Newt scamander was walking through the forest when a big group of hood gangsters came out.
"Yo boy," said one. "We gonna fuck you up."
Newt smiled and said I am the definition of we gonna fuck you up. He opened his magical suitcase and his animals came out and killed the bad people.
Newt smiled and grabbed the greatest wand in his pants and used it to the light the way. He was a magical man who knew about fantastic beasts and where to find them.
A fat man opened a bakery and newt came to eat with him. Together they married Queenie, making it legal by committing gems elves to Islam.
Queenie have three children. One was superman. The other was antman. The third was the one and only Harry Potter himself.
Harry Potter grew up to be the chosen one who would stop lord coldernaut from certain extinction. He didn't have a nose, and even that was sufficient. Because no matter what, everyone knew the truth.
Scamander could suck a mean newt.