Hey, readers. I decided to do the last thing anyone ever expected me to do. In sharp contrast to my other Animorphs fics, this one is a comedy; at least, I find it funny. You'll probably get some mild amusement out of it. It may seem a bit OOC, but I think that's just because it's narrated by my 2nd favorite character: the Drode; and in my opinion, he's just kind of a weirdo.

This takes place after my book 59 but isn't canon with my other fics.

"This is so boooring," I complained for, quite literally, the ten millionth's time. "Everyone in this universe is boring. Even their crimes are boring. Why do I have to watch this?" No, I'm not some whiny kid complaining to my parent or teacher. Maybe I should explain.

I call myself the Drode. I'm a semi-quasi-mostly-omnipotent being. To me, crossing ten billion light-years is like getting up to go the 'fridge. I could destroy entire planets if my master would let me. But what was I doing with my time? I was supposed to keep watch over the most boring strand of the universe I've ever seen.

"Can't I go back to watching the Animorphs?" I asked Crayak, my master. "Now that's a show!"

"You must keep watch over that other universe, Drode. Someone must alert me to any important presences there."

"Then why don't you do it?"

"Because this is why I keep you around."

"To do your bitch work?"

"Exactly. You're my bitch, Drode; shall I remind you why?"

I shuddered. "No." Oh God no. I shut the hell up and did as I was told. Mostly. See, I was still bored. And when I'm bored, I do stupid things. There's a reason they call me the Wildcard. Two reasons, actually. The first is because that's what I tell them to call me (whoever "them" is; that's grammatically correct damnit!). The second is because I tend to do wild, unpredictable, and allegedly stupid things. I did one of those now.

I yanked on a strand of time; harder than was necessary. There were my two favorite Animorphs: Tobias and Rachel (A/N: This takes place shortly after my book 59, so this is my newer, badass Tobias). "Hey guys. Want to do me a favor?"

Tobias gave me a look. "Kinda in the middle of something here, Drode."

I took a look around. Candles, soft music…no one else anywhere in sight. Just the two of them on the Reliquary. Oh!

I sped up time a bit and came back two hours later. I may work for the guy who is widely interpreted as the most evil creature in the galaxy, but there are some things one man just does not do to another. I'm the Wildcard; not the Cockblock. Whatever else people may say about me, I've never done that.

So, two hours later, they were waiting. "So…what was it you wanted?" Tobias asked me.

This was probably for the best; they'd both be in good moods now. "Basically, Crayak wants me to watch this other universe for him. But it's boring as hell. I want to send some people to shake shit up. Who better than you two?"

"We're kinda busy here," Rachel told me.

"Again? You're freakin' machines!" I high-fived Tobias, earning him a punch in the shoulder from his better half.

"I mean with the war against the One," Rachel reminded me.

"Oh, that." I waved a hand. "I think the One will want to see this, too. It'll keep 'em all amused; me most of all! Think of it as a little vacation."

Tobias looked at Rachel. "You know, I have been under a lot of stress lately. It would be good to get a vacation before we actually started this next phase of the war."Good ole Toby; never exactly the responsible one. Especially not lately. "Where do you want to send us?"

"Nowhere dangerous," I assured them.

"Damnit," Rachel muttered.

"Well…I guess it could be a little dangerous. I could make it more dangerous. Hell yeah; I'll do that. I'll throw the Visser in there; God knows this place needs a good villain. Oh, David to! I love Davey boy!"

Quoth Rachel: "You're the only one."

Quoth me: "Being dead didn't make you any less bitchy."

"Need I remind you," Tobias said to me, "if you piss her off, she might not let me go. You know, the bitch thing and all…"

"I am not a bitch."

"Yeah you are," Tobias and I said simultaneously. "You're a bitch but I like it," Tobias added.

"Hey, that reminds me of a song!" I shouted.

"Are you high?"

"Just a little; it's legal where I live. Okay, so I've got the two of you, da Vissah, and Day V. Boi. This is going to be so much fun!"

"Does Crayak know about this?" Tobias asked.

"I'll take care of the giant one-eyed monster," I said. "Great, now I sound like Rachel." She broke a glass on the side of my head. It didn't hurt much, what, with me being semi-nearly-quasi-omnipotent-esque in terms of power. And kinda high. "Yep," I sighed, "still a bitch. Tobias, is this really worth it for you?"

He looked me in the eye. "Drode? Perhaps you've forgotten: Rachel's a gymnast."

Oh. Yeah, I had forgotten that. "You sly bastard. So what'd ya say? You ready to make the universe a lot more fun?"

Tobias shrugged. "What the hell? Count me in; you only live once."

"Speak for yourself," Rachel corrected. "I'm in, too. Where are we going, anyway?"

I laughed and then started dicking with the strands that held the universe together. "Oh, you'll see. This is going to be hilarious."

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? 24 hour seasaw marathons? R&R this one please; feedback will probably be heeded this time!