A/N: A disclaimer: This is written for fun, not profit. I do not own anything except the plot.
It is midnight and a harsh wind is blowing across the cemetery, making it even more unwelcoming than it already is. The graves are unkept, a thick layer of dust has settled on each tombstone and there are no flowers adorning any of them; as no one dares mourn for any of the bodies occupying them.
Naturally, it is frowned upon to mourn Death Eaters. One might even say it's dangerous.
And that is why she has chosen the middle of the night to come. It's not like anyone will be here during the day either, but she cannot risk the implications being seen here would bring upon her or her family. Their standing in the society is on shaky ground as it is.
So, here she is, hidden in the arms of darkness, rushing through the deserted cemetery like a ghost.
Narcissa Malfoy is holding her wand in front of her, flashing its light over each tombstone she passes, checking each name. It's the first time she's come here and she can't help but feel somewhat ashamed that she doesn't even know which grave is hers.
Finally, she finds her and she cannot help but smile when she does. Her grave is not empty and cold like the others: A wild, poisonous weed grows from the soil around her and is practically covering the tombstone. She recognizes the plant from her memories of their childhood house - how their mother used to hate it, always complaining about how it was covering the walls and punishing house elves for not being able to get rid of it. It would always grow right back, no matter what they tried.
Stubborn and rebellious, like her.
She sits down next to the grave easily and gracefully - she is also a Black, after all, and they do not do anything without grace.
"Hello, sister." She murmurs softly, placing her hand lightly against the stone. She is expecting it to feel cold but surprisingly it is quite warm.
"Sorry I didn't come sooner. You understand why, of course. You always had the unshakeable loyalty and daring of a Black, but not me. Like you said quite often yourself, I fit in better with the Malfoys. We always look out for ourselves first." She smiles indulgently, remembering how Bella used to accuse her of being such a Malfoy.
She pauses. She does not know what to say to her. She feels like she should talk about her life, and how she is doing. But she knows that her sister would rather see her dead then see her lowering herself to asking for the forgiveness of the Order, for something as trivial as saving her son and husband, no less.
She smiles again.. Her sister is really quite something.
No, was. Was quite something.
"I feel guilty for missing you, you know." She says suddenly. "I feel guilty that I'm sorry about the death of such a horrible person - guilty that I'm mourning my sister." Her voice is bitter now, she foolishly aims to hurt, even though she knows Bella is somewhere no one can hurt her now.
"You destroyed everyone you ever loved, Bella. Sirius was your favorite cousin when we were kids. Andi was always your favorite too - I just know it. You liked her more than me. It was always like you two were in a secret club that I wasn't allowed in. She hates you now, you know ? She can't even stand to hear your name. I think you even loved Rodolphus. Not as much as - that man, no, but you still loved him in your own twisted way. Now he will spend the rest of his life in Azkaban, mourning a woman who always put him second best. You loved me, Bella. And you went and got yourself killled. Left me here, all alone, unable to even visit your grave without hiding in the shadows ! You are as poisonous as this weed covering your grave !"
When she finishes her angry little speech, she is panting. She can feel her blood boiling.
How dare she die and leave her alone ?
She clenches her fist tighter, crushing the earth between her fingers into dust. Her fingernails dig into her palm and she draws blood and with the slight pain, all of the misery she has been keeping bottled up inside comes rushing out and tears spring to her eyes.
"Why, Bella ?" She chokes out, her hand clenching into a fist, gathering some of the muddy earth inside her palm. "Why did you have to-" She falters, she doesn't know what exactly she wants to blame her sister for doing.
Going after Molly Weasley's children ?
Murdering their only niece ? Making Andromeda hate her so much that she turns stone cold and orders her to leave whenever Narcissa dares to bring her name up ?
Murdering Sirius, the little boy Narcissa spent her whole childhood being jealous of, because he was closer to Bella than she thought she could ever be ?
Joining the Death Eaters ? Being so foolishly in love with a man who was incapable of emotion that she would torture and kill for him ? Die for him ?
She guesses it all comes down to this: She blames her for dying.
Sure, she has Lucius and Draco. But the war left Lucius a broken man, and she fears Draco might be traumatized for life, with all the terrorizing he experienced. She has to put up a strong front for them, keep the family together. Make new connections and severe her old ones. Making sure they won't be imprisoned for the crimes they committed, the ones she knows they should be punished for. Making sure, years from now, her grandchildren won't be shunned simply because of their last name.
She also has Andromeda. With Bellatrix dead and the Light side winning the war, they have finally made up. But something between them is broken. No matter how much they try to hide it behind polite smiles and affectionate words, the cracks still show. She saw just how hopelessly not alright they were herself the last time she uttered Bella's name.
She is always too busy making sure everyone else is okay. She has no one to soothe her fears and reconcile her hatred and wipe away her tears.
She finds herself thinking back to when she was barely three years old and she had some nightmare she does not remember now. She had ran directly to Bella's room and Bella had held her in her arms, stroking her hair and telling her everything was fine over and over again until she finally fell asleep. It is the first childhood memory she has.
She kind of feels like she did that day now.
She needs her big sister. She doesn't care about all of the lives she took, the families she destroyed - not really. She just needs Bella, the only person in the whole world who can calm her down when she is in one of her moods.
And she isn't there. She never will be again. And all for what ? Some irrational obsession with a man - if he was a man at all.
She feels a chill run through her and she shivers, pulling her jacket tighter against herself. The thought of Bella's ghost briefly crosses her mind but she quickly shrugs it off: She knows her sister wouldn't choose to stay behind. She would have gone on.
Somehow, this thought calms her anger. She contemplates conjuring some flowers with her wand, to lay on her grave, but she decides against it. Her grave suits her better the way it is.
"I'll try to visit Rodolphus sometime, too. Not soon. It's far too dangerous now. But when things calm down more, I will and I will come back to tell you about it."
She waits for a moment, as if she is expecting an answer. Of course, none comes.
She stands up and carelessly wipes the dirt off her hand on the tombstone. With one last, lingering look at the sinister looking plant curling around her sister's name, she disappears into the darkness.
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