The squad was slumped in their chairs as Olivia explained why we were all here at 6am on a Saturday morning,

"Another victim fitting our killer's method has been rushed to Bellevue in a critical state. Arthur Witney…" she pinned a photo of him to the board, Fin writing notes beside it. "Forty three years old, unmarried, no family to speak of. CEO of Witney Pharmaceuticals."

"But how does he fit the Barker and Tyson's profile?" Fin interrupted, "They were both college kids, lived with their parents, nerdy… why would our guy go for Witney now?"

"Maybe he's gaining confidence?" Rollins suggested, "Started out with awkward, nerdy, practically virginal boys and now he's…"

"Wait." Carisi interrupted, "Play that elevator footage again." Grainy CCTV footage appeared on the screen showing Witney backed up against the wall, talking to his attacker, who was unfortunately very wary of the camera locations. "Skip to the middle." The video fast-forwarded,

"Slow dow-… I ha-n't don- -is b-fore." Witney whispered, the sound quality was low but it was clear,

"Do we know that the other guys were virgins?" I scrambled through my file,

"Um yeah, both have zero sexual history."

"So the son of a bitch is targeting virgin guys? That's rough." Fin questioned,

"Wait a second, we're supposed to believe that that handsome dude in his mid-forties was still a virgin?"

"Oh baby girl, I've spent my time in strip clubs, there's way more middle aged virgins than you'd think." He chuckled,

"Well it's nice to know that it was an educational pursuit." I winked at him and he laughed again.

"Alright fun's over, he's awake!" Olivia announced, pocketing her phone.

2 Days Later:

"Alright we're gonna need a warrant to check Spencer's apartment, I'll call Barba." She practically had the man on speed dial, I watched patiently. "No answer on his cell." Her eyebrows furrowed and she hurriedly dialled his secretary's number.

"Hey Carmen, is Barba there, we need him down here."

"Oh… well he's not. He didn't just…?"

"Okay something's up, we'll be right there." I watched as the Lieutenant's face dropped, fear in her eyes.

"Lieutenant? What's wrong? Where's Barba?"

"We need to get going now." I grabbed her arm, she turned in shock,

"What's going on?"

"He's just… gone." She stated flatly and we hurried to the car. The drive was tense, my heart was beating out of my chest, I usually felt like no one else really cared about Barba but I could see Liv's hands shaking on the wheel.

As we entered the office it was clear that something was very wrong. His cell phone sat on his desk, his laptop still on, coffee only half finished. That was when I looked to the computer screen, a Word document was open with '44 AND STILL PURE. THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE' written with a smiley face at the end.

I read it out to Liv who angrily slammed a cabinet door, "Oh god, I knew it was him."

"Wait what? Barba's not a… how…?"

"Look, he told me a few years ago in complete confidence, I was hardly going to…"

"I'm not fucking angry for you not telling the squad, I just… we need to find him. Like, now."

"Alright, Calhoun's got our warrant. Come on." The four of us raced out of the squad room, leaving Amanda to sit at her desk and sulk about the lack of fieldwork involved in pregnancy.

"NYPD! Open up Spencer, we have a warrant!" Olivia yelled through the door, to no reply, standing back as Carisi kicked the door open and burst in. The house was empty, I resisted the urge to punch a hole in the wall.

"Lieutenant! I got somethin'!" Carisi yelled from upstairs, I ran from the other end of the house and snatched the note Carisi was holding,

'MY OWN APARTMENT? NO, THAT WOULD BE BORING, BUT THE ADA'S, COME AND PLAY.' I bolted down the stairs, grabbing Olivia's arm and dragging her outside,

"They're at Barba's apartment, where is it?" We immediately left in one squad car, leaving Fin and Carisi to wait for CSU before following.

"We arrived to the sound of screaming, I recognised it instantly as Barba, and suddenly I couldn't hear Olivia, couldn't think of my safety, I could only feel rage, white hot like no pain I'd ever felt. I busted the door open, Olivia's protests were just white noise in the background of this nightmare.

"NYPD! Adam Spencer, drop the knife and put your hands up!" I thought I had things under control until I saw Barba, suspended from the ceiling by thick rope around his wrists, he hung, his head drooped, his body covered in precise cuts, blood seeping from every wound.

Before I could look back, Spencer was grabbing me, I kicked at him, he cried out as I broke one of his wrists, that was before the world stopped, and everything was overshadowed by the indescribable pain of twisted metal piercing my body. I remembered falling to the floor, followed by the sound of two gunshots before I succumbed to the darkness.

"Good morning sunshine. How's martyrdom treating you?" Carisi chuckled from the corner of the room,

"Ugh!" I grumbled, "That wasn't martyrdom, that was me forgetting the line between brave and stupid."

"Well Barba's grateful." He chuckled,

"Is he okay? He was so… oh god I need to see him." Carisi shook his head lowering me back onto my pillow.

"He's gonna be fine, he's just gonna look like Edward Scissorhands for a few weeks until the cuts start to heal."

I nodded, relieved, "So what… what actually happened?"

Carisi sat back down, "Well Liv ran in after you and the two of you were struggling when she walked in, said she couldn't get a clear shot until he'd already stabbed you. He died in the ambulance about two minutes later.

"And how fucked up am I?" I mumbled and Carisi chuckled,

"He got you right in your useless appendix, you just got some stitches… don't want ya' tearin' em."

"I want to see Barba." Carisi nodded,

"I'll get the Doc."

"Hi Detective Marshall, I understand you'd like to visit another patient."

"Um yeah. Rafael Barba… I need to see that he's okay."

"Of course. I'll get your nurse to organise you a wheelchair. You should be able to visit him after he gets his dressings changed." I nodded and thankfully fell asleep for the torturous hours before I would be able to talk to him."

"Miss Marshall, Rafael Barba has been asking for you." A nurse appeared in my doorway with a wheelchair,

"Thanks." I whispered as I was slowly manoeuvred into the small frame. I insisted on wheeling myself to his room and stopped at the side of his bed.

"Barba." I whispered, one of his eyes opened in surprise,

"Detective, I'm so sorry, I thought I'd gotten you killed." His voice broke on the last word and a silent tear trickled onto his pillow,

"Stop apologising… I stormed in like an idiot. I heard you… scream and I couldn't help but run in." In the back of my mind that scream still resonated and the overwhelming emotions spilled tears down my cheeks, Barba cupped my face, wiping away my tears with his thumb.

Liv managed to pull a few strings and managed to get Barba and me a private room to share. My brain was nagging me, 'tell him how you feel', 'just do it', 'so what if he doesn't feel the same', 'what have you got to lose', 'don't be a wuss', 'tell him how you feel'. I spent three days trying to pluck up the courage, we talked about everything else, we were finally on a first name basis but I still hadn't managed to say those few words.

I returned to the hospital just five hours after being discharged and marched determinedly into Rafael's room.

"Why on earth would you be back here? I thought you'd be wrestling a bear or something by now."

"Shush." He chuckled, "I'm just teasi-"

"No, seriously shush. The whole squad has been pretending like you couldn't have died that night but we both know you could have, and that scared the absolute shit out of me. Because when I met you I thought you were gorgeous, and once I got to know you I realised that you're also a snarky, incredible, funny, sexy genius but you were always so private about your life, I didn't want to make a fool of myself."

He stared, mouth agape for a second,

"Well that was then and this is now." He sighed sadly, I stared at him quizzically,

"And why is that a bad thing?"

"Because then you were attracted to me…"

"That is not something that has changed."

"Then you mustn't have been listening when you were briefed about Spencer's M.O" I rolled my eyes,

"He went after you because you're a virgin, I know, and I don't care. I only wonder how you could be…" The first true smile flashed across his face,

"Grew up in a very religious family, I went for the whole 'no sex until marriage' thing. When I got promoted and my caseloads picked up I was about thirty and just… gave up on marriage I guess, just dedicated my life to my work, kept myself away from temptation. I considered hooking up with girls at bars a few times but I figured I'd lose my shine when we got to my place and she realised I had absolutely no idea what I was doing."

I sat opposite him, our eyes were locked in silence, only breaking when Rafael's doctor walked into the room,

"Alright Mr Barba, your wounds are healing up nicely and we're in the clear in terms of infection. Provided you've got someone to help with your dressings you can be discharged.

"Thanks, ah-"

"Yes, thank you, he'll be staying with me." The Doctor nodded and wished us both a speedy recovery.

Rafael looked awkward arriving at my apartment,

"Nice place." He smiled nervously,

"Yeah I like it, hardly ever here with SVU hours though…" There was an awkward silence between us like there hadn't been in the days spent at the hospital. I spoke up.

"I want to be with you so much Rafael but I really don't want your first time to include wound dressings." He chuckled and his shoulders lowered, relaxing slightly. "Can I kiss you?" I whispered and he nodded, it was slow, but deep and so full of passion, his eyebrows knit together, I ran my fingers through his usually neatly styled hair and he sighed shakily, a sound so hot that I bit his bottom lip lightly.

The week that followed could easily be described as the most sexually frustrating of either of our lives. Every time we kissed, there were sparks than ran like electrical currents through our bodies, filling every inch of skin with desire. But not just then, when his hand would brush mine, when he'd come out of the shower smelling like my shampoo, when I borrowed his jacket that still smelled like his cologne.

Not only that but the reaction of the squad. According to Fin they'd been betting on how long it would take for us to get together. The amount of dirty jokes and innuendo coming from Lieutenant Olivia Benson was astounding.

On Saturday after both of our post-work check-ups we caught a cab back to my place, there was no discussion of whether Rafael should be going home now because he doesn't need a nurse.

As I locked the door, I leaned up against it, Rafael drinking in the sight before him. I beckoned him toward me, grabbing his hands and placing them on my hips. I kissed him with the same passion as any other day only with a hint of something else, lust, desperation, the need to be close to him, as close as two people can be.

He kissed back, sucking on my tongue, letting himself explore, one hand in my hair and the other squeezing my ass. While the man was without experience, he was not without instinct.

"Would you like to take this to my bedroom?" I smiled coyly and he groaned,

"More than anything." I took his hand and led him to my room, it wasn't huge but generally it was just me, if I wasn't just sleeping on the bunks at work. He stood in the corner of the room, staring at the bed like it was on fire. I took his hand again and sat with him on the bed. I kicked off my shoes and he followed my lead, I was thankful at least for today that he had forgone the waistcoat and jacket. I kissed him, our mouths were so passionate and yet so gentle. I pulled him closer by his tie and unravelled it, throwing it over a lampshade. As we kissed I let my fingers caress his body through the thin material of his shirt, I slowly unbuttoned it, throwing it onto my tiny desk opposite the bed.

His hands still lay by his side at this point so I began to unbutton my own blouse, removing it quickly and breaking the kiss so he could take me in. He made a sound that could easily have been misconstrued as a whimper, his large hands came up, almost as if asking for permission and slowly caressed my breasts through my bra, finding my nipples with his thumbs through the fabric before I unclipped it and let it fall to the floor.

I soon remembered my ugly scar and covered it with my hand,

"You're beautiful, trust me, no one would even notice it was there." I was expecting disaster as he kissed down my body, but he seemed to know what he was doing, leaving kisses and nibbles from my jaw to my hipbones. He looked up at me before removing my pants and underwear.

"I know this anatomically but… help." Rafael chuckled and I took his hand in mine, rubbing his forefingers over my clit, my hips jerking to meet the gentle touch. He smiled, leaning down again, his lips leaving a tender kiss on my thigh before brushing his 5oclock shadow between my legs.

Soon his tongue explored me like a blind man, eager to map me out as I whined beneath him. He looked up for a second,

"Sorry… am I doing it wrong?" his eyes were shifting, cheeks red, smile faltering. I chuckled,

"No Rafael, I'm just… I'm close." He smiled again and I brought him up, face to face with me, bringing him closer to suck on his bottom lip. I would be lying if I said that the feeling of him melting above me wasn't adding to the feeling quite a bit.

My arm reached between us, gliding down his chest, over his back, hips and now gently rubbing the obvious bulge in his already-too-tight pants.

He moaned gently in my ear, the moisture of his breath on my exposed neck making me shiver. I squeezed the ever-hardening outline through his pants and he bit down on the juncture of my neck and shoulder. I could feel his body shaking above mine, I felt a pang of guilt for not noticing his obvious nerves.

"Okay?" he groaned a 'yes', still not making eye contact with me. I rolled us over and knelt over him, I ran the flat palm of my hands over his nipples and down his body to unbuckle his belt, tapping his arse to pull his trousers off.

His black briefs looked gorgeous tented so obscenely, precum leaking onto the tight fabric. I crawled back on top of him, leaning down to kiss him as I ground my pussy against the bulge. His hips bucked up at the contact, he groaned low in his throat as our tongues caressed the others.

His hands moved to grip my hips before grabbing my arse, he swallowed a moan as he held me on top of him. In my lust-clouded brain, it took me a few seconds to realise what had happened.

I leaned down to kiss him again but was rolled onto the side of the bed as he jumped up, stomping into the bathroom. I lay there for a second before calling out,

"Rafael?" There was no reply, I got up, following into the bathroom. "Raf, it's okay." He was standing, his hands balled into fists on the basin, staring into the mirror, his eyes red.

"I swear to god if you say it happens to everyone I'll…" he gritted his teeth, I moved up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Actually I was going to say that that was the hottest thing I've ever seen." He turned around, one eyebrow raised,

"What?"

"I've watched you in court so many times and I always thought you were sexiest when you're in control of the room… but watching you lose control like that was… fuck." His brows furrowed and he assessed my face for any sign that I was lying. Finding none he gave me that dopey one-sided smile. "I'm going to be lying naked on my bed touching myself if you decide to join me." I winked and walked out, smiling to myself as he watched my ass jiggle while I walked.

A minute or so later he appeared in the doorway in a new pair of CK briefs. I patted the spot beside me and he slowly moved forward, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Would you like to watch?" I smiled and he groaned low in his throat. "I'll take that as a yes." I leaned over him to my nightstand, leaving a sloppy kiss on his jaw. His eyes widened as I took out a vibrator. He looked at me questioningly, "Like you said, work keeps us pretty busy."

Turning it on, I pressed it against my clit, causing me to moan softly, my toes curling in the sheets. He watched me like a hungry animal,

"May I?" he asked huskily, I nodded, handing him the vibrator. He copied my movements, pressing it lightly against me, moving in slow circles. I took his other hand and sucked his middle finger into my mouth, my tongue swirling around it before releasing it with a wet pop.

"Please." I whimpered and he pressed his finger inside of me, slowly thrusting it in and out in time with the vibrator. I moaned, "Fuck you're a tease." He smiled and withdrew his finger, plunging in another at the same time. After a few seconds of exploring his fingers found my g-spot and my hips arched, "Are you sure you haven't done this before?" he smirked,

"I said I know the anatomy."

"Alright then, show me what you've got." His fingers sped up slightly, ensuring that he hit that spot with every thrust. He turned off the vibrator and placed it on top of my nightstand before repositioning himself, his tongue circling my clit like the vibrator had been. "Fuck yes." I whispered and he chuckled, speeding up the movement of his tongue and fingers, sending me over the edge in seconds.

"You're right, watching is just as hot." He smiled and I sat up, kissing him sweetly, pulling him down on top of me again.

"We've got forever to get this perfect you know." I whispered, ready to snuggle into him and go to sleep, I readjusted my position when I felt him poking into my hip. "Well well!" I giggled rubbing my palm over the distorted material. He chuckled and kissed my neck, I grabbed his shoulders and rolled us over so I was on top again. "Let me know when you're getting close." I whispered, lovingly placing kisses down his chest and stomach, to the waistband of his briefs and below.

Pulling them down, I licked a stripe up his length as it lay flush against his belly. His hips stuttered and I rested one hand on his hip and the other to my mouth, licking my palm keeping unrelenting eye contact.

I wrapped my hand around his length and stroked him a few seconds, drawing a groan from deep within him. Leaning down, I kissed the tip, letting it slide into my mouth, sealing my lips around him and drawing him in deeper. He was whispering what I could only assume were Spanish profanities under his breath, his hand stroking my hair. I set a steady rhythm driven by the quietest sighs that I would have done anything to hear again, I felt my pussy throbbing and I knew I needed him just as much as he needed me.

"Ugh, if you don't stop I'm gonna…" I pulled back and knelt above him. "Um… I've got condoms and lube."

"I'm on the pill and we're definitely not gonna need lube." He chuckled and looked at me for a moment, his eyes questioning. "I want to ride you." He groaned and I giggled, kissing him reassuringly before lining him up and lowering myself onto his length. He groaned and I felt like I could cum just from that sound.

I started off slow for both of our sakes, while I was reasonably experienced, I hadn't done this in quite a while, SVU doesn't do much for the sex life.

Soon I felt him brush my g-spot and leaned forward, moving so that I felt that electricity on every thrust. After a minute or two he rolled us back over and thrust into me again, the angle was perfect this time and I certainly wasn't complaining about the view of his muscles flexing and contracting above me. He picked up the pace and I was moaning almost continuously as he pounded into exactly the right spot.

"Ooh fuck Raf, don't stop, I'm gonna…" I moaned as I tumbled over the edge, with him only a few seconds behind. He rolled over onto the bed beside me, breathing heavily but smiling like an idiot.

"I'm going into the bathroom but it's just to get a flannel, I'm not in crisis… trust me."