The Quest for Coffee
Summary- In which Tris deals with a coffee-withdrawn Tobias. Warning- Tobias on coffee withdrawal. Very OOC.
I was fucking bored. IHeartUCato's been bugging the hell outta me.
IHeartUCato- If I won't do it, no one will.
Yeah. She's at my house. FUCK MY LIFE KILL ME NOW.
IHeartUCato- Don't be such a fucking baby. All I said was and I quote "Well you don't have people bugging you about updating, but they probably just gave up on you. You'd be so much better if you just did one-shots." AND SO HERE YOU ARE!
Eh. Who the hell cares, they probably have given up on me so BLLLLEEEEEH.
IHeartUCato- Well you obviously do since you're writing this, so ON WITH THE STORY!
Yeah, yeah... SO anyways, I've always been obsessed with fics of someone being drunk or deprived of something. And so, this came out. A coffee-deprived Four/Tobias. Beware. (And IHeartUCato knows very well of my obsession with these type of fics.)
Disclaimer- Me no own Divergent.
"But Trrrriiiiisssss!" Tobias whined, dark blue eyes peering at her. She stared at him blankly, and he pouted. "I want my COOOFFFFEEEEE!"
"Well, I'm not coffee-obsessed like you. I don't have limitless amounts of coffee."
"It was proved that it's not limitless. Hence the reason why I'm here."
When Tris heard pounding on her door at 7:00 in the morning, she didn't know what to expect. Maybe an irritated, angry Tobias or a tired Tobias who was dead on his feet.
Not an adorable, whiny, pouty Tobias begging for coffee. Nope.
"Tobias-" she tried to say, but he kept on GLOMPING HER. She was not a goddamn stuffie, no matter how much she liked small signs of affection from the usually cold and unattached young man. This was too much for her.
"Come on, Triiiisss! You've got to have SOME coffee!" he exclaimed, still hugging the life out of her.
It occurred to Tris that he was acting suspiciously like Uriah. She kind of wanted to start tugging on his hair and face to find out if it was a mask.
And so she did.
"What the- Tris, what the hell are you doing?" Tobias whined, glancing irritably at the blonde who was currently tugging his dark brown hair. And poking his face. And pulling his cheeks.
Tris noted that he was acting a lot more like irritable, cranky Tobias.
"You were acting like Uriah. I wanted to see if you were Uriah, it's not the first time he's done this..." she pointed out sheepishly.
She vaguely remembered the incident when he showed up at some party she didn't really remember going to as Eric. She remembered when they started throwing spoons and forks and hard-cover books and tomatoes at him. And the make-up and guns. Those too. Though she thought they fired the guns... She remembered very irritably when Zeke had picked her up and threw her- like Superman- at the wailing Eric/Uriah.
Ah, the good old days.
And that was a week ago.
"Yeah, I knew that. I was there to see Zeke throw you at him." Tobias scoffed, and Tris saw that, with relief, he was irritable Tobias again.
"But, there are more important matters to attend to." Oh, HELL no. "Coffee." Shiiiit. "TRRRRIIIIISSSSSSSSSS I STILL WANT MY COFFEEEEEEEE!" he pleaded sweetly. Although it's not exactly sweet...
"Let's go to Zeke's. I give up."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
"Let me guess," Zeke grinned, glancing at Tobias hanging off Tris's arm squealing something that sounded oddly like, "Bleached koalas... Pretty..." He sighed and shook his head with an exasperated and amused smirk, "Coffee?"
Tris raised an eyebrow, astonished. "How did you know-"
"It's happened before. Sadly, I have no coffee today." He said apologetically, and Tris looked at him with a face akin to horror, disapproval and pleading.
"Please, please, please tell me you're lying." she pleaded, and glanced nervously at the frozen and sniffling Tobias.
"Sorry, but no..."
"TRIIIIIIIISSSS YOU SAID HE WOULD HAVE COFFEE!" Tobias bawled, tears comedically bursting from his eyes.
Damn it, Tris cursed.
She sent a terrifying, out of character glare at Zeke which left him trembling and squeaking.
"Christina," Tris sighed tiredly, kicking Tobias inconspicuously when he started hugging the wall. "Do you have any coffee?"
"What the heck's up with your boyfriend?" Christina asked uncertainly, glancing awkwardly at the squealing Tobias hugging the wall AGAIN.
Tris didn't really blame her. Like she had stated earlier, most people were used to the cold, unattached instructor. Not this squealing, hug-happy instead of trigger-happy... Thing. She glanced disdainfully at her boyfriend who had taken to throwing rocks at the wall, claiming that there were, "Pretty butterflies who wanted to play."
"Coffee-withdrawal, don't ask." she sighed, rubbing her forehead. She kept thinking of the peace serum. She bet he had some daily serum of something. Probably usually a serious serum to keep him serious- and sane- and to hide this odd way of acting.
"To answer your earlier question, no. I don't have any coffee today."
WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE ALL THE COFFEE IN THE WORLD HAS RUN OUT?! Tris almost collapsed in a fit of frustration and annoyance right there.
"Let's go to Uriah... Thanks for the help, Christina." Not. Tris glared at yet another victim and stalked away, pulling along a giggling Tobias.
"Hey Tris- What the hell's wrong with Four?" Uriah laughed, pointing at her blubbering boyfriend blabbering something that sounded like, "Trrrriiiiisssssyyyyy? Do you think that whales are ninjaaaassss?"
Tris sighed, answering both of their questions. "No, Four, I do not think whales are ninjas."
"But whyyyyyy?"
"Four is currently out of order. But do you have any coffee?" she grumbled, firmly ignoring Tobias's (Annoying yet adorable) whining and pleading.
"I didn't know you drank coffee-" Uriah started, snickering at her. Tris cut him off with a glare.
"It's for Four." Damn, that sounded weird. "He drinks coffee a lot and he's out. This thing who happens to like rainbows and unicorns is the result."
"...Oh." Tris had a slight idea of what he was going to say. "...Sorry, but I don't have any-"
And Tris was gone. Sadly, a trail of flower petals, thanks to a certain instructor (Hell if she knew where he got them) was trailing behind them along with Tobias' giggles.
Uriah stared oddly at the petals. "Are these from the make-up store...?" He thought. And thought. And thought. Then paled. "Shit. They probably went to Christina's."
Tris had left many people trembling in her (And giggly, cheerful Tobias which freaked the HELL out of everybody) wake. Why was there no coffee?! I mean seriously, out of Zeke, Christina, Uriah, Shauna, Lauren and countless other people, WHY DID NOBODY HAVE ANY COFFEE?!
Should they go visit the other factions?
No, Tris thought. Amity would make Tobias higher than he was now. Candor would effectively piss her off by asking her goddamn questions and Erudite was out of question. She didn't even want to think about what would happen if they went to the Factionless, and the Abnegation didn't have coffee.
"Hey, Trissy?" Tobias innocently questioned, peering down at her.
It was already 7:49. 11 minutes before Tobias had to go to work.
"What?" Tris irritably snapped.
"Why don't we go to the cafeteria...?"
"...How did I not think about that? Wait, how did you think about that?!"
"I dunno. AM I SMART?! IS TOBIAS A GOOD BOY?!" Tobias squealed and giggled, bouncing around excitedly. Tris withheld the urge to face-palm.
She made a mental note to keep a supply of coffee with her.
I am SO proud of this. Very, very proud. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!