the head; you're acting awfully goofy."
"You're back to using proper grammar and you look like you've showered in the last week! You're back‼" Amy exclaimed and hugged tighter.
"Alright, alright. You've clearly taken this bump to the head too far. It's like you've taken those silly girly pills again," Sheldon responded as he patted her back and tried to dislodge from her grip.
"I knew you could never be some dumb guy in a leather jacket!" Amy was delirious with joy that the normal Sheldon had returned.
"Dumb. I'm sorry, dumb? And a leather jack—come on now. It's July in Pasadena. Of all of the preposterous things to wear, a leather jacket. You really have gone crazy." Sheldon walked toward the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Amy asked.
"To the kitchen, of course," Sheldon said. "Clearly you are some sort of sick. I'm going to get you a hot beverage." Sheldon paused. "Hmmm, I'm not sure which drink to serve for sick and crazy in the head…oh that's right, of course, early grey tea with a spot of honey."
Amy followed him like a lovesick puppy. Most of the dream was slowly leaving her, yet she knew some of it she would never be able to get out of mind completely—such as Leonard in those awful sunglasses, the unfortunate bagginess of Howard's pants, or Penny's blank stare toward her demanding to be called Doctor. Amy focused on soaking in the fact that her boyfriend was taking care of her.
"You're going to make me tea?" she asked grinning.
Sheldon stopped for a moment while steeping the tea and frowned at her. "Of course I'm going to make you tea when you're unwell," he said matter-of-factly. "It's in the relationship agreement."
Amy smiled and sat down on the stool by the counter. At that moment, with how happy she was with him, she prayed to herself that this would never turn out to be a dream; she was too happy with life.